In need of new tummy

I have to say, all the Realself ladies are AMAZING!!!!
Depression Continued:
I am not sure what my deal is. I am feeling a bit better and becoming more happy with the results overall. I did finally mark my rating as 'Worth It'. I know when looking at my results from an outsiders perspective, yes, I do look better and the belly is by far more aesthetic and has better muscle tone.
I think I have built myself up in my head to be unattractive and have body dysmorphia issues I need to resolve. I still feel quite large and am regretting not having lipo on my back fat because I think I am still too big. I know this is in my head. I guess I am quite hard on myself because my pant size is the same, measurements are the same and weight is the same. I have not seen much change in any of those departments. I do agree that this is probably because I was down to about as small as I could get pre-surgery, while at a health weight, so the results are not as substantial as people starting out at a larger size.
Scar:
I finally had a good look at my scar, which does look good, but I noticed the top hole of my belly button piercing is still visible :-( I thought it would be something I could overlook and get used to, but it is actually quite noticeable. Up until my 6 week po appointment, I had tape over my scar, so did not see the piercing hole until the last week or two. I was thinking I would get used to it, but it does stick out pretty obviously. I will post pics on that soon. I have a few friends on here dealing with the same thing and it does suck. Its like, c'mon, really?? I don't want *another* scar. I have lots of those from my breast reduction and TT, so having another scar above my TT scar is very frustrating. I will be really unhappy if it ends up being a vertical scar to get rid of the belly button piercing, because had I gone with a vertical scar in the beginning, my full TT scar would have been positioned lower. I will let ya'll know what my doc says about that.
Binder:
I was given the all clear to ditch the binder. I have gone the past two days without wearing it at night to sleep, and without it during the day, so 48 hours with zero compression. It felt really weird and the skin on my stomach burns a lot off and on. I notice it when I first wake up and am heading into work. My skin is puffy and feels almost like a sunburn but different. It is completely numb in the area that was elevated for the surgery. It is getting better a little each day, so that is good. I am trying to go as long without the binder as possible. It is not as uncomfortable to go without it as I thought it would be. I think that is because the binder I was wearing was the one I have had since surgery and the velcro was not as strong for the section of the binder I was putting the velcro against. It would come undone on its own and not feel tight. That had been happening for most of week 5 po.
Gym:
I did go to the gym for the first time today and it was a nice feeling. I am super weak as compared to before, but it has been close to 2 mos since I formally worked out... all the things are saggy/loose :(
I did elliptical for 20 min and lifted weights for another 20 min. Only did 10 lb dumbbell curls, and some shoulder work. I took it very slow and once my tummy started to have some burning and discomfort, I stopped. I did not wear any garments during the workout, but am wearing my binder now, as I type this. I got done about 4 pm, and it is now about 7 pm, so have been wearing it for 3 hours. It feels pretty good to have on. I will probably sleep without it tonight.
Sleep:
I am still sleeping on my back almost exclusively. I have taken maybe 2 or 3 naps on my side, in the recliner, for an hour or two. Other than that, I have been on my back for more than 6 weeks. I will stay that way until I feel the scars are more secure and wont widen due to pressure from side sleeping. I want the scar to stay thin.
Scar therapy:
I finally started scar therapy yesterday. I am using Mederma Scar therapy, costs about $15 at Walmart. I only need to put that on once a day. I put it on my navel, TT scar and the drain scars. Can't say yet if it is working, but my belly and scar are tolerating it thus far. I waited a day before starting the therapy because when I took the tape off for my post-op 6 week appt. and left the tape off, my skin was very itchy and had welts where the tape was. I wanted to wait until the skin around the scar looked less upset before putting the Mederma on it.
Next post-op visit:
My doc actually does not do visits after 6 weeks po, but says to reach out to the clinic if there are any issues or concerns. I will probably send a pic of the belly button piercing hole to the nurse and see if she can relay my question to my doc and see what can be done to fix it. It is not bad and I thought I could mask it as a freckle, but it is obviously not one. GRRRR!!!!!
Anyhow, I will continue to go to the gym and get some endorphins to help fix my sad state. I am really needing to deal with these issues and genially appreciate each of you.

Just spent 40 minutes writing a post and it deleted. I don't want to write the whole thing again.
Bullet points.
Depression:
Last ~3 weeks have been in a funk. I am not sure if this is the thing people talk about that happens after surgery or something else. I have had zero interest in anything and am not really feeling like my results look much different in clothes. I know for sure I look different without clothes, but nobody sees me this way. In clothes, I feel like I look the same. Probably not true, but it is discouraging when spending the money, effort, and the healing which has been hard. I am feeling a little better the past 2 days and if I feel down again, I will be seeing my regular doc to see if I am missing a mineral or something.
6 week po appt today.
Binder:
Don't have to wear anymore. Wore surgical binder for 6 weeks 24/7. Last two days have been without it for 12 hours in day, and wearing at night. Stomach swells at end of day and the skin is completely numb and burns.
Scar:
Don't need tape anymore. Need to start scar therapy. I will start Mederma once tape rash disappears.
Standing:
Standing fully upright since between week 5-6. It happened over night. Definitely helps.
Navel:
My doc removed sutures coming out of navel and it looks better already. Daily scar treatment massage should help with redness and to keep navel open. It does appear to be getting more midline. Swelling is going down. Hard lump I have had since day 5 po is getting less noticeable. Doc said it was likely the internal sutures that dissolve after around 10 mos. He said in thinner patients, the sutures that draw the muscles inward can be felt above and below the navel and will resolve.
Old belly button piercing:
I will post another pic at some point, but the top hole of my old belly button piercing is visible. It looks almost like a freckle and if I need to get it fixed, will deal with that down the road.
Restrictions:
My doc said I am fully cleared for all activity. I will likely try to go to the gym and start some exercise routine again. I have done nothing formal for ~ 8 weeks now. I have been walking a lot, but nothing more, really.
I hope you all are doing well. Not sure when I will post again. Likely at 12 weeks.

Hey there!
I CAN'T BELIEVE I hit the 4 week mark! I thought I would never make it here. It has gone by both really slow and fast. I am feeling much better than I was last week. I made sure to slow down, put my feet up more, and give myself time to relax. It helped tremendously. Last Friday, I made an appointment with my PS for this past Monday. Over the weekend, the swelling resolved considerably and my concern for seroma was no longer an issue. I was SO happy about that. Since then, really this week, I have been feeling worlds better. A lot of Realself friends will post that at about the 4 week mark, they began to feel much, much better. This, for me, has seemed to be true.
Navel:
About three days ago, most of the scab fell off my belly button and it looks really good! I have not touched it or done anything with regard to ointments, gauze coverings or anything else, and for my navel, that approach seems to be working. I posted a pic to compare 7 days po vs. 28 days po. What a difference 3 weeks makes! It still seems a tad off center, but when looking at my before pics, it looks a tad off center there too. Pretty sure that is my genetics and it is only noticeable now because I can actually see where by navel is! Haha!
Scar:
I put some paper tape on the scar at 3 weeks po and have left it on for the past week. I will likely take it off tonight to see how things are doing. The tape is itching a little, as well as the scar itself. Itching healing, so that is a great thing! It really depends on the day. Some days I am ok with where the scar is placed, other days I am not. Today, I think it is ok. I think once I start being able to wear different styles of clothes without a giant binder, I will know what I won't be able to wear because of scar placement. For now, I have no real frame of reference. Stay tuned.
Binder:
Still wearing it 24/7. I have gotten pretty used to it. I only notice it if my skin is being sensitive, then the entire abdomen sort of has a burning feeling. Similar to a sun burn. When my skin is not too sensitive, I almost don't notice the binder. It does get annoying when I first get up because I have to pull it up or down depending on where it sits at the lower portion of my abdomen. I want it to provide some pressure against the scar and not put tension against it by having pulling above or below the cut line. That is something I do have to fuss with, but other then that, I think it is ok. I am sort of a cheapo, so I am almost wondering if I can get away with weaning off the binder in another few weeks and not havign to buy other compression garments. I figure I am already 4 weeks po, a few more weeks with the binder will be ok. I did buy one full body light compression garment on sale. I may try that for a few hours to see how I do back muscle/swelling-wise. Other then that, I may break down and buy a light compression binder for work. We will see though.
Swelling:
Overall, it is not too bad the past few days. I definitely notice it seems to be much worse for about two days near lady time and during ovulation. Other then those times, I have been doing ok. I do swell more in the evening, as to be expected. I have not yet gone without my binder, so am unsure of what that swelling will look like when I start to wean from it.
Back sleeping:
I have actually done really well in this area. I am absolutely a side sleeper, but from day 1, I was in my own bed with a fortress of upper back/shoulder pillows and knee pillows. I have not rolled onto my side one time in the past 4 weeks. I almost literally stay in the same position for the entire night. It is really weird because with my breast reduction, it was horrible sleeping on my back. With this surgery, I am finding it to be one of the easiest parts of the entire process. I will likely sleep on my back for another 2 months. I want the scar to be pretty much matured so there is no widening at the sides. I sort of mangled up my side scars on my breast reduction from side sleeping too early. I don't want to do that again.
Hunched over:
I would say I am about 90% upright! Thank goodness! My posture still looks horrible, but I have noticed I am standing a lot better these past few days than I have for the past 4 weeks. It really does make a big difference in back pain. I only feel some pulling in the upper abs, so am letting my body work itself out and when I get to stand fully, then that will mean my body was ready and I did not force it prematurely.
Overall:
I would definitely say, I am starting to lean towards a 'worth it' rating. I am starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. I am posting a pre-op vs. 4 weeks po pic, and WOW. It is quite different. The pics don't show it well, but in certain lighting, I am starting to see a little outline of abs! I am beyond thrilled about that because I have never had abs or a flat belly before.
I will likely post weekly since things are not as rapidly changing as they were during the first 4 weeks. I am so happy to be feeling optimistic and am so thankful for all my ladies on this site who talked me off a ledge.