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May 13, 2013 The story of my weight loss...
May
13, 2013
The
story of my weight loss journey starts when I was five years old. I have
memories of looking at and admiring everyone else's plate of food around me
before and while I was eating my own. I just could never get enough food in me
and be satisfied or what I would feel like when I was FULL. I didn't understand
that feeling meant that I felt safe. When I discovered how much I really loved
food... the way it tasted, the texture in my mouth, the smell.... I was on a
hunt.... especially for sugar.
This
need to eat all the time and feel full gradually consumed me... (no pun
intended!). I went to a great private school, was an active child, had many
friends, but continued to overeat and sneak food as a youngster and was teased
for always being the fattest kid in my class.
My
friends all loved to eat, but not the way I did. This continued throughout high
school and soon I was at 200 pounds.
After
graduating high school, I decided to pursue my dream of acting and singing. Not
long after, Wilson Phillips became a real group. I was freaked out that I
weighed 220 pounds and I went on ANOTHER diet to lose weight after a record
executive threatened me about it. I lost a bit and was down to about 180 lbs. I
thought I looked good! Suddenly, we were catapulted into stardom and tremendous
success in the music business. I traveled all over the world. I was the
"fat one" of the group, but did not let that title keep me from
enjoying and loving every moment of our success. Making music videos when they
were popular on MTV wasn't a joy for me, though. As our success grew, so did my
stress. I was overeating once again and had no exercise routine that helped me
other than slow walking a few days a week, I soon ballooned up to 235lbs.The
record company was always trying to figure out ways to hide me and only film me
from the neck up.
After
the group disbanded and became depressed I ate myself sick. I Moved to NY to
start a Talk show called Carnie and that brought even more stress to my life
even though it was fun! I was up to 255lbs and soon the was cancelled and moved
back to California.
I
was feeling tired, lonely and sad at the prime age of 25 years old.
It
was a rough few years after that. My engagement broke, my finances were in the
toilet, I broke toilet seats as I sat on them....and all I had was my
needlepoint and my food.
I
was alone and frightened. My food was my only comfort and I remember getting on
the scale every single day and watching it go up and up and up and up.
One
day the scale said 300. Then it climbed even higher and I never really knew the
number of my highest weight. But I do remember this:
I
was waking up every morning with horrible pain in my feet, back and legs. My
legs would go numb shortly after that and I had a lot of trouble walking, getting
up off the ground, out of a car or even fitting in a movie theater seat. I had
trouble tying my own shoes.
I
had chest pains, chronic headaches, acne, pain in my gall bladder, shortness of
breath walking just 20 feet ,but worst of all I kept choking and running out of
breath when I was sleeping. I would wake up several times per night wonder what
the hell was wrong. I had sleep apnea and didn't know it. I was trying to lose
just one pound but I could not do it. I was absolutely at my lowest point in my
life and I was scared I was going to have a heart attack. A doctor told me my
liver was toxic and I would not live to see 38 if I didn't get a hold of my
obesity problem.
I
was 31 years old when I decided to have a Gastric Bypass surgery (live on the
internet) suggested by my then manager Mickey Shapiro. He told me he loved me
like a father and could not watch me do this to myself any longer. I was
constantly being warned and having my friends and family cry to me out of their
fear for me. But no one could do anything. I had to save my own life.
I
was scared to do the surgery, but after researching it and knowing I had one of
the best surgeons in the world....I decided to take the plunge. The risks of me
staying at that weight would kill me and they were actually higher than the
risks of a gastric bypass.
Not
only did I take the plunge... I took the whole world with me. For the next year
and a half, I spent transforming my life and my mind. I followed every rule
there was. I had angels along the way helping me. Leslie Jester (a GB patient
herself and bariatric nurse) was my soul mate through it. I ate my protein
first, drank my water, didn't snack, exercised almost every day and took my
vitamins. I was losing a pound a day until I took off 75 pounds in three months.
I was ecstatic. Nothing ever felt like this. I had control over my eating for
the very first time in my entire life. I was relieved, excited, inspired and I
was thrilled to share it with the world.
I
continued to lose weight and reached a number that I actually thought was
higher than my goal. I got down to a size 6 and weighed 146lbs!
I
had sagging skin and had it removed. I had my breasts lifted and filled. I
posed for [RS bleep] magazine and took gorgeous pix to be proud of!! BUT WHO WAS
THAT IN THE MIRROR??
And
then the mental and emotional part kicked in like Sugar Ray Leonard punching me
in the face.
I
really felt like I was responsible for EVERY overweight person on the planet.
People were throwing their arms around me telling me that I saved their life. I
lectured and spoke to thousands of people at hospitals and on TV. I had people
tell me that relatives almost died because they saw me do the surgery and then
decided on having it too. Those few people were the very low percentage who had
complications. I did not take this lightly and delved into what became a severe
drinking problem. I'd shop and drink. Shop and drink. This was a pattern for me
for a few years and it was not a pretty place be in. My husband (who I actually
met 4 months before my GB) was worried for me and I was not headed down a good
path. I wanted a baby and I was in no mental shape to have one. I put on
another 20 pounds weighing 170 in the year of 2004. I started to drink liquids
with my meals, snack on carbs and was a downright drunk.
I
got the help I needed from a 12 step program and my life started changing
instantly. Miracles came... including my first child. My pregnancy was really
great and I was off to the races again eating whatever I wanted. This was
actually the time I started eating pasta again since 1999. I was on a roll...
satisfying what I thought my body was asking for. CARBS and more CARBS. And
Mexican food. OMG I ate a beef burrito 4 days a week!!!! At the end of my
pregnancy I weighed 241 lbs. I wasn't
proud of this. But I remembered my choices.
I
had a healthy baby girl, Lola Sofia Bonfiglio and she weighed 7.2 ounces.
After
pregnancy, I got back on the stick and worked my ass off to lose weight again.
Using the tools that I was originally given after my WLS and then some very
hard core rules... no white flour, no sugar or even dairy.... I lost a ton of
weight and got back to down to my pre-pregnancy weight of 170. That was the
perfect time to have baby # 2!!!!! SO I was blessed and got pregnant again...
(women who are morbidly obese have a hard time getting pregnant ... 50% LESS
CHANCE ) so I was so happy! I got gestational diabetes about half way through
due to my age (41) and also that it was my second child. At least that is what
my OBGYN told me. I actually ate much healthier during my second pregnancy
before and after I had gestational diabetes.
I
had another beautiful child named Luciana Bella Bonfiglio. She weighed 6.12
ounces and was Lola's perfect Sister.
My
life has been so wonderfully filled with love after having these children. My
husband Rob is a loving hands on Father and we have had a happy fortunate life
together.
But
in 2011, my ability to remain full after I ate my meals (which were still
small) started to disappear. I would eat, and then be hungry an hour later. It
was not my imagination.... I had a full CT scan of my abdominal cavity 360 view
on a new machine. They found that the
part where my food passes through my tummy and goes into the intestine was wide
open and not the toothpaste size of a hole any longer. It was around an inch
and a 1/4. No wonder I was not feeling satisfied after meals. Food was
literally dumping right out of my stomach and my brain had no signal of
satiety. I was desperate to lose this baby weight and I just could not. I was
lucky to take off about 20 pounds after Luci's birth. I had gained 61 pounds
with her. SO at this point I was up to 240 and I was miserable. I never felt
like I did at over 300 hundred but I was not full when I ate and I was down on
myself and was really tired physically.
Having two children and weighing 240 pounds is just way too much!!!!
I
decided to look into my options for another surgical intervention and was
fortunate enough to meet Dr. Helmulth Billy in
Ventura California. He is the LAP BAND expert and is the most trustworthy expert
at performing a procedure called a lap band over bypass.
I met with him and he started kicking my ass
form the moment we met. First he looked inside my tummy endoscopically to see
if I was even a candidate. I was. Then he asked me how badly I wanted to reach
my goal. Was I willing to follow his rules and not let the stress of my life no
matter what excuses I gave get to me? The answer was YES.
SO
I had a lap band put on over my existing gastric bypass January 18th of 2012.
The surgery was not as intense as the GB. The gas was off the hook!!!! LOL. I
have kept off the 40 pound weight loss this year and am still working on
reaching my new and healthy goal of 165-170. I am grateful I did this because
it has really helped me be able to put the fork down at meal times and eat
less. I snack on healthy food like carrots, apples and string cheese. I try to
stay off gluten and eat brown rice.
I
have tried to keep my head in the right place as far as how I view food. I
started to really cook my own meals and am totally in love with cooking and
baking. I try to cook healthy for my whole family. No one is perfect. I have
learned to honor my ability to make choices. That is what is the most important
aspect I can teach people. We have to eat every day and we must make healthy
choices 80% of the time. Beating myself up when I make a poor choice is
pointless. There is always the next day and we all must remember that we are a
work in progress. Time goes by so fast and I try to remind myself that I can
reach any goal I want to as long as my head is in the right place. But it means
action NOW.
Speaking
with others, working with others, staying accountable is the key to success.
Drinking lots of water every day, staying away from soda, eating lots of
protein and fiber, eating a ton of veggies and not eating with our fingers is
the best advice I can give. Also some kind of daily exercise for 20 minutes.
Walking is what I love.
Being
an example for my children and also millions of other people is a lot of
pressure giving my history with food. I adore food and will most likely have
challenges with making choices. But it is totally 100% UP TO ME.... what goes
into this loud mouth of mine!
Part
of my giving back and also staying accountable is being a member of the WLSFA
community. It's heartwarming and gratifying to know that we are raising
awareness and support for the Obesity disease and also granting WLS surgery and
reconstructive surgery to people who are in great need. I am honored to become
their Ambassador of Hope!!!! Hope is what everyone needs!!!!! Great title!!!
My
gratitude for all the love and support out there for me and for each other is
what keeps me alive. My children and husband too. I try to remember that we are
a spec in this universe and if I was meant to be here for this short time to
help everyone.... I should try to be the best I can be.
Thank
you for reading this and go eat and apple!!!!!
Love,
Carnie
Provider Review
Bariatric Surgeon, Board Certified in General Surgery
3200 Telegraph Road, Ventura, California