**rosie**

Update on Bergen, County TT

You've done a comp prep you can do these 19 days standing on your head. :)

You need to post new pictures.

How are you doing? How's the diet going?

Im very excited for your surgery. Looking at the picture of you on your comp day I've got to say it really doesnt look that bad but i KNOW how it plays on your mind. It does to me on a daily basis. I have tried everything to convince myself that it doesnt matter but it does matter. If its the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep, yeah its time. I got my suit and when I tried it on I just cried there was no way Im getting on stage with that on in this condition. I'll post pis in my profile. I'll be sending you good vibes and PLEASE post everything!!

My coach keeps telling me to keep pushing and we will decide what we want to do the day of competition. I just feel like thats so beyond the point. I'm dieting doing doubles and just exhausted, it just seems very extreme IDK. I have weeks where I'm doing great, my body is responding the fat is dropping off then boom! I start fixating on my middle, I get dressed and as shameful as this is to admit I cheat on my diet. Its almost like I make sure I wont reach my goal, sort of like fulfilling my prophecy. Its just time for me to have the surgery and put all this self doubt and fear to bed and take the stage full of pride. When did you compete?