53 and 1 Pregnancy, 123 Lbs, Wanted to Wear a Bikini and Not Feel Self Conscious

Pictures say it all: I was overfilled with 63 cc of fat draft. I was told in 2 weeks I would look normal and my look then would be permanent. When after 6 weeks that didn't happen, you can imagine the dramatic psychological downs that I went through, didn't want to leave my house and I thought I'd look like that forever. Then 6 months post op 90% of the fat graph disappeared in the middle of the face except for lumps under my eyes where fat didn't survive (fat necrosis), as a result the PS covered the cost of fillers. I have been since on a quest to get the under eye lumps dissolved and unfortunately the local occuloplasty specialist I went to made them look worse by injecting Kenalog into the lumps.

The mystery of why I'm in so much pain 1 yr post op and I feel inner pulling as well as lumps where the stitching was done is finally resolved: My PS used permanent stitches.
I thought that was the only option for the inside and now after one year I am learning it's not recommended as it can cause tearing of the muscle. I can't wait to have these stitches removed. Now I know I have to have a full tummy tuck done again instead of just skin revision. I'm liking my PS less and less.

My loss of weight and laxaty caused my belly to droop. I waited 30 yrs and saved my money until the right time. I lived with the hope that one day my abdomen would look nice enough to wear a bikini. I met with different doctors and I thought I chose the right one. He was recommended, had high accolades in local magazine and sounded knowledgable. BUT....nothing went right, the incision is too high, it's asymmetrical (shooting upward even higher on the left), my belly button is too high (above the waist instead of below it) and too big, skin bulges above incision and I have doggy ears. I look like a freak. He cut too much skin and I don't think it can be brought down the 1 inch that I need. In addition I still have pain , 1 year after. My belly button is tethering pulling my stalk upward and causing a very uncomfortable pulling. There is also a lump around my belly button that moves and I have no idea what it is.
This is a horrible nightmare I cannot wake up from. It has ruined my life as I have no self confidence. I don't want anyone to see my body and after so much money I still can't wear a bikini. I was treated with a dismissive attitude by my doctor when i mentioned all the issues. 'I am not going to have this conversation' he would say and shut me down. I have never been so insulted in my life. I put a review in here 3 weeks post op and he was very annoyed with me so i had to take it down because he was still doing the scar Embrace therapy. I have been praying for healing, that the lump would go away and that I would feel normal but my body is still very much aware of the position of the incision. It is a maddening feeling. You don't go into a procedure as difficult as this thinking you will have to do it all over again.