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No words for this body
I am almost 2 years post op and must say that this surgery has literally destroyed my body and my whole entire life. No day goes by without me crying over how I look and feel now. I will never be me again. It's like God is punishing me for the fact that I ever wanted to change myself. I tried multiple skin treatments to improve my scars, but after more than a year of laser, microneedling and bleaching, they actually look worse than before. I have gained 20 pounds since the surgery, because I hate myself so much. There is no chance for me to go in for revision, because I have school debt that needs to be prioritized. I feel so ashamed to have such a body now full of useless scars, bumps and holes. Gosh, I don't understand why I have to live in this body.
Another day in hell
Some people here told me that I might suffer from BDD. I appreciate that these people might want to tell me it's not all that bad. However, it makes me feel like - especially in regards to surgeries, people try to always blame the victim. How many times I've heard from people on here, or people that know about the surgery that it's all my own fault. Yes, I chose to do the surgery, but I didn't perform it on myself. I have not even agreed to the doc sucking my thighs out or placing the scars in these areas. He did all that without my consent, later saying it was his choice to do that. And now I'm left with this botched body. Sorry that I openly say that I hate myself and feel worthless. I'm just being honest and realistic. All the dreams of ever feeling confident and being happy with myself are gone forever. That's not BDD, that's a logic & realistic consequence of the surgery.
Did Laser make my scars worse?
Ok, actually I thought that laser & microneedling made my scars better. But now, looking at my pictures, I believe that it hasn't really helped. The first pic is 1 day before the first laser treatment, the other ones today. So frustrating to see this. I think I had 5 or 6 microneedling & laser treatments. After 1 year there is basically no difference. Actually the laser left marks on my butt that I'm currently trying to bleach without any success. I'm starting to feel cursed and really hopeless....