cantdecide

We talked...

Thanks. I tried talking to him yesterday when he came home for lunch. He left without eating. We didn't talk more than necessary after he got home from work. We went to bed together, but he got up at 2am to go sleep on the couch. All I want is for him to say, "I don't get it, and you don't need it. But I love you and I can see how important it is to you, so I will *happily* do whatever it is you need me to do. I'll always love you and accept you for who you are." All I can get from him now is, "I can't tell you no. I won't be attracted to you. But I will love you." My fear is that love without physical attraction is the love he'd have for his mother or sister, not his wife. :/ Ugh. He is willing to go with me to a counseling session, so hopefully we can move forward one way or another.

Thank you! I read people's stories and I feel empowered to go for it. It's the reality of the conversations with him that bring up my fears. But truly, thanks for your words of encouragement.

Thanks for replying -- much sooner than I had ever expected! I did come to that conclusion myself at one point -- that risking my marriage for my appearance certainly wasn't worth it. So I decided not to do it. And the thought of it made me cry (as I'm about to now). I was crying in the bathroom and my husband walks in, shocked to see my crying about it. He said he wanted me to go to a counselor, which I have since done. The counselor and I have done all kinds of screenings for self-esteem, depression, body dismorphic disorder, anxiety, you name it. No problems there. She reminded me that it is my body, and therefore my choice. She said not doing it -- for him -- could ultimately lead to resentment and also strain the marriage. Anyway, just looking for as many people as possible who have gone through this situation for advice. I REALLY appreciate your reply and insight. THANK YOU!!!

My husband said a variation of the same thing: "I'll still love you, but I won't be attracted to you." He says, "it's fake" and therefore not me, not the woman he married. I go back and forth... It IS for ME, and only me. I've wanted it for longer than I've even known him, and we've been married for 12 years without any major fights/disagreements. On the other hand, if I do this, and he is no longer attracted to me, surely our sex life will suffer. And while that isn't the only 'glue' that holds a marriage together, it is a big part of it. So am I willing to go through with something I KNOW has the potential to disrupt our otherwise happy marriage? But THEN I think, if our marriage truly is as happy/healthy as I believe it is, wouldn't we get through it? Ugh. It's so hard. I know it's been a while since your original post, but I'm wondering if you're still on this website and how things have panned out for you. Thanks.

I really appreciate your honest and candid feelings about it. When it ruptured, was it painful? Roughly how much is it to have it removed/fixed? Just curious. :)