I am a 38 year old who got implants ~9 years ago....

I am a 38 year old who got implants ~9 years ago. I used to obsess about breasts and how I had "none." I'm very glad I got them, as they are wonderful and have allowed me to feel confident in a way I never could. Now that I've had them, I see I don't need them. They have done their job. I am trying to become authentic, love myself and demand that I be loved for me. I have no health risks yet, but think I will heal better now than in 20 years. At first I loved them, then I kinda forgot they were there. Lately I'm hiding them and feeling the fakeness inside me. I am breast-obsessed again, in the opposite way. I am 5'4" and got implants at ~105 lbs. part of the rationale was to "even out my figure." I always felt bigger on the bottom . Well, looking at old pix, the reality is that I was skinny, top and bottom. With the implants I allowed myself to gain ~40 lbs. I'm starting to get fit again and should likely end up at around 30 lbs heavier than my pre-implant, 29 year old self. Now that I'm here, I'm more interested in demanding I'm loved for ME. Somehow that now means its ok if I wear makeup and dye my hair, but I think the saline needs to go. I went from a small A to a full C, and have (over the last 8 years) now become a 34DD. I worry about sagging and disfigurement, but as many of you mentioned, implants are a disfigurement. It's a hard decision since they look great and have no complications. I'm hoping I'm movin to a different place in my life, and I'm feelin like they need to go. Any thoughts? I have a consult w the same six who put them in (Tom Pousti in San Diego) on sept 23.

Explant date and doc set!

After consults, there were 2 surgeons I would consider. I'm going with Dr. Pousti. He is the same now as he was 10 years ago...conservative, thoughtful an confident he can achieve good results. T minus 20 days...my surgery is set for 7am mon oct 14...

How is Recovery after Explant with Benelli Lift?

So I'm excited about Oct 14, but nervous too. I've decided to do the lift and explant. I hear explant is almost painless, and that lift could be almost painless as well. i'm scared of the drains. I also find it hard to believe that the pain will not be anything like what it was getting these things in. My latest waffle point is whether or not to get the lift. I don't want to be disappointed that I didn't, but that's not really a reason TO do something. I started out a 34A but that was 10 years ago; I'm different, my body is different, and I apparently have more breast tissue than I used to (due to weight gain). I have seen tons of pictures with and without the lift.. And bodies are bodies. So some women have amazing results without the lift, and some have not amazing results without the lift, and some have amazing results with the lift and some have not amazing results with the lift. I'm having a really hard time debating this point. It seems minor to me at times, and then I fret over it. Will it make them look worse? Is it worth the extra pain and scars? I'm so sure about the removal...I just wish I was more sure about the lift. Anyone have any input?

Thanks...

Swinging to the scared side

I have been obsessively looking forward to my surgery. Today was the first day I felt terrified. I'm really scared of the pain afterwards. I'm scared of anesthesia though I've had it twice before. I get panic attacks, and I'm afraid ill have one after surgery. I'm afraid of the IV. I remember getting the implants in and tellin the nurse "I can feel it going up my arm. I don't like t." I'm a control freak and I don't like the idea of not remembering the day of surgery. I'm not religious so I don't think any higher power is looking out for me. I want this done but I'm chicken! Thanks for listening.

T minus 1 week

I can't wait to be posting POST pictures. Ugh. Looking at those DD nightmares and juxtaposing that with the button-down shirts in my closet that I haven't worn in years...
I really want to be fit and happy. I hope I can be. I hope small/natural breasts are the right way to go. I think so. And I'm impatient about the lift. I will likely do it, though everyone here tells me to wait 6 months. Waiting is probably the right thing to do. But if the level to which I have been obsessing the last 2 weeks is any indication of what that 6 months would be like, I'm going for the lift. I can't take it in my head anymore@! It's so crazy! Good night ladies, and thanks for listening. I'm imagining daily rants until the deed is done. We shall see.

Found my pre-BA pix

I'm very proud of myself. These took a while to pull out of the archives...

The day has come

Though it never seemed like it would...my surgery is at 10am tomorrow. I report to the surgery center at 8 am. I'm nervous and excited, still. I have an amazing man to take care of me, so now I just worry about the IV and the anesthesia and the drain and the pain afterwards. Thanks for listening. Ill write tomorrow if I can...

I did it!!!

I'm so happy! Here are the pix I promised :) more when I unwrap...
I did great getting home--it was 30 miles from La Mesa but it was no prob. I brought the pillow as someone on here suggested. I slept on and off propped in bed. I need help getting to the bathroom but I don't feel loopy while in bed. The pain is worse than I expected, but manageable. I'm Having trouble keeping my arms at my side, but I'm quickly reminded by a sharp ache. Luckily no nausea---I started w a Special K vanilla protein drink, then a few crackers w honey, then a slice of bread w almond butter, a little OJ then a little mango sorbet. I was expecting to be on liquids today and yogurt tomorrow, but I'm already on light solid foods. It hurts but today it's worth it. I'm excited and scared

First look tomorrow

My first post-op appt is tomorrow. I hope they look ok. I'm still excited and nervous...

They look a-ma-zing!

So I went to my 3 day post op appt. drains are staying in bc I'm still putting out over 20 ml/day, but I got to see the ladies...I'm SO HAPPY! And it only gets better from here. They still hurt, I'm still on pain meds even tho I'm told it shouldn't hurt, but it dores. And I don't care; it's worth it : D

And now the pix that were supposed to accompany the last post

Here they are

Wish I could figure out how I change my rating to "Worth It"

That's it. I can't figure it out =\

Drains out!!

So drain removal, which I heard can be awful, was ok. I am a HUGE WUSS when it comes to needles. Poisti's assistants held my hand while injecting the numbing stuff...needle didn't hurt much but the lidocaine or whatever burned like a B**** for about 20 seconds as it went in. It was worth it tho. I felt the stitch that was holding the drain in as pressure, and I didn't feel the drain coming out at all. I haven't taken a Percocet since 11:30 and I am fine. I think the drains were causing me more pain than the breasts! They've been out 4.5 hours and I feel GREAT! I am told now is the time to NOT overdo it...I walked the dogs by myself but otherwise will ask the man to keep an eye on me and make sure I don't over exert myself. I also went to the hairdresser an got a wash and blow dry. Best $20 I've spent...I was GROSS! And I can't shower til at least Tues... So here I am in good spirits. Here are Day 4 pix...swelling has gone down a little I think...and the drains coming out means the side padding came off...I think today's pix are more true to te real look...square and oddly flat topped, but MINE MINE MINE ALL MINE! I am soooo happy and can't wait to play with them and dress them up ;)

Stitches bleeding?

I of course was not supposed to peek until the doc looks again Tuesday, and I of course looked today. I'm concerned that the blood on the tape is too much and now I'm freaking out. Anyone else have stitches that look like this? Thanks ladies ;)

Getting smaller

I'm one week post-op; at this time last week I was coming out of anesthesia. Amazing. I hope the recovery time keeps flying. The compression is working, because the big beautiful natural breasts I saw on day 3 are now squat on day 7. The surgical bra also gives them a really weird shape in shirts. But I'm doing as I'm told. I will feel like a hypocrite for hoping for some really good fluffing, but lets face it-we all want bigger breasts, we just want them to be natural too. Ok enough for now. Time to rest. Thanks for listening.

I'm so lucky

At my visit today, post op day 8, I asked dr Pousti if I could take off the surgical bra long enough to wash it. He said, "yes...or burn it" I'm havin a slight rash from the band, so he said move into a sports bra for the next 3 weeks. That will take me to my next appt, when the strips come off (they're on cuz of the lift). I can now shower as long a I get waterproof bandages so as not to get the stitches wet, but no washing my own hair for another week. I bought a Nike front zip medium bra from Sports Authority. Expensive at $45 but it is supportive, compressy and more comfortable than the surgical bra.

I say I'm lucky because, at this point, I have so much breast tissue left. I'm so glad I did this. I wish I didn't delete my "before" pic in a tank top, cuz in my after pic I feel good, not freakish. My breasts are smaller and saggier than the pix make them look (I've tried to get a true pic but its not easy), but it's goin to be so much better than freakishly big and fake. In 6 months when everything has settled, I hope I'm as happy as I am now. For now, I'm quite thankful.

Side to side comparison

Here's the closest I have...

Day 11

Looking better every day. I can't stop looking at them--they're amazing! I am happier having the implants gone. I feel slimmer and more mentally energetic. I can't wait to work out. I'm so happy I explanted!!!

No upper pole fullness? NO PROBLEM!

This is my first rant. I realize I am preaching to the choir, but it has to come out. It is occurring to me after reading several of your posts that the beauty we are chasing isn't even real. We are now conditioned to see fake breasts and covet them; thinking there is something wrong with us because we couldn't grow them ourselves. But I am realizing that I actually find natural breasts sexier....typically ones of a certain size, not too big not too small, but still, natural. I'm getting very irritated at the docs that are advising you ladies to get implants instead of a lift because a lift will not give you what you want. I'm realizing a lift actually would give you what you want...you probably want youthful, natural breasts...not the New Norm, which is high profile blah blah blah. And also impossible to achieve in nature. I can think of one woman whose breasts are incredible...out of at least 20 friends I've seen nude. But I feel like now there are more than 5% of the population that has implants...so most of us aren't even comparing ourselves to those genetically blessed people we know...we're comparing to that plus surgical results. I am so glad that I realized I don't like the look of implants. I think we went from "I want implants to look natural but bigger" to looking for implants that will make us look like other women with implants. And now that we've come back to our senses, we realize we have "baseballs on our chests," "plastic balloons," "toxic bags." I wish I could work on my self esteem to the point where I don't care if my man's head is turned by a magnificent pair of breasts. Or at least realize he's not going to leave me for a pair of breasts. Or any other body part, for that matter. I'm just waiting to start obsessing about the size of my belly--because I have removed the implants, which means ican be happy with my breasts. So I will need something else to get down on myself about. Ugh there will always be something.thanks for listening.

Day 13

My first real shower....ahhhhh! They're still sore, getting smaller and tighter, but I'm starting to dress them up and I'm so happy they're smaller! Another before and after :)

Wish versus Reality

I am lucky. I hope things continue to look so good. Today they hurt like someone is biting them off! Ouch! Here are some pix of my wish breasts and then my result...not bad! =D

Day 18 and still in PAIN

I am an ex-rugby player, so I can take pain. I had implant removal and a Benelli lift. I am writing in hopes that some of you ladies are experiencing what I am, and can reassure me. I took it easy the first week and a half. Now I'm back to work, back to home (ie unloading the dishwasher etc) and the pain has worsened. I've called the PS and they assure me all is fine(I have no fever, swelling, etc). But I have muscle aches, searing pain that shoots to my nipples, and I've started taking the Percocet again cuz I can't take the pain. It doesn't help much (which leads me to believe its nerve pain or muscle spasm) but it takes the edge off. Please tell me someone else out there feels worse 2 weeks postop than they did on say day 4. And for all of you considering explant--this is worth it. This pain is temporary and I will get through it. I am still 100% happy--elated really--that I explanted . I am just bummed that my healing is taking a lot longer than the average patient. Thanks for listening.

3.5 weeks

Here are the 3 week pix...lookin good...can't wait to get the steri strips off and see how the stitches are

First workout!

My breasts and incisions have hurt the entire month. It's been getting better, but I'm still doing Ibuprophen and Benadryl several times a day. I decided for my 1 mo anniversary I would start lower body workouts again. Well, 40 minutes and 200 calories later, the stationary bike and I are on good terms again. Next week the steri strips come off. This was the best decision ever!

Benelli lift markings

I wanted to post this pic to show about how much skin was moved/removed. Good candidates for the Benelli lift seem to be those who just need or want repositioning of the nipple-areola complex. Ppl that actually need tissue lifted get the lollipop or the anchor lift.

Sorry wrong pic

The size question

I am trying to answer the question of what size I ended up, and it's difficult. It's misleading to say I went from wearing 34 DD bras to 34 D bras because I have lost ~350 cc from each breast. Part of the issue is that my breasts are now a different shape...flat up and down because of the lift and less "upper pole fullness" because of the explant. I was also busting out of those 34DD bras. I feel like I have lost 2-3 cup sizes, which is amazing. Also, I can feel my sides with my triceps and my armpits. I didn't realize it was arm-on-breast for so long. I have my 1 mo appt on Tuesday to get the steri strips off...I'm still in sports bras but of course have already gone Bra shopping :) also I'm having trouble getting pix that make them look as small as they are...ill get a friend to take some ; maybe the perspective is just wrong. Hope this helps!

Week 5, strips off, first shower

Ahhhhhhh that felt good. I'm in normal bras by day and sports bra by night. My skin doesn't like adhesive much, so there are some red patches. All in all, things look scary to me and good to Dr. Pousti. Let the healing continue!

Don't go out and buy new bras all at once!

Between weeks five and six swelling continues to decrease, Steri-Strips are off, breasts are settling, and I have gone from 34D to a very happy 34C. So shop in stages. We'll continue to change.

Six weeks today

How time flies when you're post-explant!

I feel great. All pain has stopped, just a few zingers every once in a while. They're a B-C now...smaller but beautiful. Thank you all for your support!!! Please message me with questions; I'll be posting less but I'm definitely here for you ladies

2.75 months post

Happy new year ladies! I'm so happy with my explant. At one Christmas gathering I got a lot of compliments about how i'd lost so much weight. I felt a little guilty but was happy to look better ;) at the other gathering no one noticed (or at least no one commented)... I have started and already failed my attempt at 30 minutes exercise every day...failed after day 2 as usual. However, I have re-started my daily meditation practice, which I hope to do for a year straight. It feels amazing.. It also reminds me I need to treat my body better...as I see these photos and can no longer use the "curvy" excuse, I really am not liking myself physically right now. So I'm asking you ladies for some happy vibes, and encouragement. Thank you in advance; it's wonderful to know you're here for me. Without further ado, the 3 month pix :)

3 months

Time goes so much faster on the other side! Here are my 3 month pix. I've been trying to keep up with you ladies that explantes around the time I did, and you new ladies whose reviews come to my inbox. I am happy to say I'm still an example of excellent results. To remind you, I had ~350 cc unders removed after 9 years. I gained about 40 lbs. I had a Benelli lift and don't regret it, but likely could have gotten away without it. Scars from the Benelli are much more obvious in person; I can't get a good pic of them, but they almost look like braids around my NAC. My breasts are JUST starting to feel normal--no more pain on the bottom and I can now shake them from side to side. They are a little more solid than the jellyness they felt like. The scar tissue under the incision is still hard, and my nipple itself is still interpreting signals wrong...sometimes I feel nothing, sometimes I feel intense pain, and I'm on the verge of feeling pleasure again. The breast shape is amazing. I love how they have dropped. I feel like they're the teardrop shape I always wanted. Very sexy! Take care.

For toocomplicated

When I find myself "missing" my implants, I pull up this picture to remind myself reality is not as rosy as my memory. I am SO GLAD to be smaller. It has changed me in more positive ways than just physical. I couldn't be happier.

Reality then

This is the photo

5 mo post

Very little change except scar decreases and sensation increases
Tom Pousti

Dr. Pousti is great. He put my implants in 9 years ago and I was completely happy. There was nothing wrong with them, I was just ready to have them out--a testament to what a good surgeon he is. No capsular contracture, no nothing. He is professional while being kind and caring. He listens. He is board certified. I have and do recommend him to anyone, and am happy to talk more with anyone about choosing him and his staff.

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Comments (222)

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I love your stripped dress! Large breasts weren't really what I thought they would be, smaller makes everyone look so much younger and vibrant!
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You look amazing. I've been trying to decide if I want a lift or not so this really helped. Thanks for sharing.
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You're welcome. You don't look like you need a lift. If you can be patient and see how your skin retracts, you will have less pain, less scarring and less scar tissue. I wasn't patient. I don't regret the lift, but I was probably borderline on "needing" it
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You look amazing !! Thanks for being so honest in your posts. I enjoyed reading your journey.
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Your natural breasts are perfection! Amazing they look so beautiful after so many years with implants!
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Thank you, that felt good. Now to accept the rest of me...fat, rolls and all
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Wow! You look beautiful! So youthful!
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Thank you!
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Eeek my surgery is in two days I could use some encouragement!
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Finally!!! Omg you're gonna be soooo happy! Any nervousness you have will disappear. You're going to feel amazing in ways you didn't even realize
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and?? i've been thinking of you all day. HOW DID IT GO???
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You look amazing! Thank you for updating your pictures:-)
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Thank you
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You have an athletic build and your smaller breasts look so much more young and perky! I think you have a great body!
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Awwww thank you so much
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You're gonna look young and perky...and hopefully get some sensation back!!
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Just so u know. You totally have your "wish" breasts. Absolutly beautiful.
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Aww thank you! I do! I am soooo happy. Though now I obsess about my belly...
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Your belly?? Really. Stop being so hard on yourself. Your beautiful!
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That felt good. Thank tou
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I would never say anything that's not true! !
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:)
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Beautiful!!!!!
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Thank you :)
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Thank you for keeping up with the posts and pictures. We are on the same journey of radical acceptance! Have you listened to Brene Brown' s TED talks? They are about the power of vulnerability. You are beautiful :-)
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