Fearful . . . - Hyannis, MA

I've been reading many posts on here and love the stories everyone shares about their journey. It's comforting to know other women feel the same way, share their experiences and tips. I read recently how a women was sharing her thoughts about how the surgery changed her life. It made me really think about the way surgery has changed my life and it's only been six short weeks. I have many first moments at my age of 47 years old. I can put on a plain old t-shirt and not worry about the bulge of my belly showing.My childhood friend couldn't believe she saw me in a t-shirt and commented on it right away. I take showers and baths with my spouse, something I would have never done for fear of him seeing my hanging tummy. We went to test new mattresses this weekend and I felt comfortable to test them out without worrying if someone is looking at my stomach. I look forward to being able to exercise and not worry about people seeing my belly while lifting. I made such an effort to conceal those areas. I worried about it constantly and didn't think about it till now that I no longer worry about it. I feel like I've been given a second chance at life. I remember when I first joined this site and reading women's post about how happy they were. It made me know there was a solution. I look forward to experiencing myself and being present in my own life, not hiding truly who I want to be. I still am going to the doctor's to get drained but now it's once a week. Hopefully, tomorrow will be my last time, fingers crossed. The travel time to the doctor's office gets to me once in awhile, four hours. On the other side, I can't stress enough about having a good relationship with your doctor. My doctor and his staff go above and beyond. I'm still uncomfortable first thing in the morning and by late afternoon, I can't wait to get out of my garment and clothing. I tend to get very swollen later in the day and the tightness causes me much pain. Now the nerve endings seem like they are dancing around my belly. My breast are sore and tender. I can't believe they are my breast. I look like I did as a teenager. My hips are bigger than they ever were around the incision area, they make me very self conscience. My doctor tells me they will go down. I've noticed it on other's pictures as well. I most have bought 10 different compression garments and have yet to find the perfect one. Does anyone have suggestions ? My boyfriend couldn't be more supportive or fun to be around. He's like a kid in a candy store. I have loved him my whole life and din't think I could love him anymore till this happened. He's been amazing. I couldn't have done it without his help. My stepmother has been very supportive and stayed with me to take care of me. I "see" her in a new light. I haven't really told many people about the surgery and can't really share those moments because they wouldn't understand it. I'm trying hard to treat my body as a temple. I need to get the right balance of food. I will add photo's soon. I didn't before because of my embarrassment . . .

I've been getting a "little" depressed lately. Since my drains came out accidentally, I've been going to get drained with needles by the doctor twice a week. It's two hours each way which makes for a long day. I'm very swollen which makes the muscles tight and very uncomfortable. I started working this week and simply don't have the energy I used too. I keep telling myself, this to shall pass but it's getting to me !

It's been a little while since I've been on the computer, it's nice to read everyone's updates. Last week, I woke up in the middle of the night with blood all over me. Talk about a scare, never mind I'm two hours away from my doctor's office. Somehow the line in my drain got kinked and eventually my drain came out. I called the answering service a few hours later and the doctor called back promptly telling me to come to his office. He wasn't going to be there so his partner would check me out. The "partner" told me everything looked fine and sometimes the drains accidentally come out and I was 2 weeks post op, most drains come out around that time and it was hard to put a drain back in. My doctor told me I would keep it in because I still had a large output of fluid.He changed my bandages and gave me a different CG, a softer one. Talk about heaven. After travelling in the car for six hours and getting home. I was so uncomfortable because without the drain, my body swelled something terribly. I couldn't believe the difference with the drain out. I must say, I feel miserable with the swelling and my stomach muscles seem to tighten up ever sense. I've read some post with women who have had drain-less tummy tucks. I understand what they mean about the swelling. I've been trying to take motrin but it doesn't seem to relieve the pain. Last night was my first day back at work. After working a four hour shift, I couldn't wait to get home. I worked today. I feel very tired and swollen. I'm not sure how women go back to work who are on their feet all day. Still despite being uncomfortable, I don't regret the decision to have a mommy make over. I mentally feel different with my tummy gone. Even though my boyfriend and I have a very loving and close relationship, he told me has noticed I'm freer with him. I didn't think we could become any closer but we have bonded over this experience. I had a moment yesterday , putting on a yoga shirt and not worrying about the rolls in my belly. They are gone. I can't really put jeans on yet, my hips and legs are swollen. I've had several people tell me they've been watching me through this experience and are interested in talking with my doctor about their own transformation. When I called the answering service when my drain came out, the women asked me all kinds of questions about my experience because she has wanted to do this for years but was scared. I started to laugh and told her I'm one of the biggest babies I know but I'm very pleased to have done it. Also, can't stress the fact about the doctor you choose.