Like the Way It Looks, Hate the Way It Makes my Upper Face Feel. Feeling Very Anxious Right Now. Wilmington, DE

Last night I played with makeup and was able to enjoy the results. I bought some of that peel off lip stain and it made my lips look great. I really like the way my eyes look with eyeliner now. I had given myself a chemical peel 10 days before the botox so the lack of crows feet etc. is enhanced. Went to bed feeling a little better/ more accepting. Jumped up this morning and ran to the mirror. Roh-roh - top of my upper lip looks smoother. I noticed that forming my words is weird so now the hamster wheel in my head is turning again. It also feels different when I kiss which I don't like. Who wants to feel self conscious during sex? I had no idea there would be a learning curve with these procedures. You really have to settle in mentally and emotionally with the changes - at least that's what I think I'm doing. The obsession with my forehead movement is passing. There's a lot of irony here. I had these things done so I'd obsess less about how I'm aging but now I'm even more distressed by how yucky this feels. Ideally I wish I could look this way but not have to paralyze my facial muscles to do it. I am curious as to how others can stand this! I am a little envious of the that tolerance.

I wanted a pick me up after getting laid off from a job that I had had for many years. I had a large amount of severance and wanted to treat myself. The nurse that did the injections had 10 years experience. I told her that I did not want to look frozen/over done. She suggested that I have my crows feet, 11s only (not full forehead) and a small amount around the mouth. I also requested Juvederm in my smile lines (2 syringes). I have never had botox before but I saw the term 'soften lines' thrown around quite a bit. I also watched many YouTube videos of women who have had similar injection sites done. I picked a reputable Drs. office and read up on the reviews. The nurse was great. She herself had fillers and botox and looked very natural and lovely. I wanted to have something done to my lips at the same time but she gently advised against it - stating that I should see how I liked the results of the botox first and then get lip injections later if I thought I still wanted them. She also advised against getting my tear troughs filled (another interest of mine) - she stated that I was a beginner and that I should try things out a little at a time. I'm very grateful for that advice. The injections were fairly comfortable. She did use a numbing cream before the Juvederm. I went home feeling a bit of anxiety as I wasn't sure what to expect and wondering if I shouldn't have left well enough alone. I was given the nurse's cell phone number in case I had any questions or concerns.

Day 1 post injection: Wow! I love my lips. The nurse only used a very small amount - 2 tiny shots above the lip top and bottom. My upper lip looked fuller and cupids bow was more pronounced and my bottom lip had a little pout. I had redness, swelling and one bruise on the right side where the juvederm was injected. No swelling or bruising in the botox areas. The juvederm was puffy which alarmed me slightly. My 11's looked smoother and crows feet were reduced but I still had plenty of movement. I was told the effects would slowly increase. At this point I was looking forward to the progression.

Day two - Lots of redness at the Juvederm injection site and a little swelling. The small bruise is turning blue. I have been taking Arnica and using ice. It hurts a little when I smile. I expect all this so I'm not to upset about it. Botox effect has increased a little but I still have movement.

Day three - The redness has gone down from my smile lines. There is a bit of puffiness where the bruise is but I don't fixate on it. I can feel the Juvederm and it is very smooth and uniform - it 'moves' with my face when I smile and looks natural. My lips look even better. I play with lipstick off and on all day - so nice not to have those pesky little lines. I am a little concerned that it feels a bit different to chew but it's not very noticeable. I also notice that my eyebrows have a nice arch. I don't look surprised just more awake. Crows feet have continued to smooth out which I find fascinating. I still have movement but it's harder to squinch my face. If the results would have stayed put at this point I'd have been thrilled.

Day four - Bad, bad day. I can't move my forehead the way I'm used to - at all. In between my eyes feels wooden. I also can't squint my eyes - they feel corralled between the paralyzed muscles. Moving my face to talk, smile eat, etc. feels very alien to me in the upper part of my face. I don't like it at all - in truth I absolutely hate it. I had major panic attacks throughout the day. I obsessed non stop about how strange my forehead felt. I want to say for the record that everything looks good and I actually have a certain amount of movement in my forehead since it was conservatively done. I can raise my eyes to a degree and even squint if I try hard. The lines are gone and I look younger. My mouth feels a little strange but I'm not really bothered by it. The problem is my discomfort with the paralysis and the awkward feel when the opposing muscles try to do their job. I went to the grocery store but forgot my wallet and my phone which I never do. I'm also feeling depressed and quite trapped. My boyfriend is very supportive. He keeps telling me I look great and it's not permanent. I know this is true but three months seems like forever to wait and I wish I could go back in time with all my heart.

Day five. Maybe I'm imagining things but my forehead seems to have dropped a little which is good because it feels more comfortable. It also feels like my lips are easier to use - not that they were bad to begin with. This is a small comfort as I'm still upset over the lack of movement around my eyes. I cheer myself up by recognizing that the effects of the botox will probably wear off partially before the Juvederm dissipates and I will really be able to enjoy the results of the Juvederm once some of the movement returns ( I really liked the effect at day 2). I'm thinking that will be around the beginning of June so summer won't be ruined. Even so, I still feel like my anxiety is affecting my behavior. I was invited to a party tonight and I'm not going because I feel too self conscious. I know it doesn't look bad - just the opposite - but I'm very distracted by how it feels which is causing some depression. In all honesty I would rather look the way I did before and NOT feel this way.

I'm hoping the effect does not increase on subsequent days. If it does I'll really have to work on my attitude since I don't want to be overcome by negative feelings. It's hard to focus on my life because I'm so uncomfortable.

This review is not an indictment of the injector. No matter what I was hell bent on trying these procedures and I'm grateful I went to someone that had experience and the good sense to not over do it. It would have been a catastrophe if I had to deal with a botched job on top of my stress over my 'different' feeling face.

If you are considering botox please remember that 'softened lines' means paralysis! I didn't put this together for some reason. The lines go away because you can't move. Also, take into consideration your personality type. I am a very sensitive person that feels every little thing so was not the best choice for me. Personally I would prefer a facelift rather than injections and while I was happy with the Juvederm I would probably prefer fat grafting. My poor experience in regards to my mental and emotional reactions have kicked up fears about potential long term side effects of both the Juvederm and the Botox. I basically could kick myself for doing this but it's a lesson learned.

I have chosen not to reveal the injector because she did a stellar job and I don't want my poor review to reflect negatively on her skills or the Doctors office she supports. I do plan on a getting a consultation there for a face lift and possibly a tummy tuck in the future.

Also, I'm very grateful for this site. Reading all the posts and comments about similar experiences have been very comforting!