Finally Forty and About to Be, Finally, Free!... - Auckland, NZ

Had I a time machine... I bet we have all...

Had I a time machine... I bet we have all experienced that at some time regarding something or another, mine in regards to playing into the hand of bullies. Teasing and an awful unfaithful first marriage mate that said hurtful things, which left me feeling like I'd never offer another man a true woman if I didn't get breast enlargement.... So early twenties while a solo Mum I saved and got it done. At first I was stoked to be honest, I finally felt like a curvy woman! But then came the self condemnation that I was somehow a fake person for doing this and I felt like I was lying to everyone... Although I know other people with implants and totally don't feel that way about them for doing this..it was my own view of myself and always has been the problem...I wish I could be like them n just want something n get it n not feel bad... Or explaining why and justifying myself to those who suspected. And telling my now husband I had a skeleton in my closet that he needed to know about before he kept dating me.. I felt bad about the expense to remove them one day... His reaction was a total surprise!... He had tears in his eyes when I told him and said "I would have adored you if you literally had no boobs at all!" I joked : "well wish granted one day!" haha, but he said how could you think I would love you less for being the wonderful and sexy person you are?!... He said the only skeleton that would've put him off was if I confessed I was actually a man haha... His words and our loving 14 yr marriage has been so healing to the emotional scars that caused this journey. I wish I could clone him for so many of you out there! Hehe... Where do I start?... Ok how about I had health issues last year that looked like a bad form of cancer on the c.t. scans when my bloodwork was found going mental... Hubby was more devastated than I was...and I was pretty gutted it looked like I wasn't going to get to raise my younger children and see my grandchildren... But we found out later that week after biopsies it was not cancer but massive inflammation... So I plunged into research and trying natural ways of detoxing to remove the body burden... Wheatgrass did wonders, along with all the things that support our systems to detoxify...omega oil, lipospheric vitamin c, lipospheric glutathione because I couldn't exercise much was too tired, and various other herbs like liver support ones st Mary's thistle and turmeric and real garlic, taking out wheat, egg, dairy, soy and corn and most hard but importantly sugar except fruit, and coffee, ...yup hardest of all! No, hardest thing of all was letting my cats go because the blood indicated an allergic element, so one specialist suggested that and my hubby insisted out of panic to get me better... That was torturous and I still miss my big boy daily... But I felt it was a choice of getting better for the children or holding on to my furry babies that I found wonderful homes for anyway... Dunno if they miss me!... Hehe. ..And felt a lot better for it, and blood work improved drastically... so when lumps appeared last month under my armpit I of course researched and saw 90% are nothing more than bacterial infections etc I didn't panic, probably shaving I thought...and my boobs hadn't changed shape or anything as far as I could tell no rupture... Wrong! Ultrasound revealed BOTH were ruptured and leaking gel ... My poor body!... Why did I join the bullies and bring this on myself?... So starts my Explant story... I hope to inspire even one wonderful woman along her trip for better self acceptance and if possible even help someone avoid starting this path... In my case, I see now I was trying to heal emotional scars with physical means. I know my husband will adore me without them, he's even excited! Hehe, he wants me for me, so it's not the idea of what I look like but the idea of he gets to make love to the person he most adores that gives him a thrill... Its the other way around too often, people are physically attracted then fall in love... We fell in love with eachother as people because of our goals and personalities then grew to be attracted to eachother... And it's a lasting, enduring love... But it's me I'm a bit nervous about... Have i really healed? ... Will I really accept myself?... Can I be as nice to myself as I would be to every other woman?... I'm scared only of feeling inadequate again... I hope humour will get me through! ???? One moment I am nervous then I am confident and honestly looking forward to having these foreign things out, and can relate to all the ladies who can't buy their size clothes becoz boobs won't let it zip up, hehe. And on the serious side, the shame, the fear I've underlined a bad message for my girls, although they know and can see my motivation was emotional because I've never flaunted them and don't even ever wear togs or low cut tops etc infront of others for fear of them thinking I'm flaunting them...hehe, terrible that I swapped one insecurity for another really when I think about it!.. What an idiot! Hehe I made prisons for myself!... Feels like I'm finally going to be free, not only of the implants but the lifelong internal feelings.. .and really process and overcome them... So I'm nervous but determined to be free!... So I'm not reimplanting... For others that may be absolutely fine and I totally understand if they don't have to carry the emotional baggage with it that I do, hehe...I may one day eat these words but don't think so... I sense I need to be totally free, learn to accept myself totally. And it's good for my beautiful daughters to know what's going on, too, I hope it helps them never take this course... I've been so grateful for all you beautiful women out there, you are so kind to share your stories, so here starts mine.......... ????. Here are the original photos when I was mid twenties, after feeding two children, then after at that time...from original photos... Will post my after the fact ones later on... I've had two more children and feed because are sub muscular cohesive gel implants, so I dread how much worse they will look now with more stretch marks n the weight of implants all these 17years!... Hehe... Oh well... Some poor ladies don't have two strong legs or can't feed, I tell myself... So aiming for gratitude... ????

Woah so much to learn! Thanks for your help ladies! :)

ok so today I've learnt I'd need capsule taken out too because are the worst type, pip and ruptured, into the capsule and beyond on one by ultrasound beliefs, no wonder I'd had the odd shooting pain etc... But I ignored thinking, I couldn't see rippling etc... Duh... How long have ibeen getting poisoned?... Now quite excited to think health issues will probably flee when I have these removed. Yay! :) ok also watched a YouTube clip and if leaking I'd need to be flushed for all the gooey slimed stuff to be sucked out, and then because sub muscular perhaps need the pec muscle reattached?!... Am I on the right track?...what do you think?... Did any of you have or need the muscles fixed?... Appreciate your input and experiences, I'm DEFINATELY leaning towards going private so I can ask these questions, and get them out asap... But will see on Monday what the waiting list is like... My lymph glands are full of silicone, happening both sides, so I feel I want it done within 6 wks...is that too paniky?... Advice please! :)

Hurdle one...

Well!... I had an apt booked this morning... and I haven't been so thrilled n excited over something for ages, it was like getting a present, and in a way I am, project freedom! ;) ...but then they cancelled on me n refered me to someone else once reading my ultrasound report!... That's got me freakin out, why?... Was it too difficult?..is there something worse I don't know yet?... Far out!... Talk about holding an idiot in suspense! Hahaha ...so it gets worse, to go privately the guy that's recommended will cost 15-18 grand nurses ballpark figure... And it's gets even worse, I have to wait till end of April for an apt to just see him, consult!... Ugh... Meanwhile, leaking out of capsule into my glands n goodness knows what else... I read things about a surgeon pulling silicone out of someone's collar bone?!... That it settles in the lungs after escaping the underarm lymph nodes... Hehehe...am I nervous?... I was for a few hours but then hoped on here and wala... You lovely ladies help me see this is just the first hurdle... There will be more... So it's character building I guess?!... ;)

Tears and fears...

I actually wrote this as a reply to a lovely comment by one of my favourites on here, BeYouty., but it equally may help someone else feel understood so am posting it here as my current update on this journey...
Thank you for your kindness, hey each hubby is far from perfect... ;) There are times when I feel mine totally doesn't get what this means to me, it is natural to be upset, it is loss, and the process we have to go through to emotionally process it all aye.. I'm just having my first tears over it all myself... I've had anger at myself, at bullies in my life... Then frustration I can't act on it for one reason or another, and now I'm messing up my makeup!... ;) ...you are such a blessing to us, and your husband obviously adores you for good reason... Mines just been trying to help me not feel panicked, I appreciate that I do, but all I need to do at this moment is cry... I'm preparing myself for the worst now so I won't fall to pieces if it comes later... I'm so sorry for your anguish too... It's an evil system which makes young girls think they don't measure up, and for me there were other influences too... Yeah I am lucky, just wish I hadn't been so stupid n wish I'd had some idea of the complications later on!... Wish I'd had them out years ago!... Wish wish wish at this moment... I've just had a lovely jog in the rain this morning, only to end up bringing it inside!... But I will be fine. I'm expecting them to say because the gel is outside the capsule they'll have to basically mastectomy me... And I feel bad for feeling sad about that, because there are ones who face cancer and things harder than me... But it's still my personal loss... As it is yours... So Sweetness, know that each time your hubby makes you a drink (mine doesn't do those things) or rubs your back...( wow mine doesn't do that!) that he loves you, and know that we understand you...we are filled with purpose to try and compensate here on this site for all the lacks of be it emotional support or just really understanding, it's our free therapy being able to share and care isn't it... Yes, I'll keep knocking on doors so to speak, phone that lady back today...ring acc because I read an article last night saying it may be covered that way...and another saying the exact surgeon that put mine is was barred from nz cosmetic surgery!...so that may help?... Dunno, anyway, got new leads as it were, more hope to get these out sooner than a hundred years thru public health hehe... Thank you again, and yes we are both blessed to have loving mates and to have this site, eachother, to help cope with these difficult times... I can't wait to make some more phone calls today, I unearthed a few more renowned surgeons last night...I liked the sound of them...so yay, clouds are passing, deep breath...meet the day... The sun just might come out?!... ;) Hope yours is a lovely one!...oh, you'd be going to bed on the other side of the globe wouldn't you?!... Well sweet dreams then luvy... Sorry for the huge emotional ramble here... and thank you for your kindness! Xxx

Chat with a doctor...

not my doctor I want to add, she was a lovely lady I was sent to see to rule out if last years chronic inflammation that still isn't fully recovered is related to this rupturing of implants... It went something like this:
I saw the specialist this morn about previous sickness that was a mystery and had all sorts of symptoms other than it, and she said she doesn't believe they'd be able to use implants if they were unsafe.... Hehehe... Ok.......... I said well it's true sometimes there are other lifestyle points to consider which add to some illnesses, but the vast majority of ones here are super slim because they are often so fit n healthy, then they get these and suffer!... I said I heard her word of caution, not to think everything on Google is true... (She doesn't know me) hehe but there are too many ladies on here with health issues, especially once they rupture...that sometimes, I said, circumstantial evidence proves things without scientific testing... (we all know tests are fuddled all the time to support things unsafe, or increase their potential value don't we?!).
I'm sorry if I sound cynical, but I'm guessing there are some out there who have had this type of conversation?...docs know best?...so did the plastic surgeons who didn't inform many of us about the long term risks... Anyway, I might be on a band wagon for five mins then I'll get over it...hehe, anyway personally I'm much happier for gaining as much knowledge as I can, and it sounds like we argued, we didn't, but we did however politely stand our ground, she that it's not related, and I'm happy if it isn't! Although I said even if it's a different illness not caused by these being ruptured it at least means my body couldn't cope so well, having two things to heal/fix... Anyway that's my two cents for now! ;) hope to post much better news later on... Hoping I find a surgeon who has done capsulectomies and can see me before Xmas! Hehe ;)

Options, help me choose...

Do I choose Dr 1 whos very experienced and can do all the good stuff, including my silicone lymph nodes if necessary...but is 25 grand and 2hrs away. But can fit me in next month.... Or Dr 2 whos actually the public system which is free but waiting six to 12 months...and don't know who it'd be, but probably ok... Or Dr 3 whos local and also very experienced, and costs 15 grand but can't see me till 2 months time for even consult?...unless someone gets sick n cancels?!... Please, I want your opinions... :) At least I again have options... ;)

Woohooo I'm booked for consult!...Guess when!...

Big big day that started with tears, of relief!... After a desperate attempt (3rd time phoning since not happy leaving a message) I got a receptionist and asked about doc 3 and was told yes he's booked... I told her how desperate I was, that I have those dreaded PIP implants and my lymph nodes are full of leaking silicone... She spoke to someone and I burst into tears thanking her when she came back to say "wow we've just had a cancellation for this coming Monday!"... Would I like that?... Hehe ... I blubbered through my details hehe, then had a great day! ;) Feeling sooo blessed, hoping the next stage goes as smoothly!... For all of us!!! ;) xxx

Ok this is a before photo nowdays, to show droppage...

Thing one and thing two... Hahaha I laughed when someone else wrote that so had to copy... ;) Who thinks I will drop considerably?... They are much lower than before...it's all skin I reckon, and another lovely lady said some of her tissue had to come out with it since ruptured, I am at peace even with that now... I just want these out asap! I've been tender and getting shooting pains in them for oh I don't know over a year?... I even looked up signs of menopause thinking with fatigue etc perhaps I was starting that early?!... Duh! How any clues do I need?! Lol... Anyway, is what it is so dealing with it... ;) Love today as all days to my brave soon to be or recently silicone sisters! Xxx

Inspirational quote for the day:

Never be defined by your past
Your past is just a lesson
Not a life sentence!
;)
Ok, so I've had a great chat telling a close friend (now we are even closer lol) about my Explant...she was lovely and so concerned!... And hubby heard this quote and shared it with me, thought it may be inspirational to share?!... Boy have we all learnt some lessons, us girls! ;) hehe. Then jumped on here and read old reviews, laughed n nearly cried as usual, there are so many awesome women that I just wish I could get to know better! I'm so grateful for the wonderful way our bodies are made, how hey put up with us! Lol ;) I'm feeling hopeful and happy that tomorrow is my appointment to meet the most likely surgeon!...he's got tons of experience so the main thing is when he can do it...coz I don't know if it's my body manifesting my fears or what but my boobs are burning now, but DEFINATELY the lymph glands are bigger each few days too, so hoping it is a soon op or that he can fit me in on a cancellation! ;)
Love and peace to all you beautiful, perfectly fabulous without a lot of boobage, women out there!!! Xxxxxxxx
Ps, heard a couple of other quotes, one was, what is more womanly than bearing children and being someone's soul mate...
Another is:
Don't fear fear, fear is a liar! (False Evidence Appearing Real) ps this is they type that holds you back from taking positive action, not the intuitive stay away from danger type!) ;)

Huston we have blast off! ;) lol

Yes my consult went amazingly...We have a date for blast off lol! ... So let me step you through it...
First, while arriving excited and early, I started filling out the forms as you do and started to shake uncontrollably, then once i steadied my nerves I got blurred vision... Tears I had to literally choke back... And a few naughty ones escaped!, unseen with my back to another patient I quickly dabbed them away discretely... Gosh!... Txt my daughters and a friend and immediately received loving support via txt back...and a bit of prayer!... Then when called proceeds to apologise as my voice broke with emotion!... Gosh I was so u expecting this to happen to me, I was just soo overwhelmed with all the "it's all hinging on this" emotion... Was he going to apply for ACC?..was he going to remove enblock?... Was he even going to be nice and would I trust him, after waiting this week for him which felt like a month?!... I soon realised it was a yes... He read my email and ultrasound for a few minutes, then we chatted about how they were PIP and my banned surgeon..who he said had actually been quite a good surgeon, he'd just not had enough experience... Then examination... Not awkward at all, haha I felt like I'd been on the Brazilian beaches all my life coz I just whipped my top off n couldn't get on his table fast enough!... He was that kind of guy!... Mature, kind and you could tell he was looking at them like a surgeon not a sleaze...he was totally professional yet also able to be nice not too clinical with this sensitive issue... He commented kindly that they were great, that the surgeon has skill, hehe, but yes, felt the glands and ok...knows what he will have to do... And to show me how much would be left he pinched the inside skin and said, this is what you will be left with... So didn't sugar coat it... I said yea, after he'd offered to reimplanting, I'd already considered that but I was sure I didn't want anymore, we didn't have the money to keep going back, and I didn't want to have to remove them in my sixties, and that my hubby would love me if I were literally limbless, and I've come to peace with a lot of insecurities... He said that's fine, and if you change your mind in a year we are always here... I asked about fat transfer from my hips... He said he can but it's slow and only has about half fat survival rate... So expensive... Creams?...none he recommended...
So I knew all that, but here's the miracle girls:

He admitted some of even the ones he has implanted have been rejected by bodies and he's seen women get sick too, he feels there heaps of evidence but never quite enough to point the finger directly at the implants...so he said once ruptured there's more chance but even without, there's a small percentage of women who's bodies react badly to the compounds.. But this can happen with any foreign body. So he had such a lovely kind and calm demeanour that he also made me feel calm so that by the end of it I was cracking jokes as I do and was so much more relieved!... Quote came back at 13 thousand...
There is part of me that still thinks woah that's a lot of money, but I'm sure I'm in good hands...hubbys happy, I'm local so daughters can play being supportive darlings... And there's still the chance ACC should come to the party with the cost, since they didn't have a watchdog set up for finding ladies with these old type, possibly the dangerous sort, and I have health issues on record now, not to mention the stress and mental anxiety I've had to experience!... He said he's claimed and got ACC for patients before, so I'm stoked!... Here's hoping because I just applied for an extension to our mortgage! :/ hehe... They were keen to offer more, but we were hoping to have our mortgage heading in the other direction! Hehe... So I resisted the temptation lol. (Dreams of a nice new bathroom, new carpet, haha...down bad thoughts, down!)
So I was waiting to hear back from the Ausy surgeon but hubbys like I'd rather we were local luvy... I think he feels safer! Hehe...plus he said, isn't there that scripture that says money's worth nothing soon anyway?! Hehe... So just go for it, I just want you with someone good, don't care what it costs... (Obviously I handle our finances and feel sorry for him working so hard to make it! ;). We have a great marriage, based on two things... Love, which is essential, and the other principle where he makes the money and I spend it hehe, he even jokes that my jobs harder haha ... See why I want to clone him?! Lol...
Anyway, excited blabbering!.. Ok so I booked and guess when for?...
3 and 1/2 weeks!... Or 3 weeks and 2 days... My date is 6th April, unless he has any cancellations... Woohooo!... And I stay in over night because he has to cut me under arms too for lymph nodes... Ugh, yummy scars... No more sleeveless tops for me?!... Oh I guess I can just say it was where I had lymph nodes taken out if someone asks aye?!... How will I shave?!.. Has anyone else had this issue?... Should I wax them instead just before surgery?!... Does that grow back slower?... Or does it make for ingrown hairs etc?!... Advice please!... ;)
Ok so the actual process is enbloc removal of implants, then involved nodes, and thru fold under (what's left of) boob, hehe.. He warned it will be a bigger, wider slice tho since getting them out will be harder than putting them in... One of those roll my eyes moments and oh why did I do this to myself captions!...
So all in all I'm so excited!... So relieved because he said he's seen bigger lymph nodes... And he's warned me I will be flat.. I just forgot to ask if he takes other tissue with it, if he's deformed anyone, etc ... You know, a few important questions!.. But figured as I realised that and wondered about asking... That it is whatever it is, it needs to be done, he's local and well respected...the most experienced in town, so whatever happens happens I guess... He's gotta take what he has to and I just said just do your best... What more can anyone ask?!... ;)
So that's my report ladies!... :) I might not post his name so as to protect him from flack or criticism by peers since he agreed that these CAN cause sickness, but the community manager can always email me if you want to use him... ;) Hey and a shout out to our friend, BeYouTy!...who's boarding a plane tomorrow to take her final step of the journey! ;) xxx I'm sure I speak for all of us wishing this lovely lady the calmest thoughts and best results! Xxxx Love and Peace to all! Xxxx

Thoughts to a brave explanter:

Aw Sweetness, can totally relate... You are indeed doing the best thing for your body, and your heart. These things being carried around are representations of the fact we didn't accept ourselves, or bought into the bullies who suggested we were insignificant or unappealing. Taking them out is so much more than an operation, it's also I am finding, a letting go and processing of the abuse that put them in!... But it's giving way to a rebirth of understanding ourselves... It's not easy though at times although the conscious mind approves and the heart is willing and convinced, because just as scar tissue pulls we inevitably have moments with the scars of insecurity pulling at us. I'm so glad you have the courage to join us in gaining your freedom... :) We will all win this fight! Better health, self appreciation and respect are ours for the taking!...onwards March my fellow battlers, boobies to the fore! Lol. Let's stop drop n roll like the fire drills... Stop this self torture! Drop these insecurities! And Roll these toxic bags out the door! ;) xxxx Thinking of you all wherever you are and with all you are going through, my brave Bosom Buddies!!! :) xxxxxxx

Peace and Patience...

I feel so at peace with it all since I understand so much more and have been able to process the emotions far faster than I would have alone!... I'm so grateful for you all!... Together we are a persecution comfort team, it's where the true beauty of women comes out, in tender compassion for eachother and nurturing of eachothers hearts, and strength of mind. I'm in admiration for you all, my Brave Bosom Buddies! Xxx :) Yes I am wishing the days away!..and have a family to care for so keep busy, but feel this is such a privileged section of my life getting to meet all of you, and you'll not be forgotten, even if we never meet face to face! My love and earnest prayers for your endurance go out to you... Sweet Ladies! Xxxx I wish all of you that are waiting the same peace while patiently awaiting your liberation alongside me! ;) xxx

A reply to IttyBittiesRock that might help ...

Lol... So are you! ;) Hehe, cool image and yes hubby calls me a crusader, I jump on an important issue and go 100% for support! ;) I think it's the Irish in me that comes out fighting!..I braved the possibility of death last year but this is harder in a way to process..that I just knew I'd wake up in a resurrection later...altho I was gutted to leave my family and would've fought to stay as long as I could...so I've got to summon deeper strengths, and fighting to have women believe they are all they needed to be, naturally... flat, huge, lop sided, whatever!... These asthetics are culturally based, so long necks are in some places and people torture girls and women to stretch them or at least make them appear longer, as in China years ago crushing girls feet was the done thing to promote tiny feet... This whole system is set up on cruelty and the propoganda we are not enough... I'm looking forward to sleeping on my tummy and no mech pain and headaches amongst other things!... Lol ...so well it's either laugh or cry isn't it hehe... It's about flipping this experience and seeing it for what it is aye, a major suck in for the propaganda we were fed culturally, but yes like everyone else I'm scared of the aftermath of pain etc... But seeing lovely ones like loulouredders doing sooo well it's so encouraging!... Thank you for your story as well, we all need eachother right now! ;) xxx wishing you all the best...! :)

Holding weight/health issues with implants?

If so this might help!.. It's a collection of years of personal research but here goes in simple terms: (and love to hear your comments and further suggestions!) :) xx

I've heard several say they're trying like mad to lose weight but can't.. Here's why...

The body stores not only goodies but also baddies in fat cells, to protect your blood from too much toxicity or we would die!... So with a poisonous source of toxins still trapped inside us our bodies have no way to get rid of the load and end up making sure we can't lose fat, fighting against us with weight loss endeavours, it is Infact protecting us!

The human body is truly incredibly well made! ;) So, ridding these things is step one, and how to do that follows below, but step two would be lifting the other toxic loads .. Internal and external... I'm not talking spending thousands at a butt cleaning spa either folks! ... Simple steps like even reducing, weaning off, the bad foods and externally getting rid of highly chemical cleaners and using white vinegar instead which is cheaper and cleans as well (kills same harmful bacteria and mould as pretty bottles do!) and as a bonus hubby says it brings back memories of fish n chips while you're on the toilet lol... And changing personals like shampoo to natural brands, and toothpaste...and some could even go a step further if you have breath or digestive issues by swishing organic coconut oil through your teeth and holding it in your mouth at least five-15 minutes, this pulls poisons from your gums and primes your initial stage digestive system, the salivary glands... Especially good for those with amalgams for the Mercury etc....note spit out in bin tho not a drain!.. ;) .. You get the idea, even if you take one thing on a week you'd notice a difference and support greater health... But most importantly it's about your blood, the life stream of your body..
. So back to step one...
If you alkaline your blood you'll heal faster too, so juicing veges, etc, organic wheatgrass shots are incredible too if you can access them via a juice bar in town?!...research the stuff, it builds the best blood!!... Even made one lady's grey hair turn brown again because of its high minerals!... And easily at home you can take brags organic apple cider vinegar to do wonders, a couple teaspoons in a glass of water before meals helps shed kilos and that's why...it not only alkalises the blood (our foods and stresses today cause acidity) but also heals you internally and promotes good bacteria growth needed to absorb nutrients and helps enzyme production... Awesome stuff! Funnily enough, as you alkaline your blood you crave less junk too and feel more vital so exercise more too, even if it's just the way you hold yourself!... My policy is if God made it, it's awesome!... If man made it, or highly processed it, be very wary! (Having said this from a twenty year addiction from chocolate, so addicted I could eat a big block a night, and named my butt cheeks after two fav Choc brands hahaha) Yes the weight will drop off you once your body's got support to detox, fat cells will be like oh wow it's time to go fellas! Lol ;) xxxx

Other than fat though, health is of the utmost importance, and these two steps, cleaning/supporting your river so it's not toxic, and cleaning up the lifestyle along with good exercise will enable you to live the longest healthiest life you can in this system ... Added bonus many are concerned about?.. Cancer cannot grow in alkaline blood! ...oh yes there are other things like baking soda and certain acids... Lemons are fantastic too... Overall, research and do whatever you enjoy and make the changes you feel you will adopt permanently, and you'll be blessing yourself for it!
Love to you all!!! Xxxxx

Comments of emotional acknowledgement...

Aw Sweetness, many of us are in your boat, there are many emotions to deal with...anger for those that pressured us and eroded our self esteem, grief over the loss of control of our bodies, especially those of us with heal issues that have emanated from this...Frustration we can't go back, weren't more informed to be able to save the pain and money and loss of income, hurt over how others have viewed us for essentially abusing ourselves... And fear about the consequences we are forced to deal with... But on the positive side, you'll likely find with me there's a newfound determination to process these issues of insecurities, many already have but just didn't realise there was a problem or how dangerous they were... There is great joy knowing we are liberating ourselves from a social stigma, a perverted cultural view, and helping others to be educated too! ... I'm so glad you're another precious woman joining us on this road! I'm so grateful for the emotional support that can only come from being totally understood... And there are no holds barred, let it all out here, we will support and guide you however we can!...we are all Bosom Buddies! ;) xxxx Big Air Hug!

What is linked? Health issues...

ok, time to write the list of everything I can recall during the past several years... Things I took for granted were unrelated and because of my stupid ignorance about the signs of implant damage etc I could have been ruptured for years!!... Ugh I dread to think what long term damage is done... Too scary to dwell on, but I have for armed myself to see the signs of cancers more likely from having these stupid things... lymphoma and Breast cancer (and brain cancer...ops too late for that one! Lol) since I'm now over 40 and have my lymph nodes full of the stuff...and apparently it's like oil, impossible to get rid of?!... Yikes!... Ok here goes folks, fellow Bosom Buddies:
Fatigue!... Nana naps too often!... Sometimes going back to bed after kids were at school... I put this down to ...
Depression ...which I knew in my head I had no reason for, I literally have it all!... Know our wonderful loving God, best adoring husband, wonderful healthy children-mostly, few issues with the last two learning etc and anxiety ...interestingly I fed them with implants... And are in a good position financially, with a nice home and didn't need to work full time...I do come from a mixed up background but where I am now I was and should be happy!... Another side affect could be extreme emotional sensitivity, like bawling over someone's comment, when I used to be ok...
Anxiety, closely related to depression I think.. I would panic in the night and have ocd to check on the kids, was ocd altogether, had to have things in their place or felt I wouldn't cope...
Headaches and migranes especially this last year, blinding ones which sent me to bed!...
Vision loss!... All went blurry like a kalideascope! A dozen times until I got the wheatgrass to help my blood out!!...it was denagerous!..I could be driving the kids to school and start losing my vision!... :/
Tinnitus to the max!...literally got used to it...annoying tho when it's quiet.. Lol
Weird polyps?!...on my face and chest n arms... They're like a cross between warts and pimples... Ugh!
Heart palpitations!...can't have coffee! Even without it my heart sometimes takes two beats or does like a leap thingy...!
My period was never ever out of rhythm but was coming a week late and lasting too long!...
Vaginal pain...normal usually but I would occaisionally get these sharp pains suddenly then not for ages...everything else was normal tho so I didn't get that checked out...
Eosinophilia, a rare blood disorder of one of three white blood cells, indicating allergy...hence a rigorous elimination diet and elimination of anything I was already slightly allergic to like my precious cats! :(...
Massive inflammation and stomach pain!...they thought was a tumor from the c.t. Scan and bloods...where my white blood cells were attacking my duodenum and small intestine and stomach! ... Like I've said I went natural holistic and ate really well and did heaps of wheatgrass shots...my blood still isn't back to normal, but it's down from 21 times normal to 3...but at least I've avoided the hospitals only solution of high dose steroids!... I am due to have another set of photos and biopsies done in the near future to check on it...
Adrenal fatigue...well that's how best I could relate it to, because blood tests showed no viruses, bactaria overload, did poo tests etc too... No yeast overgrowth either, altho I was a Choc craver... And no parasites... Felt like I was on edge and like adrenals were fight or flight in me most the time! ... Cortisol city?!...
Dry skin, like my face would peel during the day even with foundation on lol...
Acne...at my age?!...especially on my chest and back...
Hairs thin anyway, so not sure if that's related, but seems to have gotten thinner...
Weird taste in my mouth lately in the mornings... Started using coconut oil to promote good environment...
I'd been tested positive also for Mercury content in my urine, so I thought this was the issue and had my amalgams removed... But did so under holistic care conditions...nose oxygen, rubber dams to prevent any escaping into me, etc etc, and took lyposheric vitamin c which gets into your blood etc ...
Started getting weaker so couldn't run as far or as freely...bummer! Lol but this leads to ...
Sleep disturbances...all my life I've hit the pillow and slept!..not now, I will wake at random times and not be able to sleep for hours etc... And I'm not THaT old! Lol...
I can't believe I researched early menopause, thinking perhaps it's that?! Lol... Now this makes more sense! ...
Fragile bones in my feet and I'm taking a joint support tablet daily now... I have had to wear cushioned shoes inside out house for ten years!, otherwise I get what feels like glass in my feet!...
Itchiness, sometimes with no rhyme or reason, there's no bites, like a skin crawling sensation!...like at moment it's itchy shins! Yes shins! What on earth?!...
Digestive changes, and increased allergies to things! Especially when feeding!..I suddenly developed an egg allergy after having our son... Now it's also milk, gluten, sugar...it makes me hypertensive... Ugh sometimes I go to the pantry or fridge hungry n realise I have to cook some brown rice! Lol...
Brain fog!... I used to be able to remember whole ph now on one go, names etc no problem, but the last few years I've been joking its my early altzheimers!... Not a funny illness by the way, at all... Just my way of brushing it off but I really started to think...perhaps I do have it?!...
Wicked smell sensitivity!...couldn't for years shop for shoes with the kids, the glues would haze me out and give me a headache and choke my lungs!...Grandma did that for me!... But also smoke, even if from a huge distance it would feel like I was suffocating!...
Last year my lymph glands in abdomen were enlarged too...
Frequent sicknesses, but I used to be strong...
I was dubbed wonder woman, and I was! I have to say I had tons of energy and built things, did sewing, baked etc and raised 5 kids! Plus welcome extras lol...then I changed several years ago... He exhaustion began and never went away for long, I'd have he odd amazing day but it'd leave me exhausted and teary the next...
Tasting chemicals in food, no longer eat processed food...
Acute hearing sensitivity, can't sleep without water wheel on to distract my hearing from outside noises that'll keep me awake, even if it's a drip or a distant dog... When laying down, I know this sounds funny and don't know why...but when laying down its worse, it feels like people are yelling! Lol...why?!...
Chillyness...hubby calls me the cold fish lol...
Spark burnt out, I mean creativity and drive just almost gone, just barely doing the basics...
Face numbness then pain when under stress!...
Neck and back pain, loads of tears and trips to osteopath clicking my back in, then hubby learnt how to save money...
But through this all I've kept pretty fit and active, but felt just 'unwell' for suuuuch a long time!... About 6 years ago I thought I had cancer or something, told myself it was just burnout tho because was just so fatigued..not other symptoms...I'm a bit weary of doctors and didn't want heaps of medication, seeing that it leads to more and more so I followed my instinct..., so I just did a massive action plan and totally transformed my diet and exercise... This brought me back for a while, but then I've gradually slipped back into the exhaustion that is not relevant to my load...
Light sensitivity, lol, my hubby calls me the carpet beetle, because even in winter I'll use sunglasses or I'd get a headache!... (Yikes, many symptoms here point to a brain tumor you know?!... But I reject that too., lol, plus I believe if I eat right I will create an unfavourable environment for it to exist...)
Um...I'm sure there are other things too... But those are the main things! :).
Sound familiar?... Love to hear your comments!... Xxx

Oh what have we done to ourselves?!.. :/ I'm dedicating this body to health from now on... so I can hopefully see my grandchildren when they come!!... Otherwise will see them in the resurrection! ;)

Only God knows what's attributed to this or that, but there is such a disturbing coincidence isn't there running through these ladies experiences who've got implants then gone downhill healthwise...

Actually reading this list, I'm surprised I didn't suspect the implants before last year, when I looked into getting them out, just a phone call... Not examination.. Because I was thinking I wanted to go totally natural and get harem out just Incase they were adding to my pressures biologically...but never having researched them, being naive to the no symptoms of rupture...and certainly not ever seeing testimonials and the list of chemicals that make them up! Oh my gosh!... I bet many of us have siad to ourselves how we could have done this?!.. I just hope I help even one poor lady to have the strength to Explant and accept their body... I look at those about to implant and cringe...I know I'll get hate mail if I warn every single one but I do those who pop up in my mail list lol, because I wouldn't care if I didn't! ;) xxxxxx Love and hoping I haven't scared anyone too much?! Lol xxxxx

PLEASE READ THIS WEBSITE IF YOU WANT TO GET WELL! :)

http://healingbreastimplantillness.com/detoxification/#comment-5843

People, this is bizarre... I found this website while searching for answers to detox from silicone poisons after I Explant in a couple weeks time... I know several of you will love this read!!... She's written what took me hundreds of hours to find out myself last year! Lol... She's written it waaay better than I ever could though so please read it, and if a community manager sees it or if you know how can you please post in on the forums etc and questions section for best exposure?!.... :) xxxx Love to all sufferers! Xxxx

Look what the cat dragged in...

ok it's not really related except to say it broke a good sleep, but we wake at 5 am to hear this screeching I've never heard before, my husband jumping back from it and me going under the curtains to find out what on earth was making this noise!...lol..the kitten/cat looking very pleased with his first catch... A FROG scared outa it's little hoppy mind lol.. I opened the door n let him out into the rain... Crack up!... But this is encouraging in two ways, I haven't seen frogs for yonks, so it's an indication things are getting healthier in the farmland locally...and i got to look thru more reviews! Lol... The post of Megan's which is the one where she's upset with her results that she had with doctor Feng, this is how I expect I will look because I'm riddled with stretch marks top n bottom, from feeding with these and before I got them... Soooo my question is, BeYOUty you may know not by experience obviously but thru your beauty industry knowledge?... How effective is dermaroller and cream for stretch marks?... Ive been you tubing and there's laser etc, but too expensive probably n doesn't work overnight either... What do you reckon?... I'm off to take my lyposheric vitamin c and glutathione because I feel like I'm fighting a cold since bugs are passing around lately..and I can't get sick!... ;) I will put coconut oil on while in the kitchen! Lol Hope you are all well! Xxxxxxx ..and your cats don't bring any early morning wake up surprises! Lol ;)

ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!... :D

Ok! So it's basically 10 days till the day now!... I'm posting a couple of side profiles too, but they're difficult to get without my arms in the way! Lol... Anyway, suffice to show I'm DEFINATELY gonna have overhang now after Explant aye?!...

Wow, I feel like I'm so close to the finish line now... It's all set in motion, and there's no fear, except priming my hubby n kids what to do etc because I've told them I'll be useless! Even things like doing our daughters gorgeous long curly hair I will have to delegate to my older daughter! Lol... Makes you realise how much we use our arms!... And we have a new fridge n it dawned on me, I might not be able to open it! Lol... So hubby n I practiced opening it with our fingers not using our pecs...impossible! I might lose weight! Lol ;) Speaking of which, I've been good and bad with diet... Doing blends in the NutriBullet, yesterday's was supremely unusual but surprisingly tasty! Lol... Basil, kiwi fruit, grapes off our vine, Apple off our tree, a carrot, chia seeds and water...! Gotta be good! Liver said thanks! ;) but then I've also been naughty loving my organic thick creamy unsweetened yoghurt, omgosh, with walnuts and raisins n pumpkin seeds!... ;) I confess I also made a gluten free apple crumble with very little sugar n ate some... :/ yes I'm ashamed... Lol... ;) Other than that tho I've been really good! Kumera, lamb another omgosh... I'm so in love with good food! Hehe... Then tonight hubby 'cooked'... Fish n chips... Ate a few chips only and took most my batter off, might still pay tomoro, can feel gurgling...but hey gotta enjoy these few treats... Invited to dinner out tomoro... Be nice, so obviously I'm not sticking like I was hoping to very strictly to any particular diet, just feeding well...probably too well, and listening to what body craves... ;) Just taking magnesium but will stop couple days before surgery incase it interferes with anything...

I might get called in on weds on a cancellation if someone gets sick, but for their sake I hope not... Since the nurse told me all the ones ahead of me have cancer... :/ poor ladies, I can just imagine their anguish... So I'm feeling grateful.

I've got lots to do n now have my book to read, Dr Kolb, the naked truth about breast implants! Woohoo it arrived today!... So I'm set for chilling out n having total confidence I've done the right thing by not re-implanting! ;)

Oh I finished writing my letter to ACC stating my reasons I believe I should be covered ... It's 3 pages of 10 points... I hope she takes it the right way... I can't imagine being rejected for cover after that! (Usually just the specialist or doctor applies n that's it, but I phoned for my case managers email because I wanted to submit to my file photos of the implant serial numbers and this letter too, since the PIP implants are a different kettle of fish! :/

Well I'm about to sleep the night away, I hope... Love to all you lovely ladies out there who have touched my heart and who I'm thinking of, my Bosom Buddies! ;) xxxxxxxxx

One week to go!...

Ok I'm not going to countdown every day ... Lol... But just wanna share every few days how grateful I am for all of you! Xxx I am totally looking forward to this yet have stomach complaints arisen from just the magnitude of this whole journey!... I feel so loved and supported and wish I could wrap every lovely lady here up in the soft blanket of comfort I'm experiencing! ;) xxx I'm nervous but excited, curious and calm... I've got one more appointment on Thursday as a pre op... I get to ask if I can please have these tested, if I can please have cool curved incisions like BeYOUTy?!... ;) and if I can just wear a bandage, and what to do re types of activities afterwards etc... Saw dr Feng says no lifting arms for 2 weeks?!... Oh n also I'm gonna ask if I can get an MRI to see where silicones gone in my body lol... Do I really wanna know?! Hehe.. Yes, I do... ;)

Oh and the ACC case manager called, she was lovely!... She's trying to find proof of not informing me properly etc and my records etc, but place seems shut down?!.. Ugh... Hope she finds a way... Otherwise I sent her a bunch of links on YouTube about PIP implants... Because if I can't prove they're ruptured yrs ago she says they can't pay out! :/ I explained these were all ruptured well before dates expected because of shell, and possibly extra poisonous filling... But doesn't matter... They take rupture from date I paid for ultrasound?! Flipping crazy!... Didn't happen that dam day! Grr... Why do law rules be so mental?! Lol... I've got a lawyer ready!!!... ;) I want a bit of justice thanks very much!... I wouldn't be in danger if it weren't for no one contacting me about the scandal!... Anyway, sorry that's my moan session over, promise! ;) xxx any suggestions are fully welcome!....or links etc!... Xxx

On the upside I'm quite happily emotional tonight because I've had lovely family time and just have the best hubby in the world! ;) xxx wish I could post those of you on your own or with horrible situations a clone! Lol... Xxx

Hoping you all have a terrific day and feel loved in it! Xxxxx

Laying awake...

ok so was so exhausted I went to bed at 8:30, couldn't get the kids in bed fast enough... I had a visit to the friend who nursed me when I got them in, she was boarding with me at the time... She was lovingly concerned but spoke of the agony she had getting just one lymph node removed etc... I'm worried again bout the aftermath so keep reading how well most ladies deal with it all, I'm hoping I can be like those...

I have an apt to ask last Qs of surgeon today, and have a busy week and weekend thank goodness...

Feel like crying I just want it all over so I can begin healing from one of the worst mistakes of my life!.,. I'm so tired already from waiting to have it done, I can't imagine the exhaustion I'll feel afterwards?!...

Then there's the ACC saying there's no proof I ruptured years ago... I need a small miracle to just get validation and some sense of apology thru justice!... They told the public they'd contacted everyone with these implants...but not me!...and perhaps others!... My hubby says don't worry about it but I'm peeved!... I know I should be using this time wisely and preparing etc but feel so upset by this!... Think my nerves are a bit shot, will pray n try to go back to sleep, it's 2;45am here... My eczema is flared up on extracapsular side and now tonight my face... Itchy az!... :/

If I go toilet the cat will follow me upstairs, then his purring will soothe me, little darling... Love to all my fellow sufferers of this evil propaganda we were not enough!... Xxxxxxxxx

Feeling more at peace again... :)

I phoned the case manager for ACC this morning and again she was lovely, and even assured me it wasn't just the date she was interested in... I offered to get a letter or email from a well known surgeon in the UK to tell her what he's found, so not I have to find one who's willing to do that for me... Because she was going to ask my surgeon about them but he's never even explanted any PIPs ... He's so lovely tho and wasn't offended at all when I asked if he minded me getting evidence from another surgeon about his type to help my ACC case for reimbursement...

He also told me he does curved incisions and I asked more about muscle repair...he explained he would if there was enough to tack down but not if he'd cut just across the base... I feel a lot better knowing he does if he can see it needs it... He said he's only had one lady with a double boob crease since its mended to the muscle edge, but he just operated and removed that section of muscle...then she was fine!... I asked about lifts if I'm soooo saggy I can't stand it lol... He really suggested waiting to see, then we could look at it no problems after about six months... I asked about price of fat transfers, woah, about 7k each treatment and need about two minimum... Probably out of our price reach, I'd been hoping they'd be about 2k under local?!... But I don't want to spend that much on my body...especially since hubby honestly doesn't care n would feel he had a wife with more unique boobs! Lol... He's a character... And I'd rather a trip! ;) I've never been overseas!...

So all in all I'm feeling much happier and got sooo much done I should sleep well tonight, I'm sorry for the boohoos yesterday but just got freaked n downhearted by the thought of all these fears and uncertainties and thought of so much pain etc... I hope the pain my friend felt was because of the infection she had not the fact it was a lymph node.. Who else has had lymph nodes removed?!...

Oh n he said a little fluid can be good, help prevent sticking, so takes it out if less fluid the next day or leaves for a few days, but not a week or anything... He said it can also help the skin shock lol...looks like there's still a bit there hehe... He's so cool and I feel so comfortable with him! So again, feeling blessed and happy and have bought my hubby a prezzie...he loved it, a historical book about where he grew up, and cooking him a homely lamb meal, then a bought desert... I feel like celebrating! ;) ...I went shopping for two weeks food, my kids helped out n carried heavier things...good practice lol... So I'm happy! :)

Hope today brought some joys for you all?!... I look forward to checking on you after I've roasted the potatoes n kumera, got the kiddies to bed, and climbed into bed! ;) xxx

Found a few things..don't want to scare tho...

Here's a link to a pretty hard core site that lists facts n figures, ONLY FOR THOSE WHO WANT EXTRA CONFIDENCE ABOUT EXPLANTING, ENBLOC,... And NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED!... Xxxxx I do not want to scare, just share what I've found... Remember I'm in the worst case scenario, worst type, PIP, worst case, gel stuck thru tissue as extracapsularly ruptured... But I'm the sort that likes to know what I'm up against, for many ignorance is bliss... Follow your gut! Xxx Love you all my fellow bosom buddies! Xxxxx

Ops forgot link...for those who want to know...

http://www.breastimplantinfo.org/category/more-than-you-wanted-to-know/

One roast closer to removing my Pips! Lol...

ok so it might be subconsciously I'm building up iron levels?! Dunno but I'm craving lamb lamb lamb! I feel evil coz they're so super cute n I love all animals, but I'm salivating just smelling the scent wafting upstairs from the slow cooker! Lol... Ok so watercress, kumera, pumpkin...mmmm.... My family is so forgiving I'm thrashing the same dinners, lol, but then because I'm on here dinners late so they're hungry anyway haha... That's the trick folks! ;), hehe

Ok so a productive day, cleaned stuff but get exhausted quickly so break it up with rests... But feels good am heading in the right direction preparing for a month of not being able to stretch sheets over difficult corners on bunks etc... They'll have to do it now! ;) I've even made the kids pry themselves away from tv to clean out underneath their beds and clothes drawers with me... Thank goodness my Mums not here to make me do mine! Lol... ;) It's like nesting!!!... Hehe...... I'm clearing out n cleaning up ready for my new baby boobies!!! Lol. At least I know they're both girls, so I've got the right clothes for them lol...! I just hope the twins won't keep me up at night?!... Hehe

...ok so it's kinda funny too how they're called Pips?!, I know it's the company initials but that works too, they are the central bits that people just wanna spit out! Haha... I've asked my boobies to please step back for the doctor, let him take the Pips! ;) (ie, spit out the Pips! Lol) They say they hear things in the womb... Lol well boobs are a lot closer! Hehe...so I'm hoping they got the message loud n clear! ;)

Well, someone's gotta go eat this roast... Love to you all!!! Hope there were no pips in your day! ;) Thank you for being Sweet fruity ladies in mine! xxxx

Some may enjoy this site too!...

http://breastimplantfailure.net/2016/03/22/un-informed-consent/

Another awesome website! :)

http://www.lightparty.com/Health/SiliconePoison.html

Day Before With a COLD! Waaaat?! Oh nooooo!

Hi Bosom Buddies... Well it's Murphy's law lol... Woke with splitting headache, this bug has been trying to get me n with all my lack of sleep etc guess it's winning this morning?!... I can still breathe fine so hoping it stays that way coz I'm determined to get this poison OUT!... ;) I don't want to postpone because I am losing more lymph nodes each week! :(... Now even my groin lymph nodes are up!... So sorry if I miss your updates, hope to catch up later... But shout out for juliehayes who goes under with me tomoro! Xxxxxxxxx

So! I've gone downstairs with a splitting headache n taken vit c n glutathione, two powerful antioxidants, then I'm back in bed to chat with you ladies now, then I'm gonna have a steamy shower n eucalyptus oil to get into lungs... Then take my wheatgrass shots I bought yesterday, then do a few house things like clean bathrooms n wash up my bed, take my vitamins, d, magnesium, ran out of complex so when I go post some stuff later will pop in to chemist n get zinc and arnica for after surgery... Gonna just have lots of water and warm drinks with lemon, Manuka honey and dash of Apple cider vinegar too... Infact after this that's what I'll go make I think!...

Then last thing detangle my daughters beautiful long curly hair!... It's a mission! Lol...

Ok so I was going to snuggle back down but just want to get started n get some of that out of the way!... Plus being up might help pump blood around ...?!... Xxxx

Love and thanks to all of you! This journeys been so much easier thanks to each and every one of you! I'm so grateful to have had this site and it's blessings of education through you!... Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. :)

Perfectly relaxed and ready to go! ;)

hello lovelies! :) xxx thought I'd do a quick end of day post...

Wow, eventful one!..starting out feeling oh no with a cracker headache then after guzzling vitamins etc and lemon honey drinks... I'm feeling all better!.. Not even much better but ALL better! ;) hehe... Crazy cool!

Not only that but the nurse phoned and I told her about groin lymph nodes being up... And she said ok let's do groin lymph ultrasound... Well that resulted in immense relief for me, to know they're just up in sympathy, not silicone ...yet. ;)

Now just enjoyed another lamb meal n am making bone broth overnight... What happened to the liquid diet?! Lol... Lamb lamb lamb! ;) anyway, I had cuddles with Hubby and now I'm super drowsy n suspect I'll have the best sleep yet!

I'm super ready for this Explant in every way... You girls have each been part of that education and inspiration, sharing your raw and true feelings thoughts and results... I feel so grateful for you all! Xxxxxxxxx lots of love from me to you all!!! Hugs! Xxxxxxxxx

EXCITED AND REARING TO GO! :D

Best sleep EVER since this began!... :D Prayed yesterday, gave Him my concerns then trusted in Him and slept like a baby... (Not one of my babies tho! Lol...they were up half the night hehe)

Woke feeling so happy like I was about to open a present! Lol... Really it's the surgeon that's opening it haha, but I'll get the freedom present.. ;)
Just had to share my excitement and THANK ALL YOU LOVELY LADIES, for all your wonderful kind support!...MY NEW BREAST FRIENDS, my BOSOM BUDDIES! Lol... ;) xxx

Will message hopefully from hospital, if sore of no wifi it will be weird without you! Lol... And will post pics ASAP!... I know how funny I'm gonna look, like two lil prunes sitting low on my chest hehe, but it's hard to explain even knowing that how happy I will be to see them!...

Ok now for my deep side, Lol, Freedom comes at many costs, as people of a nation, colour or gender... There have been many sad struggles throughout history... Now I'm proud to bear whatever battle scars I'll have to say look, I've fought and WON! ;) No longer will the bullies have their stamp on me, no longer will the crowds of western culture determine my beauty to the extent it has a detrimental hold on me. It's like a baptism ... I'm leaving my past behind and showing I'm dedicated to a higher will!... I'm emerging from this more whole, (even tho little chunks may be missing lol) ... And I am so blessed and love each and every single one of you for joining me in this journey!... Thank you... We will all see me in a few hours! Lol... Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Flat n Free n havin Fun! ;D

just a small not incase you're worrying, limited typing speed and am still in hospital but to be released soon... Will add details later, but I'm very happy and having laughs with the nurses! ;) not gonna lie, was in bit of pain but only briefly as being managed well, and drank 2 litres of water overnight... Threw up after anaesthetic n got shaky going to loo, but every hour have got stronger and happier! ;) Yes, it's worth it!... Got bandages on so can't see, but DEFINATELY in the itty bitty titty committee... Now where's my ticket to Explant Island... When are we meeting up girls?! Lol... ;) xxxxx love and thanks to you all! :) xxxxx

Knew it'd be bad ... Lol.. Don't be scared! Xxx

ok so took a quick photo, hope comes thru coz had to take on my ph iPads full n wen I delete stuff it still says full! :/ so, sent to my email n copied...see if I can paste.. Otherwise sorry... But it's just as I expected, like I've been popped! Lol... Hubby is grateful to have me home n thinks they look great! Lol... Dunno which is funnier! Lol.. My results or his sweet dillusions ;) ok trying now... Don't be scared tho ladies, I fed two more babies and just got them out last night, they'll improve a bit... ;) xxx argh! My devices are glut hung, both phone and iPad are not recognising our wifi since I went out of range they're not letting me back on?! What's with that?... I can't paste, not working... :/ ok well just picture worst case, smoothed and saggy and concaved lol... Will get my daughter to look at iPad n see if I'm doing something wrong?!... Xxx

24 hr PICS... :D .... FREEEEDOM! Lol

Sorry couldn't get the photo I took on my phone to copy n paste, but perhaps is a good thing lol, might've scared some?! Lol...so even 10 hours there been a big difference!.., ;) But when took bandages off for my first shower just now I got hubby to take these for you... Xxx (I turned iPad off then on and it resolved not computing I'd deleted videos to make room for photos...) ... (Feels soo nice to have a warm shower on us back afterwards! ;)

My range of movement is limited, I'm quite tender, already hating compression lol but have apt Monday and gotta wear till then, am being surrounded by flowers and well wishes... I'm very happy, so happy I could cry from tiredness and happiness! Hehe... Got an hours sleep this arvo when Hubby took kids to the park and got chickens to make the glorious chicken soup I'm smelling!... ;)

I reckon he's the best! ;) ... Hubby just helped me through my first shower and reapplied compression bandages... Hope this doesn't disturb anyone but He got turned on! Lol.. Even tho bit mangled he's sooo thrilled to have my body just be me!..and said that he prefers the cute look! ;) awwww...

Feels great to be cleaned up! Could gently wipe armpits and rinse of blood drilled to my back etc, showerproof dressings... Yipee! Feeling really tired now but still so happy I've done this and guess what, my ecsma stopped itching on that ruptured side where it appeared last week itchy as, none on other side... Posting pics now!... Can't put up one from first unveiling because can't get it from emailing to myself to copy onto here... But these are next day, less than 24 hrs ... Surgeon did a great job and has sent capsules to be checked, and I have my implants in the freezer! Lol...till I find out what test to do on them... Pic attached, loss of lots of volume from them...but he's got it all out n I only bled about few hours then stopped so he ordered removal of drains this morning, AND IT DIDNT HURT, :) just a wee pinch when popping out, I was scared of that but I had an awesome nurse, who is also very small busted and Lol she ended up offering me a job!.. But I can't since I've got other commitments.. ;) ...got on so well with all of them, radiated love and joy about all this.. But had boohoos after anaesthetic for about twenty mins in total, think was pain, tiredness and throwing up and drugs combined lol... It brought up grief for me, being so vulnerable, cried about my brother...etc... :/ The nurse was so lovely...she held my hand and almost cried with me... Weird how these twists take you by surprise, telling you so you feel free to let these things take their course and feel understood if they happen...

I was so happy and calm leading up to it, and so happy afterwards chatted to the nurses ALL night, I tried to sleep for ages then gave up n just chatted n thought if I was tired would try again... We laughed and shared life stories..was the best sleep overve had in ages! Lol... ;) Surgeons wife is an amazing artist and she has paintings all through the clinic/hospital, so I enjoyed those, and otherwise the place was clean and staff great to deal with...happy experience... My Anethatist was a dag and said he was just giving me a glass of wine as he put meo it lol, I said can you make it vodka please?!... And that's the last thing I remember, apart from the lovely nurse stroking my hand Incase I was nervous... She also gave me her banana from her own lunch since I'm gluten free n couldn't have their food lol... That's one thing I'd recommend, take some fruit for after!... I hear about being bunged up after general, well I ate pineapple, which stung a we bit my intubation throat but I'm sure it helped as vit c and anti inflammatory... And bananas, full of potassium and magnesium etc... So I've been toilet and not had any problems, phew, didn't want a sore chest and sore tummy! Drank over 2 litres thru the night too, probably only replacing the gas bagging steam coming out of me?! Lol...

But seriously, worth it? YES! .. DEFINATELY! :)

Totally encourage anyone thinking about EXPLANTING to go for it! Nothing compares to the feeling of lightness, freedom and lack of fear ... Already my eczema which appeared on the ruptured side has stopped itching, my mind feels clearer even tho on codine and Panadol lol... And bodys feeling better by the hour, stronger and healthier!...despite no sleep all night!...but looking forward to a good one tonight!...and can even make it up the stairs to sleep in my own soft bed! ;) yay!...

Well, love Yas and thing of you all today, and especially TOMORO thinking of IttyBittiesRock! Xxxxxxxxx

AWESOME DREAMS! LOL...had to share!

ok so had a great 8 plus hrs sleep but was tired again so asked hubby to take kids for a walk... Meantime I fell asleep then woke, three times, each time remembering a dream!...lol... Subconscious is on my side coz here they are!...tell you what I think they mean!...I've just woken up to want to get them down before I forget them!..lol the last two are getting vague already so I'm just remembering two key words to remember them...lol

In the first one I don't remember the beginning but I was holding holding two bags, ine small and one bigger and the bigger one had a big toddler toy and a tambourine in it, the other was just my purse... I remember going through a tiny uncomfortable entrance like a too small door, leaving crowds of people going another way at like a bus stop terminal, but didn't see buses... And al of a sudden I began to slide, I was skiing, though I never have before!..still holding my bags... It starts to turn out there's green infront of me and I'm skiing over grass!...up and down hills, first a narrow path then a wide, beautiful scenery!...as it starts off though I'm twisting and turning to avoid things and people, and end up coming across a childcare centre!..I ski through it and realise this is where I need to drop off my big bags contents!...so I do!...then carry on with the greatest ease and sporty manueverability, really feeling the dips and pulling my arms up to get more lift over each rise..almost gaining air... Till it comes to a finish and there's a big hill infront of me, I feel the urge to make it right to the top and touch the throne like seat at the top... I stop just before it and have to take a couple more steps to reach out and touch it... Then I woke up and mulled on it... Wow, it's like I was giving myself the story of this journey in picture!... ;) it's been a difficult beginning, a difficult start to enter, with all the feelings, decisions, fears...past people who are moving in crowds in the opposite direction.... But then I hit the ground moving as it were, there was an ease, and I was moving to greener pastures as it were, I dropped off things at the childcare centre because I had things that were no longer suitable around my children, and that my children will never need, ... Then gained speed and dexterity as I moved, freely, enjoying myself to the finish line ... But I stopped sliding just before the finish seat...and needed to take a few more steps to touch it, as we would as kids racing to a goal post, because I'm in recovery so almost there, and will touch the 'throne' of undeserved kindness, from my Father, to myself... I've got tears in my eyes just thinking about it all!... I'm laying here quite stunned I had such a dream! Lol... But then I drifted back to sleep and had two more like it!...

I cannot remember the middle dream as well, I just have a vivid memory of two horses, and the feeling as I woke was two beautiful horses!, and strong!... I dazzle thought to myself hey I wonder if somehow I'm thinking I'll be just as beautiful with my two little boobies, otherwise why two?... And I love horses, I appreciate them from every angle, their form, their hearts, their minds... And the strength is something everyone admires... Is this the strength I now give to myself, or recognise or qualify myself as having?!...

The third dream when I immediately dozed off again was of flying through the trees... Being chased happily by someone but cheekily staying ahead, then going to visit someone who was having sushi, a favourite!...a lady older than myself... So it's health food, but then I bite into it and there's plastic in it! Lol... I literally made a pile in my dream of bits out of it and saying to her and others around us, hey we cang eat this!...melt it down and don't eat it! Lol...
So I'm picking as you would be this was my way of processing the fact I've been so eager to help others have only what's good for them, not take in what's clearly bad for us...

What! Who else has had buzz are dreams like this?!.. I've slept a couple hrs n family are back now but don't know I'm awake, thought I'd get this down because the images, feelings and thoughts overtook me with emotional intensity and I wanted to share them.... Let me know your thoughts?!... Xxxxx love and peaceful, happy, fun, inspirational feelings and dreams to you all! Xxxxxxxx

Oh and I will try post those photos of implants and first unwrapping by attempting to take a photo of my phone photo I took so you can see the difference in just ten hours!... Xxxx

What just happened?!... :/

Well here's the rain!... hubby just told me this evening that the surgeon came and told him afterwards there was a little problem tho...Hubby was worried and said oh no what's the matter?!... He said unfortunately there was no Breast tissue left with what he had to take out... That I'm left with a boys profile... My hubby said is she ok though?... He said oh yes it took longer but she's ok... My hubby said he looked him in the eye and said well there's no problem then... I'm bawling writing this... I don't know why, I'm still happy I've explanted, but somehow it's touched a nerve!... I feel hypocritical if I don't tell you that although I'm convinced of the rightness of my choice I'm a little hurt people act to reinforce the very reason we had the insecurities to do this, and now as lovely as he was trying to prewarning my husband, he essentially told him I was less of a woman!.. The ones who give us the womanly shape have to cut away the very little tissue we had then break the news to our husbands?!... :(... Feeling a bit lost about this... Maybe it's aching all day, the drugs, or just tiredness but I feel like without you girls I've used up all my bravado today... I think I'm extra raw because yesterday's photo gave me hope then today I looked worse after taking the compression bandages off for a shower... I told myself one step forward one step back sometimes, but I thought it was just one thoughtless person, that nurse, but to know it was my surgeon too has just got me crying!... :/

I hope a good sleep will fix my spirit, because I don't want to break down infront of anyone tomoro, or let anyone know they could hurt me through these ever again!... This is my choice, I don't want this to be a focus in my life, but nonetheless its part of who I am... I need to pray for strength... I don't have enough of my own right now... I wish he hadn't told me... He was trying to show how he defended me and how I'm not to feel any less for him... But unknowingly it's opened a can of crying worms for me... Hope it's the only bawl I have?!... I was so hoping to be brave n beautiful like loulouredders and BeYouty, and others, especially after talking the talk, what happened?!.... Help me fix it fast!, I don't like it! ... Xxxxx

Feeling Blessed n Happy Again! :) xxx

Aaw so after tons of support n tears, I figured out a course of action and have been able to put it aside as I had my family all around tonight, my beautiful loving caring daughters washed my hair n I showed them n we had stretch mark show n tell n a few laughs together.. They enjoyed a nice cider wine after a beautiful roast hubby made... I'm feeling wonderfully blessed! One of my son n laws came for tea too and was his usual jovial self, with stories of his recent broken bones... So we all had a great night n my hubby was pushing them out the door to get some sleep lol, but they're coming back today to watch movies together... It's so lovely and I was in admiration, and my heart filled up with appreciation for these wonderful women u get to call my beautiful daughters!... :) I am truely sooo blessed!... And it's times like this you see their character and compassion.. They are lovely!... I'm so proud of them all! :) xxxxxx
I showed them my lil boobies n they said they're not as bad as I described lol... And one bought me a huge bunch of flowers and fruit, the other a bra n undie set! ;) hehe... My youngest cut the fruit up for me!.. My lil son pours my drinks ;) I even asked him to brush my teeth the other night and saw a glimmer of fun in his eyes, wow he said this is a change around! Lol... Finding little ways for him to help and feel part of my healing has been a lesson for him in empathy and care too... Very important to involve them so you can be grateful for their care and it draws you all closer!... :) My son n law, a jovial light in the evening, always ready with a story or a conversation about anything was so fun to be around as usual! :) so hubby had to virtually push me upstairs to bed n them out the door .. Lol.. He must've slept well coz we ate like kings n queens thanks to his cooking!... Beautiful lamb roast... Of course! Lol... ;)

Well I just have to say I am sooo privileged to have met and been able to love you all!... I'm hoping your recoveries reveal the same loving interest of your families, and if they don't know or aren't emotionally equipped to take care of you the proper loving way, then mag you draw strength and comfort from knowing somewhere here in this Explant Island, there's a lady sending you her heartfelt love and wishing you warmest healing feelings as you venture into your journey of removal or healing!... May the load be shared as you receive the care you all so richly deserve!... Xxxxxxxx

Soup and Sex...

hope it's not too shocking a title lol... But pretty much covers my highlights from today! ;D
We've been gorging on beautiful chicken soup, I've been taking vitamins, arnica and probiotics, eating plenty of fruit because I'd heard codine can constipate... ;)

Now for what you were all really here for seeing that caption... Lol.. I'm not gonna be crass but neither coy... Hubby had shown he was turned on but said he was fine not to worry, when I walked up the stairs infront of him lol... so unexpectedly even to myself I suggested we give making love a try, albeit I was a bit nervous for restriction of movement, lol, so we figured things out and both of us ended up very happy! ;) It was wonderful to feel wanted and desired, as all women need to be!... So even tho it's early days I'm so relieved that this side of life is just as good or better too!... As another lady said, perhaps it's intensified by the fact your lover is loving you completely for being you, and a new level of appreciation and love has been tested and proven trustworthy... ;) and no more guilt or feeling like they may be enjoying 'them' instead of 'you'!... I'm not suggesting everyone does this day 4... Lol... I was just wanting him as much as I saw him wanting me! Hehe... I'd expected and we'd discussed probably taking a week or two to be up to that..! Just do whatever you know your body's up for of course, and you know your partners if they can be gentle and careful or not etc... and I recommend communicating an outside timeline so you can always bring it forward, as a nice surprise, rather than having them pressure you..not that they should!.. ;) I think it's the right way round when a man just makes his woman want him through being such a great guy! ;) lol

So, there's the latest freaky news, and here's the latest freaky views... It seems they're taking one step forward then one step back?!... Oh well, still happy to have it all off my chest! ;) Love to you all n hope you still respect me in the morning for bringing this up! Lol xxx

So I had a great day, lol...

First pics, Post op dramas and checkup...

Hi people! :) xxx Well I've finally got my iPad to cooperate...actually I finally got my brain to cooperate! Lol... And changed storage settings so I could take photos again, Woohoo! (First particles of silicone on my brain are dissolving?!) ;) So here are the freaky first photos I really wanted to post, since this is most encouraging and less scary for you girls when you see how bad they can look at first, then a day or two later how they improve... Today they look better again so might post again tonight or in morn...

Anyway, last night I had a weird turn, after coming downstairs to the loo, when I got back up I got dizzy and felt extremely nauseous ... To the extent I almost vomited and was on that verge where you really want to, ya know?!... In true NZ fashion I quickly improvised, lol, ok it's not only a NZ trait... Anyway, I tipped out the new bra n undie set one of my beauties bought me (daughter) and started spitting out ready to vomit, but sat next to the open window and breathed in deeply the cool night air and, thankfully, it subsided... So I hopped back into bed and slept... What was that about I thought?!... So of course I asked uncle Google ;) and couldn't see it was anything too outrageous...having been given no post op notes of anything to look out for etc... I was freakin thinking is it a clot?!... Lol, ok a bit dramatic, but anyway I dropped off again with the help of my furry, purry little mate... ;) I decided it may have been the codine pill?!...

Nurse checkup this morn, thought I was seeing the surgeon so was all psyched up to be happy and confident, lol... But it was just another lovely nurse to change dressings... All looks good and healing well! Told her about turn last night, she said yes I'm not big and perhaps its a bit strong for my body, everyone's different, so not to take any more now... I'm ok with just Panadol!... Can you believe it?! I'm happy with pain levels!.. When I'm sitting down there's not much to deal with at all!.. Sore but no more than bruises feel sore, it's when I move n do things I have to be careful or the muscles especially at the side of my boobs get really achey n feel punched... ;) It's been 5 days this evening! :) Doesn't feel that long?!... Goes pretty fast! (Must be having fun?!) lol...

Well, thinking of our soon to be EXPLANTERS!!!... :) It's DEFINATELY better on this side! :D xxxx Love and peace in your waiting moments to all of you!... Ryli6464 on Tuesday and Jodie54321 next week!...along with Babyj... Xxxx Thinking of you all! Xxx... the madness of things leading up to it, the trying to have it all ready... Processing last minute nerves etc... You're all going to be better off for this, I believe, and happier within yourselves! :) xxx Love to everyone recuperating too!... It's just for a few weeks of life we will feel in a cocoon, then we emerge butterflies! ;) (or in my case perhaps a moth?! Lol) xxx

Changes in 5 days...

Morning lovely ladies and a shout out for Ryli6464 on her big B day!... Her boob day! ;) Go get your new start Sweetheart! :D xxxx We are all sending our love with you!... :)

Hey well I was encouraged most by the photos of changes so here's my 5 day post op changes... This one catches the little concave thing goin on... Yikes! When you look at it you'll wonder how it could ever be fixed! Lol...

Tiny titty triangles for swimming...

Hi beautiful women! :)
Just responding to another lovely lady on here to show the design that'd be quite flattering for us with small sexys... ;).

Here's my reply...

Yes I'm dreading swimsuits too, but have a gathered padded triangle top here ready to cover scars too, since I was pretty sure afterwards they'd be lower than boob... And they look to be! Unless my double boob drops into one boob lol... Hey, the massive price of health!... ;) I will try take a photo of my top for you so you can see what design might suit us smallies?!... I only regret not getting the green colour, since Heres a tip... The brighter bolder colours make the area look bigger! Especially patterned!... I bought black, which is what? Slimming! Lol... I might sew some dazzling patterned stuff on them?! Lol... Mine cost $15 from a local shop... I hope you find something sweetness, you deserve to look n feel just as beautiful as last year while you enjoy the sun!... Otherwise, tank top is my plan and rock what you have south of the teats! ;) xxx

Encouraged today! Retracting nicely!

So... I wanted to post a pic of the gorgeous breakfasts my Hubbys been bringing me, etc, but the lighting wasn't good enough, so just a mention is what he gets! ;) lol...

And today I sat n sunbathed, something I should've done more of over the years lol... So now I've applied bio oil (I know, possibly not good for you but I've bought it n need to use it up) I've just come inside so encouraged that I decided to take some pics! So here goes... And yes, I was naughty and tried on a swimming tank top..reaaaally gently... ;) gettin it off is gonna be the hard part! Lol... :/

Wall of LOVE...to share with y'all! ;)

So I've been bombarded win texts and flowers and meals and gifts that I'm so overwhelmed and had to gather most of it together so I could share it all with you, my bosom buddies! ;) xxx

Also, today my energys good again, so I've been up today, not doing a lot mainly watching the cancer expose I've been linked to n shared on my facebook... It's so worth watching the whole lot, it's a shame the episodes are only up for a day each, please enjoy it like I have and you'll be blown away, the first episode was incredible expose about chemotherapy, second about Breast cancer myths etc, and it just seems to get better, so that's my tv at the moment, some juicy stuff that will save a family members life at some point, bearing in mind hale of us will suffer with it, and best to work with the body than against it... Anyway, love to you ALL! :) I'm still happy on cloud nine about explanting, wish I'd done it years ago! Oh and new things, keep getting little pains in my ovaries!... Similar to period but not in middle like uterus, so wonder if anyone else has had that or if because of lymph system is up n arms down there if I've got some cancer goin on?! If so, yaay I'll get to fix my body and learn and appreciate even more how this WONDERFUL CREATION we are gifted with works! ;D And perhaps, like all bad experiences in my life, get to help or warn others because of it! ;) I'm thinking it's because our reproductive system is linked to our Breasts it's making connections?! Lol... Like being sent messages?!... Hey guys guess what! She got rid of the poison!!!... ;) lol

Oh and 9 days out I'm not on any pain killers! Woohoo! My lil liver gets to have a clean up! Lol... Can't wait to have curried chicken TOMORO night! ;) mmmmm I'll try to cut up garlic ginger n add turmeric, curry powder, and a little chilli powder into butter then after cooking chicken on that, add water n barely simmer...then add organic yoghurt dolloped on top... With salad.. Yuuuum...

But tonight?!... It's LAMB, Hahahaha ... Of course! ;) (getting over chicken soup now) ;)

Love to you all! Xxx Healing, patiently waiting, or secretly considering explanting... I'm sooo happy for us all to be on this journey together! :) xxxxx

Oh no forgot this!

https://go2.thetruthaboutcancer.com/agq/episode-3/

Sorry girls!.. Also see if they have a link to see the first two somehow?!... Xxxxxxx Well worth the watch!.. Confirms what I always instinctively knew... ;) xxx

Minor complication to share...

... I've just got thru worst of my pain n felt too good n went off pain meds n put that swim top on other day n it's seam went across scar n inflamed it n think I've got a haematoma from it, blot clot under arm at lymph nodes removal site.. Felt more n more sore until it stung ...felt like a big marble under the scar, skins healed but will post pic coz looks not so pretty... Was starting other day before I put that swim top on tho as I remember now that's why I was sunning them...I thought at that point perhaps it was infection starting to take hold.. Last night I did some research with uncle Google... And figured it's not puffy n sloshy n big like a seroma and is under the scar and hard so quite likely blood.. Anyway I did instinctively put ice on it to bring the stinging down yesterday, and I've taken pain meds again, just Panadol, and this morning after some healing sleep it feels a bit smaller and better, not completely but turned a corner... Anyway I'd better go coz we have visitors coming and I'll have to try tidy up but get hubby to open my stuff drawers! Lol (Try to behave myself today!) ;) xxxx Love to you all! Xxxx

Lil mermaid wanna be ;) lol

ok so Ive been in bed all day except loo breaks n am not using my left arm at all... The pain subsided but returns when I sit up! ... I remember my midwife telling me that for that gorged feeling, too much milk n getting mastitis..use cold cabbage leaves lol ... So I'm a lil mermaid wanna be .. Lol... Maybe my voice will improve?! Haha... Anyway, it's DEFINATELY providing relief, and reduced inflammation for sure so thought I'd post about it! ;) xxxx love to all! :)

A GIRL walked into her Surgeons office... ;)

So... There was a definate determination to be girly today! ;) I had my consult and he looked at them n checked scars etc, asked had I been on antibiotics when I told him about burning etc... Said its lymph related bump n to massage it but now he's done that the burnings back!... Argh! So I'm going to be a bit more gentle n let things subside naturally instead of knocking them on the head lol... And go back to my cabbage bras lol... Which I told him about n he laughed ;) I didn't bring up the comments at all this time about boyish profile etc,but mentioned my hubby actually prefers my sporty lil chest! He was surprised lol, I said well not everyone likes giant knockers lol... Anyway, alls well that's ends with a laugh...

He told me I need to do stretches with my arms because otherwise I might get cording, pulling scars that limit your reach...so yes because of lymph node removal I have to raise my arms heaps! :/ not fun but needed...otherwise be disabled with limited reach n painful pulling later when I try to reach high...

I asked how many lymph nodes were taken out in the end ... We have about a hundred in our bodies and he had to take out 13! So 13% of my protective lymphatic drainage system was discarded due to those blasted silicone bags! :(

I asked about histology report on scar tissue, was negative for ALCL cancer, so that's a relief! :D So all in all, I'm soooo glad to have those blasted things out of me and NEVER TO IMPLANT AGAIN!!! :)

I'm happy with my little shloompies, as i affectionately call them lol... And they are cute n soft n warm... Hehehe
And that's the main thing, second is Hubby loves them too! Lol... Go figure, I initially got these incase I'd never be attractive so another man (Affairs reap a lot of damage, greedy bastard lol) ...and I end up with someone who honestly prefers the sporty little chest look and is just so thrilled to have me be totally me and free of poisons... He wants me not barbie... Lol... But funnily enough our son told me this morning I looked a bit like barbie?! Haha, dunno where that came from, but Hubby says loosing the big boobs makes me look thinner, and younger! ;) Hey, if it's a compliment I'll take it! Lol xxx

Hope you are all and healing or enjoying your families before Explant... Xxxx Love to all! Xxxx

I know I'm gonna get told off Lol...

But this morn I woke with the best energy yet and felt calm, looked at hubby and said, how bout we go to the beach for a walk?!... Here I was yesterday even still in my dressing gown and wondering when I'd be able to get out! Lol... So it was a very slow walk then I took my clothes off gently and stood in the water with the sun on me, (heard yesterday how it's supposed to correct electrical energy in the body somehow) ...enjoyed sun and puddles for about 5 mins and hubby proudly snapped these! ;) If you look too closely you can see I'm not filling these out but. Didn't care! It was nice to feel just me and free! ;) Hubby commented how funny it was to see me feel no shame, I realised yes I'm not embarrassed since I'm not feeling like I'm something I'm not... I'm just lil old (young haha) me! :) So there we have it!... I've taken my boobs out in the most vulnerable setting!...

So thought I'd post to say just when you think you'll never be getting better, or the end seems to be moving further away as things complicate healing...look at me! Haha! It can be built in one day! ;)

Additionally something really special happened today too in that I met up with one of you! :D A lovely lady in NZ is looking to Explant too so we met n chatted about different procedures and illness surrounding implants... Lovely to meet you you know who you are! ;) xxx

Ok so better go cuddle up to my dream man...kids are off at a sleepover with Grandma and cuzzies... Another shout out to Jodie54321 as she really has her countdown...aw probably asleep now... Xxx Love to you and all!! Xxxxxxxx

Let's play dress ups?!... Lol

Ok so today's been my fav day yet since Explant!... More energy than any others, got so much done about the place, did a mini clean in the kitchen, made a feast for dinner, and pudding! (Everyone's happy I'm back in the kitchen lol yuuuum) and sunned for about ten mins outside...and got into some new tight jeans to welcome hubby home in, instead of my polar fleece dressing gown lol... ;)

But the unplanned dress up section of the day that came about through wondering if I'd still fit my dresses was fun too... Thought I'd share, my findings were that my dresses will look fine, if not better some of them, with more proportionate smaller boobies! Woohoo!

So just a little bit of encouragement to those worrying about how clothes will look! ;) xxx

So, three weeks today, still bit sore n still can't sleep on my side... :(.. But getting there, I'm now up to this weird little side angle sleeping thing where I shove a pillow under my back and lay against it, hehe, it's wishful side sleeping! ;)
I'm still using bio oil and the little shloompies as i affectionately call them are looking ok, scars are uncovered now, pretty big but almost covered by fold, so I'm pleased about that. Scars in my armpits are pretty visible tho, so have to grow my underarm hair! ;) just jokin... But seriously wonder if they'll settle n get less looking like they're shouting "hey I'm here, a big thick scar!...ask her what she did!" ;) lol...

Well, hope you bosom buddies out there are enjoying healing and hope I am providing hope that one day it seems like a never ending journey to wellness then there's a break or eye in the storm... Sometimes I find its two steps forward then one back, or happy happy then sad... There's still those neurotoxins present to be detoxed, it won't happen overnight... But as long as we have eachother and a forward long term view we will maintain strength. It's not a little thing what we have done! We battled and won! ;)

Again, in conclusion, no regrets to getting rid of implants, no pining for a bulgy chest, (of course im far from perfect so would change them like take out stretch marks if I could click my fingers, but won't put these lil girls thru any more torture, it's the deal I made with them, they agreed to fluff if I don't hurt them any more! Lol). So I'm adapting and actually loving and preferring my warm, soft, cute lil sporty boobies! ;)

Hubby has to have final quote here... Lol, he said to me yesterday "Ya know, I prefer your now boobs to the degree I actually feel like I got something for that money!...like you went and got a boob job to how I prefer them!" ;) lol (yup, he's my man, want a clone?! Hehe)

Loving life but nervous for my reveal!...

so, first of all a big shout out for babyj6724 as she goes to meet herself again and rid her body of toxins so she can heal of her health issues! Xxxxx we love you n support you girl! ;) xxxx

Now for my latest... I've been taking it easy n pushed work off last week, did a few hrs from home but I've not been back into my social of work scene yet!... It's a month on weds!... I've been at home apart from going grocery shopping with family on sat because we were out of everything! Lol, not even baked beans in the cubd! ?..was time to restock!... and joy upon joys Sunday I went for my first walk through my favourite little forest... Wonderful!!! :D it was a huge workout for me because I've just been housebound...And RUNDOWN, fighting cold sores and fatigue...so must've been still detoxing etc.

As far as the actual boobs go, they are looking and feeling good. Still getting twinges and ache in muscle if overdo it etc... And they still have their shloompies look lol, but I love the warm lil cuties n I frequently flash hubby for a laugh, lol... ;D

So that was my first time in public, apart from the five mins on beach lol... But now is my big step!...being back in my social and work arena in my new form... I had a person comment to one of my daughters I was so vain to get these...she defended me and told him no I was emotionally broken at the time... But altho I have processed that it's made me aware there will be bozos with their judgements... Just got to decide what it means to us... Does his opinion of me really matter?! Of course not! ;) but it's those eternal belief systems that eroded my own to get me here implanted in the first place! So now I'm explanting there's still judgements, lol, so be aware of that n ready for it... I've come up with a couple one liners... Like prying people who just want to know details I'll just say "you don't need to know"... Or shock them and tell them upfront?!... Which seems best I will have to decide case by case and situation I guess!...

But I'm nervous, so any last words as I go tomoro to work? I'll try on outfits later of course to be sure I feel ok etc... I guess the biggest thing is just smile?!... Be happy I'm poison free, or at least heading there lol... And think to myself it's my opinion that matters, not to be a sponge and absorb others opinions!... They say when you lack confidence ooze it until it's real... I guess that's my game plan. I will pray for peace and love for myself and others so I don't knew jerk any bad reactions too... They'll only act or speak out of ignorance and I should forgive them for that, and leave them to our judge. I know I'm probably worrying about nothing too, but was anyone else nervous about the big reveal?!.... Xxxxx

Back in the Saddle ;)

... In all respects! ;) lol
I'm back at work and socially etc and I get worn out really quickly but with rest and good food and supplements I'm feeling stronger each day, just thought I'd let you know and will post another update pic soon too... To show scars etc now uncovered ... I'm using bio oil on them every day, and have started the Naturaful cream too... Can't hurt, can only be good for them and may have the added bonus of living up to its reputation and making me firmer n fuller?!... And it helps balance hormones so I'll feel calmer so it's win win win ... I hope! ;)
Well, I'm missing you girls and you're never out of my mind or heart, but just getting busy with rest of routine n doing more round house etc altho still not vacuuming coz don't want to risk it! I saw one lady got seromas overdoing it at one month, another at three?!.. So listening to body's instincts!... Luckily making love is on the go for it list! lol... Sadly Hubbys tired from being back to work these days so I have to attack him! ... Or wait... Lol oh ps, I read today that boobs grow from progesterone n orgasms produce that!... So if you want fuller boobs, massage n get to the goal post!... Lol, apparently massage will stimulate blood supply, enabling blood with higher progesterone into boobs?!... Dunno if it's true but I'm willing to try! Haha

So it's all go here, but taking it slowly n listening to body for rests etc... I hope you are all well and Love n hugs to you all, I could have endured explanting but couldn't have enjoyed Explanting without you all!... Xxxxxxxxx

The good with the bad...

Well it's been a while since I updated, and I'm happy how things are progressing... And found out it takes at least 12 weeks or three months to heal right the way through, and I'm believing that... Still get sore, tired and twinges every now n then...but turned a corner and am feeling fuller and have a good jiggle going on, which I'm not sure if is natural healing but suspect it's the naturaful Im using!... I've got more for sure!... And I only started a couple weeks into healing anyway...oh it might have been a week, but I'm noticing more fullness when I bend over, that's for sure! :) so thought I'd tell you that... I wanted to show scars (and stretch marks thanks to second pregnancy when I used an all over steroid cream for excsma, and little ones from feeding...) ...and how boobs are settling into themselves... From the front on angle they are both good and bad... You can see in the second photo how I've adhered to muscle or something below, since they don't sit the same...but I got good advice that organic caster oil can help dissolve scar tissue, so will carefully use that on that site in the corner of that boob!... Being careful not to get it on my scars I want to stay healed up! ;) Otherwise, I am yet to go bra shopping and am still just using one of my youngest daughter's bras, lol... Bout a 12 a or b... But it's moulded so gives me shape etc under clothes... But I do go braless at home sometimes if not expecting visitors, lol, why not right?!... More comfy! ;) Well, thinking of you all, and life's got busy for me here, but I'll always pop on and see how you're doing and check updates... Take care my brave bosom buddies! Xxxx love and gentle hugs! Xxxx

9 wks / two months post Explant...

Soooo happy to have the poison balls out of me, my results are mixed... No problems from muscle, no twitching now and I feel almost back to normal, I did dips last week to challenge them gently and they were fine! :) but I still can't sleep on my front... I get sore quickly, so that's still something to look forward to! :)

...and my body's in major detox mode so trying to support it with filtered water and herbal digestive and liver support teas... Oh my Gawsh, I'm scratching my skin raw, got pimples, had headaches and body aches etc, but it's all good!... Called healing crisis from detoxing!... I'm doing colonics and old impacted fecal matter has been flushed out, and I've done coffee enemas too after my third, so it's drawing poisons from the liver, inviting it to be shed into the nice cleaner bowel... But when I'm in between bursts of detoxing I have higher energy, my thinking is much clearer, no back n neck pain (which isn't related to gardening during one of my detox gaps lol) and my other symptoms are DEFINATELY lessened!... So the little body does its best to detox those poisons fast!...I'm impressed!

Asthetically, I think I've lost a tiny bit of volume because I had a very emotional couple weeks, anniversary of my brothers death 2 yrs ago so made a giant photo memory board with her, and prior to that had a bad experience with the first colonic lady I tried, her snarly, unfriendly, patronising, condescending demeanour and comments while pinned down brought up feelings of violation from the past...ugh.. So I've processed all that and may move ahead now to new positive thoughts and gains... ;)
...the guy I now go to for colonics is lovely and a good kind man so altho it's really weird exposing that end to someone he's very professional, and it's been worth it because we have a laugh and glean new insights from eachother about health and life, it's more of a total cleansing, a healing. So I can recommend sunflower therapies of Hamilton, Neeraj is a wonderful guy! :)

So, I'm still waiting to hear the outcome from ACC but hope to hear asap their decision... I keep sending stuff to my claims manager and hope for a good outcome soon...

And I found this article in my searches... So pasting for you all... Hope you all keep well, knowing you're NOT alone and I'm sending you all love and hugs! ;) xxxxxxxx

Silicone elicits antibody responses and immunological abnormalities, according to a study of 40 women who had received implants more than ten years earlier. Among these women, 60% had an elevated ratio of helper T cells to suppressor T cells; 20% had a blockage in particular functions of T cells and natural killer cells. (Toxicology Industrial Health 8:6 [November/December 1992], 415-429.) Scientists at the University of California at Davis reported that evidence suggests that the degradation products of silicone inactivate CD8+ suppressor T cells (key immune cells) and thereby lead to an inflammatory state in the body. (Food and Chemical Toxicology 32:11 [November 1994], 1089-1100.) The activity of natural killer cells is significantly suppressedin at least 50% of women with silicone implants observed in a study; this puts the women at a higher risk of developing cancer. The same effect was demonstrated in animals; it was reversed upon removal of the silicone. (Toxicology and Industrial Health 10:3 [May/June 1994], 149-154.)

ACC Approved! :D

The latest awesome news is that ACC approved, I'm yet to send her flowers n Chocs to thank her for being an awesome case manager, but I'm thrilled to share with you you my bosom buddies, my joy about not only the money...but it struck me it was about the validation, that yes I've been damaged!...medical injury it's called... Usually reserved for something going wrong in surgery or something but I'm covered since they are a defective device, was a narrow window of law for interpretation but I'm so relieved... It also is another president for women in NZ with PIP implants... Yay all the hours and research has paid off... And here's two update photos... Not so pretty when warm n might retract a bit more, they've shrunk up a bit so scars show but yes will fade, n at moment Im too busy worried about other things so who cares I feel...lol...hubby doesn't, and he reminds me he's the only one apart from me that'll be seeing them, haha... Apart from you girls! Haha ;) Anyway, just wanted to share that nice news... I've been suffering big time last week when my friends son died... :(... Terribly sad since it's the second child she's lost, one to Cancer and this one of a seizure!... Thank God for his resurrection promise!... :)
Well, love n hugs to you all, I do think of you but life has got so busy lately... Xxxxxx

ACC are paying up! Good little NZ :) ...And much more...

So Woohoo!... Thrilled my persistence has paid off!... And sets a standard for others I hope!... :) Be your own advocate and tactfully but persistently push to be heard... I sent my case manager flowers for the 'load of emails' I sent her, even pictures... The moral of the story is: Don't give up, because the fat lady won't even sing, she will snore! Lol... Just kidding I mean no offence aye, lol... (And for the record I've woken myself with a snort a few times lol) ...anyway...

As for the healing, less sharp pains and aches... Had an awful relapse of terrible Gutt issues and ecsma and headaches and very depressed feelings last week after eating gluten and sugar and dairy, even in small amounts! :( but I got the message, I can't handle it while obviously still detoxing...

Big time...infact, my bloods were done again and my eosinophils went up not down! (white blood cell which can indicate an allergic element) so this shows me there's a hard fight going on still months later to break down the traces of what's left inside me! :/ There was a mess when removing mine since ruptured extracapsularly... So I was told he couldn't possibly get it all, but did his best... And I don't know what to do, give or buy for my surgeon for his help...! Ideas?...

So I'm thinking where to from here if my bloods still screaming for help?!... Hair test to see which poisons are most troubling my body?...allergy tests?... I think I need to do something aye... I bought a detox set of pills, organic fermented things to support detox gently over a month...from epigenetics labs... Otherwise till that arrives I still take a concoction of vits, minerals and liver support and NAC, fish oil, etc daily.

Meanwhile energy ups n downs, have a massive workday one day then not so productive the next, so I just go with it and accept it took 15 years of poison to give me food intolerances, chemical sensitivities and health issues, so it takes 2 years to detox gently apparently according to some of Dr Kolb and Dr Fengs surveys... So patience... Many issues are dissapearing already... And the best thing is I can stay awake all day now! ;) And even go out some evenings!... So that's awesome progress I reckon! ;)

So this week I also happened to see pop up in a news feed that Hugh Hefner's wife Crystal has got our symptoms so just had Dr Feng take her implants out too!... Poor thing, so she's another celebrity joining her voice to the crowd saying these are killing us!... Poor thing.

So, a ton of house things to finish and catch up on after the last few years suffering chronic fatigue... I got on the roof and sealed a gap, sanded a wall, raked the backyard, washed windows, started designing a basic remodel for our old bathroom, cleaned the pelmets and ornaments, and even more this last week!... I'm hoping to help hubby lay carpet this weekend...that'll be pushing it the lifting n things...but I'm excited I can give it a go! Life has more colour this side of Explant, ladies! :) I thought I was going to feel old permanently, but it's creeping back, the old zingy me!... Look out! Lol... ;) xxx

Oh, and my noogleberry arrived but I can't fit it so ordering the spongy bits to help it seal, slightly too wide I think, plus no fat to create suction, lol... But still using the Naturaful cream and I don't see a huge difference but may be filling in a bit, look less exciting for puppies to latch onto n more like small human boobs hahaha... ;) Hubby way prefers my soft little ones than the big firmer ones he says, he's proving it too if you know what I mean. ;) So all good. Of course I wish the scars weren't lower, rather them hidden because it's also sore when I wear a bra, and when the cat steps over me! Lol... And I still have aches in my arms when I do too much, but there's progress and that may never change completely but I'm at the point of not caring as much. I've had the odd moments but no regrets or EVER wanting more implants!!!... (The volume I seek is just to fill out my a size bra lol) Quite the opposite, I look back now and think how on earth did I put up with them, or think I was more proportionate?!... Good grief lol, glad it's behind me and I can start focusing on other things with my slowly regaining health! :)

So... Love and hugs to you all!!!... Whether contemplating taking the plunge to EXPLANT, recently explanted looking to see what to expect, or one of my bosom buddies checking on me lol... Xxxxxxxxx

Four Months and Glad!... ;)

Soooo...Hope you are all as well as can be?!... Xxx Twinges are rare now, seems most healing has happened and scars are beginning to fade, I still get sore if side sleep too long as my lymph nodes sites restrict whatever fluid needs to move round?!... Anyway, I've posted a pic not of me, (I wish! Lol) but a gorgeous pic showing how stunning a small bust is!!!... And food for thought, did ladies back in these times worry as much as we have been forced to now?!... Lol, they may have fantasised about flushing toilets! ;) ...if they could imagine them. Anyway, life goes on and we are all busy but thought I'd share this info from one of the implant illness facebook groups... Many of you may want to join... Message me if you're in Ausy or NZ and want to Goin that new group, otherwise seek and you will find! ;) xxx

...there are tons of ideas on silicone removal detox supplements etc there, it's best to find out n run tests so you know where your lacks are in minerals etc..but safe to say usually we are magnesium deficient.. And I'm on a bunch of supportive things, but you need to keep pathways open ... Eat lots of fruit n veges and drink filtered water... I take a liver support with b vits in it and a multi and fish oil and probiotic and those are my mainstay... I'm only taking things that draw poisons out every other day ... It's always best to give the body a break, and stick to raw natural foods as much as possible...

Many of my symptoms are dissapearing already the more I stick to my plan... I made a huge mistake and suffered big time when eating gluten and sugar and dairy recently because I was feeling so good and had gotten away with it once a week, but not each day sadly...lol... Oh well, live n learn... It's about a two year if ever fully to detox this oil... It's like Chinese to our bodies that only understand English to break down...

My groin lymph nodes are still trying to make sense of it... My ovaries aching stopped month two tho...so I think things are settling down but I got the clear message I can't put my body under any strain yet, it's got enough on its plate!...

So!... Onwards my fellow boobie bashed babes! ;) Thanks again for the amazing loving support! Truely you're all unique gems and I'd love to meet all of you!... Take care and know things will only get better and better!... You're stronger women for this experience, and more beautiful for caring about eachother! Xxx love and hugs to all! Xxx

ALL WOMEN WANTING IMPLANTS SHOULD WATCH THIS!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AYN2H-hSHXU&feature=youtu.be

Copy and paste into your tool bars, Dr Melmed talks about the concerns we have... The tide has turned people!... There's is suddenly becoming a tidal wave of information and availability for women to be educated, and Im sure the new women being educated the hard way by getting them will end up educating others... Seems the fat transfer will be the next thing, or as the movie Im yet to see, embrace, it will be self acceptance! :) xxx love and peace to you all, it's still a wonderful journey...meeting you all, and we are still on it as we detox and go through the last of healing stages etc... Hope you're all well! Xxxx hugs! Xxxx
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