Devastated

A hideous botched mess. The skin is so damaged from being completely stretched over many unnecessary grafts and under so much tension that still no surgeon is willing to operate on me. I never agreed to this.

I don't even know where to start with this long depressing review. I've been living my worst nightmare going on for the past 5 years now that I thought would come to an end this year. I used to be a happy, confident person full of life, grateful and appreciative of my appearance that I used to get a lot of compliments on. That all came to an end in November 2012 at the age of 17 at a "friends" sleepover that I was invited to at the end of a school year. A girl that posed as my friend violently hit me in the nose out of pure jealousy that broke my nose cartilage. Within 2 months I noticed my nose became very unsymmetrical making me extremely depressed that my beautiful nose was lost. I immediately started looking for a plastic/reconstructive surgeon online to restore my nose, 5 small surgeries (that had complications) and two surgeons later my nose looked like a botched version of my nose. I felt more depressed than ever, hopeless and unable to leave the house to see any family members or even show my face to the general public out of pure embarrassment. I was too depressed to even get ready basically being an ugly version of myself. Every year has gotten worse and I haven't left the house since 2015 (besides doctor’s appointments). My last surgery with a different surgeon who is now retired was in September 2016 so another year of my life was down the drain waiting for my nose to heal in hopes that my 6th surgery would be my final and I would get my life back.
I met Kien Ha earlier this year in May he came across as polite, professional and very knowledgeable and confident that he could help me. He recommended a rib graft and a micro fat transfer. I immediately felt extremely uncomfortable about the idea, I just pictured a massive nose in my head especially after my mum's experience with rib graft from a previous plastic surgeon after losing her beautiful nose in her 20's to a so called experienced ENT surgeon for sinus surgery. He completely broke her nose that then over the years collapsed. Kien Ha then reassured me that I would not have a bigger nose by showing me a before and after photo of his previous work with a rib graft. I agreed the nose did not look bigger in the after photo just a better version of the before photo and I felt comfortable that it would be the same for me. I showed him old photos of my nose so he could get an idea of how it used to look. He also computer edited pre op photos he took of me to show the desired outcome which looked 95% like my old nose. I felt even more reassured that I had found my surgeon.
I had some time to think it through and booked in my surgery and met up with Kien Ha again in August to go over things two weeks before my surgery, he added that he wanted to use temporal fascia grafting as a layer of coverage for my thin skin. I was ok with it if it meant having a better result as I trusted him with my nose at this point. I truly believed he was the man for the job with how confident he seemed in himself. On the day of my surgery I was the most anxious I'd ever been before any of my past surgeries, I just had a feeling in the back of my head that it could go horribly wrong. Kien Ha worked on my nose for 9 and a half hours which I appreciated a lot as I know no one else would spend nowhere near as much time.
The recovery for me was horrible I'd never had any pain or issues in the past and I can't even explain the amount of pain, it was pure agony for 10 days especially the first 7. I had 20 or more endones which didn't even touch the pain and in the past I'd never had more than 3. I was constipated with extreme pain in my stomach and ended up vomiting. I was unable to sleep for over a week due to the amount of pain keeping me awake, as well as the usual not being able to breathe after a rhinoplasty. Still to this day I can barely breathe particularly in the morning because the swelling is so bad from the amount of overdone grafting in my nose. Now to the result (so far) which besides any swelling isn't going to change shape, size and projection. I've had enough experience to know how noses heal from surgery including my mums 5 surgery experiences. Kien Ha obviously did not take in any of my concerns about my nose. I thought we were on the same page from the first consult. I was blessed with a beautiful nose and ever since the first surgery I wanted it restored, NEVER changed. The result is literally my worst nightmare that I didn't even think was possible. I am the most depressed I've ever been, even more depressed than when I realised my nose was wrecked after being violently hit before any surgery. I had a naturally curved, short, small feminine nose with a slightly upturned tip and it is now exactly the opposite. It is nearly double the size, bulky, extremely long, straight, not even slightly curved, too projected, pointy and the tip too low I can barely see my nostrils. It also feels extremely hard like a brick and feels really heavy and unnatural. Not only is it not feminine at all but it doesn't suit my face in the slightest. Kien Ha seems to use rib graft on all his patient’s even primary rhinoplasty which is extremely odd, seems he has a one size fits all technique which doesn't make sense as everyone's face is unique. I have no idea how he stretched my damaged thin skin over this massive structure. He's literally built a whole new nose on top of my nose. My face is destroyed and I look hideous and absolutely nothing like myself. I've worn the nasal splint over my nose to hide it ever since. I have to remove it to do my skincare and it destroys me every time I see it in the mirror. I not only have to hide from everyone else now but including myself. I have not left the house since the surgery. I can't even go to my doctor anymore. As a result from the distress caused I'm breaking out in incredibly itchy rashes all the time and I've never had a rash in my entire life, I'm also experiencing a lot of hair loss with an actual bald patch that has appeared at the back of my head.
I expressed my feelings to Kien Ha in my second post op appointment and that's when his professionalism just went out the window. He got quite angry that I wasn't happy with the result. He stated that he had to give up 10 hours of his time that could've been spent with his kids, which was an extremely unprofessional comment considering this is the rest of my life we're talking about. He seems to care more about his reputation than me living with my worst nightmare for the rest of my life. He won't do a revision as he sees no issue and doesn't understand what my nose means to me, he has just taken my parent’s money that I pay back to them fortnightly. The only "help" he has offered is to see a psychologist. Kien Ha also said that I'll never be happy, which is far from the truth. My nose that has been taken from me is what's making me depressed and unable to live a normal life, there's absolutely nothing any psychologist or psychiatrist can do for me at this stage. The only person who understands is my mum who has experienced the same trauma as me. It's far more depressing to have something taken from you that you love, than be born with something that you hate that you're used to. I have seen so far two other plastic/reconstructive surgeons and a third booked who have said to me this result is way too drastic a change and too much grafting has been inserted. They both sympathise with me about what I have gone through and they are both prepared to operate on my nose in due time but it is devastating to wait. I am now 22 and as this issue started straight after high school I've never been able to get a job or study. I'm so scared that no one will be able to help me fix this impossible mess. I want my face back so I can finally start my life and be happy like I used to be and hopefully in time overcome this extreme trauma that has destroyed me as a person.