Failed Mommy Makeover

My mind has changed as I settle in to the way my body now looks. Once excited about getting plastic surgery I now regret what I've done to myself. I originally went with the idea that I wanted 500 cc's if that of implants during my augmentation but because everyone said you'll regret not going bigger I went with 600 cc of silicone. I should have stuck with my gut, my skin didn't hold the implants correctly so whatever sign of a lift my surgeon did you can't tell. On top of the sagging of my new large breasts my areola has expanded to over half the size of my breast my scars around my areola's are rippling because of the heavy size of my implant. As I went to my follow up appointment I know my surgeon could see my visible upset but of course everything comes with a price so not only am I stuck paying for a surgery I don't even like but I have to dish out more money to get them fixed. I am meeting with other surgeons next month to see what I can do about fixing my breasts. I'll keep updating as I go.

This may come off more like a diary entry than anything but I've been wanting to share how my journey has been so far. But first let me state I have been previously diagnosed with anxiety and OCD and I'm sure it has a lot to do with how I sometimes feel. I had surgery 25 days ago and while I feel I am making huge strides to a great recovery, there's little things that continuously dig at me to feel something is wrong or I am doing something wrong. The pain after my mommy make over was no joke. The tiniest joys of independence such as getting up, bathing yourself, washing your hair, grabbing something on a higher shelf, grocery shopping...all gone. I constantly needed help because any kind of movement hurt like hell or made me feel like I was going to ruin my surgeons work. Pain pills = constipation. It hurt so much I continued to take pain pills for 7 days which in turn left me extremely constipated thus feeling huge when I should have felt small. Taking stool softeners wasn't so much fun because it then lights your ass on fire. Dieter's tea was a God send FYI. In the beginning a friend of mine told me to wear my wrap tight to help make myself look smaller. DONT DO THIS. My wrap was so tight that it caused my tuck incision as well as my belly button to begin looking infected. Luckily my doctor is amazing and provided me a solution to correct my mistake before it got bad. My energy is another thing, even after walking around the house I am exhausted but I was always feeling restless and anxious so I was SOL there. When it comes to my breasts lately I noticed they have dropped substantially and my nipples started off rather low. With massaging I have noticed them to move upward resuming a more natural look but I still worry about the now forming square shape and how much they have dropped; but I have read enough Q&A's to realize that results do in fact take months so I'm trying to remain positive. The spasms do suck luckily I only get them on my right side (weird because I'm left handed and figured since I use my left arm for a majority of things it'd be the other way). I try to tough it out most times and usually do, rarely does it get so bad I have to take the Valium. I noticed swelling is going down a bit in my torso area however due to my lack of exercise and crap holiday eating habits I noticed I am gaining weight in my legs and thighs which really makes me want to go work out however I have yet to be cleared to resume physical activity or lift anything over 5 lbs.

As of right now these are my main thoughts on everything thus far.
I am happy and I do see that once I go back to working out I will truly begin to see and feel the results I've been dying to see for years.

I am 22 days post op.