It has been a life time wish of mine to have some...
It has been a life time wish of mine to have some fuller breasts so that I would not look like a man when I stood in front of a mirror. I was 34A before surgery. Today is my post of day 11. I was given 390 saline to the right and 360 saline to the left, under muscle. My implants are still high up, and I have the triangular boobs! My PS is amazing, he told me to wear a cami and my implants will drop with gravity. I still feel very tight on the top and still take Vallium to relax my muscle and feel comfortable. It seems to me everything is going perfect so far and I am over the moon with the thought that finally I will be able to wear nice clothing's and look feminine and beautiful. Btw I also lost 37 lbs recently after a very hard work and perseverance. However the problem is I have been feeling very depressed for the last few days, I look at my self in the mirror and I feel like I could have gone bigger. I am afraid that once my swelling goes down and my implants drops they will get smaller and I will not be fuller C or smaller D that I hoped for. I blame my self for constantly asking my PS " not to make me look like a porn star with gigantic boobs"! Now I feel like I should have asked for fuller D instead of small D. I have been just crying and crying and pretty much obsessed with boobs. I can not focus into doing anything, lost my appetite, I am just so depressed I can not explain. I wish I could punch a hole in my implants to deflate them so that I can get bigger boobs! I am even thinking about implant exchange. I am driving my hubby and my friends crazy. My hubby kept on telling me that my boobs look huge! My friends all showed me theirs to console me that mine will be big and nice too! I just can't wait for my tissue to heal so that I can work my behind off, save up money and replace these implants. I know you may call me boob obsessed crazy lady, but I just want to share with the ladies who are thinking about breast implants to do your research and not to be shy about getting a bit bigger implants so that you will not regret the way I am regretting right now. Thank you for listening to me....:(
Dealing with the Booby blues
I am still having the booby blues a little bit! Getting better! One more sleep then I get to talk to my amazing ps tomorrow and find out my options. Oh boy he will have a day when he hears what I have been doing lately...crying for big boobs, a lady who wanted small boobs!! I really never ever thought breast augmentation would be such a lengthy process. I thought I would go to sleep, the surgeon would do his/her magic, when I wake up wallah, my well shaped, large, perky beautiful boobs would be staring at me!! I would recover within a week or so and go bra, bikini, cloths shopping!!! Who knew they would look like two deformed mass of something with two zucchini hanging at the bottom and would look like triangular shaped fluffed up pan cakes!! Or that I had to wait this long for these suckers to drop and settle into their nests! Or I would cry like an idiot for big boobies and feel depressed!! OMG....what a journey I have started....not to mention shamelessly showing my boobies to my friends and talking about them here!!....can't wait for that Aha moment....my nurse friends suggested I should hang two 2L saline bags downward from my breasts and take a few laps around the unit so that the implants would just drop... !!!! Love the girls dearly, they are my everything now for making me lough...:) And my hubby still thinks my boobies look gigantic!! Love him too, for putting up with my nonsense!!
Post op day 14
I went to see my amazing PS today for my weekly follow up visit. I told him about me feeling the blues about the size I have asked for. He was very kind, supportive and explained to me that I should wait for the implants to drop before making any decision. I felt he was very confident that I would be satisfied with my choice of request. I truly believe that I need to keep faith on my doctors and I should just follow his directions before jumping into conclusion. I am feeling much better today, took myself off Vallium, It seems to me Vallium was making me hallucinate! The other morning I woke up thinking someone was trying to choke me!! I am going to sleep on my own bed tonight, no more sleeping on the sofa. I am so tired of having to sleep on my back with all those pillows behind me. I am a side sleeper and sleeping on my back was killing me. I am very excited and hope I will get a good night sleep. My implants are still high up but dropping slowly. I also got a breast strap and I will try it tonight, lets see if it will speed up the process!! Looking good so far, I just need to stay positive...:)
Getting over the Boob Greed/Boob Blues!
19 days post op, my implants are still riding high, the right one dropped a little but I still have the square boobs! Having extreme sensitivity/pain to the right nipple, also very itchy, probably because of nerves are coming alive, hope its only temporary and will go away as I recover. I still feel the pressure on me upper chest, the muscles are taking forever to relax and the skin to stretch. I have been reading many blogs about BA here and the other sites, reading all the comments, experts explanation/advise, looking at the pictures of various BA, good ones, bad ones. After spending the last two weeks just researching about how to go bigger I came into conclusion that may be I don't want to have larger implants anymore! It seems to me having a larger implants/bigger boobs is not an healthy option for everyone. I am 44 years old, tall, skinny, didn't have much of a body fat and breast tissue to begin with, I was 34A, my skin seems to me tight as well, my ps gave me 390 to my right breast and 360 to my left, they are pretty good size, if I want to go bigger I have to have at least 100 plus cc more to see any visible changes, which will put me to closer to 500 cc implants and they are quiet large. Now if I want to go for 500 plus cc implants I feel that I will be inviting trouble. My skin will be stretched thin, may be over time my breasts will sag because of the weight of the implants, which will lead to more surgeries. My age is also a factor, as I get older, my skin will be thinner. So may be my amazing PS made the right decision to give me the implants that my body can handle. I truly appreciate his decision, and his thoughtfulness of wanting what would be best for me. If I can go from A cup to C cup I will be pretty happy. I certainly do not want implants that will stretch my skin so thin that my 44 yrs old boobs will look like two soccer balls and dangling below my belly button!! ( Can you imagine the picture? lol). I will be just happy if I get some fullness to my existing breasts so that I will not have to wear those most uncomfortable and hot add a size, highly padded bra's anymore, may be I can wear push up under wire bra's for those days I want to look sexy! ( at the age of 44!!) Now I just wish these suckers will drop faster! I wish I knew some tricks to make them drop faster so that I can go bra and clothes shopping. I am super excited and counting for that big Aha moment when my implants will drop and I can say..YES!! So all the ladies who are around my age and had tiny boobs like I did, think hard before you consider going bigger....in my opinion going bigger on a skinny middle aged body is asking for more trouble...!!
The pictures of my deformed boob, causing me to feel depressed!
The first picture is 6 days post op and the 2nd picture is 25 days post op. I still look deformed and small. And Depressed
6 weeks post op, still looking disfigured...:(
6 weeks Post op, still looking disfigured, the right is dropping faster than the left. I was fitted for 34C at VS prior to my BA but its such a lie!! I tried my old 34C wireless, slightly padded bra on, the boobs still don't fit inside the cup, so I know implants are still riding high. Hope they don't stay deformed. Getting worried....:(
I absolutely Hate my boobs..:(
I am close to 6 weeks post op. I have been doing my breast massage diligently even though my ps never told me to do any massage. My implants dropped a little but the left one is still sitting high. I can see the asymmetry more now as my implants started to drop more. It seems to me my right implant is placed closer to my cleavage whereas my left implant is placed more towards my armpit. You can see the differences in distance from the mid line. The more I try not to worry, the more I get preoccupied with the discrepancy. Oh boy do I hate the look of my boobs....patient is running out. I just want to cry. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I just ask myself why does it have to me....I was so happy and excited before my BA and now I am all worried, frustrated, pissed and sad. I cant wait for the 6 months to be over, so that I can see my almost final result and make a decision about what to do next....I can see revision is eminent.....sad sad and sad....
Yes my fear was right...
Yes my left implant did shift towards my armpit, confirmed by my PS. He thinks Possible Capsular contracture... But my implants are soft. So I doubt it... I was told to wait three months and see... Ya right after three months my left boob will just magically move back to closer to my sternum...yes the fairy will just sprinkle some fairy dust and my boobs will be perfect... NOT.... I am very upset, depressed and frustrated. I just have to learn to forget about my boobs for now. Can't do anything for at least 6 months anyway... Having BA was the biggest mistake of my life.
Confused as hell, took off all my booby pictures, looking at them make me depressed...:(
I know for sure I am going to have a revision, still looking for the trusting surgeon. I have lost all my trust on surgeons....I hate to say it, I am a very good patient, I never jump from doctor to doctor, I always trust my doctors and respect them, but this time I am having really hard time trusting the surgeons. Hope my fear of dealing with any surgeons will go away as I get over this ordeal.
I took off all my pictures, I hate looking at my boobs....they just make me cry. once I go for revision I will post them again to compare the before and after.
I am also very confused with what to do with my existing implants, shall I continue to massage them, or shall I wear supportive bra's so that the right one doesn't migrate towards my armpit like my left one....shall I just say...forget it...They are like two unwanted baggage, now I am forced to carry until I am physically ready to face the revision surgery.
My situation is not as extreme as some of you are are experiencing unfortunately, but I hope and pray no one ever have to go through this. The waiting and living with the deformed boobs are really unbearable and consumes all your energy.
Pictures are added back
13 Sep 2016
2 months post
I have decided to put my pictures back on so that you know why I am going crazy! My tiny boobs were better than these two hideous water balloons...:(
2 Months Post Op
14 Sep 2016
2 months post
Still no improvement.... And not going to be any ..:(
Ditching my BA blog as I try to move forward towards a revision
19 Sep 2016
2 months post
I have decided to ditch this blogging about BA and move forward, as I prepare myself to venture the world of revision. I think this BA has killed me and I need to move forward and see my negative experience from a positive perspective. Otherwise depression will totally consume me and I will lose the battle. I just want to be happy again just the way I used to be before my BA. Please join me in my journey of revision and keep me in your prayers so that I find those two perfect boobs I was looking for without any further complications! Loads of love and hugs...Thank you for giving me the encouragement and support during my darkest days...:)
My Revision blog! Promise I will try to be more positive there!!
20 Sep 2016
2 months post
The pictures to give you an example
23 Sep 2016
2 months post
I think I should put my pictures back on so that you know what's going on and choose your ps wisely.