50 Yo, 17 Year Old Saline Implants, Autoimmune Diseases, Breast Implant Removal Long over Due. Portland, ME

Like many of you, I made the decision to have breast implants after a divorce. Looking back on my life now I can't believe I thought I wasn't feminine without them. At the time I was working out 2 hours a day....at 33 years old I was in the best shape of my life. I was 5'7" 120 lbs and a size A cup. I went to the same surgeon a friend went to. She's a very petite woman and she looked very proportioned with her implants so I felt safe going to the same surgeon. I asked to be a B cup and left very unhappy and scared with a D cup. The pain was so excruciating that I never visited the idea of having then taken out. Besides, I thought once the breast tissue stretches it would never go back. So I thought if I had them removed there would be nothing but empty sagging deflated wrinkly bags..gross, I didn't think I could live with that. I thought I had no choice but to live with them. Two years later, after the birth of my daughter in 1999 I got my first autoimmune disease, hypothyroid disease. Not great but not extremely horrible, I can deal with this I thought. Then came the chronic diarrhea. After 8 years of that a doctor diagnosed me with my 2nd autoimmune disease, IBS. Shortly after my second divorce I was diagnosed with my 3rd autoimmune disease, Rheaumatoid Arthitis. I believe they're all related to my implants. Like many of you, I too wish I never got these toxic huge ugly bags put into my body. But I did and I'm working on not living with regret. I am, however, so grateful to have found this site and the opportunity to read and live through all your explant journeys with you. I feel blessed to be here on line with every single one of you women! I mean that with all my heart! You all have given me the courage and the knowledge I needed to finally explant. This is such a major life changing event for me, as I'm sure it has been for all of you as well. And for that I thank each and every one of you beautiful women! Thank you for giving me the strength and courage to finally do what has plagued me forn17 yrs now-have these toxic ugly bags taken out of my beautiful body! Wouldn't it be great if we "implantees/explantees" rallied together to raise awareness about the dangers of breast implants. Like all other awareness groups, we could organize events to raise money for research. The problem is, like me, many of us carry these toxic bags in us secretly because we're embarrassed to admit we've succumbed to societies expectations of what a beautiful woman should look like. For me I never wanted to admit I was so insecure about myself that I found it necessary to alter my appearance by invasive surgery so that I can feel feminine. Sadly, I still, at my age of 50, struggle with loving and excepting myself as I am. It's so very sad that's we've suffered for so very long. This madness needs to end! I'm so worried about my 16 year old daughter. I haven't been a good example for her by constantly obsessing over my body her whole life. And this past year she found out I had a BA. Boy was that a hard conversation, for me anyways. She on the other hand said I shouldn't be ashamed and that she loves her small breast. throughout her life I have told her daily how beautiful of a person she is, inside and out. And I hope I have taught her that a persons heart, who they are as a person, is what really matters. I only pray she doesn't go through the torment I have throughout my life. The world is ever changing, sometimes for the better, sometimes not. I hope and pray that this younger generation of women accepts and loves themselves too much to undergo the painful, scary, and unhealthy outcome of plastic surgery. Although I see many women on this site still seeking breast implants as well as other surgeries, I'm hoping and praying for a more accepting movement to take place so one day I can revisit this site and see nothing but support to help us accept and love ourselves as we are. I now remind myself to do everything in love and kindness. Having a BA wasn't loving, having them removed is.

Well I had my preop today. The nurse and staff are wonderful. They all made me feel very comfortable, at ease, and their all so loving and caring. I reiterated to the nurse how are afraid I am to be in immense pain like I did after having the BA. She assured me, just like everyone else there, that not only is dr. Weisberg very gentle, but I would also leave without being in any pain, even if I didn't take the pain medicine they perscribed me. Even though I do trust them, I'm still not sold on the idea that I won't be in pain. I'm just wondering if maybe I have an extremely low threshold for pain. And that terrifies me. When I asked if they provide a surgical bra for me to leave in the nurse said I wouldn't need a bra to go home in. She said that I will be perfectly OK going bra less. I was happily shocked but when she offered to supply one for me if I wish I took her up on it. I just don't like the idea of going home without some kind of protection on the girls. The one thing I hear over and over again from the nurses and staff is that Dr. Weisberg is so gentle that I won't be in any pain. I guess I'll find out one week from today! Another thing the nurse mentioned was if I ever do decide to have a lift with Dr. Weisberg I wouldn't be in pain for that procedure either. I I went into the office today very adamant about having a breast removal no lift. But as I was walking out the building I actually thought, hmmm maybe one day I will have a lift . OMG am I crazy or what!

The big day is Tuesday! Im having some last minute mixed feelings. I feel relieved knowing these heavy sacks will be out of my body, anxious about having only local, and scared as hell about the possibility of lots of pain. To make matters just a little more complicated, now I'm wondering if I should've had a lift at the same time! Ugh! Part of the reason why I opted for not having a lift is because I didn't want to be in any more pain than I had to be and I thought a lift would definitely be a lot more painful, not to mention way more recovery time. At my consultation my ps told me I wouldn't have much more pain having a lift too. Now his nurse is telling me I wouldn't feel any more pain having a lift than just having implants out. I'm such an incisive person...I needed more time to think about it and now I wish I had the lift too. The other reason I chose not to have the lift too is because I just started a new job and didn't want to take any more time off than I already am for additional healing. Unlike some women on here, my breast are fairly saggy as they are now. I'm pretty sure they're going to point south after the implants are gone. I nursed for two years and boy does that do a number on your breast! The nipples are much bigger and they sagg like crazy! Well I did gain 30 lbs since the BA so maybe if I can get back in shape and stay in shape I'll address it then. Otherwise if I have the lift and I don't get back into shape what's the point right? Well thanks for giving me a place to rant lol! Here's some photos of the surgical bras I ordered. At first I ordered a medium and the straps were a bit lose. So I ordered a small. I think the small is too small for me now that I've gained some stress weight in the last month. But at least I'll have it if I decide to do a lift and if I lose some weight I could always wear it as a regular bra, maybe? Any way, the big day is almost here! From ( . Y .) to (.)(.) ;-)