46 Year Old, SAHM of 2 - Gainesville, FL

I've had large "girls" ever since I can remember and they've never really been exactly where I thought they should be (at least according to society). The older I got, the heavier, bigger and longer they got. At 23 I married, and at 27 had my first child - definitely things started moving south at a quicker pace. by 2004 and child #2 I basically described them as a mango in a sock with bifocals for nipples.

I've had back, neck, shoulder, low back issues all my life, never really thought much about the contribution made by the girls, but I realize now that they were more to blame than I thought. For several years I was a personal fitness trainer and in very good shape, the girls remained the same, they just got skinnier - more pancake, less mango. I've always had to wear 2 bras to workout - I buy serious workout bras $70 each! I don't play. Always underwire, which as we all know digs into the ribcage and the arms. This summer I did a lot of travel for family and had to basically either take my bra off or hold the girls up just to be able to drive and breathe at the same time. They'd gotten so heavy, I was having trouble breathing because of the pressure on my ribcage if I was in a sitting position. That was my first really, really serious consideration of surgery. I'd thought about it on and off over the years, but figured it was just out of my reach financially and with 2 kids to care for. Well, the proverbial last straw came when we were all sitting on the couch watching tv and my husband and 10 year old son start giggling - I asked what was so funny and they pointed at me, I looked and one of my girls had fallen below my tshirt and was poking out (granted it was a half shirt, but still...). NOT funny.

The very next week, I was asking friends for recommendations and making phone calls. I told my husband, I'm having this done, period! He's always been supportive so that wasn't really an issue. Financially, I knew we'd have to make a sacrifice, because our insurance doesn't cover cosmetic surgery - whether it's medically necessary (which they deemed it was) or not - it's just not in our policy. But, my PS is a gem and we were able to pay for his services, anesthesia, and the surgical center since it's not being done in hospital - way less expensive.

Right now I'm almost 2 weeks in and I suppose progressing normally. Had post-op he said everything looked good, but I seemed to have developed a blister on my right nipple, so I've been putting sylvadine on it twice a day - I go back to see him in 4 days. My right breast is still swollen, well more than the left, it was the bigger gal, so it took the brunt of the surgery. I don't know why I thought I'd be back in business after 2 weeks, but that's definitely not the case. I'm looking more at 4 weeks before I'm back to cooking, cleaning, driving etc. I'm not taking pain pills, just advil and it's really more discomfort than pain. Still pretty bruised (initially I was bruised from my neck down to the girls and across my chest) and my stitches itch quite a bit.

I'm a giant weener, so I don't look, I feel like I'm going to pass out if I do. I've been showing a couple times a week since I really don't do much other than sit around and read, or watch tv. I've gone on a couple of short walks, but I get short of breath pretty quick. My body seems to be focusing on healing more than getting back to normal quickly LOL. So, that's my story - I'd love to hear from everyone and get advice, or answer questions :)

I've been pretty down lately, just seems like everyone (well most) are having such a quick healing process and I'm still home bound at almost 3 weeks. Still living the penguin life, typing isn't the easiest task, so I've put this off, but I keep getting those pesky reminder emails ;)

The picture I posted is a crop of a full body shot, I don't typically take pictures of the girls and I haven't done any before, during and I'm nowhere near feeling like I'm at the after stage. So, this is probably going to be it for a while. I get really queasy fast, can't look too long, having tons of trouble just keeping my head together with the bit of pain I'm feeling when I wake up in the morning. No driving as of yet, I drive a stick, so that would be hard in itself, and I don't feel confident enough to do it even though I'm not on any narcotics anymore, but I get lightheaded just walking around. Let me explain. I'm what one would call "Super Weenie" LOL I have no qualms being that way, I don't do blood, pain, etc and this has taken it's toll on me. Even a small head cold puts me out of functional life. It seems like my body takes ALL the energy to focus on healing and I have nothing left. Walking across the house leaves me out of breath. Pitiful, but true.

Ok, so back to the beginning... I went for another post - op on Thursday (11/13), had to take half a Valium just for that, and PS said everything looked good, not to worry, if the body doesn't like something, it tends to get it out, hence the hole under each breast, bleeding - which has decreased the swelling and bruising. Changing dressings twice a day wasn't that big of a deal, but when the bleeding decided to really descend, well then that was more like 6-8 times a day. Going from panty liners to a heavy flow, overnight pad, was quite the eye opener - or should I say closer, since I almost had to take a Valium the first time I saw it! He did say not to be surprised if I woke up one morning covered in blood, and I have. It still doesn't feel normal, but if he says so... I have no fever, just a bit of pain, mostly in the mornings, Advil does the trick all day. I still look raw, for any better descriptive word, my right nipple and suture lines all look new, not healed up - I'm glued so maybe that's just the "stuff" seeping that makes it look so not nice. I keep thinking I should put hydrogen peroxide on it, neosporin and a bandaid! LOL Keep it dry and clean is all I'm supposed to do, but the mom in me wants to do so much more. I'm still swollen, not as much as before, but I still don't have a normal looking chest, still very boxy and flat. I worry they'll be too small, as if there is such a thing - my daughter says it wouldn't be right to be her size (she's 17 and a 32 B) - I'm aiming for a C, but it's hard to see where it's going with all the swelling. Doc says just to gauge my activity by how I'm feeling. I'm feeling I'd like to be a movie star and just be 100% drugged until they're back to normal!

I'm ashy all over because I haven't been able to scrub or lotion in 3 weeks, all my showers consist of in, shampoo, soap the nether regions and out before I pass out! I feel like I'm rambling, but I suppose it's because I didn't update sooner. Anyway, next week is Thanksgiving so the kids will be doing most of the shopping and cooking. Thank God we won't have any visitors, because cleaning is not happening - nobody wants to do it and I just can't. TaTa's for now :)

October 29th I had the initial surgery. 3 weeks later, I'm having another for my right breast. First I had a "burn looking bubble" on my right nipple. Doctor treated it like a burn, 2 weeks. Then my stitches burst - almost all of them. Surgery #2, 2 days after drain came out, 2 more days and so did the stitches again, just not as many of them. So, here I am almost 2 months out and still have a gaping, oozy wound eating up half my right nipple. Doing wet/dry dressings, going in weekly for debridement - that's tons of PAIN! Still swollen on both sides, pain everyday, can't do anything, still unable to drive. If I do anything other than sit around, I swell all across my chest.
Monday, I did some crafts, on my lap, nothing serious. The next day I had a bruise feeling swell all across my entire chest, next day just a giant goose egg over my right breast. Today is Thursday and it's almost gone, but that's my day - I can't do ANYTHING otherwise the consequences are swelling and pain :(
I'm so ticked off! I wish I'd never had it done. I've missed a ton of fun holiday activities. My daughter is a Senior and this is her last Nutcracker Ballet performance, she had a solo. I had to force myself to all 4 performances and paid for it later!
Apparently, I deleted all the photos, I thought I'd kept them for this update, but I guess I got disgusted... here is the only one I have. It's what I look like right now. Tomorrow is another doctor's visit. 20 years I worked up the courage to do this. :(