35, 5'6", 135 Lbs., 6 Kids, Athletic, Full TT, Silicone over the Muscle - Seattle, WA

I'm scheduled to get a full abdominoplasty and...

I'm scheduled to get a full abdominoplasty and saline implants over the muscle per my PS request. My boobs bother me the most. I used to be a 36C. I nursed all of my kids at least a year and the tissue is just gone. I have enough tissue to go over the muscle, apparently though. My pectoral muscles are pretty well formed so I think my PS thought I'd be happier this way. Anyway, my nipples sink in. It's gross. So originally I had a consultation for just implants. My husband and PS both suggested I get an tummy tuck as well (nice, huh?). I have a deep appendix scar, loose skin, and muscle separation. I don't think my tummy is that bad, personally. It's my badge of honor! Too bad I don't think of my breasts that way. I dress modestly and no one ever sees my belly except my husband. I hardly have a pooch when I am at my current, in-shape weight. However, I could just do it. It would make my belly look nice and last forever, unlike implants. Maybe I would be able to see my 6-pack I know is under there. So I've gone back and forth over the tummy tuck. And the implants, for that matter. I've cancelled and rescheduled 3 times now.

Mostly, I dread the recovery time. I work out 5 days a week. My best friend and I workout together. And here's the kicker... I want NO ONE to know about my surgery, neither my gym friends or my church friends (my family does not live nearby so it will be easy to hide it from them), because I'm embarrassed and because I'm afraid I'll be judged as being shallow and because it is so personal and no one's business. Everyone at the gym and at church is very into everyone's business. I've come to the conclusion I will have to tell the truth or make up a bogus lie. So far, I've decided to say I'm going out of town for two weeks (I'll be hiding in my bedroom recovering; my husband has taken off work.) After that, I can't workout because.... I hurt my back?... What would put me out of the gym for 6 more weeks? I just had hernia surgery and I was back after 2 weeks, so I can't use the hernia excuse. Ideas are welcome. Pics coming soon.

Before pics posted

Here are a few of my before pics.

Not saline, silicone over the muscle!

I made an error in my initial post. Silicone over the muscle, not saline. Sorry.

I can't lie, and why am I doing this?

How I'm going to keep this a secret has been what keeps me up at night. I've decided I can't lie about it. I'd be more
ashamed to be caught in a lie than to have people find out about the surgery, which they probably will anyway. I'll tell my best friend soon, but everyone else, if they ask where I've been or why I'm not at the gym, I'll just say for personal reasons that I'd rather not talk about. I'm very shy, modest, and a private person, and admitting I'm getting plastic surgery does not fit my view of myself, if that makes sense. I'm really not the type of person that would care so much about my looks enough to have elective surgery. Yet apparently I am, and I'm trying to come to grips with that. I love my body how it is (or I thought I did). I'm healthy and strong and I look great! (In a padded bra)
One of the sad things about ps is that I can no longer take full credit for how I look. But now that I'm writing this all out, I guess I never could take full credit bc I do pad my bra and wear clothes that hold in my belly. I give a false view already.
Why AM I doing this? Because I can. Because why not? Because I just want my boobs back. Because it's obvious that my padded bra is half empty, and that's embarrassing. Because it's hard to hide my deflated breasts in a swimsuit or a sportsbra. If I just had small breasts, that wouldn't be as bad, but they are deflated and sad, and I feel frumpy and old with them.
And why am I getting a tummy tuck? Because why not? I've had some horrified looks from my children and my sister when they have seem my belly, and my husband doesn't touch me there I've noticed, though he doesn't complain. I'm always paranoid that my shirt will accidently come up when exercising. I don't think it's that hideous, but apparently other people do. And it has practical purposes... it helps posture, hopefully with help with my stress incontinence a little, prevent future hernias, maybe give me a stronger core, and it will last forever.

More pictures

More before pictures so I can remind myself why I did this to myself during the hard recovery phase. It will be worth it!

One more pic. Can't even fill my padded bra.

The husband

Today my husband wanted me to know that he loves my body exactly as it is and that if I decide not to do the surgery, he would be fine with that. But he also is supportive of the surgery and looks forward to the end results. It made me cry. I really needed to hear and believe that he loves me as I am, and then really look deep within myself to be sure I was doing this only for myself and not to please him, because I'm a natural pleaser. I'm doing this for myself and I feel more confident than ever in that decision.
He also said he doesn't want to hear anymore about it, ever. (I was being wishy washy and it was bugging him). I knew that was coming, which is why I started this profile so I can write out my thoughts.

Thoughts as I wait...

It's really hard to find reviews of women who have breasts as deflated and saggy as I am. I did bf 6 kids though.

I want a modest implant. Husband thinks I'll be happier going bigger than what I'm thinking. He really loves boobies, lol. I'm more concerned about carrying them through a tough workout without them slowing me down. I also don't want to draw attention to my chest or have it obvious that I've had work done. Natural all the way.

I cannot wait for my surgery! 6 more weeks! I'm on a waiting list to do it sooner if someone cancels (fingers crossed). The month of Jan I want to focus on eating cleaner and being as healthy as possible so I can heal quickly.

Still undecided about telling other people I'm having surgery that I want to keep private or just lying right out and saying I'm going out of town/hurt my back. I'm afraid the secret surgery line will just promote gossip and questions. Gossip is big in my circle of friends and acquaintances, unfortunately.

My desired size.

This is my padded bra with silicone inserts and an extra bra pad. Whew! Can't wait until I don't have to wear all this!

New Surgery Date!

I was on a waiting list to get an earlier date and I got the call today! Jan 13. I'm actually headed to my preop right now! So excited!!

Pre-op complete!

Pre-op went great! I was nervous but excited. Tried on sizers, took pictures, signed my old body away, went over preop stuff.

2 weeks, 2 days.

My umbilical hernia became very sore two days ago and i could feel it was out a little more than usual. I was so upset! It means I can't put 100% into olympic lifting and crossfit, which I love. I cried. I've had this hernia for a long time, but this is the first time it has ever bothered me. This will be my third abdominal hernia and likely not my last. So the next morning I let my coach and gym friends know I have another hernia and may need to modify. I lifted heavy anyway to see what would happen... nothing! It didn't hurt anymore. I went home and called my PS to make sure she could fix the hernia during the abdominoplasty and that's when I found out I have a new earlier surgery date and was asked to come in for preop! My hernia did not bother me again today, but now everyone knows I'll be having hernia surgery and I dont even have to lie about it. :) I'm not going to be offering any details, but should it come up, my excuse for the longer recovery time will be because I opted for an open repair with stitches instead of laproscopic with mesh (my last hernia which recovery was only 2 weeks). Which I would do anyway. Laproscopic puts 3 to 5 holes into the abdominal wall, and I don't want to spring any more hernia leaks!

I have a cat that I'm mildly allergic to. I don't want to sneeze during recovery, but I'm not sure what to do about the cat. He lives in my bed. I made him sleep outside last night and he just scratched at my daughter's window begging to come in. He's laying on my shoulder right now....

I bought a $4 walker from goodwill. Should I bring it to surgery? I'm a little embarrassed about it.

I need to fill meds and sign up for carecredit today. Drink a green smoothie for my vitamins, drink lots of water, try to avoid junk food, dairy, grains, and over eating. I also need to do school with my kids (I home school them) and sign up for a spring semester college class that will be easy the first month while I'm recovering. And finish painting my bedroom furniture. Which means I should probably get it out of bed already.

Writing out my thoughts here has made me realize that I'm easily embarrassed and I cry a lot. What a boob! Lol

9 more days!

I filled my perscriptions, found a cheap recliner on Craigslist, booked a hotel room for the first night (we live a few hours away and so this was recommended), found a sitter for my kids, and stocked up on chicken noodle soup (easy to digest), lentil soup (for that fiber afterwards), and chocolate covered almond for those depressing and lonely days I know are coming.

I've been taking a multivitamin, vit c, and b complex, and trying to eat healthy, but I have a chocolate addiction...

I decided not to sign up for college classes this semester. Way too stressful right now.

Oh, I finally told my best friend what I'm doing! I don't know why that was so hard or what I was worried about. She's going to help me keep my secret.

I recently had hernia surgery two months ago and the constipation/bloated pain was the WORST! So I'm trying to research what I can do to prevent that this time, but I'm getting mixed recommendations from different places on the Web. Do I eat lots of fiber before surgery to keep things moving, or do I clear my bowels before surgery, or "rest" my intestines with things easy to digest (aka white flour)? I've seriously read it all. I know I don't HAVE to do anything different, and most surgeons only require fasting after midnight and using a stool softener, which I did, but there still was a lot of pain and discomfort last time.
I'll definitely start stool softener a few days prior, and I have milk of magnesia and prune juice like my surgeon recommends for after. I'm undecided on my diet the few days prior. I'll keep you updated on what I decide to do and if it helps.

I don't think I slept last night!

3 more days!!! I'm so excited and obsessed and sick to my stomach!!! I wasn't going to work out today, but I think I need to run to the gym and get some of this energy out!

I've only had one major freak-out. The other evening coming home from a late movie date with my husband, I was thinking about my surgery and I just felt a heavy weight on me. I had horrible thoughts about myself running through my head, like how shallow and ungrateful I was, and that if anything bad happened during surgery I would absolutely deserve it. :( horrible thoughts. I went to bed so sad and depressed, but I figured it was exhaustion playing tricks on my brain. And sure enough in the morning I woke up feeling nothing but excitement and anticipation. I hope that feeling never comes again!

Dr. Sower is excited about my tummy tuck bc she says I'm the ideal candidate and will have great results. I'm excited about my boobs. When I see her before surgery I'm going to request to be on the larger size of the sizes we were talking about... about 350cc. I was wishy washy about size at the preop.

These last three days I'm not going to eat chocolate (went a little overboard yesterday), no red meat (it sits in my tummy like a rock), no grains or dairy other than yogurt. Lots of plain yogurt for the probiotics, lots of greens, lots of oranges for vitamin c, and blueberries for antioxidants, turkey, chicken, salmon, eggs, protein powder, and avacados. My favorite foods for fast healing.

I'm also going easy on the workouts this week. It takes more than 24 hours to really recover from a crossfit workout. So I went Monday, resting today, and I'll go Wednesday and rest Thursday to be ready for surgery on Friday. But I'm dying to get in there today and do some cleans and pull-ups. I have so much energy!!

I'm going to get a 1 month membership to another gym for my recovery weeks 3-6 so I can use the treadmill. Then I'll be back at crossfit.

Wish boobs

2 more days! Wish boobs posted.

Made it to the land of boobs

I'm all drugged up and happy and sore. Waking up to the pain was incredible. Glad that is over. The nurses and surgeon said my boobs are beautiful! I'm so excited. I probably shouldn't say much more because I'm drugged and I can't edit. Happy, alive, excited. Tired. In a little pain but it's bearable now. Thanks for the well wishes.

Still drugged.

My husband got me a heat pad for my back that I love. I also have a tube sock filled with rice that can be heated and put behind my lower back as I sit in my recliner. Feels awesome and thought I'd share. My PS says I can't remove my compression garments unail my check up on Tuesday, so I have no idea what I look like until then. I'm doing great though.

Don't be late on the pain relief or the muscle relaxer!

My husband failed to set his alarm correctly last night and I was late on the muscle relaxer. Holy cow I woke up to so much pain! I didn't realize the muscle relaxer helped so much!
My husband is an angel getting up every few hours to take care of me through the night and then taking care of the kids and the house during the day. I could never do this on my own. I am so grateful for him.
So I was wondering how the compression garments worked, specifically if I would be wearing underwear or not. I have on a compression bra and a separate compression body suit that begins just below my bra and goes down to my knees like biker shorts. There is a gap in the crotch so that I can use the bathroom without taking it off. I just wear my pj bottoms over it with no under wear. I find it to be fairly comfortable and convenient. My drainage tunes come out the crotch area and connect to the pouches that are snapped onto a belt around my waist that also holds my pain pump.
When the pain killers start to wear off I hurt everywhere. When the pain killers kick in, I feel pretty good and sleep a lot. I'm also real dizzy when I walk around, which I try to do when I get up to use the bathroom. I can't walk for long bc it hurts too much still. Maybe for 3 to 5 min. I've learned how to get in and out of my recliner by myself now. I can use my legs and arms, though it hurts a little to use my arms. I'm trying not to be such a burden on my husband. He already does so much for me. I love him.

Oh yeah...

My Ps said she put in 320 cc's! I'm so excited to see them! My Ps and a few nurses came in at didn't times as I was waking up and said that the breasts look really, really good, and they don't just say that to every patient. I have mentioned yet that I'm excited to see them?

Compression garment pics

Had a little pity party for myself today

I ate too many chocolate almonds. Don't do that. It made me feel sick, on top of my back ache and boredom and general discomfort. I sat on the pot and cried. I feel better now. I'm dozing in my recliner all drugged up and listening to jack johnson: my happy place. I get to see my PS tomorrow and hopefully get to see the beautiful damage done to my body. I'm curious! My sweet and wonderful husband is going to wash my hair in the sink this evening. He's tired of me telling him how much I love him, but he's being so good to me during such a hard time. I can't help it. I'm one lucky woman. He gave me a foot rub without me even asking. I love him. And I'm still drugged.

Yesterday was a great day

I pooped! I got my drains and pain pump out. I saw my belly and boobs for the first time and I love it!! My surgeon did a beautiful job. I'm so glad I did this. I was afraid I would have regrets because I really wasn't that dissatisfied with my body in the first place, but it turns out I really love having breasts! I'll try to get a picture posted today if I ever get a moment of privacy around here.
I'm trying to wean myself off the narcotics but I'm struggling with that. If I miss a dose I still wake up in pain. I'm off the muscle relaxer and down to one oxycodone instead of two, but I hate how it makes me feel out of it. I need to try tylenol.
On the upside, I now have time to watch tv. I've started watching The Office and I love it. Hurts to laugh though.

Not doing much

So I was reading through some MM profiles I've saved so I can remember what they were doing at day day 3, 1 week, 2 weeks, etc., and they were doing way more than I'm doing! I'm still sitting in my recliner bc I'm still hunched over and my back hurts. I'm not going anywhere or doing anything for a while. The reason I'm hunched over is bc my PS said I didn't have enough loose skin and she didn't want to have to do a vertical cut on me, so she put me in pretty much a sitting position to stitch me up (or something like that), so my belly skin is super tight still. She said it may be another week before I can stand up straight. So I'm so completely dependent on my husband. He has two weeks off work and I'm going to need him for the full two weeks it seems. It's getting better every day though.
I watched The Office all day yesterday as he struggled with the kids and the house. He was grumpy. He mistakenly thought I was having a great time while he slaved away. At the end of the day when all the kids were in bed I explained to him exactly how miserable I am stuck in this recliner and how everything hurts (I went off narcotics today and onto ibuprofen), and I'm going through regret. I am NOT having a blast. The Office makes me forget my sucky situation. I'm miserable, as I knew I would be. It's just the way it is.
So he told me a shower would make me feel better and he would wash me so I could just sit on my bucket and relax. Lol, I'm using a tall bucket for my shower chair. Anyway, I felt much better after the shower (and so did he ;)
I could stand straighter after the shower; it helped my loosen up a bit, so that was nice.
Being off narcotics is not fun, but I really felt it was time. I'm just achy with random twinges of pain on ibuprofen. The narcotics took away all the pain and would knock me out, which was nice, but they made me feel dizzy and tired and I know they are not good for my body. I was on them for 5 days.

Booby picture I know you've all been waiting for.

They are great! Love them. I could not be more pleased with the size. My ps got it just right. I love my belly too but I'm not in the mood to take off and then put back on the compression garment for a picture right now.
Seattle Plastic Surgeon

I chose Lisa Sower *initially* because I like her website. She gives all the information I was wondering about my desired procedure upfront, like how much it would cost, how much pain, how long of a recovery time, etc. Other websites required that I call to find out thosee things and I was way too shy to call when I was just exploring the idea. She has a great blog that has allowed me to get to know her and learn more about various procedures. She's frank and honest about procedures. She's professional and has all of the right qualifications and beyond. Very experienced doctor with great reviews as well. My first consultation went great. The was no pressure. It was nice that she's female; I felt very comfortable around her and I'm confident in her abilities as a surgeon. I've cancelled and rescheduled a few times (way ahead of time) because of cold feet and her staff has been very kind and understanding and willing to work with me.

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