41 Years Old, 2 Children, Both Breast Fed, Saline Implants Under Muscle 2000. Explant, No Lift - Thomasville, GA

So, a week without my implants. Some of the things I've been dealing with are extreme fatigue. After my surgery, I felt great about my decision but I felt exhausted! Strangely unlike me. It lasted for 5 days. Yesterday was the first day I actually felt better and took a drive to Keaton to take the kids scalloping. I also kept a slight headache that was just enough to make me take ibuprofen and also get back in the bed. I stopped taking the Percocet days ago. My breasts have been tender around the incisions and at the bottom mainly.There is bruising on my left breast underneath that wasn't there until my 3rd day. The bruise runs underneath nearly the entire length of my breast. I also have a huge lump/hard area about the size of a quarter. Not sure if that's scar tissue or what but it's definitely a lump. I will call about that today. I had the capsule contractures(sp?) and I think my dr left everything as is, only removing the implants, so perhaps that hard stuff and lumpy areas are just that. Other than that, I'm doing fine. Going to Keaton I was very aware of my "surroundings". I did have all of the same feelings when seeing women and their huge fake boobs, or just big boobs. I am no longer in that category. AHHHHHHH! But why do I worry then, that is the question! I think what made me upset after having my BA done was that even though I was in that category, I had the boobs...it would never be enough. There was always other boobs around to catch his eye..I knew very early on, that I could visit the dr yearly to add, adjust, etc and it wouldn't matter. And I knew that other women that were wearing those fake boobs, walking with their boyfriends/husbabnds were looking at me, knowing their husbands were checking out my rack too. Women, we find the other women that we think could be competition, when in reality, the men are looking at them all, even the ones we think they wouldn't be interested in. It's a very exhausting mind game we play with ourselves. and an expensive one too! I've had a lot of quiet time to myself this past week. With all my sleeping and being in bed or just home alone..I keep having the same feelings over and over...so happy!! so free!! and still so worried. I admit that while on this website glorifying my decision to be free from my implants, I have visited other areas, like lip augmentations or botox injections...just to see lol. I still don't see myself as someone who could do those things but I was someone who altered my body and lived that way for 15 years. And even through all my disgust in myself for making that choice, and the decision to remove them, I'm still afraid of this aging process or this idea of what beauty is. How others perceive me, my husband, myself. Will I find the acceptance of what life brings to me, growing old, losing my youth, losing "the looks" that both bothered me, but also made me feel good? ! It's a confusing state of mind. One that I am trying to fight. How can I know what I know but still want something more, something "better"? Just a little this, or if only I could look like that. I honestly believe that it is great to love oneself. It would behoove me more to have the ability to appreciate the beauty and choices of others. If I carried an understanding that with each and every person I pass in my daily life, those people have the same fears and desires to be loved and seen as beautiful, worthy of kindness and respect. They too need just a little more this, or carry the negative thoughts that tell them if I could just change this about myself, I'd be happy then. Pretty. Like her. Wanted by him. I'm not alone at all in my struggle to love myself or appreciating and accepting others in their own walk in life. The jealousy and judging runs rampant in our worrisome minds. I suppose we should all be a little more kind and supportive outside of this website, outside of the walls of our home or from behind our screens. For some reason it's just not as easy to do. I'm still very glad to have found this website and to hear your victory, your fear, your sadness, your joy, your honesty! Thank you again!

I had forgotten me. From the day I chose to get the implants I lost myself! I went against everything I felt in my heart..and from moment on, I lost me. Today, when I see myself in the mirror, when I look at my poor breasts who I am so proud of, for going through the stretching of 15 years..the weight loss and weight gain that I have done REPEATEDLY...to go through the explant and somehow, they are able to be what they are..which is wonderful, not perfect-and they never were, never will be...but I really love looking at them, touching them, seeing myself again! I can't complain, I don't even have the words to explain..I just keep looking and touching and being thankful..wishing and wondering why in the hell I waited so long to do this!! Of course the question of why I chose to do this in the first place is present, but I've beat myself up with that for years. This has been the BEST experience! Here's more truth...I had told my husband that I didn't want him to see or touch my breasts until I was ready. As I had said, I was in total fear of what it would be. I wasn't sure I could take any disappointment from him, and I wasn't sure how I would react either, even though I knew they had to come out. To my surprise, my husband has given me space..so much that it made me worry...I asked him while we laid in bed last night..if he was okay..did this blow his mind....he said he was letting me have my time as I had asked of him. Today, I wanted him see..I wanted him to touch them, to be with me on this journey...I felt extra tired today..cooked supper, and then took pictures to share. Earlier today, I had gone through my bra drawer, getting rid of things that would not fit..trying on shirts that I hoped would look good...and in my tired state, took a long nap...the pain isn't there so much today. Every now and then, a tindge of burning, or slight ache..otherwise..my breasts are fine..I was just extra sleepy with a headache. Once my husband got home, he and I were on the porch together. Out of nowhere he told me that I looked really good! My shirt was cute, the sweat pants that matched were sexy..that he loved my glasses and the way my hair looked. HE said I could go anywhere looking like that and be adorable. I was in sweats and a t-shirt that read NERD with my eyeglasses on. Whether he was being nice, or he truly felt that way..it felt good. 18 years and everything we've gone through and tonight, all his words were the sweetest things I had heard. I felt close to him, I felt I wanted him to see me, to touch me. Tobe a part of it. As he played XBOX, I came in and stood in front of him..(yes, he plays XBOX like a 14 year old kid! lol) I asked if he was okay, okay with looking, touching, etc..he was..and he could tell how happy I was...we both laughed..he said "ya know, I wish you would have never gotten those things in the first place! You look great! Hello Jen's real boobs..nice to see you again!" It is nice to see them again, to feel the softness and jigglyness of a natural breast that's healing...it's nice to wear tshirts that hang like the girl on Footloose in her off the shoulder sexy shirt, with little breasts! I am no longer this big boobed freak that has lost touch with myself. That caused unwanted attention...I'm not saying I'm going to the grocery store in a skin tight shirt with no bra, but I might in a lose shirt! and the fact that 3 days in to having my explant, I look this ggod in a tight shirt with no bra...I can't tell you how happy and relieved I am! I can't tell you how very certain I am that having my implants removed has always been the right answer for me! If you are considering it..don't wait, don't put it off...time will march on and you will have to live every day with regret and anger..let it go if you really want them gone. Don't worry about anything else. KNow that it feels great to have them out first and foremost..and that your natural breasts will take time to heal...but today, I feel amazing! Sorry for all the pics of myself. But when I came to this website..I wanted pics! I tried to bend my body in ways so that you could see all the saggy and the "ugliest" of what I'm dealing with..I bent over, leaned to the side..etc...it's not perfect and I know this...BUT IT FEELS SO DAMN GOOD!!! Thanks for the support ladies and you have mine in return!

So the dr didn't spend much time with me..seemed in a hurry to say the least. I had questions but he was so fast, I only found out that I could take a shower..which surprised me. He also said I could swim, which surprised me and he said I could exercise, which surprised me!! Guess what, I'm not going to. I feel I need to take it easy. I feel I need to have some sort of compression on my chest because my breasts are so darn saggy and squishy...so I'm gonna wear a sports bra with support and I'm not gonna use barbells or exercise yet..because my breasts burn and my nipples are draining....so I'm not sure what the hell that was all about. I drove 2 hours, 3-4 minutes with dr..took off my dressings and sent me home. I guess it's nothing to him, but for me, this is a big deal...so....anywho..still haven't taken any meds today. I went and bought a few bras. I'm going to need them! I had taken pictures on my cell yesterday and tried to take a picture with my regular camera..this whole picture thing isn't turning out like I'd hoped for you...so I'm sending everything in hopes it helps or at least you can get a laugh out of it. Notice the pancakes my oldest daughter made me the day before my surgery. She made pancakes in the letters that read "BYE BOOBS". I didn't cry yesterday. I haven't cried today. I'm still focusing on the fact that I have to heal and it will take take time...but no, I don't like the way they look today either..but I love the way I FEEL without the implants!! so I'm pleased with that!! After losing those big boobs..I'm able to notice more of my body and boy, I have neglected the rest of me...I guess I thought boobs was all I was about. I'm looking forward to exercising and tightening up all of me! Seriously, I have been so caught up in the boob area, I didn't pay attention to other parts of me. That's a deep thought! So , I hope my pics help..I will post more every day..and give details in my journey. I would appreciate your positive thoughts and prayers and thanks again for helping me! Day 2..saga of saggy boobs sails onward. and lets not forget the jiggly everything else...oh lawd!