46 Yo Getting BL and TT- Long Time Coming! Burlington, VT

I have been working up for this for about 8 years. I have 2 daughters (14 and 11) and wish I had done it years ago so I don't have to deal with their body issues. BUT…I have decided NOW is my time to remove this part of myself that has only bad memories surrounding it. My belly reminds me of a very dark emotional time where I stopped caring about myself. I have spent the last 5 years putting my life back together, getting a new career I love, and the next step is to have my "outside" body match the "inside of my confidence". I am ready to feel alive, sexy, and stop worrying that people will see my belly if my shirt slips up.

I have never had surgery so this is a HUGE deal for me but I'm trying to mentally and physically prepare. I have 3 weeks to go!

Right now the only people who know about my surgery is my husband, my best friend who lives across the country, and my oldest daughter (14). I told her because she is too smart and would figure it out. We've had plastic surgery conversations before and she has a really negative view of it and I didn't want her to condemn me. She was really upset and felt like I was a hypocrite because I am a staunch feminist and felt I was caving into societies pressures for being a woman. (I've raised her like this which I'm also proud of). It took me a long conversation to explain how I can still be a feminist and want to change/modify my outward appearance to match my inward one. As best I could without giving her too much information I let her know how the belly I see reminds me of a very dark, depressing time in my life which I am ready to let go of and shed. We live in a small state, a small community and she was worried about how people would perceive it. I reassured her that no one is going to know and that I would be telling others I had a hernia operation. I think this reassured her a bit. I let her know I didn't want to lie to her and betray her trust and I think that really helped our relationship.

I have 8 days until my surgery and I'm SO DAMN excited. I have started to tell a few people about my "hernia" and I will really begin to prep this weekend and buy supplies. Yesterday I bought my compression garment and I have begun collecting supplies for my home. I have decided to sleep in my bed and my husband will sleep on the couch the first few days (the bed is so old and jiggles too much when someone moves).

My daughter who I told (13) is really scared. Her anxiety is increasing mine. I keep reassuring her and am trying to not make a big deal of it so she won't be further scared. I haven't told my youngest daughter (11) anything yet. I plan on telling her the hernia story the day before as to minimize it. I will tell her main teacher at school about the hernia so she can be prepped and support her at school. I know she will be talking about it the days I'm gone (2) so I want a loving adult to be able to reassure her too. I'm not as worried anymore about people finding out….people will find out something but I'm just sticking with my hernia that got exacerbated with working out. I've put this out there to a few people who bought it…so that's what I am sticking with.

I realize I need photos! I will do that in the next day or two because other peoples photos have been so helpful and inspiring to me!