Rhinoplasty - Sydney, AU
Have rhinoplasty booked Sept 4th with Dr Shahidi...
One month to go...
Also compiling a list of things so any must have suggestion are welcome!!
A few days to go...
So much for my bloody positive thinking!!! I have been doing surprisingly well until today! I'm actually feeling a lot better after writing this - talk about narrative therapy! There is a big chance I will wake up fine, feeling good and happy and positive I'm just sooo nervous about the small chance it will go the other way. The idea of general anaesthesia erks me to no end, so I'm trying not to even think about that. I get myself into a complete existential crisis and start thinking about life and death and time as an illusion and send myself crazy.
Ok, this has been a way more negative post that anticipated but oh well, it has calmed me down a lot!
I went out last night for the last time before surgery and realise it will be the last time i see myself with make-up on with this nose! It was weird and quite sad because although i'm starting my new 'face journey', i will also feel a sense of loss for my "old" nose and face which i actually like from the front! In saying that, I am 100% sure I want this. I guess it's like post natal depression or sadness when people graduate from school and stuff.
My friends have been ridiculously supportive and amazing. Last night it was bought up and all the comments were along the lines of "good for you, I'm so excited for you!" and "if i could change one thing it would be...". I have found when i tell people, their first response is along the lines of, "oh really! I really want my --- done". It's so normal these days, as my friends reassured me last night. Many of their friends and family have undergone cosmetic surgery and I found out a couple of them have been seriously considering their own procedures (mainly breast enhancements) and my one friend there has had a breast reduction and other surgeries too under twilight. My family is also very supportive (even though I know my eldest sister is very sad about it) and i appreciate their selfless support and perhaps fake excitement for me!! Not one negative comment so far, I am very thankful for that.
I have been planning to go to my dads farm (Hunter Valley - his place is absolute luxury) where he lives for the first week. My apartment is tiny, I have no Foxtel and limited internet (poor student) compared to his place which has everything and huge comfy couches and a beautiful pool my boyfriend can use. My gorgeous dog Charlie is there, and i'll be able to spend time outside with nobody seeing my which will do wonders for my state of mind (hate being inside for too long!). Anyway, my friend said I may not be in the mood for the drive (had her rhino a year ago with same surgeon) so now I'm not too sure. It's about a 2.5 hour drive (maybe 3 as my bf will be driving as though he has a new born baby in the car! haha). Has anyone done a long drive straight after surgery? It will be a little bit of bad for a whole lot of good (much like the surgery process actually!).
So, I know this is very boring and negative and basically just a journal entry to get me feeling better, but it has helped!! I feel quite narcissistic really! My next post i'll have a new nose! Whoo!!!
less than two hours to go!!!
Today we got in the car and through the traffic and heat drove to my dads farm and I feel brand new! Just seeing my dad and his concern and love made me lie in bed and cry. Now of course this made my nose bleed so I had to stop but in these few tears I released so much. My bf has taken a very laid back attitude for the sake of me being calm (don't psych her out its all good) which has been so hard to keep up with. Anyway, I decided after my little cry that im not going to be tough im going to allow myself to feel like a little girl who's scraped her knee and feels sorry for herself because it's exactly where I need to be. I feel a weight off my shoulders and I actually think I could eat something which is comforting. I'm not freaking out that I have an infection or im bleeding too much etc. I'm so happy to be here. Its so important to feel comfortable after your surgery because the rush of emotions is so unpredictable. No matter how prepared you are! I didn't even realise I was struggling until I got here, it's a crazy feeling.
As you can see my swelling is insane which has been hard. It's created a lot of pressure on my face and nose, but no pain so far and no painkillers. It has been so ridiculously uncomfortable though. Can't wait for some time to pass till this cast is off and I can shower and feel normal again!
Cheeks still swollen
Last night I decided I felt good enough to cook for my bf and dad. I love cooking and got so excited I cooked so much which was quite taxing on my body. Just as we were sitting down to eat I felt/tasted a huge lump in my throat so went to the bathroom and spat out a huge clot of blood. It kept running down my throat for about 3 minutes and I kept sipping water, clearing throat and spitting. I felt as though I was suffocating and the amount of blood in the sink (there was so much) sent me into anxiety. Thank god for my dad and bf there is no way id be able to have got through that alone without having a panic attack. My bf called my surgeon on his after hours number and he explained it was the dissolvable packing coming out and it was normal. I hadn't read or heard that anywhere so far and that also got me thinking it was something wrong. Dr Shahidi reassured me it wld happen again and about 30 mins later it did. The sensation and taste made me gag a lot but luckily I didn't throw up. After all that my left side decreased in pressure so much which was a nice relief! Dr Shahidi was so comforting and gave me all the time I needed on the phone and more even though it was 7:30pm and his family time. He explained it in detail to my bf and then to me and gave me steps 1-4 (1. Hes not worried. 2. If it happens again put head down 3. Get a spray tmw if I like that stops this and 4. If it happens again and persists ten minutes and is like a tap go to the hospital. He even told me which one I would need to go to as im in the country.) This made me feel so at ease and I was so thankful for him last night.
Two days until I get this packing out and cast off, cast isn't bothering me to be honest I've grown accustomed to it now haha just this shitty packing I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy!
Even with the cast on my profile is better!! No massive bump or tip :):) yay!
I'm so happy and excited now that the crap part is over. It'll look huge tmw when I get the cast off but im not even concerned because I know it'll take time to go down and a couple months is worth waiting. I can see how wide the tip is and if I look at it from underneath its huge so I'll be mentally prepared.
One more sleep till cast is off!!
Resembling a muppets character...
Dr was great. He said one month of "ugly stage" and it'll begin to improve from then on. I'm happy I was so prepared for this! No pain getting it removed. The splints were sooo big I have no idea how they fit up there and now I have to rinse 4x a day as I still have so much gel packing stuck up there.
I'll include photos, only because I feel obliged haha but please no "it looks good" comments allowed!
A glimmer of hope..
Anyway, the taping makes me feel so much better. It pushes down so much of the swelling and gives me more of an indication of what will happen over the next few months. Now, I have been sneaky with the light here BUT this definitely shows the lines of my nose, where my bones are etc. It looks mini in the mirror too.
The tip of my nose is rock hard swollen so no tape is gonna move that and it's slightly pushed down from the tape too. I can see it will need to soften before it even begins to go down so it'll be a while... but, they do say 12 months!
It still doesn't feel like it's a part of me, but it takes a while to join and mesh with my body so i guess that's completely normal. I can breathe but not fully as I still have a lot of packing that is yet to dissolve.
I had a set back Friday night, but I won't go into it because it's very rare and I don't want to scare people. It's taken me a couple steps back though, and the dripping etc has begun again. I'm back to work tomorrow and working 7-7 this week so looking forward to the weekend already!
I put a little make up on this morning for the first time since the op. It was a little sad because I didn't feel as pretty as I did with make up pre op, but I think that's just due to 1. swelling and 2. looking different. It'll take a while to get used to. I went out today to get some supplies and I felt like everyone was looking at me and my huge nose! I went to get coffee for the first time too and was freaking out that they wouldn't recognise me, haha, but as i approached the counter they said hello and made my coffee which was a relief!!
I'm absolutely ridiculously in love with my profile, 2 weeks in and i seriously am obsessed. In the photos from today the front looks alright but it's much bigger in real life. For some reason the camera on my computer is really friendly and nice haha as opposed to me phone - eek!
Happy healing to people healing!!!
Under - 2 weeks
Also, I have these new dark circles under my eyes. Has anyone else had this? I didn't even bruise much so I am freaking out a little. It can't be bags from being tired because I haven't been doing anything!