30 Years Old- Athletic Body with Zero Boobs Been Wanting for 10+ Years - Scottsdale, AZ

I have been sooo terrible about updating although I get on here 37299284 times a day to see if anyone has any similar issues as me. I'm still not convinced anyone reads mine but for now I'm gonna use it as a diary lol. I hit my one month mark today. I can honestly say I thought I would legit be ecstatic at this point but emotionally it has been a tough recovery past the one week lol for me that was the easy part because I expected that. Since then I have been having a horrible time accepting my boobs the way they are as they are still asymmetrical. Now to be fair my ps didn't promise to fix this as it is a rib issue and although maybe it could've been less noticeable with different size implants it wouldn't fix the issue unless I fix my body ha. So I went along with what she told me but now this far in looking at them and I could almost guarantee they are at least 1/2 if not full cup size different and they look so different it's kind've disheartening. I did finally break down and email my ps pictures and my concerns. She said she expected my right side to take a long time to "round out" ( I did get anatomicals) because she had such a hard time fitting it in as my right muscle was very developed and the way my ribs are on that side it was just a very tight fit. So that was a few days ago she told me wait until 3 months I should see better result. So for a day or so that answer pacified me. Now, however, I'm not sure if it's because it's a 1 month date that I'm freaking again or just my fragile mental state lately since I have been stuck at home this entire time. I have been too afraid to go to the gym still even to walk. (I finally did go tonight ) but also anticipating going back to work which is a job I completely hate at this point. So I'm not sure if it is just me being a horrible hypocrite or a combo of being on my period and all these aforementioned things ( coupled with the fact my boyfriend and I got into a huge blowout fight on New Years and basically decided to separate if things don't improve soon). I have to go back to work tomorrow. I am a nurse on a heavyyyyyy Stepdown unit which has no lifts whatsoeverrr ( pathetic I know ) so I am super nervous because I still can't do much as far as pushing lifting etc. we have to make our own bags of everything and the abx in particular are very hard to push together. It's still super awkward to drive I barely have in the last 2 weeks. So, over all I'm having a rough time. Also my Gma who basically raised me is in the hospital and now thanks to all the money I've spent on boobs I don't even love I can't afford to take more time off to go visit. ( I now live on cape cod and my family is Indiana) I'm just feeling sorry for myself lately I guess and that makes me feel even worse because I'm complaining about hating a boob job when some people don't even have running water. I'm just a mess. So I'm having probably too much wine and staying up too late even though I work 7-7 tomorrow. Anywayssss back to actual boobs for those who follow that. My nipples are still sensitive but I think better than last week. Still have the mondors chords on both sides. Still have more side boob on the left which is sad to me. Left boob is full right is kinda wide and flat. Still not comfortable laying on sides although I'm cleared. Still can't scoot myself around with my arms really. Still can't reach behind me or reach super high comfortably. Feels veryyyyyyyy weird when i engage my chest muscles for anything as slight as closing a Tupperware container. I feel like my left is kinda undeterred by anything but my right feels like it rips in half or moves significantly i don't know very weird. Anyways I guess time to get a tiny more wine and hope for 5 hours of sleep at this point. Pray for me!

Tomorrow it will be 3 weeks since surgery! Seems like it has gone by fast. I still wake up with morning boob especially when I try to sleep laying flat because I've been getting horrible headaches and back aches sleeping sitting up. I've tried sleeping on couch chair bed etc. none are very comfortable especially without the pain medicine blur lol. Have been taking ibuprofen and sometimes Tylenol here and there but again mostly for just headache. Seems to be nerve pain and stretching pain that is still lingering as well as my mondors chords and extremely sensitive ( in a bad way) nipples that cause the pain and nothing really helps other than ice so that's what I use. Still have kinda strange pain on left side which is my bigger side right at lower edge of implant /rib. Hurts to touch but it has since the start. Haven't attempted to get sized yet as I don't think it's time yet nor do I want anyone near my nipples with anything lol. I am back in Massachusetts so soon will have a video chat with my dr for progress. J will say for girls who are going out of state this is one part I kind've regret is not being able to just pop in with a question or concern because I am so far away and video chat is great but my dr can't physically feel my implant or investigate as well as in person. I am going to be going back to work next week. It makes me nervous because I am a nurse and there is lots of lifting involved so I will be asking for help . I am also nervous about just being upright and alert for 12-16 hours because I haven't been sleeping and still napping / relaxing quite a bit as I get tight. So fingers crossed I won't regret going back but I've already been off for 5 weeks and my bills don't pay themselves. Still can't really tell how my scars will look yet because the glue is still stained with pre op marker over top and I have been advised to not pick at it :) but I think they will look really good and they don't look so huge like I thought they would since I got the anatomicals and did not have the Keller funnel used. Tomorrow I've got to make myself be useful and run errands and apply for a new job! Here are some new pics although not much has changed I don't think. My left is still much rounder fuller and more side boob which i guess naked does look more fake but I actually really like that one in comparison to my smaller wider right. My right nipple is also higher than left but I think my pre op was like that anyway. Oh well I guess :/.

Still having wicked morning boob. Still have the chords. Still kind've secretly hating my right boob something horrible. Still just blah. Hoping something miraculous happens and I can look at them without picking on myself. Anyone else feeling this way? Or I am the only nut as my boyfriend says .... Ugh. ????