Labiaplasty Diary - Previous to my Surgery

I stopped watching my intimate parts for like 2 days or 3... and then I did today in the bathroom mirror and it was an incredible reduced size.
I mean, I don't have anything dangling in between my legs and that's a start!!
But from what you can see on the pictures, it is still a mess. I don't like the bumps and rough areas that I kept mentioning on my posts. I know some of you get this type of labia minora. It is to a point that there is no labia, but bumps (I don't know what else to call them)
I uploaded before during and after pictures too. One is the comparison between day 12 and 15 and the other is before, 1 week and today (15 days post op) I had to reduce the size of those 2 pictures so much because they didn't let me post it otherwise even tho they had the right size. Weird and annoying, like my labias to this day.
While I was looking at myself in the mirror I noticed a small peace of paper so I tried to take it out. Bad idea, because I pulled one of the stitches. It hurt a little. So don't do that.
I'm still waiting the mirror with light on the mail so I can have a better look without using my phone. And I'm waiting for the 6 months mark that many of you talk that you get a shocking better look. I don't think that would be my case because of my anatomy, and that's why I want to do radio frequency in my labias (and internally too)
I don't know if you saw any radio frequency video on youtube. It would be super weird if a male doctor do it so I am looking for one.
Today my doctor WhatsApp me and he told me that stop the cooling on the area, and that there is room for a revision and/ or more fat grafting. That is much needed as I said on my previous posts.
I'm still doing it because I can't still sit right. I know many of you bought the donut pillow but I think it is not good to be on a sitting position even if the wound is not crushed. So the cooling gel pad acts like a pillow of sorts so that I can be rested but not seated, using my reading pillow, and not feel discomfort or pain.
He told me he knows of a good gynecologist on a city 3 hours away from mine. There is a problem: is male and is far far away. I know to do it, you must be a doctor. I don't want people to mess with me, my parts, my time and money, so I will be carefully looking someone near me, because I got time... I think January, on the 6 months mark, I would like to start radio frequency treatment.

I noticed my swelling decreased.
I walked a little outside after so many days to walk my dog. I had to be careful since I was stepping in snow and ice.
I'm still icing, that's very important. I advise all of you to buy 3 Gel Ice Packs. Sometimes you feel the need to ice for longer periods, sometimes you don't want to get up and put the ice pack on the freezer and just leaving there, so, you have 2 cooling ready to go when you need them.
I don't know if you can see, but one labia majora has a different shape. When using my chlorhexidine soap the other day at my bidet (so convenient!) it acted as a form of lubricant so I could reach to every nook and cranny.. well, I don't have much, since there aren't much to begin with.. I didn't need any qtips, I always could wash no problem. Didn't touch the clitoral area so I didn't touch my clitoris yet.
That lubricant allowed me to feel that one labia majora had a bulge.. so I knew the fat somewhat travel to a place undesirable.
I wasn't pleased with the look I had (mostly because of my anatomy) but now I had to face this unevenness in my majora...
I had a solution for it, I just have to find the doctor to perform it. It is nothing new but it is to me: radio frequency. It can "shrink" unevenness I have in my lips, both majora and minora. And burn fat so... I will have the bulge out but then I would need more fat grafting on my majora later on.. I know it is a separate intervention so if you want only just that it is on and normal.
The idea is to cover my labia minora using labia majora and reducing them a but more with radio frequency instead of a revision. Although, I'm a bit getting ahead of myself since I'm not a week post op, my natural labia minora bulges need to be addressed. I would be so much happier.

Day 13 (today)
I've made a longer walk with my boyfriend and the dog. It was nice to see something different and those views that I was so bored to look shine write to me and I felt great. I was walking slowly and not touching my labias. I have my underwear really tight with a pantyliner.
After coming home I felt a bit dizzy. I think after doing nothing for the past almost 2 weeks my body resented somehow going up and down these streets that are not straight and with snow and ice.
They say after 6 months you see a "drastic change" but it is different with every woman... Well, let's see. Every body is super different.

I am unhappy.

I come here to vent somehow how I feel.

I think what's happening to me has to do with a combination of miscommunication on both sides, my genetics/anatomy, and something else I don't know, that I'm suspicious, but prefer to keep it quiet.

I have been feeling this way since lying down in the operating table when the doctor told me how my lips were (thick) and that he could only remove half of them due to the nerves and arteries that run through them.

I am from the other side of the dissatisfied bunch, from the safe side. Those who have labia left to continue cutting in case they have more time, money and desire to go through the same thing and cut a little more if they prefer.

I am also unhappy when I got home and saw that the little balls/pimples/ridges at the end of my labia minora were not touched. As I said before, I think it was miscommunication (I think??)

I also thought that he should have put more fat, considering that you hardly notice what he put on and that 30% goes away (so they say) over time, it depends on metabolism.

In short, I am unhappy, but it is better than being terrified of loose sutures, bleeding, pain, edema, lack of sensation, mutilations, swelling, dehiscence, because I know that with time and money I can fix some of the things.

Eventually, as it has been my dream since I was 17 years old, I will have lipolaser to address my tummy, and then I will demand that I put some of it on my majora.

Then (or before that, since for the lipo I need to lose 10 kilos) some cosmetologist or whoever specialist, will have to see those little balls/pimples/roughness and make them disappear (and tell me what they are called) Possibly they will tell me if treat it, the vagina will be exposed.

Today I was with a cold gel bag all day. When one warmed on, exchanged it for the other one. In consequence, I notice a great reduction in my inflammation.

It's not even been a week and a half since I had surgery "You have to wait" yes I know.

"If you manage to have a better standard of living because the discomfort is gone, it was worth it" well, I suppose... but what about aesthetics?

On the web, everyone, particularly men, when talking about this surgery, misinterpret it, and on the other hand or in combination, they accuse and shame the women who decide to have it done. Prejudice and mockery.

Mine was a matter of aesthetics and discomfort (and things that I suspect are also medical) And if everything else hits the nail on the head but aesthetics remains being the matter, I'm within my rights to be upset and something done to better the area.

I'm not going to judge a man because he wants penis enlargement or thickening, and women who have that beautiful vulva, don't judge, please.

I understand that I have a few months left to see "the real results" but I already know how it will turn out. I hope the future me tells me how stupid I was and that it turned out better than I expected, but really, I don't think it will.

Well, better short because I'm about to start crying, for the second time since I had surgery.

I did not tell my boyfriend what is happening to me, all these thoughts. I didn't ask him if he liked my vulva either... it's just that I tried not to show it to him as much as I could, in these thirteen years together. It is (was?) so plainly ugly that why asking? The answer is obvious. And what is ugly I prefer to hide it. I mean, I'm not going to get sexy with something ugly that doesn't even attract me.

Well, to those who made it trough here, thanks for reading. I hope I don't put anyone down.

If there is one thing you can get out of my predicaments it is: tell the doctor EVERYTHING you need to tell him, no embarrassment! tell him how you want to look, even if it is an impossibility since we are all different.. Then, with alternatives and reality, you will know what you need to do and ponder over it.