mental/emotional distress w/ the process
- 4 years ago
Hello there, I am in the process of having two tattoos removed. Physically it does hurt, yes, but the mental and emotional anguish I seem to be experiencing along with the process far outweighs any physical discomfort. I have finally felt inspired to reach out and look for some feedback from people with a shared experience. About 15 months ago I excitedly went in to have my 2nd tattoo done. It was not done impulsively, and I was happy to go do it. But, much to my horror, from the moment I first saw it in the mirror it simply didn't feel like me.
My mind and heart swooned, and in my extreme confusion and pain I went ahead and got another one done shortly thereafter. This was a misguided attempt to cover up my disappointment. I realized I didn't want this one either. I made the difficult decision to get them removed. I have been engaged in this process for the last year or so now. I am committed to the procedure. However, I feel an extremely acute sense of embarrassment, shame, and disbelief accompanying the whole situation.
I have never really made what I feel to be a true mistake in my life until this, and this feels like a big one. I almost cannot believe this is happening, and I find it very difficult for uncover any sense of forgiveness of myself for making the choices that I did. Even when or if the tattoos are removed I know that the main issue is the thoughts and emotions I'm processing. The physical removal of the tattoos will not solve that.
I also want to mention that I have lived the majority of life with fairly severe anxiety. The tattoo situation has stirred up many conflicting and confusing emotions that I'm doing my best to cope with, and perhaps understand. One bright light in all this is that I've also recently committed to regular therapy/counselling sessions; something that I've needed to do for a long time now. I feel this is helping. It is a daily source of struggle and upset for me in life right now. I can hardly understand quite what is happening. So I look to anyone who has gone through something similar who could possibly share some wisdom or insight into this experience. Sincerely, Yuri