Pretty Hurts - And So Does Constructive Criticism!
K. Mathews on 15 Jul 2011 at 11:36am
After a week hiatus, Pretty Hurts is back and ready to inject semi-celebrities with freezers and fillers. Unfortunately, Curt is back, too, and has decided to institute a comment box in the office to obtain suggestions to improve the business. As I have a few constructive comments about the show, Curt, please see my comments below!
The staff, however, is not excited about the comment box. Curt passive aggressively indicates that someone might complain about Rand’s monochromatic green scrubs. Apparently, Curt thinks the practice would improve with a performance of Rand and the Amazing Technicolor Dream-Scrubs. As for the box, Rand decides that he’ll try anything once, which is exactly the attitude that led him to marrying Curt in the first place.
Bertilla is the first patient, who complains, “I used to look like the Lady in Lady and the Tramp, and now I look like the Tramp.” I’ve never heard someone compare their former "sexy" self to a dog before, but I’ll take her word for it! The two problems Bertilla wants Rand to address are that her once naturally plump lips have lost their fullness, and her “ass is growing out of [her] knee.” The second problem seems a bit bigger than something Botox can fix, so Rand focuses on the face.
Afterward, Bertilla calls Rand “genuine, delightful, and caring”, but Curt wants her to write it down on a comment card. (I keep almost writing her name as Bertolli now that I have pasta on the brain.)
Comment to Curt: You’re a noodle-brain.
Speaking of al dente, next up is Jason, a 34-year-old actor with a noticeable dent between his eyebrows. With a strategically placed injection, Rand is able to expand the area around the concave and you would never guess that there was an indentation in the first place. Rand and Jason can hardly celebrate the success before Curt barges into the room uninvited to ask Jason to fill out a comment card. Rand tells off his ex for being unprofessional.
Comment to Curt: A suggestion box should be optional, not something you harass your clients with.
We’ve seen a lot of eccentric patients walk into Rand’s offices, but country western singer Kitty might take the cake – mainly because it looks like she’s trying to emulate a cupcake with an all-pink outfit. She also has a truly absurd accessory: a lap dog whose fur has been dyed pink. The receptionist, Elizabeth, says that dogs aren’t allowed in medical facilities, but should she have verified whether it was a seeing eye dog? Given her current getup, it wouldn’t surprise me to learn that Kitty is blind.
Comment to Curt: Screen your clients.
But Kitty is not blind: her ensemble is very much on purpose, plus she can see the lines forming around her face. Rand uses filler to reduce her jowl lines. During the procedure, he instructs her to open her mouth wider “like you can’t believe what you see.” Kitty need look no further than Rand’s face for an example, as he still doesn’t seem to be over what a unique character he has in his chair.
Meanwhile, the pink pooch pees on the office floor. And that’s why you don’t let dogs into a medical practice. (Good luck getting another appointment,
Bertolli Bertilla!) Curt throws a fit, but then again, urine is probably the most honest feedback Curt has received since implementing his comment box. Kitty, with an appropriately reddened face after so many needle pricks, thanks the staff and walks off while singing her version of the Johnny Cash song “Fulsom Prison Blues Pinks”: “I bought a dog in Reno just to watch him dyed.” All right, so she doesn’t actually sing a country song at all, but it would have made the scene better.
Comment to Curt: Hire me to write for the show.
Soon, the office gets a special delivery, and this time it’s not doggy excrement. It’s a package containing new blue scrubs for Rand. Though they’re a different color, they’re still monochromatic. However, Curt has a different complaint: they’re too tight around Rand’s crotch region.
Comment to Curt: You’re jealous.
The next patient, personal trainer Tryp, will find out just how problematic Rand’s scrubs are. Sporting a buff body, Tryp wants his face to match his healthy physique. Rand explains that it’s common for bodybuilders to lose fat around their eyes, leaving some undesirable lines. Rand knows this not only as an injectionist, but because he used to bodybuild competitively in his 20s.
After Tryp leaves, Elizabeth literally meows at what a hunk he is, prompting Curt to announce that if she gave him 90 days, he could have abs like Tryp’s.
Comment to Curt: Yeah right, unless you mean the abs that you pay for.
Finally, we meet long-time patient Pam. When Curt makes her fill out a comment card, she snaps at him that after ten years, if she didn’t like the business, she would stop coming back. In the end, Curt decides that he should get rid of the comment box. Still, he wants to make up for how he has hassled his coworkers by taking them to a pole dancing class. In most work environments, this invitation would constitute sexual harassment, but Curt justifies this choice because pole dancing is the opposite of a comment box.
Comment to Curt: That’s a loose antonym at best. That’s like saying cheese is the opposite of a washing machine. Plus, you’re going to need a lot more than pole dancing classes to get those abs in shape.
We’ll be back to watch – and of course comment on – the Pretty Hurts finale next week. In the meantime, if you’ve got some additional comments for Curt, feel free to use the RealSelf comment box at the bottom of this post!