Ive Had Jaw Surgery and I Hate It

I wanted to update you guys because I was really hard on myself at the time and recently I’ve done something stupid and regret it. After surgery you’ll have a hard time swallowing the first couple days. It’s going to suck but you’ll be ok. I didn’t eat for about 3 weeks so I lost a massive amount of weight. I started drinking ensure clear drink. I couldn’t do the shakes cause it’d make me throw up. I did the for about 3 more weeks. My natural weight was 126lbs. I was down to 105. I lost so much weight in such little time I started to break out really bad. I started drinking puréed beans, Mac and cheese, cereal, baby food. I was still losing weight. At month 3 I started eating soft foods such as pancakes, Mac and cheese spaghetti but I still looked cracked out. I actually didn’t start to gain weight until 2015 because I just wasn’t into food anymore. I was so depressed that I just couldn’t eat. Naturally my face started sinking in and it aged me. A lot. When I started gaining my weight back I started seeing my skin brighten up and my face fill out. But I’d already developed body dysmorphia and still not satisfied with my look. Now I’m crying over another surgery I’ve recently done. I’m all over the place. Moral is guys, give yourself time to heal. You’re really not as ugly as you think you are. He’ll you’re probably extremely gorgeous. Don’t let this surgery take over your life like I let it do mine. You’ll never believe your friends when they say you’re gorgeous so just ask a complete stranger if they see something off about you. That’s what I started doing. Lol. I’m writing this at 5am. Sleep deprived. It may not make any sense. Ask me questions if you need answers. Recent pics after initial surgery below.

The first picture is what I look like now. The second picture is about 6minths after

I'm going on a year in may of having jaw reconstructive surgery. I wanted a shorter more uniformed face. Initially I had a fat long face. Now my face is ling and thin and my cheek bones way to pronounced and my chin fat!!! I hate it si much. My face is so much longer and my lips are mis ahapen. I look like a man in drag now.
Now I'm so depressed and sad all the time. I've list friends. I've lost a guy. I'm so not happy with my big skinny face. Oh and my depression has caused me to lose my job. I don't know what to do now.
I wish I would've done more research rather than hive this doctor my 35grand that I'd saved up for 4yrs to have this done.