9 days to go...nervcited.

Here I am, supposedly near the 6mo-absolutely-fine-and-done mark and I feel just as bad if not worse that 3 months ago. My abdomen is very sore, especially in one area. I asked the doctor and he said everything would be healed by now. My incision is lumpy. My tummy is lumpy. I rub it in case it is lymph related, but I feel like that makes me swell more. If I stay in bed, feet elevated, for the entire weekend, I might wake up Monday with no swelling and feeling good. But that isn’t reality bad I have to work and move and live. I feel so grumpy and frumpy and dumpy.

Hey there. I’m happy to report that I’ve been doing really well. My body has totally shrunk pretty much everywhere. I’m buying way too much clothing, especially because my size is in such flux. I’m in small and xs shirts and sweaters. Never ever in my life have I been able to wear small anything. I keep buying size 10 pants, but I’m an 8 or a 6 or a s/m depending on the fit bed company. It’s bananas.
If you’re anything like me and you’ve battled weight and skin for decades, have gone back and forth loving and hating your body, this radical transformation is quite the ordeal. My brain hasn’t quite caught up yet. I am so happy new feel so good—mentally, physically, emotionally—that it makes me sad to realize how negatively I’ve regarded myself and my body my whole life. I’m grateful I can now afford to take care of myself, but I’m pissed it’s taken me so long to feel this good. I’m 35 years old and I’ve spent the majority of that hiding behind a lot of anger, resentment, and negative thoughts because of how people treated me—which was all based on their vanity and their feelings out my appearance. I gave that so much space, I let it control too much. And that makes me sad and mad. That I can’t remember a time in my life when I’ve let myself feel as attractive, empowered, confident, and competent as I do now. All it took was enough therapy and emotional maturity to understand that surgery was okay, that it didn’t mean I way good enough or strong enough to “lose it on my own”, and a chunk of money large enough to let me do what I felt I needed to do. It’s ridiculous and frustrating and I’m just so so grateful to be able to feel that way now.

I have learned that regular pooping (which is a difficult goal for me) is essential to not swell and feel miserable. It’s amazing what a good BM will do to the scale, to my figure, and to how I feel overall. I highly recommend pooping. 5 stars. Will do again.
I had few sutures on my left side poke through a week or so ago. I clipped them and am working on getting those holes closed. I put betadine ointment on a soft gauze square over those spots. My right side is perfection. All scarred over now. Using a combination of scar cream, aquaphor ointment (to moisturize my dry skin) and bio oil. I rub my scars and any hard lumps I feel. Only still tender spot is my belly button and surrounding abdomen, strangely enough. But I don’t rub as much there as it is more tender than my numb incision areas.
Eating is weird. I get hungry and want food, but my body doesn’t. Small, frequent healthy snacks, protein drinks, and water comprise my life right now.