POSTED UNDER Tattoo Removal REVIEWS
Tattoo Regret
ORIGINAL POST
So I've been following real self for the last few...
alixxMay 27, 2015
$2,000
So I've been following real self for the last few weeks which has been a help and very relatable. I thought I'd share my story.
A month ago now I got my tattoo. Which has literally turned my life upside down.
I was so sure of what I wanted. I thought I was anyway. I wanted a simple bird cage with a bird flying away... When I explained simple and petite I thought that was enough...
The design wasn't set to me before hand (when i asked it to be sent).
When got there we had to change things, size location etc. looking back I should have postponed it but I was so I excited on getting it done.
Later that afternoon the regret started and panic kicked in. It's so bold and black. And not delicate at all.
I was so shocked that id done this to myself. That id chosen this thing to be on my skin forever, when I don't even like what it looks like.
I spiraled into anxiety and depression. Barely slept or left the house for weeks. I feel so ugly with it and has made me realise that I never appreciated myself in my own skin before, when I should have.
It's upset me greatly that it's not what I wanted/expected, but more so how much I've let it affect my life. I was nearing the end of a 12 week fitness challenge when I got this done, and then stopped leaving the house and barely moved for a month, so had lost all the progress I had made. All effort put toward it had vanished. Along with any feeling, motivation or care for anything I was every interested in or made me happy.
I found it hard to see others happy and avoided seeing friends or going to events I was originally so excited about.
Ive started Antideressents now. Which helps with the anxiety. And helps me think about it all less. I have better days now. But my mood toward this tattoo won't change. I think the only thing that makes me feel ok about it is thinking that one day in place of this tattoo I'll have something I love.
I've had a consultation with at a laser clinic. She was extremely helpful and offered a lot of information. Starting with there's not much a can do right now as its so fresh... It's better to wait as long as I can so that the ink dies down a little. She said the ink is really low and there's a lot in there. It will take more sessions than usual to remove.
Then there's the issue of no sun exposure for 6 weeks before and after treatment.. My tattoo is on my outer/back of arm... It makes me think of what I'd do during summer while undergoing treatments. I expect it'll result in more avoidance of life/ friends/ happiness and freedom.
I know it's not the tattoo itself that will push me away from people... But my attitude and being upset about it will. But I can't accept that this is a part of me. I'm so ashamed of myself and just wish I could go back to that day and stop it.
I know there's a lot worse things people go through. This is such a superficial problem. It's just hard to accept that this was from my doing, and there's no foreseeable solution. I'm feeling lost and can't escape my hate for myself :(
A month ago now I got my tattoo. Which has literally turned my life upside down.
I was so sure of what I wanted. I thought I was anyway. I wanted a simple bird cage with a bird flying away... When I explained simple and petite I thought that was enough...
The design wasn't set to me before hand (when i asked it to be sent).
When got there we had to change things, size location etc. looking back I should have postponed it but I was so I excited on getting it done.
Later that afternoon the regret started and panic kicked in. It's so bold and black. And not delicate at all.
I was so shocked that id done this to myself. That id chosen this thing to be on my skin forever, when I don't even like what it looks like.
I spiraled into anxiety and depression. Barely slept or left the house for weeks. I feel so ugly with it and has made me realise that I never appreciated myself in my own skin before, when I should have.
It's upset me greatly that it's not what I wanted/expected, but more so how much I've let it affect my life. I was nearing the end of a 12 week fitness challenge when I got this done, and then stopped leaving the house and barely moved for a month, so had lost all the progress I had made. All effort put toward it had vanished. Along with any feeling, motivation or care for anything I was every interested in or made me happy.
I found it hard to see others happy and avoided seeing friends or going to events I was originally so excited about.
Ive started Antideressents now. Which helps with the anxiety. And helps me think about it all less. I have better days now. But my mood toward this tattoo won't change. I think the only thing that makes me feel ok about it is thinking that one day in place of this tattoo I'll have something I love.
I've had a consultation with at a laser clinic. She was extremely helpful and offered a lot of information. Starting with there's not much a can do right now as its so fresh... It's better to wait as long as I can so that the ink dies down a little. She said the ink is really low and there's a lot in there. It will take more sessions than usual to remove.
Then there's the issue of no sun exposure for 6 weeks before and after treatment.. My tattoo is on my outer/back of arm... It makes me think of what I'd do during summer while undergoing treatments. I expect it'll result in more avoidance of life/ friends/ happiness and freedom.
I know it's not the tattoo itself that will push me away from people... But my attitude and being upset about it will. But I can't accept that this is a part of me. I'm so ashamed of myself and just wish I could go back to that day and stop it.
I know there's a lot worse things people go through. This is such a superficial problem. It's just hard to accept that this was from my doing, and there's no foreseeable solution. I'm feeling lost and can't escape my hate for myself :(
Replies (8)
May 27, 2015
I completely understand how you feel! Especially the 'I can't believe I put this on my skin forever when I don't even like what it looks like'. I am also feeling very down on myself, the only thing that keeps me going is my 2 and 5 yr old, I can't fall down into a spiral for their sakes. That's what I keep telling myself, anyway. I saw a comment on here that said your child won't pay attention to your tattoo as much as they will pay attention to your attitude and actions. That really hit home with me. I think this applies to everyone in our lives. So, you made a mistake that you're trying to remedy. But how do you want yourself and others to remember how you responded to that adversity? By lying down or by getting up? All the same, I continue to shed tears over my tattoo so I'm trying to practice what I preach here. I wish you the best of luck in your removal process!!
May 28, 2015
Hi Alixx, totally know were you're coming from. I'm in the same boat the only difference is that my tattoo is colored and massive compared to yours. Hoping very much to get rid of mine asap. I've done a lot of research and now believe that we can get rid of our tattoos. Already had two consultations and feel a lot better now. Which clinic did you get in touch with regarding tattoo removal.
May 30, 2015
Ugh, you sound just like me! I specifically asked after seeing the sketch for mine that it be more delicate and feminine, and still ended up with dark, bold block letters :( I too wish I would have just said no, but like you, I was already there, the adrenaline was flowing, so I went through with it. My tattoo has affected my self esteem, my confidence, and even my relationships with other people (who thankfully stood by me and are on the mend). I am in therapy now too. If you ever want to talk, feel free to send me a message. It can sometimes be tough talking to people who don't understand what you're going through. Good luck!
Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing your personal story with us - I am so glad that you felt comfortable doing so here. I am most certain that you will get lots of support from fellow community members at different stages of removal. I am truly sorry that your much wanted tattoo led to such regret and that it's gripping at your so badly causing depression and anxiety—right now you are in the eye of the tornado and it's hard to make peace with the situation. I can assure you that this does get easier, I have been there and I reacted the very same way - stopped eating, slept all day, stopped going to the gym, as I hated seeing other women flashing there "perfect" backs in their tank tops, I felt ugly, ashamed and so on. It's difficult to break the cycle of negative thoughts because one irrational thought feeds another and the cycle continues - you have to break it though - for your health, both mentally and physically. You know this, and I know that it's hard - so I am going to hopefully give you a push. The first thing I suggest that you do is stop blaming yourself, and stop feeling ashamed - you didn't do anything wrong, you just wanted a tattoo. I realize you feel that you "did this to yourself" but that's not true, even though most of us think we have full control over every decision that we make, we don't. Challenging situations build us up - yes they knock us down first but I will tell you - once you rise up you will be stronger. Look at this as a life lesson and start to focus on how you are going to solve this rather than focusing on why it happened and wishing it never did. This is your mountain to climb, now how are you going to get to the top? Are you going to stay at the bottom and look up, or are you going to start moving forward up that mountain and fight this battle. When I look back, I don't forget the damage, it was done, my back is never going to be the same...but the damage no longer controls my life and it doesn't have to control yours either. I encourage you to go outside in nature, for a walk, bring a book or your dog (if you have one) clear your thoughts, take some beautiful deep breaths and again, stop being so hard on, feed yourself with both some good food and positive thoughts and most importantly love yourself - practice self-compassion. I know you can do this, and I know that you will. Hold you chin up high and start to feel better soon. Keep us posted on your progress.
p.s. your tattoo is nothing to be ashamed of, the boldness will fade, all tattoos do - and it's cute. Not trying to change your mind, just wanted to let you know. ;)