6 Months In, Now They're OUTTA HERE! - Oceanside, CA

I am almost five weeks post-explant. My right breast seems to have completely healed - of course, the distortion is still the same, but the breast definitely fits into an A cup, and at Victoria's Secret, I am wearing 32B. The left breast, however, is still not filled out. It fits an A cup but there is a little gap in the B cup. I hope it will continue to fill out, as my breasts were perfectly symmetrical before the surgery. However, I can't complain. I have no numbness at all, I am comfortably back in my sports bras, I can squeeze anyone I want in a tight hug without feeling plastic balls in between us, I don't have to feel embarrassed about rippling or the implants showing through my skin in the cleavage. There are no health risks in my body; I never have to worry about an unexpected emergency that would require a couple thousand dollars. The scars on my nipples are almost completely healed, barely visible. Except for the muscular animation, and the left breast still being a little flat, I am back to my pre-ba state. Minus some funds, but now I fully appreciate what I have - my health, my natural state, my level of comfort and lack of self-consciousness. Before my ba I was too ashamed of my breasts to even get measured; I had no idea what size bra I really wore. I felt shame because I noticed all the women with bigger breasts than me, and tuned out all the women with small breasts, just like me. Now I am comfortable talking about my boobs in a lingerie store, and I realize how many women have imperfect, natural, real breasts. I am happy with my decision to explant, I am almost completely satisfied with the result (just waiting on that left breast!), and I am done feeling self-conscious and embarrassed about my natural, healthy and beautiful body.

First of all, let me say that if you even read this, you are way ahead of where I was when I was looking into getting breast implants. I had NO idea what I was doing, jumped in with both feet, and have been struggling ever since. So here are the things I have learned, which I pass on to you, the reader :
1 - Don't go into this thinking no one will know you have fake boobs. If you have some boob and just want to go bigger, you may never have an issue. But if you have little or no boob, PEOPLE WILL KNOW. When they hug you, they will feel it. Especially if you go under the muscle, there is a likelihood of muscular deformation, rippling, the shape of the implant being visible. So before you get implants, commit to yourself that you really don't care if people know they are fake, and that some people will judge or criticize. (Remember, there were people judging and criticizing when you were flat-chested too! This will just be a different group of people)
2 - Know that although the implants are TEMPORARY (a limited lifespan that probably won't surpass twenty years and usually doesn't surpass ten), the alterations made to your body are PERMANENT. The muscles in my chest had to be cut to get the implants in, and now when I flex my pec muscles there is very weird and unattractive deformation. I can never get that back. Once again, if you go over the muscle, there may be less alteration - but also you run a much higher risk of capsular contracture, so take your pick.
3 - You don't have to go with the first surgeon. I did, and totally regretted it. I should have known by the reception and staff - all the women who worked at the first place (where I got my implants) looked like they had multiple surgeries. The reception and staff at the second place (where I got my implants removed) all look like natural women - if they have had any work done at all, no one could tell. The first place obviously catered to people who are investing a lot of money into changing physically to make every part of their body conform to one standard of beauty, which was not what I was looking for at all. The staff pressured me to go bigger which had NOTHING to do with my goals. I don't think they even heard what I was saying.
4 - DO YOUR RESEARCH. Know the pros and cons to textured vs. smooth, above vs. under the muscle, shaped vs. round, moderate vs. high profile, and even the differences between Mentor vs. Sientra. Dr. Parks went over all of this with me when I met with him about the removal, although Dr. Batra never discussed ANY of this, or even offered any options, when I was getting them in.
5 - Know that you will feel different with implants. You will hopefully feel more pretty, sexually confident, etc. But you will also feel them inside you whenever there is ANY pressure on your chest. Hugs will always feel different, as though there is a ball being squeezed between you.
6 - Know the risks.

So I went for my three week post-op today. We removed the steri-strips. The incisions are clean curves around my nipples, and seem to be healing nicely. The nipples have good shape and don't seem to be sunken (knock on wood). The shape of my breasts has improved greatly, although they are still tiny. 32AA - before the implants, i was definitely 32A. I am really hoping they will fill out to that size as time passes. For the moment, I am simply grateful that I got away from the experience with no major traumas, complications, difficulties, etc. I have invested in an array of bras, from sports bras to super-padded, to help me transition back to flat. Already, I am forgetting what it was like with the boobs. I definitely feel much more comfortable hugging people, cuddling with my daughter, etc.

Today I am depressed. There is absolutely no breast tissue at all. I am not even a double-a cup. None of my pre-BA bras or swimsuits fit. I had mosquito bites before... now there is NOTHING. Will I get any of my breast tissue back? Is this the permanent result? Why did I do this to my body? I am so, so sad. Trying to think of other things.