Scared, but So Ready... - Austin, TX

I reached the one month mark yesterday. Things haven't gone quite as I expected. The surgery stressed my body and I'm having problems with my blood sugar. I'm taking Metformin to help get it under control because I'm also having problems getting the spot at the base of each breast to heal. Diabetes has always been on the horizon for me (I had gestational Diabetes with both of my daughters), but I'm hoping it's only temporary and I'll go back to normal. We'll see. I've started taping and using the scar gel, but I still have to put Bacitracin on gauze over the two spots that aren't healing. Also, the antibiotic I took after the surgery gave me the worst yeast infection of my life. I even had Thrush in my mouth. ICK!! I've taken three rounds of Diflucan so far and it keeps coming back. Today, I went to the drug store and got one of the Monistat ovules, so I'm giving it a double whammy this time and, hopefully, it will go away. Seeing the scars when they took off the tape initially was kind of hard. I still think the surgeon did a beautiful job. It's just hard because my husband is very critical. I should never have let him see me. When I let him see, he said they looked better than the implants and said they were well shaped, but the scars were "not attractive." Hard to hear! Also, now that the swelling is mostly gone, I'm lots closer to an "A" than to the "B" I was hoping to be. I'll be using the scar gel and taping for another month, until the scar lines are no longer pink. They look a lot better than even a couple of weeks ago, though. I'm just not sure I'm ever going to feel comfortable being intimate without having the lights off after his comment. I keep telling myself I shouldn't care what he says. That this is about me and my health. I just can't seem to buy into that philosophy. It's really impacted my interest in bedroom activities. I feel fragile and I don't want anyone else to see me. I find myself crossing my arms over my chest in a protective way a lot these days. I did go back to yoga yesterday. It was wonderful. Yoga is my sanctuary and it felt good to be back with my friends, even on a limited basis. I have to put on extra tape and modify most of the poses. I also can't go to heated classes yet. I just need to keep going to Yoga no matter what, though. It has solved so many other issues in my life and it will help me through this, too. I want to say that, despite the setbacks, I'm still absolutely certain I did the right thing. I feel so much more genuine. Scars and all, this is ME. I will work through all the rest and there will be a day when I don't even think about it. I wish I wasn't so shy. I just can't bring myself to upload photos. Sorry, my dears. My surgeon is so wonderful and he has the best bedside manner ever. His staff is amazing and I feel that they really care about the outcome for me. They told me to wait six weeks before buying new bras. That will be just right. After Christmas sales! A few new bras and some tops that fit will go a long way towards making me feel more attractive. In the meantime, yoga tomorrow...

I'm feeling lots better. I finally had a shower yesterday and I feel almost human again. I've had some itching, but I'm already completely off pain pills and muscle relaxers. I'm not even taking Tylenol! The most exciting news is that the tingling and loss of feeling in my fingers is completely GONE! My neck pain is 100 times better. It only hurts now when I turn my head to the far right or left. I also have much more range of motion when I tilt my head to my shoulder on either side. I also have had NO back pain since the surgery!! I needed to be off the pain meds before I could be sure all this was for real, but I really think I'm this much better! It's already more than I had hoped for. The doctor did a beautiful job. Although they're small, they're very symmetrical and nicely shaped. I can't see the nipples yet as they're still taped up. I have my post-op appointment this Wednesday. I can't wait to be free of the drains. Five and a half weeks and I can go back to my yoga practice! Hurray!!!

First day after surgery. I'm pretty sore, but everything went well. It turns out the surgeon who put the implants in put in 450's, not 350's like he told me and put in the surgical report! (Insert swearing here) I thought they looked too big after he put them in! I wanted to be a C and I ended up being a D. Then, they sagged and I ended up being a DD. I feel really angry. So, there is lot less tissue left and I have A's instead of B's, as I was expecting. I have drains and soft plastic rolls under my arms where he did some liposuction. The surgery was long - 5-1/2 hours - 2-1/2 hours longer than expected. The really great news is that neither implant was ruptured! I feel seriously grateful for that. I still need help to walk, but I have been up a few times. I'm just really tired. I think the healing process is going to take longer than I expected. All that being said, I'm happy. No regrets. It's easier to breathe. They're tiny, but who cares. They'll be great for yoga! Ok, getting tired. More later...