ended up depressed

Still here, depressed as ever. Went thru pain and discomfort just to look worse. I am uneven, lumpy under my butt, and hips, and my but barely different. Totally feel like I was deceived. I don’t want to move because I’m so depressed. I haven’t been able to drive or sit, Or Lay on my back in a long time. My arms go numb and hurt like hell when I try to sleep or relax. I’m sick of all this, I have my post op on Thursday. Waiting to see what my dr says before I rate him. I’m so depressed. And it’s all for nothing. my stomach looks slightly improved, but that’s about it. Why a waste of time, my life, my money. I’m so upset.

I cant stop crying because Im so confused by my dr. First of all hes on vacation... my papers say I am suppose to have a post op appointment at 3 days, 2 weeks, and 1 month. My Dr was not at my 3 day post op, so i just had the post up with the nurse who does not know anything about what happened in the surgery- there will be no 2 week check up, but I will see him at 1 month. I am confused, the nurse says its normal to have just her do the post op, and they also dont do 2 week check ups they just go straight to 1 month... and I let her know thats not what it says on all the papers they gave me.
First of all, I feel like my shape wasnt too bad before and with spanx I looked great. Now that quite a bit of the swelling has gone down... im starting to look almost the f**** same as when I walked in pre op. Also, one hip looks fantastic and has a beautiful curve, the other hip looks like it has a dip in it... it bothers me but whatever that happens, I am still healing and swelling is going down so we will see how it goes.
SO I called the nurse to ask about the procedure if she knows how much was taken out, and how much was injected into each side. Keep in mind, I told the dr I wanted to go bigger because I am a thick girl, and am tall so I wanted to look like there was a difference. I asked him how big he thinks I can go and he said 750cc-800cc per side and I said ok well I am comfortable with going to 1000cc or higher injected per side. I see plenty of shorter, slimmer girls with have this amount put in. The max amount that can be lipo'd in one session in canada is 4000cc.... Again I see many shorter and more slim women having this amount removed. ALSO, clearly from the picture, I am not a small girl so part of this journey that I was really excited about was getting snatched. I showed him the fats above my bra and the chubby parts of my back and stomach and he said yes we can definitely reduce the size there. He also said I would have an incision in the middle of my back to get to those areas. I woke up from surgery without the incision there so I thought ok... maybe I didnt need that scar?
anyways, the nurse tells me that a total of 2300cc of fat was removed??????? WHY WHEN I CLEARLY HAVE MORE TO LIPO OUT!??? RIGHT BEFORE SURGERY HE ASKED and i told him again I want to go big, I want to go bigger than the women shown on your site, I want to go big, I want to get my bra rolls, he marked me up, and right before I went under he said are we good with the game plan, and I said yes! gave him a thumbs up! HE DID NOT GET MY BRA ROLLS! LITERALLY THE ONLY PART HE MENTIONED BEFORE SURGERY..?? the lower half of my body only WTF??? thats NOT what we discussed.. NOT ONLY THAT!! he injected only 450cc into each cheek, and 100cc into each hip,...thats a f*** mini cup of YOGHURT!!! THATS THE SMALLEST AMOUNT INJECTED I SEE ON HIS SITE?????????? WHY?
WTF am I going thru all this... taking time off work, losing money, not sitting or laying on my ass, being in pain, taking narcotic pain killers, TRYING to SH*T AND [RS bleep] thru a hole in my garnmet, peeing standing up, being in discomfort, not being able to drive or travel for work, to protect a F*** YOGHURT CUP WORTH OF FAT????????? WHY WOULD I PAY TO LOOK THE SAME AS I DID BEFORE IN SPANX WHEN I CAN JUST WEAR SPANX????
WHAT IN THE WORLD was he thinking. Was he trying to dupe me because he knows I am wanting to get a breast lift, and he can get more money out of me later on doing "touch ups"??? WHO KNOWS!! Cant ask him for a month because hes on vacation. It was already emotionally draining enough to read thru and consider the possible complications.. and now i have to risk it all again?? why the f*** would I do that? Im so mad... im sooooooo upset, I feel like I was played. I just want peace of mind.
I know surgery can be an emotional roller coaster and I sure hope I can come back In a month and say "i over reacted I was emotional I look F***** FANTASTIC i love my life blah blah" but for right now.. I am deeply depressed

It is now friday, had surgery on monday and am feeling pretty good. I stopped taking prescription pain meds yesterday afternoon and I feel way better. I have switched to just taking advil and tylonol together. Still have 1 more round of antibiotics, but I have been taking them during the night 4x instead of the day because they make me nauseous. Day 2was the most swollen and probably the most painful. You are so out of it with the pain killers the pain isnt too bad. I would say over all this has been a pretty easy experience. I am still pretty swollen in my legs knees, no and VAGINA! My vagina looks huge... just at my pelvic area. I went to my 3 day post op appointment yesterday, (didnt see my surgeon just the nurse which I didnt really appreciate, I thought he should be there but whatever) and she said its allll fluid and its collecting in your lower body. She said i am healing really well, and took off my bandages and applied the little surgical tape stips over my sutures. I have two incisions above my bum, 2 just below, two around my pelvic area and one in my belly button. I was suppose to get lipo in my back near my bra rolls although i dont really see a difference there, and he told me I would need an incision in the middle of my back to do that which I dont have so Im not sure if he did or not... thats why its annoying that the surgeon wasnt there I couldnt get those answers because the nurse had no idea. Its hard to tell what was really done because my arms and legs are sore, and I dont know if its from being swollen or using my muscles in a weird way. Again the pain is minimal I would say maybe like a 4/10. I am about 16 lbs heavier than I was before surgery so I know I am super swollen. My legs look huge, and I feel fat. Oh well, I am back to trying to eat properly again today, no more endless bottles of gatorade to stay hydrated and whatever other snacks. also finally had a BM, it was quick and easy. My first one in 4 days, I did a hover squat over the toilet and had zero problems or mess. I think part of the pain i have is just my muscles from trying to avoid bending and squatting, lifting my self in a push up position or plank position. Also, sleeping isnt too bad but I think my bed is too soft and too high up so I have been sleepin on my couch. Its lower to the ground so its easier to get in and out of throughout the night to get meds. The most uncomfortable part are my arms! ahhh they fall asleep and lose circulation and then are super painful to get moving again. I have to loosen my compression garment bra straps completely, and try to keep my arms by my sides. My neck and back kind of hurt when I sleep, and my stomach hips and lower back are pretty sore and stiff when I wake up. During the day I ahve been trying to stand and walk around my house as much as possible, to keep the blood moving, and keeping me less stiff and sore, but i definitely feel more and more swollen as the day goes on. anyways! I am feeling good and will post more pics as I take them!