Now, let’s fast forward to my new reality. Unfortunately, when I graduated college, I had to turn in my toe shoes and sparkly dance costumes for a job in Corporate America. Now instead of dancing for 2-3 hours a day, I was working late nights in a cubicle in downtown Chicago. While my activity level was clearly changing (remember, I didn’t need the gym….I HATED the gym), my eating habits weren’t. While I didn’t have horrible problems with food (it wasn’t like I was dining at McDonald’s for breakfast, lunch, and dinner), they weren’t great either. I didn’t take time to pack healthy snacks, and my job was so demanding, that dinner didn’t happen until 8PM or later some nights. I was starting to wonder why my size 2 jeans, black suit pants, and beautiful pencil skirts were becoming a little snug. However, I didn’t pay that close attention because 2s soon became 6s and by the time my career had evolved and moved me to North Carolina, I was a size 14. Now let me be clear….I’m typically a realist who doesn’t beat around the bush and is NEVER in denial about anything. I knew I had clearly gained weight but, for the first time in my life, I constantly made excuses and told myself “this isn’t that bad.” I swept my new found weight loss completely under the rug…..because it was EASIER that way. And then September 2010 happened. I had a moment….a HORRIFYING moment. I was on a sales call and a stranger in the waiting room said to me “Oh dear, you look so cute, when are you due?” I smiled and jokingly said “Oh, it’s not a baby, it’s just my belly.” After I left and returned to my car, I cried and cried and cried some more. That woman (who if I saw again I would hug and say “thank you”) finally made my issue real to me. She humanized it. She basically said, without really knowing it, what my friends and family wouldn’t…..”you’re fat.”
At that moment, I couldn’t make excuses anymore. I couldn’t say “it was OK” or that “it wasn’t that bad.” I admitted to myself that I had really let myself go. And, I reminded myself that I hadn’t looked in a mirror (especially without my clothes on) in a very long time. I hadn’t been in a bathing suit for 4 years. I admitted that my weight gain, even though I was doing my best to ignore it, was really controlling my life and keeping me from doing and wearing things I loved.
After that eye opening experience I began a weight loss journey that took me about a year and a half. I lost about 50 lbs. I dieted and exercised. I hired a personal trainer who changed my life. It was hard, in fact at times, it down right sucked. But, I’m proud of what I accomplished. While I still “fall off the wagon” occasionally and will never LOVE the gym, I refuse to ever go back to that place. However, even after all my hard work, I still have stubborn areas that wouldn’t go away. My stomach (or my gut as I fondly call it) is still my biggest problem. Even when I was in my best shape when I was younger, it was always where I carried weight. It bothered me then and certainly bothers me now. It still limits what I wear because I don’t want it to stick out in cute shirts or hang over my cute “skinny” jeans. I’m still VERY self-conscious about it and feel it casts a shadow over all my hard work. Sometimes I feel like I can’t even fully enjoy and be excited about all the weight I lost because of my stomach. But now, I want to look the way I feel inside…..and I truly feel awesome. I don’t want to spend any more time trying to decide on the outfit that does the best job covering up my stomach and I want to wear a bathing suit. So, I decided to continue to take control over my life and my body and get liposuction surgery. I thought about this decision for a long time and didn’t take it lightly. And, while some of my friends and family think I nuts, and feel it’s an extreme measure, I know, apart from the losing the weight in the first place, is going to be the best decision I EVER made! STAY TUNED