37, 297lb W/ Four Children & I Want to Live

I'm going through Kaiser North Cal Fremont. My insurance is through them and they cover everything. So I don't know how much this is all going to cost because I have complete coverage. Going through Kaiser has been a long process. They want you to hit a certain goal weight, go to classes, support groups ,nutritional classes and a psych eval. But I have to say I have learned a lot about my eating triggers, what kind of eater I am, and methods to over come them.
I started This process in late October 2016. I went to their intro to Weight loss surgery class. Then I had to get my GP doctor to recommend me for surgery. Now we started the waiting game of when the bariatrics department will call to enroll me in the next class. which for me was late November, where they give you a 200 page book telling you everything you want to know about Weight loss surgery, what to expect with your surgery and a 1200 calorie meal plan and then they drop the bomb, the other requirement that nobody wants to hear. you have to lose 10% of your current bodyweight. What!!! 10% that's 30lb for me.
This kind of freaked me out. I mean seriously, if I could lose weight would I be here?? why do you think I'm in this position that I am now ?why am I here? I can't lose weight on my own but come to find out I can. With following the 1,200cal diet I lost weight. Which brings me to the realize Asian this is why they want us to do it because to will help me after surgery to reach my goal. Im glad to say I reached my goal of 30 pounds in January. So onto the next step my psychiatric valuation. I found that I felt very intimidated walking in but it turns out they just want to make sure that i actually read the book they gave me in the first class and understand the book and really are trying to practice what they're saying in the book. Also that weight-loss surgery is just a tool to help you that is not the key to weight-loss but it helps you find the strength in you that's going to do it. Now the last step I got my surgery date March 28
It's the day I start the new me.

Yesterday I had my pre-op appointment. Had my check up, Dr. Dutta went over all the thing that will happen, pre-op diet(which is not bad liquids only 24 hours before surgery), post op diet, had my EKG and blood work.
here is a couple realizations for my self
Ive lost 35 lbs since i started, I'm just now realizing how big I've gotten. Seriously 35 lbs is not a small thing but when i look in the mirror i still see the fat like I've never seen it. I think this whole thing is helping me take the wool off my eyes. To see what i really have done to my self. I've been telling my self all this time I don't care, but i really do. Yes, I do want to wear the cute clothes even if all this time I've been say I don't. Yes, I do want to go rock climbing with my kids and husband. No, I don't like just standing there and watching. In fact just watching makes me very depressed. Yes, i do want to go swimming in fact I love swimming, Im just scared of what people will say. Yes, i want to go kayaking with my sister, it pains me that i always tell her no because i dont like it when in fact I'm just scared that I cannot physically do it.
But........
Here's to new beginnings
Here's to seeing things clearly for the first time
Here's to the better me
HW 297
CW 262
Born again date a.k.a surgery date March 28th

I'm excited to say that I had my procedure on March 28 everything went really well. I had the sleeve and I don't regret it for one moment. it's only been four weeks and I've already lost 18 pounds. The only regret I do have is that I didn't do it sooner