Thinking About a FOURTH Rhinoplasty. Omaha, NE

So this is the beginning of my journey. I am...

So this is the beginning of my journey. I am considering a fourth rhinoplasty. I am 46 years old (not 48...a typo in previous posts). I will be 47 in July. At age 19, I got my first rhinoplasty. I'm posting a picture of it here. I was devastated at the outcome. After about 2 years, i got a second surgery, which didn't change anything. The second surgeon agreed and went in more agressively and left me with a very long columnella and a tip which has become lumpy over the years. I have a bad habit of "massaging" the scar tissue in my nose (at the suggestion of my original surgeon), which is what I think has caused it to become lumpy over the years. Looking back , I wish I never would have ever ever took the massaging advice. Certainly, if I decide to go through with another surgery, you can bet my hands will never come close to my new nose! I am posting another picture which Dr. Denenberg has made for me and emailed to me today. The left is my current nose. The right is his PROPOSED changes. OMG. If he can really put this off, I can tell you that it will be a huge boost in my confidence. Right now, I am very self conscious about my current nose. Keep in my that this picture is a PROPOSED change. I haven't done anything yet, and to be frank, I am a little scared of going through with another surgery. But, I feel like if I am going to do it, now is the time. My kids are grown, and I want to do something good for myself. After all, life is short. It's going to cost a fortune, but there is no way that I will ever trust my nose to just anyone ever again. Dr. Denenberg is double board certified in facial plastic surgery and otolaryngology. I've been going through his site, and I have never found any better information out there, anywhere. From my email communications with him, he seems like a very kind and caring person. I am really leaning towards using his services, and I will update as new news arises. I am hoping for a consultation in April 2015. I have to travel, because I live in Colorado Springs, and he is in Omaha, but at least it's only about a 9 or 10 hour drive. I am not sure how I will pull off having a procedure out of state, because I would love it if I could just disappear for a week and come back with a new nose without telling anyone, but I don't think I could get away with that with my job and close ties with my family. This is going to be a big deal and I don't want it to be.

Here are some more pics of my current nose

Posting a few more pics for perspective. It's the long columella and lumpiness that really bother me.

Spent some time on the phone with Dr. Ivan Wayne

Hi Everybody. I spent some time on the phone with Dr. Ivan Wayne last night. We talked about how my nose has changed in the past year after having done my last surgery over 20 years ago. Attached is my wedding pics with what my current nose looked like at age 26 (I am almost 47 now). See how things change? And the worst part is, the changes didn't start happening until last year! Scary to know that you can have a nice nose job, and then it falls apart 20 years down the road. The only thing I really hated about my last nose job was the long columella, but now, cartilage is starting to shift and it's taking on a lumpy appearance that I do not like. I want to have another surgery, yet, I am scared at the same time, knowing that changes will occur that far down the road. Dr. Wayne told me he makes things really "tight" in when he does surgery, just because things shift and change down the road and he wants to avoid that. He also recommended for me to see Dr. Rival here in Colorado, so I wouldn't have to travel very far, but looking at Dr. Rival's before and after pictures, I feel like he just doesn't have the same artistic talent as Dr. Ivan Wayne. Dr Wayne feels like my case may be difficult enough that he is concerned about me having to travel far for follow ups.

Then again, how much can you do with a nose that has already had three surgeries? The thought of the possibility of things turning out even worse than they are right now really scares me. I feel stuck. I don't like the way my nose looks now, but I am almost too frightened to risk another surgery.

Well anyways, I am still chatting with various different surgeons. I am about to pay $200 for a consultation with Dr. Cochran next. I will keep you all posted as to what he says.

Recieved an email back from Dr. Cochran in Dallas today

It said after looking at my health history and pictures, he is unable to determine if I am a candidate for reconstruction, and even if I go for an in-person consultation, he might still determine that I am not a candidate for surgery. Pretty depressing. I think I may need to get some counseling to learn how to accept the way I look. It hurts a little to learn there may be no hope.

Consult with dr Raval in CO is scheduled

I will, update after apt. I'm bummed I have to wait till April. If I dont get a good feeling I will head to OK to see Dr Ivan Wayne.

I am going to emaildr Richard Davis today

He puts his personal email on his website. Pictures and testimonials are phenomenal. Also some good info on his site about the challenges associafed with revision surgery.

Vistited Dr. Raval in Denver, CO today!

I went for my in-person consultation with Dr. Raval today, and I learned a lot. I talked with him about my previous 3 procedures back in the late 80's and early 90's. We talked about the old "techniques" used for rhinoplasty back then, which explains why my nose is collapsing now that I am approaching 47 years old. Back in the day, plastic surgeons used to just cut the cartilage in the tip, and allow the rest of it to "curl up", hoping it would curl into a good final shape. You really never knew what you were going to get, and would often end up with a pinched look. I told Dr. Raval how after my last surgery, I was told there was nothing more that could be done, and so, for the last 20 years or so, I have lived with all of the problems listed below. He agreed that back then, there really probably wasn't anything more that could be done, and my surgeon was probably right in discouraging me from going for more surgery. But, he said, the techniques have really improved/changed over the years, and there is now so much more they can do to provide a good result. He even said that with my last surgery having been so long ago, that will work in my favor and make his job a little easier.

The first and most important piece of great news is I learned that my current situation is repairable! I went into the appointment feeling very pessimistic since I have had three prior surgeries, and I just thought he was going to tell me my nose is so far gone that there is nothing that can be done. Well that was not the response I got at all. We talked about Dr. Raval's techniques to repair my issues listed here:

Open Roof deformity - He will repair by inserting a layer of collagen over the open roof to smooth it out. He said that a small percentage of it will not remain, but that my body will keep the rest and it will just age with me and be a permanent fix.

C-shape deformity - Deviated septum repair.

Polly beak deformity, collapsed left nasal valve, and other tip deformities, including hanging columella and alar retraction. Here is where it gets interesting. Dr. Raval informed me that he ONLY uses cadaver rib cartilage which typically comes from young male doners. He does not like to use ear cartilage because that makes the structure of the ear "floppy", and he said the ear will not hold your hair back or hold glasses very well once you harvest cartilage from it. Even though the ear looks OK, it loses structural integrity. He wouldn't use rib cartilage from me, because one, he feels it's a painful procedure, and two, he said one you get into your mid 40's rib cartilage gets kind of stiff and it doesn't maneuver the way it would need to for a good nose job.

He was incredibly kind and compassionate, even joking with me to lighten the atmosphere once I started getting emotional. He probably spent a good hour with me. He was calm and confident, assuring me that his computer images (which I liked very much and reflected corrections to everything I hate about my nose), were realistic outcomes. I probably asked him three or four times if the images were really realistic, because he just made it seem so possible. Of course, I was warned that the result will not be perfect, but it will be better. He will use collagen to soften the angles in my nose and make it look more aesthetically pleasing. He assured me the collagen will be long lasting and will age with me. Of course, I will have to be very careful to allow everything to heal properly, and that will mean keeping my hands off my nose, which I have a tendency to do. The habit started when a prior surgeon told me I should massage my nose, but I have learned this is not necessary at all.

Dr. Raval's assistant was so kind to me. She assured me that if she ever needed a procedure done on her nose, she would travel from far and wide to come to Dr. Raval, because, she said, in her opinion, he is the best she knows. She has seen his work and what he can do, and the outcomes, she assured me, are very good. She said she has seen him repair far worse noses than mine, and showed me some pictures as evidence. I was very impressed.

Needless to say, he might be the one. I need to do a little soul searching before I schedule the procedure, but I sure hope this review helps others.

Thanks for reading.

Can we talk about body dismorphic disorder?

I am 100% certain I have BDD. That's not to say there are not some legitimate deformities with my current nose, but the problem is the obsession. I want to stop obsessing so I can get on with my daily life and no longer worry about how it looks. I'm so exhausted from the amount of time I waste on worrying. I bought a book called overcoming body dismorphic disorder. There are cognitive and behavioral therapy suggestions in there. I am going to work on these. Especially the behavior therapy. My biggest and most embarrasing negative behaviors are checking how my nose looks in the mirror, and touching my nose. The latter became a habit after a previous surgeon told me to massage the scar tissue. I am sharing here, because I am betting there are quite a few others in this community with similar ocd type issues, and I think we can support one another. I feel like if I stop hiding my problem, and get it out in the open, it will be a good start to getting better. Also, I am still going to seek a revision, but I want to wait until I can go into it with the most positive attitude, and without my ocd behaviors. I think this community can help me better than any psychiatrist or medication. Does anyone want to chime in?

Has it changed?

In addendum to my BDD post, here is a pic of me from just a few years ago. I still think changes have occurred since then. (See the proposed change picture from earlier). Is it me just going insane or are there real changes?

Today Picture

Hard to look at. See how lumpy? I feel like it's changed a lot from a few years ago. Must be something about getting older?

Good Nose Days and Bad Nose Days...

I used to have "good nose days" and "bad nose days", LOL. A "Good" nose day was a day I was feeling OK about my nose. Those don't happen anymore. Today, a "Good" nose day is a day when I can go a whole day without touching it or scrutinizing it in the mirror. I had a day like that last week. Well, I didn't go a WHOLE day, but most of the day, and that felt nice. I even attended a party and had a good time. No one looked at me funny or even cared about my nose. But that's how it always is. So why do I care so much? That question remains to be answered. I was eating out breakfast yesterday, and my waitress had an obvious skin graft on her nose. Either it was a bad injury or a cancer repair. Either way, she exuded confidence! I want to be that person. Her nose did not detract from her beauty at all. Yes, it was noticeable, but she still looked beautiful to me. That being said, I am still seeking a revision. So, needless to say, I put together a whole load of questions to ask Dr. Raval when I see him tomorrow afternoon. Here are my questions:

1.) What are the biggest risks going into a 4th rhinoplasty procedure in terms of possible complicatons? and because this is a 4th surgery, what are the negative's in terms of possible outcomes?

2.) How do you deal with excessive scar tissue/damage caused by prior surgery? Will the scar tissue have a big negative impact on final outcome?

3.) I have been having a lot of pain in the tip of my nose. Over the past year, the tip of my nose seems to have become harder and literally hurts, which makes me concerned that there could be some kind of cyst or absess or infection inside the structure of my nose. Literally, my front teeth sometimes hurt because of this, and the pain is generating from under the cartilage that is just above my left nostril; it feels like something is poking or pinching me from the inside out. How can I be sure there isn't an infection inside my nose going into surgery? I am worried if there is some kind of infection in my nose, it could be exacerbated by having surgery and cause destruction to my nose. What can be done to make certain to prevent any kind of major infection after surgery?

4.) I believe I might have some circulation issues in the skin of the tip of my nose. Most of the time, it feels numb, and the little hunk of hard skin over my left nostril sometimes gets extra hard and turns whitish when it gets really cold. What are the risks involved with circulatory issues with my skin going into a 4th surgery? I've seen pictures of people who are left with a blue tint in their nose after rhinoplasty due to having too many surgeries, I don't want to be that person. Am I taking too much risk having another surgery with my skin having been damaged by prior rhinoplasties?

5.) I received the functional procedure codes from Nikki. I noticed i need nasal fracture and inf. turbs SMR w/outfracture. I assume the nasal fracture is to close the open roof? If the nasocort works, do I really need surgery on my turbs? I've read that turb surgery can be a bit risky in the event that too much is taken out leaving a risk of empty nose syndrome. Have you ever had a patient have this kind of complication? Is it absolutely necessary to have turb surgery in order to get a good result cosmetically? Because right now, I can breathe OK, and the thought of getting empty nose syndrome really scares me!

6.) What is your plan for nasal valve reconstruction? Are you going to do both sides? I've read about people who only had one side done, only to have their other side collapse in later years. Can you describe to me the procedure and what you have to do, and what I can expect from having a nasal valve reconstruction?

7.) Can you describe to me the grafting procedure for the tip of my nose? Looking at my nose, what do you think I will need to have done, and do you think it is possible to get a fairly symmetrical result? Can I really expect to achieve some semblance or symmetry given how messed up things are in there right now, and if so, can you explain to me how you will do it? What happens if you open up my nose and find that I either have no usable cartilage in there or the cartilage is just too warped/damaged to do anything with? What will you "connect" the new cartilage to? Can you explain to me how that works? I want to have realistic expectations. I don't expect perfection, but my biggest fear is spending all that money and coming out looking/feeling worse than I do today!

8.) I have BAD acid reflux and take OTC nexium daily. I am a little concerned about the breathing tube injuring my throat as a result of the inflammation in there. One of my friends had nose surgery and the breathing tube damaged her larynx due to her acid reflux. I just want to make sure your anesthetist is aware of this and takes extra care with that part of the surgery.

9.) What does "resorption" mean in terms of cadaver rib cartilage. I heard that is a risk, but I am just wondering what it means. Does it mean the body "eats" the new cartilage?

10.) I want to spend some time talking about the shape of my nose. My dreamnose would have a straight profile (not scooped), with the tip rotated down JUST SLIGHTLY and the columella fixed so it doesn't hang down and so it feels firm. Right now, the tip of my nose feels like it is "disconnected" from the structure, as if it is just hanging there, only being held in place by my skin. Although the cartilage feels hard, the columella feels like it is detached from the septum if that makes sense. I don't want the bridge of my nose built up, unless you have to in order to achieve a good result. I feel like the bridge of my nose is just the right distance from my face now, and if anything, I really just want the open roof closed so it doesn't feel so funny. I also don't want the bridge of my nose to be much wider. I am a little concerned that nasal valve grafts will make my nose look really wide. I would like my tip cartilage to look more symmetrical from the front view. Actually, the front view is of more concern to me than the profile. I would like my nostrils to be more even and "rounded" (as opposed to long and narrow like they are right now) and to show just a little. I definately don't want my nostrils to be completely covered by the tip of my nose from the front view, because I feel like that would make my nose look too long, and I definately don't want that! I brought a couple of pictures of noses I like, but I don't know if it is possible to go for a particular shape when having a fourth surgery. I keep wondering if you just get what you get based on what is in there when you get in there and see what I have to work with. Can you explain to me if you think it is possible to ask for a certain nose shape, or am I just beholden to whatever you have to work with when you open me up?

11.) What do you have in mind for a 3/4 view? We really didn't discuss that in our last meeting. My three quarter view is probably my least favorite view of my face. I want to stress that I still want my nostrils to show just a little. I don't like the idea of my nose being too long. I am hoping I don't have to have any grafting over the bridge of my nose, because I seen too many pics where women have bridge grafts that show right through their skin.

12.) On a scale of 1-10, how difficult would you say my case is compared to other revision cases that you work on? What would you say my odds are of MORE breathing problems after doing surgery on nasal valves and turbs? Is it possible to fix some issues without messing with functionality? (ie.. just leave the the functionality the way it is and fix the lumpiness in the tip and the hanging columella) Since I can still breathe now, I am unsure if I want to take additional risks of complications due to surgery on valves and turbs.

13.) In my last appointment, you mentioned that I have "thin skin" What are the implications/risks associated with that as opposed to someone with "normal" or "thick" skin?

14. When the surgery is done, I would really like to know exactly what was done to my nose. Assuming I get a good result, I want to make sure I don't damage or shift anything when washing my face of blowing my nose. Is there anything special I will need to do to take care of my nose after surgery? I've read that some doctors require their patients to tape their noses at night. Is that really necessary and for how long? I never had to do that with any other surgeries.

I will post his answers after my consultation tomorrow.

Now it's time to do a little painting in my house. Maybe I will be able to forget about my nose for 10 minutes!

A profile picture

Here is a picture of my profile. I haven't put one up yet. My profile is my least concern.

Answers to many questions....

1.) The biggest risk with revision surgery in terms of outcomes is scar tissue. Dr. Raval, after he opens you up, scrapes out as much scar tissue as possible. After surgery, he checks progress weekly and I was told to expect to get several steroid injections in order to PREVENT the formation of scar tissue during the healing process.

2.) There is most likely not an infection in my nose, but there could be something abnormal poking me from the inside out. The only way to know is to perform surgery. I asked about the random swelling I get and was told this is just common in people who've had nose jobs. Anything can trigger it from too much salt in a meal, to allergies, etc.

3.) Circulation issues are one of the most dangerous complications of revision rhinoplasty. There is no perfect way to predict whether or not a revision patient will end up with a blue nose after surgery. It's a gamble. But, it's rare.

4.) I don't have to get Turb surgery if I don't want it. I was told that when turbs are worked on nowadays, the doctor just ressects a tiny bit to help with breathing issues. Empty nose syndrome apparently is a thing of the past, and it was more common in the 80's when doctors thought it was a good idea to remove the whole organ. They don't do that anymore.

5.) Most likely, the doctor would perform nasal valve surgery on both sides of my nose, since it appears to be collapsed on both sides.

6.) As far as the actual revision goes, the doctor explained to me that changes would be very subtle. He showed me the most amazing morph, and then told me to EXPECT only 50% improvement (somewhere between my actual nose as it is today, and what the morph looked like). He said revision noses are just very unpredictable, and they will try very hard to heal right back to what they were before. He said, even if he puts the most perfectly straight piece of cartilage in my columella, my soft tissue will try to heal in the "old" position and it will try to twist to the left. He wouldn't make any false promises, and I really appreciated that. I tried to get him to show me a morph of what a 50% improvement would look like, but he refused. The cartilage on the left side of my nose is much "higher" than the right side of my nose. He could not promise any improvement in that, but only that he did believe he could make it better....not perfect. I totally understood. He did not want to give me false hope.

7.) The breathing tube WILL damage my throat, and it WILL hurt. It's the most common complaint. Because I have acid reflux, it will probably hurt worse than it does for most people.

8.) "Resorption" basically means the body could try to absorb the foreign cartilage, but I was assured this rarely if never happens with the tiny pieces of cartilage that the doctor will be using. He said it's really only a risk with large pieces of cartilage.

9.) I was told that people who are in good cardiovascular health typically have better luck with outcomes than those who are not in good cardiovascular health. This is a good incentive to start working out and get healthier before I decide to do anything!!

I forgot to ask about why some doctors have people tape their noses.

I think I am going to sit on all of this information for a while and mull over it. I am going to start working out for sure, to get ready in the event I do decide to go through with another procedure.

I hope this info helps others.

One more thing....

In addition to the answers to the questions above, I also found out that you can't really ask for a certain shape of nose. With a revision, the doctor basically has to see what he has to work with in there, and the hope is to make small improvements. Forget striving for a particular shape. It's not going to happen.

Nerve Damage

I went to my ENT, who referred me to Dr. Winkler, a Facial Plastic Surgeon in Denver, CO. I told Dr. Winkler all about my history and the pain I've been having in my nose, so he suggested I try a drug called Gabapentin to help with the peripheral neuropathy. Gabapentin is a wonder drug. Not only is my pain finally feeling better, but my nose actually looks a little better too, less swollen, less contorted, smoother. It's still not the nose I want to have, but at least it doesn't hurt, and it looks a little better. Picture attached. I am still investigating my options. I don't think I will pursue surgery via Dr. Winkler, but I am very thankful that he put me on Gabapentin. I am scheduled to see him one more time in a few weeks, so I haven't completely made up my mind about anything yet at this point.

Update on Nerve Damage and progress

Hello friends, I just wanted to update all of you on my progress. I still haven't decided yet on surgery, but back to speaking to Dr Denenberg, who has been kind enough to skype with me! I believe I will see him sometime in Aug or Sept, but have not scheduled consult yet.

But as for my progress with my nerve damage, I'm happy to report that through much trial and error, I've discovered that I am B12 deficient. With supplementation on some special vitamins that I would love to share with any of you who are suffering with anxiety, depression, swelling,and nerve issues, just message me, as I've compiled a webpage with info from all of my research. As you all can see from today's pictures, the swelling in my nose has dissipated. The jutting cartilages in the tip seem softer and less irritated. I think you can see the changes by comparing today's pics with some of the earlier pics I've posted. But not only is my nose looking better, my whole body, including neuropathy issues and severe anxiety and depression is 100 percent better. I hope that by posting this inf, I can help some of you who have been suffering with pain and depression. I haven't felt this good in years.

My most embarrassing angle

So, I've avoided putting this pic here, because it makes me gasp. But for those who don't see the problem with my columella, here it is. It's bad. Makes me wanna cry. The third pic is what I do for occupational I forget about my nose...

Continued Improvement

I thought I would put side by side from last summer (left), a week ago (middle), today (right). The healing is happening quickly folks. I'm very excited, and I may decide not to go for more surgery at this point. It's all about the B12.

Continued improvement

Hey folks, I thought I would put a side by side comparison from last summer (left), last week (middle), today ( right) so you can really see th improvement I'm getting from my supplements. Frankly, this is a miracle to me, and I don't see how it makes any sense, but through research and prayer, I think I'm getting the answers I've needed for a very long time.

Full face today

Here's a full face from today...feeling hopeful

Even Though Things are looking better....

I still want to fix this horrible angle. Dr. Denenberg thinks it's not unreasonable to try to fix this.

My homemade morph.

Do you like it?

A nose like mine...

So this is a picture of my nose, next to a picture of a very similar nose dr Ivan Wayne did. Do you think I could look nice with my nose fixed in a similar way? Just looking for thoughts and opinions.

My supplements Pictured Here

They won't let me post any links, but I think pictures are ok. This combination has literally changed my like. Anxiety and depression are gone. My skin looks softer and plumper, especially on my nose...see comparison pics above. I can tell you where to get them. Just PM me if interested

Front view comparison of Dr Wayne's patient to mine. Pre surgery.

See pictures to compare this patient of Dr Wayne to Miya nose... Front view. Mine looks similar, just more lumpy and mine has a dent in the middle..hers didn't have that. The pushed up cartilage on the left side of face is very similar.

This is for doctors to read...

Hi there, I don't know if there are any doctors out there who are following me, but if so, I hope you will read this.

I've been keeping up, just kinda watching, waiting, and listening to what doctor's have to say in response to posted questions. It's interesting and easy to tell which doctors have compassion and love thier jobs.

Yet, Some of the *answers* I see out there are flat out rude. So doctors, if you are out there reading or listening, know that the girls and guys out there who are asking questions are very concerned. Some of them have lost thier zest for life and are hiding out in their houses, ashamed to be seen in public because of the damage that has been done to thier bodies, and because of the regret they feel over what they've *chosen* to have done to themselves. If someone is asking you a question, they are probably somewhat distressed and looking for a meaningful response - They don't want an answer like, "Make sure you find a very experienced board certified yadayadayada...." Don't bother telling them to go back to their surgeon. They've most likely already done that and have been dismissed. Don't make them feel bad about the way they have reacted to the damage that has been done to their bodies, that they paid money for and that they will likely never get back. They are part of this community for a reason. They need friendship, compassion, empathy, and support.

I'm asking you docs to be very careful about the way you treat your patients. Please don't dismiss their concerns and send them home without any hope. If someone shows you a picture of a desired result, they are looking for a frank answer as to whether or not thier expectations are realistic. Is it difficult to tell from the pictures? I would think a doctor could look at someone's "desired" nose, or whatever, and at least say, "Yeah, what you are looking for may very well be possible", or "No, I think your expectations are too high. We can make an improvement, but it would be unlikely, in my experience, to achieve the result you are seeking". These are meaninful answers. Granted, we all understand that each person is an individual and that individual results vary, but in your professional opinion, if you think someone's desired resired is possibly acheivable, tell them! Hope goes a very long way. If you don't think so, just be honest and say so, in a professional way, and back up your response with a reason. These kinds of anwers are greately appreciated!

Don't scold someone for seeking advice. These are PEOPLE who's lives you have chosen to alter. You may think a rhinoplasty error is trivial, but it NEVER is. Women and men who have been sold surgery that they never should have had in the first place, and who end up with a bad result should not be dismissed. Some have saved money for many years only to be devastated by broken dreams and a surgeon who doesn't care, who won't return their money, and who belittles them. One of my friends was even threatened by a doctor within this community to remove their negative review or face legal action. That disgusts me.

Lesson learned. Their are good doctors and bad doctors. There are doctors who are passionate about their profession and others who look at it as routine, and are really just in it for the money. It's not that hard to tell the difference, and we, the consumers, can tell the difference between the ones who care and the ones who don't by the tone in your answers. If you can't provide a meaningful answer or if you can't help but say something rude or demeaning, then *please* don't bother posting an answer.

By the way, I'd like to specifically thank Dr. Steven Denenberg, Dr. Ivan Wayne and others for providing answers that are well thought, caring and meaninful. I saw a post from another doctor trying to actually talk a beautiful woman out of having a rhinoplasty. Now that's professionalism. Thank you! You will prosper because you care!

Perhaps some people *do* overreact over a poor surgical result. But who is to say what *over-reacting* really is? When someone becomes homebound or start having suicidal ideation over a damaged face, they should not be belittled and be told they are over reacting. BDD is a real *disease*....but when someone has clearly been damaged by surgery, please stop telling them they have BDD. Looking deformed is not a fun way to live. Some people are stronger than others, but please don't belittle someone who is never know where that is going to send them. Do you want to be responsible for that?? THINK before you speak, and if you are guilty of damaging someone's nose, OWN up to it, give them their money back and let them go. Most people don't want to have surgery again from someone who's already messed them up in their first place. Why do some surgeons belittle their damaged patients and fight against refunding their money? I simply don't understand that. It's morally wrong.

OK rant over. I hope I haven't broken any posting rules.

How many out there?

How many of you out there have had, two, three four or more surgeries and are still unhappy? Is it worth trying to fix a small deformity? I want to hear from more realselfers about their multiple surgery experiences.

I forced myself to go out with a friend last weekend, and reluctantly shared with her why I stay at home so much. She couldn't believe me, and said without pointing it out, she never would have ever noticed my nose. Is she telling me the truth or just trying to make me feel better?

Getting better mentally and physically...

So here are my latest pics with a closeup..I'm hoping you can sort of see that swelling continues to subside. I'm feeling good today. Nose will never be perfect but working towards acceptance.

Wise Words from a Wise Woman

My friend said this: "Did you know you can change your DNA and your physiology just by how you think?? When we think something's not going to work, it probably won't. Saying "can't" or "won't" actually causes protein synthesis in our brains and causes the physiologic effect we are speaking to ourselves. In reverse, saying "can" or "will" has the opposite effect. Hmmm, seems like someone very wise said something very similar - "For as a man is he." (Prov 23:7)" Good advice!

Scar tissue continues to soften

If you've been following me, you know that I've opted for supplementation for the time being, to try to get in the best shape I can, in case I do decide to go for surgery later, to fix my columella and other imperfections. But the supplementation is making a huge difference in the skin on my nose. I know, it seems totally illogical, but see for yourself!

This morning's nose.

I'm journaling for my own reasons. I need to keep seeing my progress with my supplements to prove to myself this is really helping!

My birth nose

His is for bobbin hood. Bobbin hood, this is a picture of a picture of me at about 12 or 13 years old. Very poor quality, but you get the idea. I'm the one on the right! We are talking 1980! This is ancient lol, and way before I developed my BDD over my nose issues. As a baby of only four years old, I was hanging from a monkey at and fell flat on my nose, thus the flat wide appearance. I later broke it playing soccer as a young teen, making it crooked.

Learning and Living

I'm still trying to come to a clear understanding that srtriving for a spe if if nose is really just a crap shoot, even with the best surgeon. They have to work with what's in there. Given they are not Gods, I'd settle for a nose like this.

My cute baby picture

Wouldn't it be great if noses never changed?

My nose without makeup, straight on.

My nose without makeup, straight on. It still looks deformed to me, though better than a few months ago. Excuse these...I just woke up, lol. But it's easier to show the problem areas with no makeup on. Not only is my solumella way too long, but also off center to my left. Angle and lighting make a huge difference.

I want y'all to see this.

Ok, I've had this pic for quite some time, and never been brave enough to post it. It's a morph I got from an ENT / facial plastic surgeon in Denver. I will leave him nameless. This was at the height of my nerve damage, when it literally felt like someone was holding a vibrator on the tip of my nose. This was before I started with my supplements. You can just see the agony in my face. I can't get this image out of my mind, and it is why I still feel as though something needs to be done to correct "issues". Amazing what makeup and a better attitude, plus attention to health can do to improve your appearance without having any surgery whatsoever.

Funny App

Here's me today...I just took this pic of me a few minutes ago, and to the right..the dream nose...oh how I wish. I know it's not realistic. I found an app to overlay another persons nose on my face, lol. Too much!

Good morning friends - Supplemen update

So here I am this AM. Pardon the just woke up lol, lol. I'm posting comparison of last years heavy duty nerve damage (from the shingles) to today, for reference. I am definately continuing to see improvements in skin quality, plumpness, and just the overall way my nose *feels*. Still want the flat spot on the tip and the columella repaired, but leaning against doing any other work to my nose.

Taking time to ponder

As I on tinge to heal both mentally and physically, It is becoming clearer to me that the bout I had with shingles affected my entire body, including my nose. However small the outbreak was, the affect it had on my nervous system turned me into a depressed, scared crazy lady! It also affected all of the soft tissue in my nose, making it feel hard and contorted. My supplement routine is fixing everything! My mind, body and soul are all healing, and I'm doing everything I can to think positive thoughts and to spread happy joojoo to my fellow realselfers. Here are a couple pics from yesterday. You can see the healing in my attitude. While I still want to get my columella fixes, I think I'm going to give my supplements another 6 month or so, because, I still keep seeing daily changes, and I don't want to do anything, until I'm 100% healthy! Also, I want to thank all of you for supporting me, and understanding me, and sharing your pain with me along this journey. Words can't describe how everyone has helped me when expensive therapy did not. I've also made some great new friends here!

Hello friends!

Here's to the power of positivity! I will not continue on the path of self destruction. Nutritional healing is better than I could have ever imagined, and each day just seems to get better and better. Looking back a year ago , I've come a long way....and without any more surgery. Still contemplating, but leaning maybe towards not doing it.
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