25 Years Old, Trim Method, UK, ... Finally Saved Up... - London, GB

Hi guys, I know I haven't written on here for a while but to be honest its too painful!! Had to delete all my pics cause it made me too sad to look at my old vagina. I'm much better now though. Stuff has improved (mentally) for me. I've talked to my boyfriend and hes been so helpful i think that was the worst thing not being able to talk to anyone properly! He thought I was nuts and couldnt believe i went ahead with it hes most upset that i didnt tell him or give him the chance to even comment. He says he loves me for who i am and is sad that i went through this all alone. Anyway yada yada the reason im on here today is to try and be positive and take steps to start to be happy again! Nothing is ruined forever so I shall stop wallowing and dreaming about my old vagina lol. I have to draw a line under all this and try look to the future and work out how I'm gonna be happy again!

So I've come on here for advice today from all you ladies. The fact is its been over 14 weeks now and I'm still in a serious bit of discomfort and pain. I can't run I can't exercise I can't cross my legs I'm STILL not wearing knickers. I can't put any weight on that area. Hard to explain but for example when i stand up off a sofa or something I have to help myself up using my hands and when I sit down I have to lower myself down to avoid putting any weight on it. I asked docs on here a while ago about pain and discomfort and they all said 11 weeks post op pain/discomfort is NOT normal. I'm CERTAIN that it's the way my surgeon has stitched me. The remaining 'flaps' don't hang anymore but rather they have been stitched into the side of me?! Does that make sense? So rather than anything hanging down naturally they are literally stitched to my inner flaps. This is whats causing me the pain. I cant shave properly because its stuck in such an unnatural way. I've never seen this before on anyone elses?! My surgeon literally thinks he can just stitch anything to anywhere and its going to be fine but in my opinion this is just weird. I really feel like this is whats causing me the pain because everything is healed wound wise. I also have this weird gimpy little pinky thing that hangs off in an awkward way and gets caught to stuff which hurts. This is where I lost blood supply to my right labia (again mr [RS bleep] jigsaw over here just stitching stuff heavy handedly willy nilly) and so there is a chunk in the middle missing and the upper bit is so thin it gets caught. The main pain source though is from my left labia. He used the wedge method and managed to get rid of a lot of skin but the way hes sewn it back up and then attached it to my skin in that weird way has just meant its under constant pressure and its always swollen and sore :( I'm still using nystaform which helps with swelling but its like grrrrr this is so far ahead now i should not be dealing with permanent swelling JUST from normal activities! Needless to say I am clearly not having sex right now!!! Those of you that have read the full story you'll see I havent had the best relationship with my surgeon but I just hate the guy!! I've paid all this money to improve my life and it's actually made it worse. I'm unhappier than I was before!! I've paid thousands of pounds to make myself miserable it's just insane!!! He's the most manipulative guy I've ever met and I'm fed up with how he makes me feel. He told me I had emotional issues that were always gonna come out eventually and this is the reason I'm so upset about this. Ummmmm no! I'm upset because I'm in [RS bleep] pain!!! I don't CARE about how I look anymore I just dont want to be in PAIN. He told me that my worrying is out of proportion. Even on the day of surgery he took me aside and said afterwards "we werent going to do the surgery today cos u were so worried but we decided it was the best thing in the end otherwise youd feel worse otherwise" Ummm I was worried because you were hurrying me so much and didn't even let me get undressed so we could talk the procedure over! Every girl on here will know that we have a REASON to worry!!! This is a life changing operation and honestly I think if a girl wasn't worried before THAT would be weird! He recommended me books to read about how you can heal yourself from the inside and told me I wouldnt be happy until I'd read this book. He constantly ushers me out the room and gets angry at me when I ask questions about pain and I KNOW he thinks I am inventing them. Jesus i sound crazy writing this but you have to believe me he is a very nasty man who is very manipulative. Luckily I'm not stupid though and do not fall for the bait. I cried in his office and he told me I didn't need to talk to anyone and that would be the worst thing I could do right now instead he told me that sometimes its healthy to have secrets.
He's told me I need a revision, he wants to cut more away on the left (the area that is soooo tender and sore :( ) and also wants to stitch that loose little bit INTO my fricking skin. In my opinion this is just going to cause MORE pain in the long run not to mention a completely un natural weird look that means i can never shave the hair around that area cos essentially it would mean shaving over my labia!! I know its hard to explain without pics im sorry for that its just my pics are linked to my sisters phone and the thought of her seeing my fanny like this just horrifies me lol. But imagine your vagina...BEFORE you had surgery.. imagine your flaps that you hate so much (and i miss so much) and then imagine him purposefully stitching them flat against your skin so you cant feel in between. You open your legs and all you feel is labia and you can't move the labia. It's so weird and sore and basically means every time im sat down its like im squashing them no wonder they are always swollen.

Anyways he wants to do a revision but I am absolutely terrified of going anywhere near him. I have now arranged a consultation with Angelica Kavouni. It's for a month away and oh my god i wish i had gone with her in the first place. I've just paid for the consultation so i can get a second opinion and see what she thinks about his weird technique and then I'm going to work out what to do next. I am just going to stress I really just dont want to be in pain! If I have to have a procedure with her so be it because you cannot put a price on just being happy and painfree.

My boyfriend is completely mad and wants to come and meet my current surgeon. He is like oh my god this is ridiculous he CANNOT get away with it he hasn't done his job get your money back!! And I can't help feeling he's right. I've paid 4k to be in pain?! it just doesnt work out. I want to complain next time I see my surgeon and tell him I'm going elsewhere but I just want some advice pleaseeeeee what would you do if you were me? I don't just want to be walked over and accept this as my fate! I don't just want to lie down and and not fight this. I said I didn't care about the money and I don't but why should I have to be paying for the procedure second time round?! To fix his mistakes! I feel I've been treated really badly by this guy throughout this whole ordeal. Basically my whole right labia dropping off and going black!! is traumatic enough!!! I know there are risks with this surgery but I had to walk around for TEN DAYS! with a mouldy green orange black DYING labia before he was back from his holiday!!!

I want to say to this guy please god let me just get my money back and go elsewhere as I'm really not happy with my results but I think what chance do I stand!? I wouldnt even know where to begin with legalities etc. I mean i signed the form to agree he would "improve physical appearance" and instead I am miserable and in lots of pain. I don't want him to think this is a case of body dis-morphia I just want to be pain free!!

I think my next actions are:- see Angelica and get her results. I really really have a strong feeling she will turn around and say oh deary me what HAS happened here? In which case do I then go with her? ask for money back from current surgeon? Please any advice on this i would be sooooo grateful i know ive talked for bloody britain but I am just trying to get my life back on track and ANY answers would be so grateful, thanks xx

Wow 11 long weeks.... Honestly the hardest toughest weeks of my life without a doubt.
I'm not writing this review to say oh my god never get this ever and to scare people but rather just to share my experience. Don't want to be the negative nancy on here as I can see that everything has gone so well for most of the girls on here and I'm truly happy for them.
It's hard to write this without tears to be honest!! Cause writing it on here is like admitting it to yourself! It is with a very heavy heart that I say here I WISH I had never got the surgery. I already look at my life in two separate time frames - before surgery and after. I can't believe I've put myself through all this stress for the sake of a few comments from nasty immature boys. The only thing I can say is I wasn't happy before. In my head I thought I would never be happy until I had this surgery. I literally thought it would solve everything! My surgeon asked me if my life would be better once I'd had it and I was like oh my god definitely!! And he told me hmmmm be careful it's not always the way. And I actually thought umm you;re a guy what would you know about this. Well how right was he!! Sometimes you have to learn though and boy have I learnt the hard way. I mean if I had never got the surgery I would still be unhappy and forever wishing. I can't turn back time so now I have to live with this mistake its the most depressing thing I have ever had to come to grips with. I don't think I will ever.
If I could have fast forwarded to the future and gone through what I'm going now oh my god I wouldn't have even considered it. Nearly 4k and I have well and truly messed up. I literally read my reviews on here from before the surgery and every word hits me so hard cause I think oh my god you so shouldn't have worried about anything! For me, it's one of those things where you don't realise what you're missing until it's gone. I was one of the unlucky ones, my surgery fucked up and literally a part of my labia went black and dropped off. I mean seriously how messed up is that that I ever even put myself at that risk. You always think it's not going to happen to you and it did. I get these waves of sickness sometimes at what I've done and how I can't ever change it. I literally look back and think about my labia and I miss them so much! I actually miss them and would do ANYTHING to turn back time. I am over 11 weeks and I still have so much pain, I am still in so much discomfort. Where the dead skin fell out in the middle it means i have this pathetic tiny hanging bit which catches on everything and it feels like a sharp needle stinging it. It's sooooooo tender and sensitive. I literally can hardly touch it. All that extra skin that I used to hate so much I cant believe I ever got rid of it! Because now everything feels tight and stretched and tender. I mean yeah I wasn't the most confident person in bed before but I had some good old rough sex and wouldn't have to worry about anything. Now I still wince a bit when I wipe after a wee. Before I thought I was ugly... and now I am ugly and messed up down there. It all looks unnatural and my scars are prominent, oh yeah not to mention the chunk missing from my right labia. I have suffered from such bad depression and mood swings. I can be walking along feeling fine and then it will catch and I will burst into tears in the street because its like a constant reminder that (in my own stupid words) I have butchered my fanny. I took to heart a few stupid comments from some guys that I'll probably never see again in my life and because I couldn't get over my inhibitions I'm now in fear that I will never want to have sex with anyone. My quality of life has changed. DECREASED obviously. I haven't been on a run for 11 weeks as I am in too much pain. I walk along and even when the sun is out and its hot and the sky is blue I feel like there is a cloud over me - regret is a horrid feeling!!! I'm seriously hoping that it will be different soon but I think 11 weeks is still quite a bit of time to be having so much discomfort. If I sit on a chair I have to sit right on the edge as I can't put any pressure on my vagina. Most of the time I sit with my legs crossed. I am STILL not wearing knickers...........Thats how sensitive it is. I think the thing that hits the hardest is I finally broke down and told my boyfriend about this insecurity and he was so shocked. He didn't have a clue that I had ever felt insecure with sex. He told me this is the most crazy thing he's ever seen and that he loves me for me and doesn't care how I look. That literally made me want to throw up. I've told myself all along that I'm doing it for me and noone else but now I've realised after all of this that that's not entirely true. I just haven't been with the right guys. There are so many guys out there who do not give a flying [RS bleep] what you look like down there and nor should you. If you felt like any guy ever thought differently then he's not worth your time! To think about what I have put my poor body through is awful. I know I sound like a new reborn feminist and I've rambled on and and on I guess I'm just trying to stress if you are having this surgery because you're worried about being 'ugly' and embarrassed when it comes to having sex and inhibitions with guys then you do NOT need to worry because every girl is beautiful and individual with how they are! You shouldn't try and change it like I did. Guys would rather have a NATURAL fanny than a butchered one. Funny because for so long I used to look at my fanny and wish that nothing was visible, wish that it was 'neater'and "omg i just want nothing hanging out" HAHA god when I think back. I think surgeons (or mine anyway) just see it like cutting away hair or something, like a snip here and a snip there put it back together la la la la but think about how delicate your vagina is!!! All those nerve endings all that pink fragile tissue to have it sliced up is just so very wrong and to be honest I am ashamed. I hope I'm not sounding judgmental haha i mean i did it ffs!!! But your meant to share your journey and experience and this is what I'm doing. I realise it could have gone the other way, it could have gone amazingly and I might not have looked back! Unfortunately it hasn't, and I really regret it. But sometimes you do have to learn the hard way and I wouldn't wish this upon anyone so if this deters one person from doing it I'll feel happy. Again, I am really not being judgemental here, because I gave into insecurities and did it but boy I wish I hadn't!
In all of this I've come to realise I'm so unhappy with myself for doing this, for not loving myself, for not treating my body with respect, for treating my body like some dirty secret. Learn to love yourselves girls.

Day 25 and I am feeling much better :)
Today is the first day I have woken up and had a look and feel so much better. Although not still fully healed 100% yet I am feeling much more positive. There is no puss or goo when I wipe anymore and stinging sharp twinges are definitely starting to subside. The nystaform cream I was given last wed has literally been like magic for me. My thrush has gone and this in turn has allowed the swelling to gradually decrease it's really looking completely different from a week ago. It's absolutely crazy how your physical AND mental state can change so much in a week. Good part of a month and I can finally feel like my situation is improving. This has definitely been one of the most hardest things I have ever gone through and it's been so tough that I've done it alone. I do still feel very incredibly unlucky that stuff has been this bad for me. The infection was so very horrible and I will always look back and shudder! I'm not trying to scare anyone out of the procedure but can't stress enough how important it is to not walk into it thinking 'it won't happen to me'. That's how I thought, I avoided horror stories because I thought no I don't want to scare myself and then I ended up being one of those stories! I'm just glad it turned out okay in the end. I was in denial for a while but the last two weeks I have spent regretting the procedure. I have cried more times in the last month than I ever have in my life. I looked at my before pics and sobbed and wished for them back! I looked at pics on here and envied the reviews who had not yet had it done! It's been the most crazy up and down experience and I'm sure there will be a few more to come! I think i read a few reviews where they healed really well really fast and then you assume it's going to be the case for you but looking back I now realise I was getting so worked up when I should have given it much longer to heal! Obviously infection DID NOT HELP IN ANY WAY but now I'm giving until the 3 month mark to assess whether or not it's worth it! I think also you do need to go in knowing exactly what you want. If you don't know yet, wait until you do know. I knew I wanted my appearance better and smaller etc but due to lack of experience I didn't know how that could be achieved. I think my surgeon realised how uneasy I was and how I didn't really know and took control of that and said I will take control in the theatre and I came out not knowing at all what had happened really! That's the worst scenario because you then only have yourself to blame. If it takes a year to finally decide what you want then do it. There is absolutely no rush! I got into the state of mind that I wanted it done as soon as I had the money but in hindsight I so should have spent weeks or even months working out what and how I wanted it. I still have labia poking out a bit and what's left (ha) of my labia but in some ways I'm grateful for that. The one thing you realise is how much sensation is in those flappy beef curtains! I spent my whole life thinking I wanted rid of them but then I think about sex and orgasms and think you're chopping away all that extra sensation! Anyway I've rambled on for bloody ages !! Hopefully as from today no more regret..no more sleepless nights and crying! And hopefully no more infections. Just onwards and upwards to FINALLY healing properly 100% and HOPEFULLY being happy with the procedure so I can get on with my life!