A Close Encounter of the Botched Kind: My Fat Transfer Disaster.

I had the surgery this morning. Everything went good. I know I started off this review expressing regret over the fat transfer but it kind of morphed into a story about my jaw implant removal journey. I'm just writing this because I know there is at least one person out there who can glean some useful information from this. I also want to document it so I can revisit it years from now. It's good to reflect on things. But yea, this last month has been a mess. I initially went in on August 22nd to have them removed but they cancelled when they put me on the operating table because my heart rate was too high. They told me I had to get cardiac clearance form a cardiologist before I could reschedule. I admit I felt destroyed emotionally after that happened. I waited so long to have them removed. I thought what happened on August 22nd was proof that I was stuck with the implants for life. I have a tendency to make mountains out of molehills and I never thought it would be possible to get the surgery after that. I was about to give up but I decided to fight it. If it was anything else I probably would have. But I knew I couldn't let this go. I had to get them removed. It was now or never. The doctor is getting older and he very well could retire soon and that only made my desperation to remove them greater. Because I doubt any other surgeon would touch it. Anyways, I went to a cardiologist and got an echo-cardiogram on August 28th and everything was fine and I was able to reschedule the surgery to today and have them removed. I'm really swollen, my throat hurts and I'm a bit nauseous but I'm so glad that the implants are out of my face. The doctor said one of the screws that were used to fixate the implant into place started corroding. He said the surgery was very invasive and traumatic to my body because the implants had grown into my bone given the material it consisted of. It was made of a porous polyethylene wafer like material and not hard silicone. The one thing that disturbed me was him telling me the screws were corroded. That is very unsettling. I honestly never knew they put screws in. What would have happened if I kept them in longer? It reminded me of the tin-man from Wizard of Oz. And honestly that's what it felt like at times. It felt like my jaw would tighten up at times and I got moderate pain from them daily. That was my fear. I was afraid that the material, over time, would keep losing it's integrity and I would be presented with more problems and pain the longer I kept them in. I feel a ton of relief knowing I won't have to confront that possibility anymore. I'm just really excited for what the future holds. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I've been playing "Dreaming" by Blondie on a loop ever since I got home. I actually cried happy tears earlier. I think this is the dawn of a new era for me. A better one. These last few years have been so hard for me. You know they say life has "ups and downs" but honestly I would get depressed when people said that because ever since late 2016 it just had down moments. But I can now see the rays of light beginning to peak through the dark clouds and I can feel the warmth of the sun on my skin and it feels great. I think brighter days are just ahead. Getting these jaw implants out of my face was really symbolic in that I truly feel like it was the closing of one chapter and the beginning of another.

I can complain and write down everything that upsets and depresses me and it would be so long that it would rival the Library of Babel. But for the sake of computational power (I don't think FakeSelf can support that much memory) I will try to keep this installment of "my life is a commode" short. I was scheduled to have surgery today. I was going to remove the jaw implants that I have had in my face since 2015. The reason why I was removing them is because they have been causing me significant pain. That reason alone is enough to make me want to remove them but it's not just that. I think it makes my face look fat and aged me considerably. So I was pretty happy that the implants were finally going to be removed today. I was really happy this morning and felt the liveliest I have felt in a long time. I was looking forward to this day for a very long time. I arrived at the surgery center this morning thinking everything was going to go smoothly. They called me back pretty early, around 10:45am. The surgery was scheduled to take place at 12:30. Well I was stuck laying in a gurney that I was sliding off of for 3 hours before they finally wheeled me into the operating room. I have no idea why. But that's a given. That didn't surprise me at all. It's to be expected that everything that can go wrong, will go wrong and you are going to be met with delays and obstacles every second of your life. That's why I don't have a job anymore and I'm a bum. It's less stressful. Keep your expectations low and don't get your hopes up about anything...especially in relationships. That's my advice. Anyways...they wheel me back into the operating room. I was nervous but it was a good nervous. They transferred me from the gurney to the operating table. They hooked me up to something and instantly an alarm sounded. Apparently my heart-rate was too high and they declined to operate on me right then and there as it would be "too dangerous". Honestly...I don't care if I pass away on the operating table so it's not dangerous to me but...of course they couldn't proceed with the surgery and before you know it I was out of the hospital gown and walking out of the hospital a few minutes later after having to wait 5 hours for NOTHING. I just can't believe that happened. It looks like I will be stuck with these implants for life. I'm stuck with this muzzle for life. They recommended I go to a cardiologist and have them clear me for surgery before they can reschedule. Honey, I ain't doing that. It's too much work and I'm lazy AF. It's not like I could anyways because it's impossible to have healthcare in this country. Basically health insurance is a status symbol. Long gone are the days that a car-phone is proof that you "made it" in life...it's all about health insurance now and rubbing it in the faces of the uninsured. Welcome to 2019. Too bad it ain't 1981 anymore. Anyways...I told them the only way I will go to a cardiologist is if it's completely free and they reimburse me for gas before I added that Vietnam has better healthcare than America. Honestly...the whole ordeal was just really shady. I felt like they didn't want to operate on me and they were really quick to tell me that it wasn't safe to proceed with surgery. I tried telling them it was probably just nerves but they didn't care. The doctor had his stuff packed and ready to go and was walking out the door about the same time I was. He almost looked relieved that he didn't have to do another surgery and could go home. This is horrible. I'm...not doing anything with my life anymore. I think I already made that clear before but...this is just one more thing I can complain about. It just gives me one more excuse to give up. I just can't handle disappointment well. This will probably send me into a spiraling depression that could last for months. That is until I find myself waking up one cold, depressing morning next February 100 pounds later deciding I need to go on another starvation diet. I have a lot to look forward too. I just can't believe this happened to me. Why is this happening? I'm so sick of people telling me "life has up's and down's", "everything happens for a reason", blah blah blah. Yea...for the last 20 years apparently. I didn't ask for any of this misery. I never asked to be born. If given the choice I think I would have passed up on the opportunity because this world is one big toilet. It's not that I have a bleak view of the world...I just have a realistic view. And I got cheated on and had it rubbed in my face.

This is what I'm still dealing with. I have fat bags in my lower cheeks that look weird when I smile. It looks bad when I tilt my head down as well...even slightly. One side has more fat and it weighs down my lips which results in my mouth looking crooked.