Beyond Worth It - Ventura, CA

May 13, 2013 The story of my weight loss journey starts when I was five years old. I have memories of looking at and admiring everyone else's plate of food around me before and while I was eating my own. I just could never get enough food in me and be satisfied or what I would feel like when I was FULL. I didn't understand that feeling meant that I felt safe. When I discovered how much I really loved food... the way it tasted, the texture in my mouth, the smell.... I was on a hunt.... especially for sugar. This need to eat all the time and feel full gradually consumed me... (no pun intended!). I went to a great private school, was an active child, had many friends, but continued to overeat and sneak food as a youngster and was teased for always being the fattest kid in my class. My friends all loved to eat, but not the way I did. This continued throughout high school and soon I was at 200 pounds. After graduating high school, I decided to pursue my dream of acting and singing. Not long after, Wilson Phillips became a real group. I was freaked out that I weighed 220 pounds and I went on ANOTHER diet to lose weight after a record executive threatened me about it. I lost a bit and was down to about 180 lbs. I thought I looked good! Suddenly, we were catapulted into stardom and tremendous success in the music business. I traveled all over the world. I was the "fat one" of the group, but did not let that title keep me from enjoying and loving every moment of our success. Making music videos when they were popular on MTV wasn't a joy for me, though. As our success grew, so did my stress. I was overeating once again and had no exercise routine that helped me other than slow walking a few days a week, I soon ballooned up to 235lbs.The record company was always trying to figure out ways to hide me and only film me from the neck up. After the group disbanded and became depressed I ate myself sick. I Moved to NY to start a Talk show called Carnie and that brought even more stress to my life even though it was fun! I was up to 255lbs and soon the was cancelled and moved back to California. I was feeling tired, lonely and sad at the prime age of 25 years old. It was a rough few years after that. My engagement broke, my finances were in the toilet, I broke toilet seats as I sat on them....and all I had was my needlepoint and my food. I was alone and frightened. My food was my only comfort and I remember getting on the scale every single day and watching it go up and up and up and up. One day the scale said 300. Then it climbed even higher and I never really knew the number of my highest weight. But I do remember this: I was waking up every morning with horrible pain in my feet, back and legs. My legs would go numb shortly after that and I had a lot of trouble walking, getting up off the ground, out of a car or even fitting in a movie theater seat. I had trouble tying my own shoes. I had chest pains, chronic headaches, acne, pain in my gall bladder, shortness of breath walking just 20 feet ,but worst of all I kept choking and running out of breath when I was sleeping. I would wake up several times per night wonder what the hell was wrong. I had sleep apnea and didn't know it. I was trying to lose just one pound but I could not do it. I was absolutely at my lowest point in my life and I was scared I was going to have a heart attack. A doctor told me my liver was toxic and I would not live to see 38 if I didn't get a hold of my obesity problem. I was 31 years old when I decided to have a Gastric Bypass surgery (live on the internet) suggested by my then manager Mickey Shapiro. He told me he loved me like a father and could not watch me do this to myself any longer. I was constantly being warned and having my friends and family cry to me out of their fear for me. But no one could do anything. I had to save my own life. I was scared to do the surgery, but after researching it and knowing I had one of the best surgeons in the world....I decided to take the plunge. The risks of me staying at that weight would kill me and they were actually higher than the risks of a gastric bypass. Not only did I take the plunge... I took the whole world with me. For the next year and a half, I spent transforming my life and my mind. I followed every rule there was. I had angels along the way helping me. Leslie Jester (a GB patient herself and bariatric nurse) was my soul mate through it. I ate my protein first, drank my water, didn't snack, exercised almost every day and took my vitamins. I was losing a pound a day until I took off 75 pounds in three months. I was ecstatic. Nothing ever felt like this. I had control over my eating for the very first time in my entire life. I was relieved, excited, inspired and I was thrilled to share it with the world. I continued to lose weight and reached a number that I actually thought was higher than my goal. I got down to a size 6 and weighed 146lbs! I had sagging skin and had it removed. I had my breasts lifted and filled. I posed for [RS bleep] magazine and took gorgeous pix to be proud of!! BUT WHO WAS THAT IN THE MIRROR?? And then the mental and emotional part kicked in like Sugar Ray Leonard punching me in the face. I really felt like I was responsible for EVERY overweight person on the planet. People were throwing their arms around me telling me that I saved their life. I lectured and spoke to thousands of people at hospitals and on TV. I had people tell me that relatives almost died because they saw me do the surgery and then decided on having it too. Those few people were the very low percentage who had complications. I did not take this lightly and delved into what became a severe drinking problem. I'd shop and drink. Shop and drink. This was a pattern for me for a few years and it was not a pretty place be in. My husband (who I actually met 4 months before my GB) was worried for me and I was not headed down a good path. I wanted a baby and I was in no mental shape to have one. I put on another 20 pounds weighing 170 in the year of 2004. I started to drink liquids with my meals, snack on carbs and was a downright drunk. I got the help I needed from a 12 step program and my life started changing instantly. Miracles came... including my first child. My pregnancy was really great and I was off to the races again eating whatever I wanted. This was actually the time I started eating pasta again since 1999. I was on a roll... satisfying what I thought my body was asking for. CARBS and more CARBS. And Mexican food. OMG I ate a beef burrito 4 days a week!!!! At the end of my pregnancy I weighed 241 lbs.  I wasn't proud of this. But I remembered my choices. I had a healthy baby girl, Lola Sofia Bonfiglio and she weighed 7.2 ounces. After pregnancy, I got back on the stick and worked my ass off to lose weight again. Using the tools that I was originally given after my WLS and then some very hard core rules... no white flour, no sugar or even dairy.... I lost a ton of weight and got back to down to my pre-pregnancy weight of 170. That was the perfect time to have baby # 2!!!!! SO I was blessed and got pregnant again... (women who are morbidly obese have a hard time getting pregnant ... 50% LESS CHANCE ) so I was so happy! I got gestational diabetes about half way through due to my age (41) and also that it was my second child. At least that is what my OBGYN told me. I actually ate much healthier during my second pregnancy before and after I had gestational diabetes. I had another beautiful child named Luciana Bella Bonfiglio. She weighed 6.12 ounces and was Lola's perfect Sister. My life has been so wonderfully filled with love after having these children. My husband Rob is a loving hands on Father and we have had a happy fortunate life together. But in 2011, my ability to remain full after I ate my meals (which were still small) started to disappear. I would eat, and then be hungry an hour later. It was not my imagination.... I had a full CT scan of my abdominal cavity 360 view on  a new machine. They found that the part where my food passes through my tummy and goes into the intestine was wide open and not the toothpaste size of a hole any longer. It was around an inch and a 1/4. No wonder I was not feeling satisfied after meals. Food was literally dumping right out of my stomach and my brain had no signal of satiety. I was desperate to lose this baby weight and I just could not. I was lucky to take off about 20 pounds after Luci's birth. I had gained 61 pounds with her. SO at this point I was up to 240 and I was miserable. I never felt like I did at over 300 hundred but I was not full when I ate and I was down on myself and was  really tired physically. Having two children and weighing 240 pounds is just way too much!!!! I decided to look into my options for another surgical intervention and was fortunate enough to meet Dr. Helmulth Billy in Ventura California. He is the LAP BAND expert and is the most trustworthy expert at performing a procedure called a lap band over bypass. I met with him and he started kicking my ass form the moment we met. First he looked inside my tummy endoscopically to see if I was even a candidate. I was. Then he asked me how badly I wanted to reach my goal. Was I willing to follow his rules and not let the stress of my life no matter what excuses I gave get to me? The answer was YES. SO I had a lap band put on over my existing gastric bypass January 18th of 2012. The surgery was not as intense as the GB. The gas was off the hook!!!! LOL. I have kept off the 40 pound weight loss this year and am still working on reaching my new and healthy goal of 165-170. I am grateful I did this because it has really helped me be able to put the fork down at meal times and eat less. I snack on healthy food like carrots, apples and string cheese. I try to stay off gluten and eat brown rice. I have tried to keep my head in the right place as far as how I view food. I started to really cook my own meals and am totally in love with cooking and baking. I try to cook healthy for my whole family. No one is perfect. I have learned to honor my ability to make choices. That is what is the most important aspect I can teach people. We have to eat every day and we must make healthy choices 80% of the time. Beating myself up when I make a poor choice is pointless. There is always the next day and we all must remember that we are a work in progress. Time goes by so fast and I try to remind myself that I can reach any goal I want to as long as my head is in the right place. But it means action NOW. Speaking with others, working with others, staying accountable is the key to success. Drinking lots of water every day, staying away from soda, eating lots of protein and fiber, eating a ton of veggies and not eating with our fingers is the best advice I can give. Also some kind of daily exercise for 20 minutes. Walking is what I love. Being an example for my children and also millions of other people is a lot of pressure giving my history with food. I adore food and will most likely have challenges with making choices. But it is totally 100% UP TO ME.... what goes into this loud mouth of mine! Part of my giving back and also staying accountable is being a member of the WLSFA community. It's heartwarming and gratifying to know that we are raising awareness and support for the Obesity disease and also granting WLS surgery and reconstructive surgery to people who are in great need. I am honored to become their Ambassador of Hope!!!! Hope is what everyone needs!!!!! Great title!!! My gratitude for all the love and support out there for me and for each other is what keeps me alive. My children and husband too. I try to remember that we are a spec in this universe and if I was meant to be here for this short time to help everyone.... I should try to be the best I can be. Thank you for reading this and go eat and apple!!!!! Love, Carnie