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It's been a while...
So I haven't updated in quite a while and that's simply because I had I wait to see my surgeon (again!) and also because I got to a point of being unsure if explanting was the right decision for me and I thought I really needed to be sure of what I wanted to happen before going through with making any choices etc.
I saw my consultant and we talked through how I was feeling and also the physical niggles tht I have been experiencing (numb and itchy right boob and also back ache) - he said he's not sure about why I have back age as the implants weren't overly big (295cc) and the numbness and itching is due to nerve damage and nerve regeneration respectively . I asked if there was anyone else whom he had operated on who had felt like me emotionally - so he told me that he'd performed the exact same op on his partner (who is also a plastic surgeon) in 2013 and that she felt like I did for the first 6months before the implants settled down and that she didn't speak to him for the nots after the op because she hated havin them. I got the opportunity to talk with her and she did help me feel better about how I was feeling emotionally. We left it that I would wait another 3 months to see if I felt any better (which I knew would happen) but, he said to come back before that if I was 100% sure that I wanted them removed and he would be happy to take them out for me. I left feeling happy that he had listened to my concerns and feelings and also knowing that explant is still an option.
HOWEVER....
Since about the 2 month post op mark I have been suffering from really bad tummy trouble - Ibs type symptoms and have had various blood tests (all came back negative) - am due to have a coloscopy in 5 weeks time as they aren't sure what's causing this. Have also been suffering with a really bad achy and at times painful, lady sided back pain (as well as pain between shoulder blades and sometimes pain in breasts). I am due to see my doctor about these problems this week - but does anyone know if these symptoms can be attributed to the implants? Prior to surgery I was very fit and healthy so it's kinda bugging me that they don't know what's wrong with me. The one thing I keep thinking is that I won't know if my implants are making me sick unless I explant...
To say I feel regret over the surgery would be an understatement - I am so cross with myself for ever doing it in the first place! I could really do with some words of wisdom on this from the wise ladies here x
I saw my consultant and we talked through how I was feeling and also the physical niggles tht I have been experiencing (numb and itchy right boob and also back ache) - he said he's not sure about why I have back age as the implants weren't overly big (295cc) and the numbness and itching is due to nerve damage and nerve regeneration respectively . I asked if there was anyone else whom he had operated on who had felt like me emotionally - so he told me that he'd performed the exact same op on his partner (who is also a plastic surgeon) in 2013 and that she felt like I did for the first 6months before the implants settled down and that she didn't speak to him for the nots after the op because she hated havin them. I got the opportunity to talk with her and she did help me feel better about how I was feeling emotionally. We left it that I would wait another 3 months to see if I felt any better (which I knew would happen) but, he said to come back before that if I was 100% sure that I wanted them removed and he would be happy to take them out for me. I left feeling happy that he had listened to my concerns and feelings and also knowing that explant is still an option.
HOWEVER....
Since about the 2 month post op mark I have been suffering from really bad tummy trouble - Ibs type symptoms and have had various blood tests (all came back negative) - am due to have a coloscopy in 5 weeks time as they aren't sure what's causing this. Have also been suffering with a really bad achy and at times painful, lady sided back pain (as well as pain between shoulder blades and sometimes pain in breasts). I am due to see my doctor about these problems this week - but does anyone know if these symptoms can be attributed to the implants? Prior to surgery I was very fit and healthy so it's kinda bugging me that they don't know what's wrong with me. The one thing I keep thinking is that I won't know if my implants are making me sick unless I explant...
To say I feel regret over the surgery would be an understatement - I am so cross with myself for ever doing it in the first place! I could really do with some words of wisdom on this from the wise ladies here x
Postponed
The appointment with my Ps didn't happen.....he had been called into theatre for an emergency and was running somewhat behind schedule.....so I rescheduled my appointment. However, this isn't until May 6th, so I have to wait almost a month which kinda sucks really - but I'm going to use the next few weeks to really try and get myself fit and healthy and will continue jogging.
Ah yes, jogging - let's just say it's another of my reasons for explant! I have been jogging twice this week and both times I am acutely aware of the weight on my chest and the discomfort these silicon sacs bring (and that's even when I'm wearing 2 sports bras). Oh well....all will feel normal when I explant!
I have been holding back the tears reasonably well this week - I still however have anxiety attacks when all of a sudden it will hit me "you have implants, your neck and back ache because of them and you won't ever sleep comfortably again!". I did have another lovely chat with my hubby - he has said that as long as I am confident with my body , either with or without implants, then he'll be happy because he knows that I'm happy.
Above all I am making this decision for me. The thought of no more future surgeries after explant, no worrying at the back of my mind about potential problems etc makes me excited to return to the body god blessed me with :-)
Ah yes, jogging - let's just say it's another of my reasons for explant! I have been jogging twice this week and both times I am acutely aware of the weight on my chest and the discomfort these silicon sacs bring (and that's even when I'm wearing 2 sports bras). Oh well....all will feel normal when I explant!
I have been holding back the tears reasonably well this week - I still however have anxiety attacks when all of a sudden it will hit me "you have implants, your neck and back ache because of them and you won't ever sleep comfortably again!". I did have another lovely chat with my hubby - he has said that as long as I am confident with my body , either with or without implants, then he'll be happy because he knows that I'm happy.
Above all I am making this decision for me. The thought of no more future surgeries after explant, no worrying at the back of my mind about potential problems etc makes me excited to return to the body god blessed me with :-)
Off to see my PS today...
I'm off to see my surgeon this afternoon - and I am now feeling quite nervous about it for some reason! Last night i just felt like I couldn't get comfortable....the old laying on tennis balls feeling....and so I know my sleep has suffered these past 6weeks! I really don't know where to start when I talk to the dr which is strange because I've been feeling very determined and strong about everything up until now! I guess I should start with how I have been feeling and go from there really......I am just praying that he understands somewhat and can help me know if I will always feel like this and if they will always feel so uncomfortable. If I will ever feel comfortable wearing a normal bra? If I will ever feel comfortable when I sleep? If the numb/itchy/achy feeling in my right breast will ever change and be normal again? If I will always feel regret and what ifs about having the BA in the first place? If I will ever be able to exercise comfortably again? If I will ever be able to feel like myself again? If I will always worry about having them inside my body? I am feeling pretty abnormal right now - with how I feel and them with how I have reacted to having implants!
On a separate note, I went running yesterday for the first time since surgery as it was my 6 week mark and I was allowed to - I cried for the first half of my run because of how awful my chest felt and then I got cross with myself for even having the BA in the first place! I must have looked a blubbering wreck lol. Well, before I even go to see my PS I have the delights of having a filling replaced at the dentist. Anxiety is quite high to say the least!
I will be so glad when today is over!!!
On a separate note, I went running yesterday for the first time since surgery as it was my 6 week mark and I was allowed to - I cried for the first half of my run because of how awful my chest felt and then I got cross with myself for even having the BA in the first place! I must have looked a blubbering wreck lol. Well, before I even go to see my PS I have the delights of having a filling replaced at the dentist. Anxiety is quite high to say the least!
I will be so glad when today is over!!!