49 Years Old...Finally Got the Courage but What a Twist.

I had a breast refuction at age 49 having carried 32-34 ff-G breasts around since I was 16. Losing weight made them look just more enormous. This site and people's stories helped me so much. I struggled emotionally as to whether I "deserved" to have the operation. Many family members have died from cancer and I felt guilty to be putting my body through such a huge operation for all the reasons that people here talk about...necklace pain...hating looking at myself etc. My GP, a counsellor, friends and this site helped me deal with that and i agreed to go ahead with the operation. I had a small lump on my right breast so I had a mamogram before the op and it did not highlight any abnormalities. The operation went really well... and recoveey great. I am 6 weeks post op now and cannot believe I have breasts that I love and that for 33 years I carried around such heavy breasts. However 2 weeks post surgery my lovely surgeon...who was so kind and did such a wondwrful job...had to tell me that they had found cancer cells in my histology. As it was an incidental find they cannot be sure that they took it all and as I had a reduction they cannot be certain where the site is now. They feel the only safe option....due to the above and a family history of breast and ovarian cancer .. is for me to have a mastectomy. I am shocked and would laugh if I did not feel so devastated and sad. I know that the operation has saved my life as the mamogram did not detect it. But I am so sad and know people who have had a successful BR will understand. I no longer have neck and shoulder pain ....I can finally look at myself in the mirror and like myself... middle aged tummy, big bum and all...I can wear clothes and not cover everything up with a big cardigan. But now, my lovely breasts have to go. My cousin said it's like I won the lottery and now they are going to take tge money back. For me it's more like I met a person I was waiting for all my life and now they have to leave me. I know I will be okay but I am sad. I don't think people who have not had a BR understand. My head is messed up.... feeling lucky and yet feeling so unlucky. I thank you all for sharing your stories and giving me strength to have the BR. Best of luck to all of you.