Husband loves me the way I am...

By cantdecide on 23 Jan 2013

I'm 32, 5'3" tall, 132 pounds. I am married to a wonderful man, who loves me how I am, which is a 34AA (maybe less?). We have two healthy children, whom I breast fed for a year each. I take great care of myself -- I work out 6 days a week for about 45 minutes. I'm blessed in many ways. I have wanted a BA since I was 14. I have worn silicone inserts in my bras since I was about 18, which are supposed to add two cup sizes, but only make me a 34B (so would two cup sizes smaller be nothing!?!?).

My husband, who means the world to me, despises the mention of plastic surgery. He says it's superficial, shallow, etc. He wonders how I can even consider performing an unnecessary surgery, no matter how slight the risk, for vanity. On one hand, I am fortunate to have someone love me so unconditionally, just how I am. On the other, it's something I have wanted for 18 years. 18 years!

Like I said, I am a 34AA, and my wish is to go to a full B. Nothing extreme. I'm a 'girly' girl, loving fashion, pink, ruffles, etc., and always have been. I just want to look like the woman I see myself as. We are done having children, so I have no concerns about future 'wear and tear' on my breasts. I haven't researched anything here locally, I am pretty sure we can swing it financially. Honestly, his opinion of me is the ONLY reason I haven't gone for it. Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this? Thoughts from this community?

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Mrs. Brown 29 Jan 2013

He will love you period. With or without boobs. Boobs are an assessory not you. You are what he fell in love with and kept him there. He's likely nervious, but it is safe as long as you use a Board Certified Plastic Surgeon and not try to save money and use a not so qualified Dr. That sounds crazy, but I have wanted these soo long that I would have been tempted but in the end result and good Dr. makes all the difference in the world. This is a very hard and emotional jourmey. I remember keeping my feelings secret before I decided to do it. It's hard enough being dwelt this hand but to have be make comments and you as people do. I just couldn't stand it. I was embarressed talking to my PS the first time, but she put me at ease and as things went along and it became more real I just couldn't turn back. The worst was behind me and the future was wonderful. :)

cantdecide 29 Jan 2013

Thanks for all your kind words and advice. You have no idea how much I needed it.

Mrs. Brown 29 Jan 2013

That what I did, I just went for it. My husband was not that supportive before but now he is fine and we are great. Again, I think men are a little freaked out about how great you wll look and is it all theirs. Of course, they will rely on other arguements such as "I don't like fake boobs", "I like my woman all natural", It's dangerous, This is only the beggining, then you want other plastic surgery, etc. It has been happening for years and it very common now. It has a very risk of problems, you look sensational and you will LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them!! I got so much flack from people judging me. Don't listen to any negative non-productive remarks. I love this sight. We give each other support. Because most everyone on here has either been here or is headed this way. My husband was nice enoough but not very supportvie. He just avoided talking about it until it was over. Then when I was going the pain of recovery, he reminded me that I wanted them. Sure did and I would do it again and again. Now he loves them. Again, with mine, I think it was fear of where this would go after I got them. :)

cantdecide 29 Jan 2013

"But it is hard when you feel like you finally get the courage to be serious about and your husband doesn't see it the same way." EXACTLY! It has taken me years to build up the courage to seriously consider it, and then when the idea was completely shut down, it was just crushing. And I think you have a point, too, about men/husbands being fearful of what we women have in mind, and how it could potentially change the relationship. We just celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary, and I truly love the man more today than the day I married him. He helps around the house, with laundry, kids, whatever, without me even having to ask. Most days, he walks in the house and gives me a hug and kiss before putting his briefcase down. Seriously. I love this man. My fear is that because is dislikes plastic surgery so much, if I were to do it, he would somehow be less attracted to me. And I would be devastated if that were the outcome. I don't want any aspect of our marriage to change. Just writing this all out has really helped me organize my thoughts. I think I need to ask him to just accept that it is what I want to do with my body, and reassure him in every way that who I am will stay the same. Thanks all you ladies, for being on here.

momofSPA 28 Jan 2013

I respect you for wanting your husband to be on board with your decision. I would recommend that you continue the conversation with your husband. Get some magazines or catalogs that show women in workout clothes or swimsuits. Perhaps you could use the Athleta catalog (a GAP owned company) and look through it with your husband and cut out pictures of women that are the size you desire for yourself. That way he sees exactly the look you desire for yourself. Ask him if he would be willing to just go to a couple of consults with you to a plastic surgery appointment and make sure he knows that you value his opinion. I think it is important for him to know 1. this is important to you in order to feel feminine and complete (or however you would describe your feelings) and 2. it is important that the two of you be in agreement before you go through with it. Tell him that you realize it may take him some time to process this since you have had it on your mind for a lot longer than he has and just ask him to let you know when he is ready to let you do this. I think if he feels like he has a choice he will more likely be supportive.

cantdecide 29 Jan 2013

I truly thank you, and the other women as well, that have commented on my post. I think I have been trying to make him *understand* how I feel. When I read what you said, it occurred to me that he doesn't need to understand my feelings and reasons, I need him to just *accept* the fact that it's how I feel. And perhaps if we can cross that hurdle, and even if he doesn't understand it, we can move forward. Thank you, again.

Sharon at RealSelf (Community Manager) 25 Jan 2013

This is probably mean, but is there anything he does that you could compare it to? For example, does he colour his hair or wear contact lenses (or even designer glasses vs. the cheapest $10 frames)? If you can relate it to something that bothers him about his own self, it may help.

cantdecide 26 Jan 2013

Hmmm... He got LASIK about 2 years ago. Other than that, he is content driving his 6 year old car (that he bought used 1 1/2 years ago), he doesn't buy crazy clothes, he really is so practical. His love, and what he spends his extra time/money on, is running for fitness, and flying a small airplane he owns with five other guys. The only thing I can possibly say is that both his mom and my mom have had BA. But I don't think that should be a part of the equation for my choice...

Angiemcc (Community Manager) 25 Jan 2013

Oh, that's tough. In the end, it's your body and your decision, but i totally understand you wanting your husband to be on board. Do you feel he's trying to control you by not wanting this for you, or that he's maybe just worried for you? Some men express their fear with annoyance/anger.

Okay, enough psych talk. :) Here's a blog post we wrote a while back about husbands who are unsupportive of plastic surgery. It's definitely a 'thing'.

I hope you're able to get this figured out. Please keep us posted on what you decide to do.

cantdecide 26 Jan 2013

Thanks! That was exactly the type of article I was looking for. I hope to stir this pot a bit and maybe get some other ideas.

Mrs. Brown 28 Jan 2013

Hello, this is Mrs. Brown, I'm still out here. :) This is one journey you need to remember that you are doing for you. I blindsided my husband with the idea. He didn't have a clue that I felt so strongly or was serious about this. This is a very personal and intimate journey. You want and need the support of your spouse. But it is hard when you feel like you finally get the courage to be serious about and your husband doesn't see it the same way. That's because they are not in our bodies and self image is not spoon fed to them from day one, etc. Plus, to me it's ok to not understand it, but why be against it? For me my used the $ as the focal point but I think men are somewhat fearful of what do we have in mind with these puppies? Will we get great Boobs and run off with some new man? Or will all the guys be after us? I think that has more to do with men who are sooo against their wives or girlfriends getting them. They feel and look great!! I laugh when I think about some guys in the past saying they only want the real thing. Then stop staring at all those hot Playgirls, drooling at the Swimsuit section of Sport Ill. or celebs with them. Do they really think that boobs that great come on a small frame and look so perfect??? LOL Noooo. I say, go for it. If this will make you happy and feel better do it. I did and I'm still married. :)