Tattoo Regret

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So I wanna start by telling you all a little bit...

So I wanna start by telling you all a little bit about myself. I'm a Hispanic 25 year old female. I recently graduated from Nursing school and I haven't gotten a job yet still applying. I got my tattoo on my left forearm for my birthday July 2016 and instantly regretted it I knew I would because I always said I would get a tattoo but never on my arm and that's where I decided to put my first tattoo? I don't know I just saw a lot of people expressing themselves through tattoos and I wanted to be part of it too. Not even a month after I got it placed I went to seek tattoo removal advice and I had an optimistic outlook that this was temporary and I would be able to get it removed then I got preoccupied with finishing school so I didn't have much time to think about the consequences and it was winter so I always had long sleeve shirts and I seemed to be able to ignore it for the most part. Recently I passed my RN license exam and I had severe anxiety after taking the exam and once I found out I passed I was relieved but then ... the anxiety returned and its from this mistake I made on impulse! I have no one to blame but myself I should of thought things more thoroughly before doing it. I haven't been able to sleep, eat and sometimes I can't stop shaking. My heart sinks when I look at my arm and think of what I should of done instead but what's done is done and I need to find a way of coping with it. I would love to be able to remove it but I've only seen a few real success stories and others are faded away for a cover up and I don't want to cover it I want it gone! I've felt like a different person and my depression has set it heavily I feel ugly and masculine and I go in and out of acceptance daily. I don't know if any of you have the same feeling but my tattoo burns idk if it's my mind thinking too much about it and it's reacting to my thoughts so it's constantly reminding me that it's there even if I have it covered. I want to find things that distract me but I have little energy and sometimes I go with only 4 hours of sleep. I've lost about 8 lbs in a very unhealthy way and I'm worried I'm going to have a mental breakdown. I recently found out about this website and it's been so helpful to know I'm not alone and it helps me deal with this anxiety but only for a short period of time before it starts creeping up on me again. Well thanks for reading this if you made it to the end I greatly appreciate you taking the time to listen. ???????? staying hopeful

The research

So I've been doing extensive research about the different lasers and there is not enough evidence to show that picosecond lasers are more effective at removing tattoos than those Q switch lasers. Some days I feel optimistic and hopeful but other days I feel extremely discouraged. I really want to start treatment with a specific laser and I've had multiple consultations but all seem too good to be true. I keep thinking what if I take my time removing this thing and only do 1-2 treatments/ year maybe it will decrease side effects (hypo/hyper pigmentation) and increase removal of the ink. This is just a thought that keeps me going. It's going to be an extremely slow process but I feel that I'll have better results it's either take my time taking it off or keep it without attempting to remove it. I would like other opinions about the research they have done. Not just the advertising 'research' actual scholarly research.

Consultation with Enlighten

I had a consultation with a Dr who uses the Enlighten by Cutera. It seems like a promising laser and when I start removal I'll probably go there. I'm still doing my research and looking through everyone's reviews to find the best option. My consultation turned into an interview lol he wants me to work for him and do tattoo removal myself! I'm considering taking his offer so that I can get behind the scenes information regarding tattoo removal but that's not my career choice. We'll see maybe I can do that as a part time? Has anyone heard about the Enlighten laser and does it work better than the picosure?

Test Spot with Picoway laser

So my depression has lifted I still feel sad about the choice I've made but I'm choosing to move forward and I'm accepting that removal is a very slow process. Here's an update of a test spot with the picoway laser. I only got 4 little zaps on the petal connected to the thicker stem. The top left is before, the top right is 2 days after, the bottom left is 1 week after and the bottom right is 2 weeks after. There is some remaining redness and some minor hyper pigmentation which I hope clears up in the next couple of weeks. The ink seems to be lighter but it's not a big noticeable change. I will not start full removal until winter. Happy fading everyone!! ????

My Current State of Mind

It feels like I've put my life on hold until I can get this removed (praying to every god) that I can have the patience and determination to fix my mistake and that I get good results. I'm experiencing hyper pigmentation with the test spot and I know staying out of the sun after treatment is crucial for me so I've made an appointment for August 25th and just knowing it's 3 months away is weighing heavily on me. My husband is losing his patience with my anxiety/depression and quite frankly I am too! I've been going to counseling and it helps temporarily but once I get to thinking there's no stopping me. I don't know how to handle this besides binge researching removals and sometimes it help but most of the time it adds to my anxiety. I think I need a break from this site and hopefully I can move forward with my life until I get ready to start removal. From the bottom of my broken heart I wish you all luck and successful removal!
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