46 Years Old, Goodbye Pannus

To Get To This Point In The Journey - Let me tell you all about my personal journey, my quest to get help. While many here have had many struggles, I have as well, and to even get to this point, I didn't think I'd find any help.

I've struggled my entire life with my weight since I was seven years old. I came by it naturally enough, my mom was heavy, her parents were on the heavier side, though not obese by any means like she was.

I'm only five foot two, and have always been happy with my height. When I was fifteen I needed to have my gallbladder out, only a couple of weeks after I turned fifteen actually. My mom had also had hers out when she was fifteen, and I wasn't pleased I was going to have a diagonal scar across my abdomen. When I finished high school, I was around 265 lbs, a weight I always in my adult life have been not that far from unless I've been on diets, and I've been on lots of them, as most on this website have, I'm sure. I've had this apron of fat since I was 15, so it's been over 30 years of lugging this around, I'm 46 now.

In my twenties I struggled with various eating disorders, laxative abuse, compulsive exercise, starvation. I starved myself down to 125 lbs at one point and I looked like a deflated balloon without clothes on from all the loose skin, and even at that weight, I'd have a football sized belly of hanging flesh.

When I decided enough with the diets, within two years I went from 125 lbs on the starvation diet to 350 lbs. In two years. I can honestly say I never felt so unhealthy in my life as when I was 350 lbs. I developed sleep apnea, climbing the stairs was not fun, I felt self conscious when I was out in public, even though I've always worn makeup and worn nice clothes. I was at that weight around a year before the next diet, a more gradual and sensible one, but like most others, I regained weight, but thankfully I did not go back to the horrible 350 lbs. I lost 180 lbs, and gradually got back to the 265 lb range again. I was really afraid I'd ruined my "set point" forever and wouldn't even be able to go back to the 265 lbs range I always fell back to.

Luckily I stayed not that far above that, maybe 10 lbs above that, which I felt ok at and could live with. I have never been a person that hated myself because I was fat. Other people always seemed to have a bigger issue with my weight than I did. I was clean, showered daily, I was well groomed, well dressed, intelligent, so I was big as well. As I got older into my forties, even though my weight stayed fairly the same, I became shaped a bit differently. My waist was thicker, and more alarmingly, my tummy, my pannus, became lower hanging. I guess just like breasts, gravity takes a hold and pulls things lower.

Like many people here, I'd had in my twenties many infections under my pannus, Zincofax cream seemed to work the best, but I'd a few times a year have a hip to hip red, irritated, weeping line of flesh that made me wince and flinch when the water in the shower hit it. It took me a while to realize baby powder was the answer, and I've also read on this site others were using an entire shaker of baby powder a week to keep infections under that pannus at bay, like I do. I never had one infection since I decided powder overkill is the answer.

My lower back bothered me constantly, clothes were limited in the styles I could wear, I was several sizes larger on the bottom than on the top. I'm one of the few big girls with not very big breasts, I'm barely a C cup on a good day, when on diets, barely a B cup. So I started to wonder about the possibility of a tummy tuck to alleviate the back pain and having clothes fit more normally. It never occurred to me about the gallbladder scar being an issue. I soon learned differently.

I had my first consultation with a plastic surgeon nearly twenty years ago, he said he wouldn't touch me at my weight, so I put the idea aside until two years ago, when the ever lower hanging pannus and back pain was just getting to be too much to bear. I then went to a local plastic surgeon, who said, and I quote, "I wouldn't touch THAT thing, (my pannus) for three times the rate." he suggested I look out of town, but his unprofessional statement was very insulting.

When I mentioned this comment to my family doctor and her nurse, the nurse said such a comment should be reported to the college of surgeons, but I'm not going to report someone for being an ass. If someone ruins your body or touches you inappropriately, of course, but for a comment alone, no. I think we all know many doctors, surgeons especially, have a God complex and that they can do no wrong.

I am using the before pics on here I am so if any of the nearly fifty doctors that rejected me recognize them, they will see that someone would actually help me, (not that they would care), since so many of them did not. If you can believe it, I emailed nearly fifty, yes fifty, plastic surgeons listed on this website in the Southern Ontario region. I included my age, height, weight, meds, the fact that I'm a type two diabetic, (the fourth generation in my family). When I was needing thyroid meds I quickly lost over 25 lbs, and went down to 250 lbs, I couldn't believe it. Then less than six months later I was put on insulin, and every pound returned.

I was honestly shocked that around half did not even give me the courtesy of a reply. I guess they all have so much business, they can pick and choose the cases they wish to help, and more complicated ones they can easily pass on. My family dr said the risk for overweight patients is honestly minimal over and above regular sized ones.

The ones that did answer were pretty much two types, either the get back to us when you're under 200 lbs, even though I've kept off 75 lbs for nearly twenty years, and my weight is fairly stable, or the, the gallbladder scar just complicates things too much, sorry we cannot help you. Yet I've seen many profiles on this website of women featured that are heavier than I am, so I know it's not out of the realm of reality. I'd even seen some American plastic surgeons websites outlining my exact issue. "This poor soul reached out to us from Canada, since no one would help them in their own country." At least I wasn't the only one getting rejected apparently. It's pretty sad when one has to look outside their own country fro help they are willing to pay for.

So a year and a half ago a Toronto plastic surgeon I contacted said he thought he could help me, I made a special trip there, I am just over an hour away, but I do not drive, nor do I have anyone that can take me, so I must coordinate trains, buses, and subways to get there on my own. He was not put off by my weight, but apparently the way he does this abdominoplasty on people with diagonal gallbladder scars is horrible looking, I am not consenting to looking like I've been cut in half the rest of my life. I wanted a bikini line incision like everyone else. He wouldn't do it, so back to square one. I've seen pics online of women with gallbladder scars that have the bikini line incision, so it's frustrating to see it can be done, but that some doctors will not do it.

So at the beginning of this year, something happened to make me take up the search again. I've had some psychic experiences in my life, hence the "Visionary" in the username. I had a flash, a vision, only a split second, where I saw myself looking down and I saw myself with that bikini line incision and no apron of fat. I thought, my God, it will happen, I will find a doctor that will help me, so after a year of not visiting this website often, I resumed my search.

I'd emailed so very many and been rejected or ignored by nearly all of them, yet I kept going down the list and contacting more. I have a list of ones I've contacted, since there's no way I could remember them all and I didn't want to ask the same ones twice. I was honestly wondering if they had my name on some list as some nut that was emailing every plastic surgeon in Ontario almost and sending out some identical email and to ignore emails from this person if she contacted them. When you email nearly fifty people and half ignore you and 99% of the rest say they cannot help, you seriously wonder.

I sent my query email asking if I could send pics, and a doctor emailed me back from his personal email address, not his company one, but the one it had been forwarded to, and on a weekend. I sent him the pics and within hours he emailed back saying he'd operated on ones my size and larger and with gallbladder scars and he'd like to see me for a consultation. I was in disbelief I hadn't gotten the, "We're sorry, we cannot help you." email.

Since it's very difficult and expensive for me to get out of town, I want to give any doctors all the stats and pics first, there's no point in going to see someone if they reject you in five minutes, I'd rather they look at the stats and pics and say no than waste a trip there. The few that did reply and weren't put off by my stats insisted on a look see appointment before saying no, that's just not realistic with out of town doctors when you have no one to take you.

So if anyone in Ontario has been rejected by doctor after doctor, please, contact this one and see if there's a chance. I really thought I was at the end of the line for Ontario doctors that would help me until this doctor replied, and once I read his credentials, I realized how qualified he is and with excellent reviews online about not only his skills, but how caring he seems. Many doctors are lacking in bedside manner, this is a fact.

I realize this is a much longer introduction than usual, but I've been through so much to even find a doctor that will help me. I seriously doubt most people on this site have emailed fifty doctors to help them and gotten nowhere. I'm not sure why Canadian doctors are more conservative in their approach than Americans, it seems to be a personality trait in general, Americans have got more spine.

The Consultation - I finally arrive and see the doctor, and hike up my dress to show him my God awful hanging pannus and he says he can help me and shows me a pic of another patient, the pic is also on his website before and after section, so I was familiar with the pic before he even pulled it up on the screen in his office. He said the lady in that pic weighed a full 100 lbs more than I did, and it's a dramatic pic. He said he felt 25-30 lbs of tissue could be removed from me. I felt good someone had some hope for me.

Unlike many people here that speak of their supportive loved ones, the only person in my life is my mom, who every time I'd even bring this topic up would state factually I would die if I did this to myself. As she'd put it, are you still thinking of that operation to 'hack up your stomach'. A friend of hers I do not get along with actually told me they "really hope" I do die in having this done. So that's the kind of support I have, the one and only voice I heard. So it's difficult to sort things out emotionally. I had a clearance note from two doctors, normal blood tests and EKG, I could only conclude if three doctors felt I would live through this, maybe, just maybe it would be ok.

My surgery is a week from tomorrow, Friday, May 11. I am scared. I have to get there alone and have no one to come with me. I certainly hope all will go well. I know how much the pictures and stories on this site have helped me, answered my questions and made me feel better, so I hope by sharing my own story, I can help someone else in some small way.

I wanted to update anyone who's been following my story here. I could not have asked for my surgery to have gone more perfectly. My mom had put the fear of God in me telling me I was going to die if I did this to myself. Well I am amazed at how well I'm doing, I do not even need any pain pills.

I had no one to go to the hospital with me or drive me, I paid a service to take me. I was taken into the OR around 1:35 pm and recall waking up in the recovery room and the clock on the wall said 4:25 pm. My throat hurt and was dry and the recovery room nurse gave me some water and I was taken to my room. I was helped up to go pee around 4 am and felt nauseous when I stood up, but was not sick. It was not easy getting in and out of the bed or to sit down and get back up off the toilet, but I managed.

I was sick and threw up the bits of water I'd had before breakfast, but managed to keep everything down from then on out. I went for walks up and down the corridors later that day and the next, since I'd been told how important it is to walk to prevent blood clots, which I did not want.

The only thing I had to compare it to pain wise was gallbladder removal when I was 15 and the dr said it wouldn't hurt as much and it didn't. I went home Sunday afternoon and was already walking upright, I think they did a bit of muscle tightening, but it couldn't have been much for me to already have been upright. I've had cramps much worse than the pain this operation gave me and even managed to change the cat box when I got home, slower than normal for sure, but I was amazed.

I refused any stool softeners I was offered, since I tend towards IBS as it is, and luckily avoided having to go while I was in the hospital, but as soon as I got back home, everything was normal for me, no straining, nothing, and so many here I've read have major issues.

The drains I despise, as most do I'm sure. I cannot wait to have these disgusting bells/grenades of blood and what looks like chicken broth off of my body. I so desperately want to shower. I've always showered daily, and though I'm cleaning myself daily with a wash cloth, it's certainly not the same as a whole shower. I desperately want these things to be gone and for the liquid stuff to dry up, since once they are out and then I can remove this awful compression garment and start to shower.

That Scarborough General Hospital surgical ward was fantastic. The nurses were all so kind, the facility itself was great, when I rang that buzzer for a nurse, one was there in a couple of minutes. My mom was in the Brantford General before and sadly, it was a whole different story of waiting an hour after she'd ring the buzzer for help, so I was worried it would be the same thing, but no way, that place I was in could not have been more helpful. The food was good and decent portions.

Dr. M. Elahi who did my operation was fantastic, you could not ask for a more caring dr or one with a better bedside manner, and we all know how rare that is with many doctors. He told me he removed 23 lbs of skin and fat and tissue from me, so that is a fair amount to be sure. You can see the mons is bruised in my pics, since he also took some fat away from there as well. Obviously I will not see the full effect until all swelling has gone down, and I have not even seen myself without the compression garment yet, but was told I got a new, higher belly button.

When I think of the 50 other doctors I'd emailed that turned me down and how beautifully I've done, what an easy recovery I've had, it honestly makes me very angry I was denied care. I know they cannot see into a crystal ball and see I'd do ok, they looked at my weight, the fact I was a diabetic, the existing gallbladder scar so many were worried about, the meds I was on and determined I was higher a risk than they wanted to take. This dr was not put off by a more a challenging case, it's too bad more were not the same. Any further work I want done, I will 100% give the business to this doctor, and will recommend him to anyone.