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*Treatment results may vary

Feeling so lost.

I've been researching everything, looking at other people's progress with lasers and stuff. I just don't know what to do. If I start the laser process, I have a feeling that there is no way my tattoo will be completely removed and then I'll just have more of a mess on my arm than I do now. I have to admit, I'm terrified of lasers and the pain. Is it way worse than getting a tattoo? Will I have to live with this ugly piece of s%$* on my arm forever? How could I make such an awful mistake??? I am getting married in 4 months and I have to wear long sleeves. I'll have to wear long sleeves forever. Feeling so hopeless about it this last year. Maybe I should just quit crying about it and just do the laser treatment.

First Consultation

Last night I went in for a consultation at Sanford Dermatology in Fargo. The gal I talked to was the nicest, most understanding person I've talked to in a long time. It softened the blow of what I was about to hear a lot. They use a Q-Switched laser, and they do not inject or apply a topical numbing cream. She said that will all of the colors in my tattoo, it would take over 20 sessions with different wavelengths of laser, and it would be about $500 per session, which would be about $12,000 in the long run minimum! We'd have to work in sections since it's so large, and that the pain would be bad. She did not sugar coat anything, which I thought was awesome. She wasn't trying to push me into anything. Anyway, I feel like there is no hope. I cried a lot last night.
I know that eventually, whether it be 2 years, or 10 years, there has to be more technology coming out for tattoo removal. There has to be a way to lift the ink out the way it went in instead of flushing it out through the body. I've been researching the Micropen TR, which I think will be amazing for tattoo removal.

My tattoo started out with just the owl in the...

My tattoo started out with just the owl in the center. About a year and a half ago, I decided for some reason that I wanted to add a background to the owl. I did some research and went to a reputable tattoo place in my area.
Mistake #1 - I walked in the tattoo shop knowing which artist I wanted, but being intimidated by the place, I let the artist that was sitting at the front desk, which was not the artist I wanted, give me a consultation. That was the worst mistake ever.
Mistake#2 - The artist took me back and we were talking and I showed him my tattoo and kind of explained what I was looking for. He said we could make it look awesome, so I was excited. But the minute I started throwing out ideas, he shot them down one by one and began to explain what he thought would look good. I should have taken that as a huge red flag, but I figured if he knows what he is talking about, then I'm going to trust him. Bad mistake.
Mistake #3 - I was looking around his booth for pictures of artwork, because I didn't really see much of his online like I did the other artists, but once again, I figured well he works here, he has to be good. I said I didn't see much of his artwork on the website, and he said "yeah, I'm really lazy about putting pictures up." Another red flag. But, I put my deposit down with him anyway and scheduled my first appointment. He convinced me to go a tattoo convention, which sucked because he wasted a lot of time.
The mistakes continue... I would go in for a session, and he would say "one more session" and about 8 sessions later, I have a tattoo that I absolutely hate. Every session I had he was telling me all these great ideas that he had for the tattoo so I thought well, he has a picture in his mind so it has to come out. Well, when it got to the background, I came in and he was like "I forgot, what are we doing again with the background?" I thought, really??? So I had a picture of a sunset in my phone that I took so he made me hurry and send him that...and so began the awful red shading all over my arm. Looks nothing like the picture which had mostly blues and purples and some orange.
So long story short, I hate my tattoo so very much, and I feel like my artist was just taking advantage of me because I wasn't super sure about what I wanted and he figured he could make a lot of money, which he did. About $2,000. BUT, it was MY mistake, and I should have been absolutely sure about what I wanted, and when I walked into the place I should have asked for the artist I wanted. Instead, I sat there through all of those sessions looking at the artwork in the booth next to me (the artist I originally wanted) and wishing I was sitting in his seat. Just horrible.
It's now winter, but I spent all this last summer wearing long sleeves and in a major depression. I am just now feeling better, but sometimes I just want to cry when I look at it. I should have just left it alone... My fiancé tells me I am beautiful no matter what, and everyone says it's not a horrible tattoo, but it's different when it's on your body. It's unexplainable unless you go through it yourself.
The pictures that I have here are right after I got the tattoo, so it's not nearly as bright now.
I go in for a consultation tomorrow to get laser treatment done at a hospital in my area, I don't know what kind of laser they use yet or anything. I will find out more details tomorrow, but I am really scared that I am going to go in there and be told that it's not possible to remove.