24 yo, no kids, 5'8", 130lbs, 375 cc Silicone Under

Hi! Just thought I’d update you on the boob progress over the past three months. Warning: this is practically a novel.
In January I went back to the PS for my first follow up since post op week 3 (since I’ve been living in CA since then). I explained the struggles I had been having with coping with my new boobies and almost got tearful when talking about how unhappy I was with their current size and position. I understand that as far as shape and positioning, these boobs are as good as it’s gonna get for me. The doctor reinforced to me that the way my chest is shaped and the location of my crease has a lot to do with the outward pointing, and still (in my opinion) low position of my breasts. He was very pleased with the results, he said, based on what we had to start with. Of course, I addressed my concerns with the size of the implants with him. I asked why we went bigger than I asked for and he said that they did try the smaller implants during surgery, but they sat lower on my chest and wouldn’t have given me the upper pole fullness I was after. He said that it would be a compromise to go smaller. I would have overall smaller breasts, but I would lose the upper fullness possibly making my breasts look lower anyway. I also talked to the doctor about the lateral displacement I have and showed him how my boobs fall into my armpits when I lie down. He agreed that it was more displacement than what he normally expects and said we could definitely fix that.
During my 3 week follow up appointment I felt rushed and unheard. I left with a bad taste in my mouth and honestly lost confidence in my surgeon. The doctor spent so much more time with me this time and actually counseled me through what I perceived to be the problem with my body. He reminded me that it takes time to get used to new boobs -boobs that I can’t squish down or play up based on my mood like my old sacks of flesh. Ultimately, he said that the decision is mine. He wanted me to take the next three months away to get used to my new figure and decide if I still want to go smaller. If I’m still unhappy, we’ll swap them out for smaller implants, but he said in three months he thinks I’ll change my mind. He did still say we will fix the lateral displacement, but we’re not gonna do anything until I commit to a size.
I think my PS was right. The girls are definitely getting easier to dress and I don’t feel as miserable now that I’ve found a few bras I can fit into. At this point, I’m thinking I would rather keep what I’ve got than lose the upper pool fullness that I feel like is still somewhat lacking. My boobies have settled a ton. To me, it looks like they’re back to the point where I’ve got a flat chest with ribs exposed then *bam* boobs underneath. I don’t know that that can be improved on, but I guess it’s still better than I started with.
SCARS. My scars are still super angry and purple. To be honest, I haven’t been the best with keeping up with scar treatment since month 3, but I still feel like my scars are way worse than any I’ve seen from people not using anything from the beginning. The doc said he’s surprised by my scarring, but said that since I’m so fair (aka see-through, ghostly white) it might take longer than expected for them to fade. Has anyone else had a similar experience with dark scarring still at 6 months? Any recommendations???

I feel like for the past three months I've gone through little spurts of being okay with my boobs and then hating them again. I have yet to be absolutely happy with the results at any point in this journey. Now that I've given it 12 weeks, I think it's fair to pass a little judgement.
They're still too big. It's hard to not look like I'm trying to show them off when they're this big. I still can't find bras that fit and I can't fit into half my wardrobe anymore. My boobs are also not the shape I was hoping for. I don't know how much of that is my anatomy vs surgical placement, but I feel like they kind of point down and out instead of just being round. The animation deformity is even worse than in my last updates. I can feel the implant being displaced when I do any kind of arm movement like opening a door or reaching up. It's not really a big deal for day to day things, but even laying naked in bed and propping myself up with my arms, my boobs take an unnatural shape. And for that reason, I have yet to let anyone see them with the lights on.
The whole point of this procedure was to get to the point where I could be completely comfortable with my naked body. I don't dislike the rest of my body...it's not a 10/10, but I'm still confident enough in it. But I can't even take my clothes off with a partner now, $13,000 later, because of the weird things these boobs do. It's one thing when you've got sad looking natural boobs, but when they're weird looking and you've got horrible scars because they're fake, that's almost worse.
I go in for my next post op appointment in January and I don't even know where to begin. I'm not confident that a revision will give me the look that I want, but I don't really want to admit defeat and keep these sub par boobs.

It might just be my imagination, but I feel like the mederma has made a difference in just a week. My PS said don't even bother with mederma, but I think it's worth a try! I've been searching high and low for a bra that fits well and doesn't make my boobs look even bigger in clothes. I'm still measuring as a 32DDD at VS, but I still spill out of anything with even the most minimal of lining. I've only been able to find unlined bras there that fit okay. I really need a strapless bra, but obviously unlined strapless is just pointless/probably not even a thing. If anyone has any ideas of where to get one, please let me know! I've checked department stores like Belk and nordstrom, but they don't have any that have small enough bands with big enough cups. #bigboobprobz