It’s about time. Hi Real Self. I am 53 years...
Hi Real Self. I am 53 years old. I don’t know what I would do without Real Self. I was a candidate for breast reduction, surgery date on 12/05/13. I have read many stories on this site for years, and inspired by them. I especially enjoyed the review by the Hawkeye Journey.
The only question I have is why did I wait so late? IDK. It is what it is, and every woman who has a problem with oversized breasts, will deal with it based on their own life situation. All I know is that it's about time.
I wanted to tell my story. Like many women, in grade school I was the only kid with juggas (tits, boobs). Don’t remember ever being flat. On top of that, I had a severe case of eczema, so I had juggas with rash. Not funny in grade school! I was locked in the ball room closet . . . that’s another story . . .
Anyhow, in my teens I wasn’t so big, but bigger. My mom was only 15 years older than me, so at age 13, she was 28. She was a perfect 32B, and I was about a 32C—people used to think we were sisters. In my late teens, I was even bigger, probably about a 34DD. My mom thought it was funny that her girls breasts were bigger than hers. Back then, I recall being fitted in those ugly heavy duty pointed bras with the thick straps. (In a school uniform, can you imagine what I looked like?) She would say where did you guys (referring to me and my sisters) get those big ol jugs from—wish I had some!—and she did everything in her power to make her itsy bitsy titsies bigger. She said the only time she had decent size titsies was when she was pregnant, and then oops, after the baby—her titsies when right back to a B (a low B at that).
In my adolescence around 12, I was the only one in 6th grader with boobs, and all the boys were like magnets. The only problem was, I didn’t like it—it was annoying, and often I cried or hid behind extra large blouses. As a young teen, none of the cute shirts fit, and I lived in smock tops. Once I spilled some paint thinner on my boobs, and thought I would lose them—it burnt like hell, through the soft tissue, and I was followed to make sure everything was okay. This was one period during m y life, where I had to look at my juggas everyday—inspect and examine. The only thing I noticed was that my skin was so light, you could see veins peeping through. I used to say to myself, these things are huge! There were women-women who probably would have dreamed of my size—but me, I tried everything to hide them, simply because they DIDN’T FIT.
Let’s fast forward. In my young adult, I was about a 34DDD. I had a small frame and was about 120—so even a blind man could see them! I LOOKED LIKE I WAS CARRYING A SHELF. I didn’t need push up bras. I was always hanging out somewhere, and flopping around at home, cause I couldn’t stand wearing those too tight bras, and wires that cut under your boobs. Mind you MY JUGGAS ARE NOT FLAT, in fact I’ve been told (back in the day), some women wouldn’t mind trading lol! Right.
Now, don’t get it twisted, my baby’s poppa didn’t mind at all, but one slap in the face you’re flat out knocked out lol!
Fast forward, four live births—juggas were so big filled with milk—OMG! They must have held a gallon each lol! On baby #3, he was a preemie—poor baby, the juggas literally covered his face, so I had to pump.
Fast forward, menopause—OMG! I think my juggas blew up some more. Can’t understand why, but it is what it is.
Fast forward, somewhere in between there. My little sister broke out one day out of the blue, and said she had a breast reduction. Mind you, she didn’t tell nobody. She lifted up her top and I was shocked. She didn’t want anyone to be worried or question her decision. I thought how chickn—sht. Oh well, to each her own. She was now about a small C. She said to me, big sis you ought to get one, I’m sure your insurance will approve it. Before the breast reduction, my sister’s boobs were long—one way longer than the other. She had lost a ton of weight, which caused her breasts to be out of proportion, and no matter how hard she tried, bras just never fit right. (She had the nerve to give me some of her left over bras LOL!.)
Story Continues: How it all started
Mind you, my doctor was Asian, who wore about a size of a smidgen 2, with probably a – A cup! This started on my road to jugga reduction. At my first appointment at Kaiser, I had yes—another Asian doctor—young, spry, but very professional. I took my husband with me. The doctor had me undress and stand in front of the mirror, turn to the left, right, hands up, bend down, lean back, sit up, sit back, poked, picked up the juggas, balanced and drew on them with a marker. He said there is no doubt that this has already affected your posture, including your neck, shoulders, and back. The doctor asked do you want a reduction? While my poppa sat there, he just sort of stared at the doctor, stared at me, and had no comment. He knew that I was looking for an answer from him. I said sure! He said, first I think you should lose about 30lbs first (and yes, I was about 50lbs overweight. I weighed about 190, 5’6” 8o/! ) He said if you don’t lose, then if you are reduced, you will not be happy. In the mandatory class there were women say 3 times bigger than me—wow. One woman had to sit her breasts on top of the table we were sitting at. Her problem though, was no different from mine.
My doctor supported the weight loss first. He said see me in six months. Six months later, guess what? I gained. Okay—six months later, still no loss. Six more months later, my youngest was graduating from high school, and going away for college. While there, we found out there was no Kaiser, so I had to change insurances that October. I thought to myself, so much for the reduction. Actually I had dragged it on so long, well it was my fault the reduction never happened. I said oh well, I will work on some other stuff first.
A few months later after I got the new insurance in January 2013, I found out after a ton of tests, I have hyperthyroidism—WTF! Well by this time I was full throttle in being disgusted with my weight and had tackled the Insanity program and lost about 25lbs! I was feeling overwhelmed and sorry for myself, and spent lots of time finding more about the disease. I was determined to tackle this problem and not let it consume my peace of mind, but follow all doctors orders, and at the same time try to eat right and do as much exercise that I can. Yes! Fast forward, three months ago (August – September 2013), docs took me off exercise, until I got back on board with the thyroid. The endocrinologist said basically my body already works out about three times the average heart rate of normal people, without working out—yeah right—not necessarily weight loss. (And yes, I was still overweight. Some people with hyperthyroidism do not necessarily lose weight, but their vitals are overworked. It will sometimes affect the eye muscles where they eyes pop out—this had not affected mine though, thank goodness.)
In the meantime, I had come across a female technician who was doing my yearly mammogram. She said “Honey have you ever thought about a breast reduction.” Sounded familiar. So I went back to my regular doctor at the new insurance medical group, and openly asked for a breast reduction. The nurse said yeah, I was gonna ask that—she told me stories about her sister who was an F, who had a reduction and testified how happy she was. At that moment, the nurses seemed thrilled, and broke out with a camera, and took photos. Boy they worked quick. They asked me questions about what kind of problems was I having. Ladies, give me some feedback. What other problems were you having? Here are some for starters:
1. Muscle pulling in the neck
2. Muscle pulling in the back
3. Slouching posture
4. Problem with Self esteem (for some people)
5. Forget about cute tops—they didn’t button, or if they did button, the buttons were stretched open, and the buttons did close, the top was like 2 x bigger than my size.
6. Chafing under the breasts and odor
In between, my same endocrinologist had also sent me for an allergy consultation, as I was having extreme bouts of itching. The allergy doctor had put me on Allegra and Fluonase which temporarily helped. The itching continued. Then the allergist had put me on n Atarax (Hydroxyzine Hydrochloride) and Montelukast (AKA Singulair also used for asthma). As it turns out, I stopped taking Montelukast, because I didn’t like the listed side effects, which were ridiculously scary including skin rash, bruising, severe tingling, numbness, pain, muscle weakness, mood or behavior changes, anxiety, depression, or thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself, tremors or shaking, easy bruising, unusual bleeding (nose, mouth, vagina, or rectum), purple or red pinpoint spots under your skin, severe sinus pain, swelling, or irritation, and worsening asthma symptoms. These side effects would deplete the purpose for taking the medication! How ludicrous! Not I says the ducky! I took it about twice, and decided I didn’t like the way it made me feel. The Atarax I continued as needed.
Of course I was challenged, cause now I had to start an exercise routine all over again. Well, I never quite got back into the routine with Insanity. I did it a few days, felt overwhelmed, stopped, and started, and even went through a ritual of probing You Tube for other exercise routines. I incorporated Shaun T’s Hip Hop abs occasionally with the Insanity (honestly because I seemed not able to finish the whole Insanity routine, and it made me feel bombed out. A few people I know swore by Hip Hop abs.) A few times, I felt even more overwhelmed, especially with coming to the realization that Shaun T—a hunk of a man was homosexual and had married another man—to the point where I couldn’t even concentrate and would fall asleep with my shoes on LOL! I thought to myself, this is his problem, not mine—and I pray for him. Besides this, my sole focus needed to be on my health, not his sexuality. This issue of homosexuality has intrigued me for a while—not just with Shaun T (won’t get into it). From a Christian point of view, you are still to be a Christian, and not judge others. But, you DO NOT have to accept that, or any lifestyle, and everyone needs to love and respect others. This young man has helped millions of people, including myself, and his personal life should not influence my Christian beliefs. I had to place this problem outside the person.
Boy I love that Insanity and Hip Hop abs! If you stick to it, it works! Sometimes I can tolerate the Biggest Loser lady Jillian Michaels, and other times not—I prefer Shaun T—well cause he’s a “man,” and two, cause he tells you it’s hard, and doesn’t hide the fact that it’s difficult even for him and his crew, he empathizes with you, at the same time tells you to know your limit, take a break, and get up and keep going it. Dig deeper is his motto.
I AM TELLING YOU INSANITY WORKS! AND I STILL WANT MY T-SHIRT! But, but since I bought a bummed copy on ebay, I don’t think Insanity will accept the terms.
Pre-op 12/04/13 Almost there!
On another good note, Dr. Elias is a Christian—it was obvious by her office. She had numerous Christian literature. (Being a Christian does not make you perfect. I battle every day, one of them being using texting terms--you know what I mean.) This made me exceptionally happy! She gave me instructions for pre-op, and asked me to bring a raggedy bra for post-op to put on after the surgery (of course I would be out of it when they put it on me), no food or drink after midnight—to fill a pain prescription and to continue to take my ampicillin to alleviate any infection. The pain med was for hydrocodone. My experience with hydrocodone—at least for me, is it does absolutely nothing—it messes with my stomach, but that’s it. No help whatsoever. Since I don’t like taking pills anyways, I didn’t really bother the doctor with requesting a change of medication for pain.
By now, my anxiety was running high. My sons knew about the surgery. My sisters knew about the surgery. A few friends knew about the surgery. Poppa knew I was stressed out, but he handled it well. I handled some more stress by texting (one of my vices--thank goodness for the Samsung Gallery Active.)
The night before the surgery even though I felt sucky, I did my toes with some Sally Hansen Perky Pink (no polish per doctor on the fingernails tho), washed hair (what little I have left), did a short Insanity work out and Hip Hop abs, cause I figured I won’t be able to do it for a while.
Around 1:30am, I get a call from my son who lost his keys on campus. Even though the car was in my name, and being a 12-year member, AAA wouldn’t help, and said I needed to be there to pay for the service to unlock the car—OMG! What a waste of membership—(two days later I wrote a letter to AAA about how disgusted I was with their service.) Anyway, my son said mom, I’d rather borrow a car and come get the spare key. He came out around 3am, kissed me goodbye and left. I ended up being so anxious, I never did fall asleep.
Thanks goodness for the Hawkeye Journey on Real Self
I ran out some weeks before the surgery trying to find Hawkeye’s ABC Hearts Bra Model 110. NOT! Not available! I ended up getting a pink heart and cheetah bra from ABC. BTW ABC stands for American Breast Care. I didn’t know it at the time, but ABC bras are specifically made for Mastectomy’s (before Hawkeye, I never even knew how to spell it—I kept looking up M-a-s-e-c-t-o-m-y). These bras are great, but as Hawkeye said, Walmart carries the Fruit of the Looms front closure bra for about $8, or two for $15. (I just have a problem with buying from WalMart. I’m not saying I don’t shop there, but I do have a problem with it. That’s another story. Look it up.)
When my doctor said “Why ruin a good bra?” She said bring me an old bra, and then when you are near healed, then wear the good bras and cute bras. This is each her own I guess. I ended up bringing my doctor an old 34DD bra, that I hadn’t worn forever, that I had taken the wires out. She said I would be swollen at first, but later the 34DD would be too big (we will see).
In Hawkeye’s Journey, she also got Vera Bradley on board. I love Vera Bradley too! I had two Vera Bradley Zebra bags, but decided to wear the Pink Elephant Vera Bradley. Something about Vera Bradley that is soothing and neutralizes. A few nights before the surgery I packed old bra, T-shirt, some nuts, water with cherry juice, and put some $ in the little wallet, and eyeliner, Nivea Lip balm rose (to match the pink elephants), and lipstick in my VB make up bag.
I had always had a relationship with Palmer’s Coco Butter. Got the wrong kind recommended by Hawkeye. Got the Cocoa Butter Moisturizing Body Oil instead, when I should have gotten the Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula with Vitamin E Skin Therapy Oil. I will try this later.
(I didn't post earlier, but pre-oppish, my doctor told me NO ADVIL (which Advil had come to my rescue many times, and a whole host of things NOT to take, as it may cause problems, including NO GREEN TEA, etc. two weeks before, to two weeks after post-op. Make sure you follow doctor's directions.)
Surgery Date 12/05/13 DDDD-Day oops I mean C-Day!
I was at the surgery center at 5:45am. I checked in at 6:00am. I went in about 7:00am, and changed into the hospital garb, and they put in my intravenous equipment. Sent a video and pix to my sisters and sons, put my old raggedy bra by my side, and they gave me warm blankets (it was about 40 degrees outside that morning, and inside it was a bit chilly. By 7:00am my doctor, Dr. Elias came in with her little self, and she prayed with my poppa and I. The nurses Ida and Christy shared a few jokes with us and all was well. A few minutes later, at 7:20am I was being rolled to surgery, and kissed poppa goodbye. In the surgery room, Dr. N (anesthesiologist—very handsome man), said something about this is the light Tequila and shot something in the intravenous tube. They had me roll over on the surgery bed, and then I felt something going in my vein, and then I heard myself saying I am nauseated.
It was over! The juggas/ puppies were gone! My poppa was right there like he never left! Around 2:00pm, I was being discharged. I couldn’t help wondering what happened to all of that tissue they took off? What do they do with it? I missed the juggas, but NOT REALLY! I know I signed over photos and research, but I just couldn’t stop thinking where did THE TWINS go? In the trash? What?
After the surgery, I kept on the hospital gown and had a red jacket on and my little crocheted cap, and on my way home. At home, I had already prepared the fixings for some homemade soup from Thanksgiving Turkey. Poppa prepared the soup. That night I took a pain pill just in case, but Dr. Elias was right—I felt a little pain, but nothing to holler about! That next day, it was raining, but I told my poppa to drop me off at Kohls, so that I could shop around, but it didn’t work out and I changed my mind. The only problem I saw post-op was swelling, some tingling, and shortness of breath, which the doctor said was normal. Even though I still have boobs, I feel boobless. I don’t get it. Is this normal for me to feel this way? I'm so used to looking down and seeing a whole mass of JUGGAS and now I can actually see through and through the cleavage to the floor! OMG!
My sisters were shocked I was up and about. My little sister said you better stop walking around trying to play big shot right now, cause you don’t want infection to set in and heal crooked LOL!. My sister said she has a permanent lump from where she got an infection, so watch it big sis.
I had drains from each side of the breast. My poppa said while I was in surgery, the team had prepped him on draining and measurement of fluids that would come from the drip contraption. He did this dutifully at home every few hours. I love my poppa!
Got a call from one of my COWS that night. She’s got some juggas probably twice my size. I encouraged her to think about it, as they (juggas) are hard to maintain a healthy life style to the least. Also learned one of my support COWS passed away. He was such an amazing COW. 8o(‘
When I got home, I was also sad to learn that one of the greatest Nobel Peace Prize winners of all time, Nelson Mandela passed away. Thank God for his legacy. I watched the broadcasts all evening long.
That night, poppa prepared some wood in the fireplace. Nothing like a good fire! It was about 38 degrees that night. I fell asleep on the couch. Per doctor’s orders, your upper body should be propped up with pillows for three (3 days). I live in a two story—and didn’t want to play hero and walk up a flight of about 30 steps—not I says the ducky!
The next couple days I tackled the 30 steps and I didn’t follow doctor’s orders—took a bath (DON’T DO IT!). Nothing happened, but I encourage you to follow doctor’s orders. That weekend on 12/07/13 I got up, did a few leg lifts, leg pushes and knee bends. I changed clothes to a thick, black Asics sweatsuit, and a t-shirt, and afterward demanded Poppa to drop me off for about two hours at Kohls. Basically I tried on nothing, but picked up a sweater and a couple leggings.
After poppa picked me up from Kohl’s—it was raining and cold. He drove to L.A. to visit around, saw my son (one is overseas, one is far away in college, and the other one was on an audition while I was in L.A.). The last one was at home, and he said wow, you look small mom! I said I know! My sister in law had a reduction about 12 years ago, so she was also supportive. Later that night I had some more Turkey Soup and some cherry pie from Bristol Farms—I made an excuse that I deserved some pie (and ice cream), since it had only natural sugar LOL!
Post-op turkey soup and good ol' fashioned fire
12/09/13 First Post Op Appt (4) days
Dr. Elias said I was doing great! She took off the bra, pulled out the drains, and slipped a gauze patch in before putting the bra back on. She said one of the nipples was inverted, but as I heal, it would come out normal, and don’t worry. (I heard something on Real Self about NIPPLETES), but I don’t know if I will need this later or not. I never had inverted nipples before. She said the swelling is normal, but all is well, and that I will heal to a small C—between you and I it doesn’t look like it right now, but nowhere near where I was before. She asked me to look in the mirror. For some reason at that time, I wasn’t quite ready to look in the mirror. (Poppa saw my boobs before I did. His comment was, they looked great, considering they’re not healed yet.)
I did not look at my boobs until later that night. First impression: WOW factor! But, I felt boobless. I liked that I didn’t have those big juggas weighing me down. My post op boobs looked scary, but what can you expect at this point? Freaked me out, actually. Between the two boobs, one sort of reminded me of rubber twinky. Depending on how you "lean back, lean back," my new boobs didn’t seem to match and look lopsided. One nipple on one side seems to be located different. To be honest, that night when I got cleaned up and took some self photos, I did feel better. I always want to look on the bright side—NO MORE JUGGAS. Besides not having the ongoing problems I had with carrying XXXL juggas, all I wanted was to be able to pick up a bra off the shelf in a C-cup (you can virtually find a C-cup anywhere), and to wear a tank top on-the-go WITHOUT A BRA on, and to be able to ship for better fit clothing.
I also felt that once I am completely healed, things will be a lot better. I trust that everything will be fine. Overall, I am HAPPY with the results. In reading many of the Real Self reviews, most if not all felt good about the post result.
Again, the doctor said it’s still pre-healing, and all will change. She said the “dents” in my shoulders will take months to go away, and that it will take me physically being conscientious about getting used to not having the heavy weight from the breasts, the way they were before. She said women with XXL breasts develop a pattern of walking, sitting, etc. After a breast reduction, the lifestyle does not automatically change, but rather you will have to exercise a new way walking, posture, standing, etc. I can certainly see that, because by 4 days post op, I still had the tendency for sitting humped over and pinching in my neck. It’s like a dog that has a tail that suddenly gets the tail cut off. You are looking for the tail that is not there anymore.
For my type of surgery, there are also stitches under the breast, under the skin. Dr. Elias said the entire healing process takes upwards of 2 to 3 months, as I will HEAL FROM THE INSIDE OUT. The stitches around the nipple will be taken out on 12/12/13. She said I could now shower. She said once I clean myself, to wear a big COTTON TEE SHIRT to allow the full drying, then take off the tee shirt, replace with another one, and then put on the old bra ON TOP OF THE TEE SHIRT.
Dr. Elias however, fully supported me and said everything will be fine. I am released to return to work on 1/06/14. (Right now, all I want to do is enjoy my time off, work and start working out a little bit—I do plan on a New Year’s eve party with a cute top—I will let you know later.)
My middle sister visited. She was like OMG, you are so little. IDK. Good company for me, but the day ended where poppy said she’s a bunch of drama. She talked a million miles a second. Tell me, what lady isn’t a bunch of drama. We got to have a little drama somewhere’s in there, or else we wouldn’t be who we are, right ladies?!
I’m also gonna have to be careful, cause my poppy is the regular cook, and he will stuff me with whatever. Sometimes I think he wants to work against all that I want to change, just like in Hawkeye. I don’t know why that is. Even though I told him straight up, I want to work on not eating fatty foods, he breaks out with a breakfast burrito with bacon, sausage, eggs, and potatoes on flour tortillas! Of course I ate it, but I’m just sayin! This same day, poppa got pssssd, cause I put one of his t-shirts in the dryer. I had asked him earlier if he had any light clothes, and he put his light colored shirts in with mines. I took the whole thing and put it in the dryer. He was so upset, saying now he has to throw his shirt away. I said oh well, next time don’t put your stuff in with mine, or take it out after it washes. I reminded him of the many times he has put clothes in the dryer that didn’t belong in the dryer, and stuff that was ruined. Oh well!
On another side note, no Christmas tree. Debating on when and if I will put up a tree! Christmas used to be the most important time of year in our household. I am battling with new revelations and realizations about the true meaning of Christmas is. As of right now, tho’ we have no lights, no decorations, and no tree.
12/12/13 Post Op Appt – Stitches removal
On this day, Dr. Elias removed the stitches from around my nipples. It felt a little prickly, but not painful. FYI, the nipples were not removed and replaced. She said “Missy you are coming along beautifully.” I asked Dr. Elias about the swelling, where my breasts appear to protrude. She said don’t worry, the swelling will go down, which can take sometimes up to a couple months. She also said don’t buy another bra yet, and to wait until I am fully healed.
Dr. Elias said my official reduction weight removal was 7.50lbs, 4lbs on one breast and 3.5lbs on the other.
FYI I had more pain a few days after surgery. The doctor did not detect any unusual leakage. She said the little strips of adhesive gauze tape around all sides of the breasts and nipple areas are TO BE LEFT ALONE, and WILL FALL OFF NATURALLY. Don’t expect much as far as swelling going down. At this stage, it is still imperative that you follow doctor’s orders. The breasts will still feel weird. I still felt a tingling, nagging, throbbing sensation around the nipple area, soreness on underneath and sides of breasts, and now a little itchiness on the undersides, and little cramping in upper back. Consult with the doctor if you feel something is wrong. OIL UP LADIES with something like the cocoa butter oil. I also had shortness of breath, which the doctor again said was normal. This is not the time to run up and down steps or break records! RELAX and TAKE IT EASY A DAY AT A TIME.
For some of you, like me, I had a hard time staying still, but the doctor reminded me of the following:
1. no driving for at least 10-14 days (since I drive a 5-speed, this was even worse),
2. No forced stretching.
3. No overdoing it with bending.
4. No picking up anything over 5lbs
5. Rest is essential (but you do not necessarily have to be idle)
6. No jumping around (ie jumping jacks or jump rope), or exercises involving the chest area (ie weight lifting). My doctor said you are not to jump around, or lift weights pending doctor’s okay.
Light weight exercise may be okay, but speak with the doctor as to what type, and what level. I personally am doing lower leg, and some abs and buns. NO PUSH UPS. KNOW YOUR LIMITS on heart rates.
Per doctor’s instruction, bathe and shower carefully (remember, I snuck and did this the day after surgery, without wetting the garb—don’t try this though, or you’ll get tempted to dunk. My balance was all off too.) After bathing, wear white cotton t-shirt and allow to dry naturally. I wore this happily. No gauze needed. After you dry naturally, then put on an old bra and put on a clean tee. With this method, you will go through a lot of tees. I have all kinds. I used my sons old tees, and some old ones I used to work in the yard. I put on my old jockey 36DD (which never actually fit me, but I wore it anyways), and it was funny to see the difference.
Again, activity should be limited and at a low pace. My heart rate after a lightweight routine involving no pushing, jumping, or weights was 147. Typically will be at 167 on the low end and 178 on a high end, so I did good.
Next appt is for 12/16/13. The next one after that is not until 12/23/13.
What is this peeling all about?
Boobies are changing
I am 5 weeks post op. Boobies are changing, and still swollen. I read similiar updates that said your boobies may seem a bit off--one bigger or what not, and nipple problems and "dog ears." My dream cup--a small C, doesn't seem happening right now. My left breast seems to be a bit bigger than the right. Under both breasts I have an open fold. I want to be on a positive note, but worried cause this doesn't seem normal. Has anyone had any follow up corrections?
left these out
having issues and questions
Maybe it's me, but . . .
Photos post op 5 weeks comparison with 10 days post op, and I don't really see the difference. Maybe it's me, but 5 weeks post op BR does seem to be bigger. What's that all about?
7.5lbs of pure boob removed
Dr. Elias told me early on she had been doing these type of surgeries for about 26 years. Dr. Elias is a Christian. She said she is very dedicated to women's health. She is also on the faculty from what I understand at Loma Linda University in Loma Linda, California. She's great, but post op I am feeling uneasy about the appearance of the BR. We will see.