Hello - I guess I'll start with a little bit about...
Hello - I guess I'll start with a little bit about myself. I'm 35 years old, 5'6" and I currently weigh 160 pounds due to quitting smoking cigarettes. Today is one year since I've had one. I'm proud of myself, but I gained like 15-20 overnight. I'm working on it - hard.
Like many women, I've had body issues my whole life. I've been over 200 lbs and under 130 lbs. I used to be really tough on myself emotionally, but I've learned to relax on that. I've learned to love myself no matter what my weight is - even when I know I'm carrying extra.
I know this isn't about weight, but for me it's about body image and self- esteem. Also, I have a love for fashion (which I currently struggle with) and mostly - I love big breasts! I think they are beautiful.
Currently, my A cup bra is swimming on me. I look down on my chest as I'm typing this and I can see a huge gap between my tiny cups and my tiny boobs. I've been back and forth mentally my entire life - I've told myself that plastic surgery is vain, for attention seekers with a lot of money to waste. But that's not how I REALLY feel. I was just envious.
Another issue is that I have been working as an independent Massage Therapist for 13 years. This is a strenuous job, requiring a lot of upper body strength. I do not receive paid time off of any kind.
So my desire for large breasts was always something floating in the back of my mind as something that was just unattainable for me.
Or maybe I was allowing my over-the-top fear of EVERYTHING use these thoughts as excuses to not go through with it. I'll go into that more another time.
I've been stalking this site for a while. Creepy, huh? Then something magical happened! I was offered a temporary position that will allow me to take a break from performing massage therapy - with a pretty great salary. Also, I will be able to take a significant amount of time off in January.
My first thought - this is the time.
So, I've been reviewing Surgeons. Looking at "Before and After" pics... and tomorrow is my first consultation. Tuesday is my second.
I don't know how I am going to feel afterwards - I just know that I'm equally excited and terrified that after all these years, this could be happening.
I can't let fear take over. I hopeful that documenting my emotions will be a helpful outlet.
Was anyone else this scared?
If anyone reads this, thank you for your time. I'll be back tomorrow. xo.
I just returned from my very first consultation with a PS whom was recommended by a lovely acquaintance.
Dr. James Matas in Orlando has a beautiful office. My experience today was personalized and thorough. All of my questions (that I could think of) were answered.
At the end of our office tour, I explained to him about my anxiety issues and panic attacks. I told him how fear has been holding me back for so long. And he actually gave a damn. I could tell. He took the time to assure me that they will take the utmost care of me before, during and after the procedure - and that short moment with him really helped emotionally. I think I got this...
aaaaaaaaand now I have SO many more questions!!
Saline or Silicone?
I'm leaning towards Saline 400cc. I would like to be a C/D.
I have one more consultation on Tuesday and lots of research to do.
Have a fantastic weekend everyone! xo
Concerned about size (who isn't?)
Hello again - I had a few consults and when I met the last PS, I knew he was the one. I tried on sizers, set my date and paid my deposit.
January 6th- I can't believe this is happening!
So, trying on sizers was just crazy! It's such a big decision to make. But so far, I am set for 355cc Sientra Mod Plus Textured "Gummy Bears".
The thing is that I am afraid they will not be BIG enough!
I'm starting off with nipples on a rib cage. My diameter is 12.1 - so, I also had the choice of 385 High Profile.
I'm so confused. Reading reviews has been helpful mostly. But I have some questions.
What is REALLY the difference between Mod Plus and HP?
Is it true that Mod Plus will give more cleavage?
Can I go outside of my diameter for more CCs? (12.5 diameter Mod Plus 385cc)
I know I shouldn't think of Cup size but will 355cc Mod Plus give me the "look" of a D? (Not VS).
I'm kind of nervous about the idea of HP - but I feel that is the only way to get the size considering my diameter.
I suppose I should add - this is important to me because I am 5'6" and weigh 155 pounds.
I'll add a couple of wish boobs that I took from random galleries:
Am I crazy?
I just don't really see a big difference in HP and Mod Plus in many before & after photos.
Occasionally it's obvious.
I feel like HP is my only option to go larger for my 12.1 diameter.
I'm just worried about the final result being too .... done up?
Panic Attacks and General Anesthesia
It's been a bit since I've written but I've been reading every day. I need some encouragement.
I don't really have anyone to talk to about surgery. I'm kind of keeping it quiet, and besides, I don't know anyone personally who has had elective surgery.
I'm really nervous. Which is Human. But sometime - I'm terrified of the idea of the whole process.
I am eager and excited about the outcome. I am not questioning my decision as far as my body or finances go.
I am scared of the process. I have suffered from panic attacks on and off my entire life. Anyone who has experienced this will maybe understand.
On top of this, I'm the type of girl who is afraid to have my blood drawn.
I know I got to put on my "big girl panties' and suck up that part - My REAL fear comes from Anesthesia.
The idea of losing time freaks me out. Like falling asleep and waking up a "second" later in recovery - this may sound silly but the IDEA alone is so trip to me.
Furthermore, how will I feel when I wake up? Will I be scared? Is it possible to wake up in the midst of a panic attack? Will it be hard to breathe? Will I feel "drugged" in a bad way?
What can I do to ease this fear?
Can anyone relate?
Any words of encouragement would really be a great help.
Tomorrow is Pre Op day!
I'm trying very hard to get into the right head space. I am really so very excited. But then the anxiety takes a good hard swing at me. I'm trying to train my brain to combat it. I know this is normal. I have three weeks to get it together.
So tomorrow - I'm stating to write a list of questions for my nurses. Most importantly, I want to know how they address anxiety.
And secondly, can I travel to New York two weeks post?
What questions are great for pre-op? Any suggestions?
List of Supplies
Im creating a list of things I'll maybe need for a healthy and comfortable recovery. If anyone has anything to add, I'd love to know!
Snuggie Blanket (Blanket with sleeves)
Silicone Nipple Pads
Zip front bras, comfy sweats and tanks.
Arnica Scar Cream
Books and movies
This week I will fill my prescriptions and begin taking the muti- vitamin regimen provided by Dr Fialas office (for an additional cost. totally worth it.)
I will also begin a diet of natural anti-inflammatories such as least greens, fish and certain fruits.
The week of I will prepare and freeze soups and light meals. I will also make a vat of soothing lemon and ginger tea, which is also great for the digestive system.
I have been exercising every day. Most importantly, I am working on keeping my brain in a good place. It's starting to work.
I think I got this....
Best day in WEEKS!
I feel strange. GOOD strange! Like - EXCITED!!
No anxiety today. It's been weeks since I could say that. Months, actually. Oh, please please please stay this way.
It could be a few things -
1) Yesterday I quit my part time job. I was an Independent Contractor at this spa that was FULL of negative energy. (not my clients, but management) Since I was offered a lovely full time position at another company, I was able to finally leave that other place.
Oh, boy did I go out with a bang. But that's another story .... :)
2) My boyfriend is an inspiration. He is truly the kindest, most selfless human I have ever met. This man genuinely enjoys doing nice things to other people, with no expectation in return. It's a beautiful thing to witness. I've never known someone who goes out of his way constantly just to put a smile on someones face. And not just those close to him - maybe just a passing stranger.
And he is a happy man. This is a pure example of how energy works.
I worry a lot. And I fear a lot. But maybe it's time to replace those thoughts with something positive.
The things in my head exist because I allow them to live there, right?
So, yesterday - I went out of my way to do a little something for a stranger. While preparing my coffee at 7-11, an old man across from me smiled and wished me a Merry Christmas. He was a Veteran.
So while he wasn't looking I paid for his coffee and slipped out before he knew. While waiting at the Stop Light in my car - I saw him come outside with his coffee and a giant smile on his face. Which put a giant smile on MY face.
Maybe things like THIS is the answer. Maybe.
This doesn't have much to do directly with my upcoming procedure, but it does. Healthy mind, body, spirit connection is real, right?
Anyway, I've been chatting with a couple of really fantastic ladies here lately. This could also be playing a HUGE role in my recent calmness. I don't feel that women would encourage other woman to put themselves in harms way. And I'm learning that it's TOTALLY ok to be scared. Don't be afraid of being afraid. It's ok to cry. It's ok to have mood swings. It's ok to have a MILLION questions. It's ok to invest in yourself. It's all ok.
The procedure will be scary for me. And that's ok. The result will be fabulous.
Thank you to the kind gals who have taken the time to lift my spirits. <3
As I've mentioned - back in 2009 I lost about 65 pounds - and I posed nude for a photo shoot.
I had reached my goal weight of 130 pounds. My breasts look extremely small, because frankly, they are - But I felt sexy and confident.
Prior to 2009 - I weighed over 200 pounds. My thighs were huge, my belly jiggled - my breasts were only slightly larger (damn it) - But I felt sexy and confident.
I currently weigh about 160 pounds. I work hard to lose the weight I've gained after quitting smoking. But meanwhile, I still feel sexy and confident.
Elective Surgery - Cosmetic Surgery - whatever you call it - it's a fantastic way to boost your confidence. But don't forget that you were always beautiful.
Have a great night!
SO incredibly frustrated.
Because I am neurotic - I went for several tests prior to surgery, despite my age.
I had full blood work - perfect
Cardiologist - perfect
Mammogram ... breasts are too dense, needed an Ultrasound.
Yesterday my OB/GYN office called and said according to the Ultrasound, I have two Cysts present in my left breast and she wants to me to have a follow up Ultrasound in 6 months. So I asked if I could still go ahead with Breast Augmentation surgery in two weeks. She said she would call me back - never did.
So, today I called again. The DR is away for the Holidays. Her nurse said "Defer to PS" .....
But my PS office is closed for the holidays as well, until 2 days before my scheduled surgery.
Today I am supposed to start my Vitamin regimen provided by the PS office, but I don't even know if surgery should be postponed due to newly found cysts.
I left a message with PS answering service. Hopefully he will get back to me.
I'm really disappointed and frustrated with my OB/GYNs lack of communication.
No update on whether the cysts will be an issue. I'm just going to go ahead and assume I am going forth with surgery as scheduled come January 6th.
Today I started my vitamins and picked up my prescriptions. $50. Not bad.
I also purchased Coconut Butter Oil and a Back Scratcher.
In the meantime - here are some "before" pics I took this evening.
One is an example of how an A cup fits currently.
This bra is so cute. I can't wait to toss it ;)
Ladies - we've been duped ....
We could have been using these Boob Job pills all along!! ;)
Hope everyone is enjoying their Holiday Season.
It's been two long weeks! My PS office was closed when I learned about the complex cyst in my left breast. I had no idea if he would go ahead with the procedure, but I carried on taking my Pre oP Vitamins anyway.
I called first thing in the morning today - he looked over the results of my Ultrasound and said we are good to go! EEEEE!!!!!
I must confess - I've had quite a few drinks over the last weeks. I've been stressed.... and the holidays. I hope I didn't make a terrible decision.
By the time Friday rolls around, I will be 6 days without a drink.
Did anyone out there cheat?
Ok - I just received my confirmation call. I am scheduled to arrive at 8:30am tomorrow for 9:30am surgery!! omg omg omg.
I'm nervous. And excited. And scared. And excited.
Any tips on night before anxiety????
I did it!!!
6 Jan 2017
Day of treatment
So this morning I felt unusually calm. We drove to the office and sang Mo Town songs and made jokes. Tried not to overthink anything.
They took me in right away and gave me a pregnancy test. My boyfriend say I'm the surgery suite while they placed my IV (worst part, but not terrible) one by one the team came in to introduce themselves. The Anastesiologist was friendly and super easy to talk to. Dr, Fiala came in and drew on me. I told him my boyfriend wanted to know if we could put squeakers in my breasts - like a dog toy. We all laughed.
I kissed my boyfriend goodbye and they walked me into the operating room. I think coincidentally they were also playing Motown. I got me on the warm padded table and I started to feel sleepy immediately - so I said "did you put something in my IV already?" And he said yes and I was like - "ok but tell me before I go to sleep"
Next thing recovery nurse is tapping my arm - "you're done, honey."
I started looking for my dog. She sleeps with me and I thought I was napping at home - I just started laughing so hard - then I cried happy tears.
Now I'm home with my wedge pillow AND my dog. My lovely man is making me ginger tea and I'm napping and Netflix binging.
I am in NO pain. A zero. Honest.
I am tight but tolerable. I have asthma and it's still fine.
I'm sore - but I can lift light things.
I can't sit up without help. But once I'm up I can walk around a little.
I am definitely high on drugs still right now.
Can't wait to see these babies.
What a smooth, easy experience today.
For all you worriers, like me, you'll be ok!
Yesterday was fine. Today is harder. But my spirits are still high. Taking pain pills every 4 hours. Can't do much on my own. Soreness is about an 8. Total frankenboob!
On my way to first Post Op appointment
I'm not in pain - but I'm sore as hell. My ribs and back feel like I've been kicked a thousand times with steel toe boots. I'm itchy.
I feel swollen and ugly. I understand though that I'll experience a series of emotions. My boyfriend always keeps me laughing - even though it hurts to laugh.
I'm more nervous about getting my stitches out than I was going into the procedure. Makes no sense, I know.
I've gained like 10 pounds despite eating healthy.
This morning I cried just because I'm over it. I want to feel good and productive again.
Ugh - I need a beer ;)
Shower, swelling and PMS
Hi - So when they said you'll be a roller coaster of emotions, they weren't lying. Yesterday I felt terrible. Today I feel fabulous!
I had my first round of stitches out last night. It gave me the heebie jeebies but today didn't hurt. The nurses are so fantastic - yesterday she had me laughing quite a bit.
Doc said I'm looking good but totally swollen. As the swelling goes down I should expect to see some clevage! Imagine that - me with clevage?! haha.
Anyway - I'm PMSing and my back is KILLING me. But otherwise, it's been a great day. I took my first real shower.
Side note - my boyfriend washing my hair a few days ago was a hilarious circus. The things we do for love.
Finally a real shower felt so good- I think I stayed in there for like an hour. My breasts are mostly numb - not completely - but my nipples are sensitive. They've always been. I was worried I'd maybe lose feeling. I worry a lot.
Here are some pics today. I probably won't take any more until my second follow up next week.
If anyone has a procedure coming up and is feeling scared - feel free to message me privately. I know what it feels like.