WAITING FOR MY DAY TO EXPLANT!

It's now been 5 months since my BA...No changes at all in shape. I still want to explant but the money situation is hard....I think I'm going to finance it and make payments and worry about it later....Everyday I have nightmares about my implants....I keep dreaming that my implants have ruptured even though its only been a short time...ready to put this mess to rest for good

So I've done some more thinking, and of course I am absolutely going with the explant. I was able to get some opinions from other surgeons, and the consensus is that I would need a revision and to redo the pockets JUST LIKE I TOLD MY DAMN PS!! (Sorry I am still angry). Unfortunately, I have to go with my original PS because he is still cheaper--most other surgeons want between 6 and 7 thousand just for a removal. I have to save up a little bit of money for my explant, but I am hoping I will have enough by the first week of August. I cannot wait for it to come. I just want to feel good again and be free and happy. The mistake I made will never go away permanently, but at least I can do my best to fix it....And I will.

I am officially three months post op. A few days ago, I saw my PS...And guess what? He is still trying to convince me not to go through with the explant. He is going to charge me to remove them even though he said he wouldn't....Here is the thing: I'm starting to feel confused about my initial surgery. I honestly feel like I made a huge mistake, but I think I'm more angry that I spent money that could LITERALLY have gone towards a down payment on a new car....Or something else I really wanted....And I'm not sure if I really regret the surgery because I really do, or it didn't turn out how I wanted--I got really bad Mondor's Cords (which have resolved slightly) AND I have so much scar tissue that the implants never dropped....I don't know what I would feel if they would have dropped....Some days I feel like paying to have them corrected (removal and correction are about the same price)...Other days I just want to forget about it because I'm so unhappy with everything and this surgery....How I was treated by the staff/nurses during surgery....Spending money (and now really needing it).....Getting an ugly scar.....The implants never dropping..... I just don't know...Help! What should I do?? Has anyone felt this way?