Here for Encouragement ...

Hello - I guess I'll start with a little bit about...

Hello - I guess I'll start with a little bit about myself. I'm 35 years old, 5'6" and I currently weigh 160 pounds due to quitting smoking cigarettes. Today is one year since I've had one. I'm proud of myself, but I gained like 15-20 overnight. I'm working on it - hard.
Like many women, I've had body issues my whole life. I've been over 200 lbs and under 130 lbs. I used to be really tough on myself emotionally, but I've learned to relax on that. I've learned to love myself no matter what my weight is - even when I know I'm carrying extra.
I know this isn't about weight, but for me it's about body image and self- esteem. Also, I have a love for fashion (which I currently struggle with) and mostly - I love big breasts! I think they are beautiful.
Currently, my A cup bra is swimming on me. I look down on my chest as I'm typing this and I can see a huge gap between my tiny cups and my tiny boobs. I've been back and forth mentally my entire life - I've told myself that plastic surgery is vain, for attention seekers with a lot of money to waste. But that's not how I REALLY feel. I was just envious.
Another issue is that I have been working as an independent Massage Therapist for 13 years. This is a strenuous job, requiring a lot of upper body strength. I do not receive paid time off of any kind.
So my desire for large breasts was always something floating in the back of my mind as something that was just unattainable for me.
Or maybe I was allowing my over-the-top fear of EVERYTHING use these thoughts as excuses to not go through with it. I'll go into that more another time.
I've been stalking this site for a while. Creepy, huh? Then something magical happened! I was offered a temporary position that will allow me to take a break from performing massage therapy - with a pretty great salary. Also, I will be able to take a significant amount of time off in January.
My first thought - this is the time.
So, I've been reviewing Surgeons. Looking at "Before and After" pics... and tomorrow is my first consultation. Tuesday is my second.
I don't know how I am going to feel afterwards - I just know that I'm equally excited and terrified that after all these years, this could be happening.
I can't let fear take over. I hopeful that documenting my emotions will be a helpful outlet.

Was anyone else this scared?

If anyone reads this, thank you for your time. I'll be back tomorrow. xo.

Decisions, decisions!

I just returned from my very first consultation with a PS whom was recommended by a lovely acquaintance.
Dr. James Matas in Orlando has a beautiful office. My experience today was personalized and thorough. All of my questions (that I could think of) were answered.

At the end of our office tour, I explained to him about my anxiety issues and panic attacks. I told him how fear has been holding me back for so long. And he actually gave a damn. I could tell. He took the time to assure me that they will take the utmost care of me before, during and after the procedure - and that short moment with him really helped emotionally. I think I got this...

aaaaaaaaand now I have SO many more questions!!

Saline or Silicone?

I'm leaning towards Saline 400cc. I would like to be a C/D.
I have one more consultation on Tuesday and lots of research to do.

Have a fantastic weekend everyone! xo

Concerned about size (who isn't?)

Hello again - I had a few consults and when I met the last PS, I knew he was the one. I tried on sizers, set my date and paid my deposit.
January 6th- I can't believe this is happening!

So, trying on sizers was just crazy! It's such a big decision to make. But so far, I am set for 355cc Sientra Mod Plus Textured "Gummy Bears".
The thing is that I am afraid they will not be BIG enough!

I'm starting off with nipples on a rib cage. My diameter is 12.1 - so, I also had the choice of 385 High Profile.
I'm so confused. Reading reviews has been helpful mostly. But I have some questions.

What is REALLY the difference between Mod Plus and HP?
Is it true that Mod Plus will give more cleavage?
Can I go outside of my diameter for more CCs? (12.5 diameter Mod Plus 385cc)
I know I shouldn't think of Cup size but will 355cc Mod Plus give me the "look" of a D? (Not VS).

I'm kind of nervous about the idea of HP - but I feel that is the only way to get the size considering my diameter.
I suppose I should add - this is important to me because I am 5'6" and weigh 155 pounds.

I'll add a couple of wish boobs that I took from random galleries:

Am I crazy?

I just don't really see a big difference in HP and Mod Plus in many before & after photos.
Occasionally it's obvious.

I feel like HP is my only option to go larger for my 12.1 diameter.
I'm just worried about the final result being too .... done up?
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