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It’s still unreal to me that I actually had the...
It’s still unreal to me that I actually had the surgery done – I had it rescheduled twice before actually going forward with it. You may think that lugging around 40HH/I breasts for over 20 years would be enough reason for me to jump at the opportunity, but I was so scared about actually doing it. (I mean like terrified flipping scared.)
Some of the questions going through my head were: Is having the surgery too extreme? What if some thing goes really wrong on that operating table? (And I know this may sound selfish…but) What if the surgeon makes me flat-chested? Maybe I can just learn to live with the daily headaches, neck and back pain for the rest of my life? I mean continuing with lifelong physical therapy for the pain isn’t that bad, is it? Ok, maybe if I lose like 100 lbs it will shrink them? (If you are big boob sister, you know this doesn't help much, but others still actually think this will solve all our problems.) A while back, I basically starved myself and got down to a dress size 4 –I ended up with a G cup bra size – and I still had the pain issues.
I also had to deal with some really archaic opinions from well-minded people. You know like, “men love big breasts – why are you getting rid of yours? Or, I wish had your breasts!” Umm… did I mention that I have had daily back pain and severe headaches for the last decade?!! And have you seen some of the breast-obsessed guys out there – not interested in their attention. I have also been told that I was “messing with God / Nature’s work.” Ok, as a Christian this really pissed me off – since the God I know is loving, I’m pretty sure me living a life of pain when there’s a medical remedy for it, would not be a good thing.
And in the end, that was what it came down to - my quality of life. I don’t want to embarrassingly break another bra strap in gym class, on a treadmill, or when I attempt a jumping jack. I don’t want to wear 2 bras, 24 hours, 7 days for the rest of my life– just for chest support anymore. (I sure as hell can’t afford continuing buying those $60+ bras.) And I especially do not want to spend the rest of my life with daily back, neck and head pain. This is a medical problem – and thankfully, there is a medical remedy out there for it.
There’s a lot that happens on the journey between deciding to have the surgery and actually having it done, and recovery, that I plan to share. (Thanks to all my brave boob sisters who are sharing their journey on this site :-) But I can share today with those debating the decision that when I woke up in the hospital after having this procedure– I cried. I looked down at my chest, throbbing, and wrapped in gauze and I cried – out of sheer relief. I had actually done it – I made it through the surgery (Thank God), was not flat-chested :-), and moving my neck side to side freely – first time I had done that in years.
Some of the questions going through my head were: Is having the surgery too extreme? What if some thing goes really wrong on that operating table? (And I know this may sound selfish…but) What if the surgeon makes me flat-chested? Maybe I can just learn to live with the daily headaches, neck and back pain for the rest of my life? I mean continuing with lifelong physical therapy for the pain isn’t that bad, is it? Ok, maybe if I lose like 100 lbs it will shrink them? (If you are big boob sister, you know this doesn't help much, but others still actually think this will solve all our problems.) A while back, I basically starved myself and got down to a dress size 4 –I ended up with a G cup bra size – and I still had the pain issues.
I also had to deal with some really archaic opinions from well-minded people. You know like, “men love big breasts – why are you getting rid of yours? Or, I wish had your breasts!” Umm… did I mention that I have had daily back pain and severe headaches for the last decade?!! And have you seen some of the breast-obsessed guys out there – not interested in their attention. I have also been told that I was “messing with God / Nature’s work.” Ok, as a Christian this really pissed me off – since the God I know is loving, I’m pretty sure me living a life of pain when there’s a medical remedy for it, would not be a good thing.
And in the end, that was what it came down to - my quality of life. I don’t want to embarrassingly break another bra strap in gym class, on a treadmill, or when I attempt a jumping jack. I don’t want to wear 2 bras, 24 hours, 7 days for the rest of my life– just for chest support anymore. (I sure as hell can’t afford continuing buying those $60+ bras.) And I especially do not want to spend the rest of my life with daily back, neck and head pain. This is a medical problem – and thankfully, there is a medical remedy out there for it.
There’s a lot that happens on the journey between deciding to have the surgery and actually having it done, and recovery, that I plan to share. (Thanks to all my brave boob sisters who are sharing their journey on this site :-) But I can share today with those debating the decision that when I woke up in the hospital after having this procedure– I cried. I looked down at my chest, throbbing, and wrapped in gauze and I cried – out of sheer relief. I had actually done it – I made it through the surgery (Thank God), was not flat-chested :-), and moving my neck side to side freely – first time I had done that in years.
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