37, 297lb W/ Four Children & I Want to Live

So it's been five weeks since my surgery. I have lost a total of 20 pounds and that is with a two-week stall. Oh my stalls send your head through the ringer. Man the things I thought. The tears I cried. I doubt it everything. why did I do the surgery? What was I thinking that I could actually lose weight? I mean you hear about it in your classes coming leading up to the surgery and everybody's talked about it and they say when you get into a stall drink more water taken more protein it's a good way to get out of the stall but when you're sitting there and you just got through surgery, you really just lose your mind because there's nothing that can prepare you for that scale not moving. But I stuck with it I stuck to what my doctor and nutritionist told me to eat. I drink more water and I took in more protein I did what I was supposed to do and it came through it. lost 8 pounds in one week. I want to stand there and say maybe next time I'll be better prepared but I really think that every time this happens that it gets in your head because you've tried so hard before and you just think that this one is failing too. What am I doing wrong when I just really need to get over that and I don't know if it's possible because it's been my habit for the last 30 Odd years. Well we'll see what comes in the future SW 297. CW 242

I'm excited to say that I had my procedure on March 28 everything went really well. I had the sleeve and I don't regret it for one moment. it's only been four weeks and I've already lost 18 pounds. The only regret I do have is that I didn't do it sooner

Yesterday I had my pre-op appointment. Had my check up, Dr. Dutta went over all the thing that will happen, pre-op diet(which is not bad liquids only 24 hours before surgery), post op diet, had my EKG and blood work.
here is a couple realizations for my self
Ive lost 35 lbs since i started, I'm just now realizing how big I've gotten. Seriously 35 lbs is not a small thing but when i look in the mirror i still see the fat like I've never seen it. I think this whole thing is helping me take the wool off my eyes. To see what i really have done to my self. I've been telling my self all this time I don't care, but i really do. Yes, I do want to wear the cute clothes even if all this time I've been say I don't. Yes, I do want to go rock climbing with my kids and husband. No, I don't like just standing there and watching. In fact just watching makes me very depressed. Yes, i do want to go swimming in fact I love swimming, Im just scared of what people will say. Yes, i want to go kayaking with my sister, it pains me that i always tell her no because i dont like it when in fact I'm just scared that I cannot physically do it.
But........
Here's to new beginnings
Here's to seeing things clearly for the first time
Here's to the better me
HW 297
CW 262
Born again date a.k.a surgery date March 28th