So it's canceled!!!

So I finally got an answer today.. Not sure how I really feel about it but I guess this just isn't for me right now. I liked my ps but it seriously irritated the hell out of me that I had paid a late portion of this and either my ps or the coordinator would call me back when they said they would and just make me wait! I'd expect to be contacted about my concerns and not having to chase them down constantly. I didn't appreciate that. But he was nice enough I credit me back Everythig except the deposit because 1) they feel I'm making a rash decision since I've been flip flopping a lot and 2) he doesn't want to do sub glandular placement. The care credit will be taken care of by them thank god so all in all I lost $500 which is alot less than I was expecting so here comes the money! Maybe I can plan something fun to do over the summer now or just save for something bigger in the future. I still want to get this procedure done later on, just when I'm more confident in my decision and especially with a ps who is better at discussing my issues in depth and not just throw out the facts and have me stew over them. So thank you for all of your support with my indecisiveness and good luck to all of you! You may see me later on :) back to competing for me!

So I haven't looked on this site for a couple days cause I needed to clear my mind although I appreciate all the girls who have given me their stories which I truly appreciate! Sunday afternoon I decided to cancel my surgery but the office was closed so I had to wait until Monday (yesterday). I didn't call until after I got off work so that lead to me thinking ok, well ill be losing a lot of money first hand but I shouldn't get this if I feel obligated. And then I started thinking that I think I would be scared shitless regardless of what point I'm at in my life. And then I thought we'll maybe ill get it and get it OVER the muscle with a smaller implant which doesn't bother me. So I called and told my coordinator that I was considering canceling this entire thing. She said that there is a cancellation fee but she wouldn't know until today since she has to talk to whomever at the hospital and my ps. Hopefully it isn't that much and honestly I didn't think I'd get any of the money back anyway I just don't want to have to pay off the care credo if I don't actually have services rendered. Before I got off the phone with her I asked if my ps did the implant over the muscles, she said yes BUT it wouldn't feel as natural and look more round or whatever. Like I said I'd go with a smaller implant so the skin/fat I have can cover it better and such, also that there is a 30% higher chance I capsular contracture and bottoming out. I think these things are less likely if I have the smaller implant and my body heals relatively well to illness although I haven't had surgery before. I'm just mainly concerned about having my muscle cut up because if I ever had to have them taken out the muscle fibers do not reattach and at the very least if I get this ba done over the muscle I can still do my Olympic weight lifting without worrying if I can feel the implant contracted. I do want boobies. I just don't know if the risks are worth it anymore. Physically and financially! I'm going to the office right after work even though my coordinator said she would call cause I need to see this cancellation fee with my own eyes on paper just to make sure, my bf doesn't worry about things like this but said that for me maybe I should wait until I'm more comfortable. I don't think ill ever be comfortable with te thought of being put under anesthesia!! So after I go to the office ill talk to my bf about it and decide from there. I know my parents and sister are supportive even though I know they're leaning more towards "don't do it!" Attitude lol. Well see, I literally only have a few days to decide!

So all the ladies on here who claim they lift weights and workout alot do you have worries of a possible explant in the future and loss of muscle function? Or the fellow crossfitters on here that can't do a box jump, ring dip, or snatch the same after surgery? My ps said you lose 5% strength if its even noticeable but man, what if I can't do the same stuff in the gym I can now? Ever? My ba is this Friday and I'm really second guessing this. I talked to te gym owner's wife whose had hers done back in 09 and she said he just NOW feels like her implants are finally feeling like her own, she's early 30's and also has rheumatoid arthritis and I know everybody experiences this differently. Going under the muscle and just hearing the word "dissection" is scaring the hell out I me. I've read the Q&A forum on here about this and no doctors opinion is consistent. I just don't know anymore and it's frustrating to think of having 2k already spent on this procedure.