Confused Child

Wow. Your smile is really cute like that. You look great, and a lot more confident with yourself. That's awesome.

....Wow. Just read everything, updates, comments and all. I was also struck by the same quote that Megan P. was, and was glad that you've got such an amazing girlfriend and that you became so successful later in life. I also think it's really awesome that you became more comfortable with yourself as you progressed in life. Also, I think Tanya's such a pretty name. Curious why you picked it, though.
My birth name was Christine, but I've been going by Chris for a while now, and more recently as Christien (feels weird without a two-syllable name, but I hate the names Christine, Christopher, and Christian. I'm not keen on having a name meaning "Christian" either, as I'm against religion in general, so the made-up name Christien's fine by me). Personally, I'm a biological Asian female who'll be 18 at the end of the month, whom also has rather broad shoulders, not much of an "hourglass" shape, am moderately athletic and muscular, and am 5'6"--I tower above most other Asian girls and am around the same height as some Asian guys, haha! Other than being captain of my high school's girls' tennis team, I do a lot of non-sports activities that're (in my opinion) "girly" things, like anime-style drawing, making jewelry, being a designer/seamstress in my school's fashion show, cosplaying on my own time, and making desserts and sweet things. But, I've always had issues with the whole "being a girl" thing... and recently realized that I may actually be bi as well as transgendered. (It'd make a hell of a lot of sense.)
About a month ago, I'd talked to my male best friend since 2nd grade about what if I did gender reassignment, and we came to the agreement that we could no longer get married (as he's straight), but we'd still be best friends and he wouldn't think less of me for coming out like that.
And only a little more than 24 hours ago, I came out to my female best friend about my current gender/sexual issues. She's a tomboy herself, and also possibly transgendered, but I've had a mild yet growing crush on her since we'd met two years ago, but we'd each thought the other was straight-up.... well, straight. Turns out, neither of us really care what gender our significant other is, nor do either of us care for sex. I asked her, theoretically of course, "What if we went out? And would you be okay with being "gay" if we both became guys?" And she answered, "Sure, I don't care what you are, so long as you're you. And I don't care, I'll act however the hell I want and I don't care how other people think of me." We went to sleep after that, and I've been thinking about this whole "being a guy" thing for the entire day.
I've been experimenting with finally thinking of myself in a male sense, and thinking of my friend as my possible, theoretical, maybe-"girl"friend. And I noticed something: I was comfortable with it. I felt this awesome boost in self-confidence and I was happy... til I thought about how I have to deal with my parents and family (conservative Asians, oh the joys of joys), and with my currently close friends who don't know yet. Not sure how I'm gonna get through all this trans stuff, but after reading your story as well as quilte a few other transgendered people's stories, I feel like I can actually do this. Like there’s some hope for me. And with my lifelong self-esteem issues, that's saying something.
So I thank you for sharing your story, wish you much more happiness and good luck as you progress, and hope you don't mind me sharing my abridged story-thus-far with you.
--Christien H.