Can't Make A Decision and Feeling Teary - Portland, ME

I'm a thin, 52 year old with under muscle 300cc...

I'm a thin, 52 year old with under muscle 300cc saline implants that I've had for 13 years. I was a 34AA-A before and am now a full 34B. I've never had any problems other than rippling along the outsides, I no longer like the round, fake look and think they just don't look good on me anymore. Today I had a consult with my original ps. While he didn't exactly try to talk me into replacing the saline with smaller silicone ones, he thinks because I'm so thin and have such little breast tissue that I will not only be totally flat but almost concave as a result of the explant. I felt like a 12 year old boy before the implants thanks to nursing 3 boys each for a year, and I don't want to feel like that again but I'd certainly be happy with an A cup. My options are to have them removed, see how things look and go back later for the small silicone or just go with the small silicone now. Obviously it would cost more to go back. He does not think I need a lift in either scenario. I don't know why I'm feeling so teary about this. When I read all the stories about how happy everyone is with their explants, I feel like I'd be one of them. I just want them out. But, I don't want to have 2 divots on my chest either. Can anyone with a similar body type provide me with some guidance and insight? Thanks for the help.

Adding photos

Crystal ball needed!

I wasn't sure if I could do this but I've copied some before/after pics from the PS website that I'm seeing next week. This is not me but very similar to what I looked like before my implants 13 years ago. I do NOT want to be that flat chested again. I know none of us has a crystal ball but would it be realistic to think I'd look a little better than that after an explant?

2nd Consult A Success!

I just had a consult with another practice and I am very pleased. Unlike my first consult (with my original PS), this doctor didn't make me feel like I'd be making a mistake if I didn't have a replacement. After examining me he was confident I'd look pretty much as I did before having implants - just 13 years older! That's fair cuz I am!! He said everything is where it should be and that I have a stage 1 capsule, which doesn't require him to do anything other than take the implant out. He'll numb me up with novocaine, deflate the implant, take it out and send me on my way. VoilĂ . He said I will be a little sore and would suggest refraining from golf for 1-2 weeks, so I'm going to wait and have it done this fall.
Thank you everyone who posted with their heartfelt thoughts and support. I can't tell you what it has meant to me. I feel so much better about this process and know I'm making the right decision. I'll update again after I've had the procedure. xoxoxo
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That sounds like a great second consult. I am doing the ssame procedure on August 28. We should keep in touch!
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Yes. Keep me posted on your procedure. I can't say I don't have any reservations about explanting as I am a bit fearful that I'll be a saggy, flat mess but I almost don't care. As time goes on I feel like I'd rather go out of this world, whenever that may be, as God made me and not with artificial parts. Keeping my fingers crossed. Stay in touch.
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Did you change your mind?
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I'm still going forward with the explant. I'm just waiting until early November when my golf season is over. I really haven't wavered at all and the more stories I read from other women, the more sure I am that this is what I want to do.
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Great news...look forward to your updates....xxx
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Hi mk905, this is great news! I am so happy you found a doctor you like. Also great you can explant in office....lower cost :) I needed anesthesia because I needed capsulectomy. I'm 2 weeks post explant. Happier every day I made the decision. Your doctor is right, my breasts probably look about like what they would have been had I never implanted. They are not overly droopy, and I'm totally ok with how they look. The best thing is having soft natural breasts again. Clothes fit better too. Best of luck and keep us posted.
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I feel for you, its such a hard decision. I love the attitude of the women on this site, they are so strong, encouraging and nonjudgmental. I am getting my implants out in a few weeks and I have been reading as many stories as I can trying to get comfort. I will say that the majority of the stories I've read the women stated they went back to how they looked preimplant and they just came to a point where they were content of how they looked preimplant. I'm working on that still, I don't like the size I have now, I definitely want these ginormous things out. Before finding this site I was initially thinking of a lift and smaller implants to get my "ideal" breasts. Than I read all the stories on here and I was thinking how great it sounds to have soft natural real breasts and if I had smaller implants they still wouldn't look natural or be perfect and they wouldn't feel like real breasts and I would likely continue to have the problems with muscle spasms/cramps that I have now and possible other issues that would lead to removal later. I feel like I'm going through a grievance cycle, denial, anger, depression, bargaining a day of acceptance than back to denial.. I keep giving myself hope that if I wrap my breasts tight after removal and use lotions they will end up more perky and less mushy than preimplant, but after 9 years of 3 cups bigger breasts that just isn't logical.. than I tell myself ok if you don't like them you can still go back get lift and smaller implants later, than I get angry that why can't I just have natural nice feeling perky real breasts why do I have to choose between implants and well what mine are.. I know ultimately what is best for me is to reach acceptance of my breasts how they naturally are and that it probably takes time. My plan is to no matter how much I dislike my breasts after removal that I am not going to do anything for at least a year and I hope that will give me time to go through the grievance cycle completely and just have acceptance, maybe even a like of my natural breasts. Anyways I just wanted to say that I sympathize with your struggle and thought I'd share mine, hope all goes well and I wish you the best with whatever you decide is best for you!
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Thank you so much for your encouragement. I guess I didn't expect this whole decision to be so emotional. It's taken me by surprise. In some ways there's an irrational fear of making the wrong decision. I need to remember if I hate the way I look after explant I can go back for something smaller. I honestly don't want to go down that road so I'm hoping I can have the patience to deal with the results and just live with it for a while.
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Hi 2happyboobs and thanks for sharing your story. You're right, explant is a difficult decision medically and emotionally, much harder than when we elected to get implants years ago. But the support and information from women on this sight has been so encouraging and empowering for me personally. Are you planning on explant without reimplant? We will be here to support you.
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No just explant, I definitely decided I don't want any more implants. I believe my body knows best and after 9 years it keeps having on and off muscle spasms against the implants. I have read that cc is the bodies defense mechanism, it knows these shouldn't be there and tries to form a protective barrier around them via cc to block them off and protect the rest of the body from its harm. I just have a gut feeling these need to get out and stay out and I'm round and round trying to figure out other ways to be happy with my breasts. I've been researching lotions and foods to eat, considering lift down the road..which terrifies me so that is a final last thing I may or may not try and than if nothing else I'll just buy cute bras and clothing and make the best of whatever I have.
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and Thank you rrutland5, your caring and support is just amazing and very appreciated. I only have a couple friends that know about my implants and the one has been very supportive, but she is naturally large breasted and doesn't understand how it feels to have itty bitties, especially droopy itty bitties. My other friend that knows actually has implants herself, but not really by choice. She had breast cancer and mastectomy due to genetics disease and her implants are recent, I was hesitant to even tell her I was removing mine as she was glad to have a booby buddie, but she would know after and wonder why I didn't tell her, so I told her I was getting mine removed because they are too big and maybe I will do something more with them later down the road when I have more money and left it at that as I don't want her to feel bad or worried about her implants, shes been through so much.
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Later down the road, especially if my health improves after explant, I will talk to my friend with the implants on my other reasons for explant, right now I think it would just cause her to worry about hers, and hers are new. Also shes recently divorced and going thru financial difficulties so the timing is not good to burden her with worries also I think the problems are more if you have implants long term so she is probably fine for now. I do wonder how it would be if she later had hers removed being she had a mastectomy, perhaps over the years tissue reforms?
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I read your review and thought I'd respond, as I too, was a flat chested boy, tall/thin . My implants were 270cc, looked a lot like yours. I honestly didn't think about the "after" boobs much at all, because this site really made me confident in having an explant. I still have boobs, and yes, they are bigger now than they were 19 years ago. I'm still tall and thin, but not as thin. The tissue is nice, and soft, and fluffy, and bouncy, and not round and hard like bowling balls. The worst part for me was wearing the after surgery bra, or the "Thunder Vest" as I came to know it. But, you need that compression and will be searching for a tight bra after. My daughter said I look so much better, and she is right.
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Are you the same size now as you were before the implants? I think what I'm remembering about myself is that 3 breast feeding boys sucked the life out of me and I just can't envision what I'll look like with a removal.
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mk905, I am actually bigger now than I was before I had implants. I hate a lot of breast tissue at 52 years old apparently, and I am not overweight or anything. My implants must've totally stretched me out. I cannot imagine having had bigger implants than the 270 cc's I had. I know how big those felt, especially in the last few years. I also breast fed, and was painfully thin when I had my implants put in. Like I said, I feel so much younger now, and so much more comfortable and it has only been 13 days since I had my explant . I didn't even consider another implant, or a lift, because I knew from reading on this site that I would be happy just being me, and I feel you are asking for it again if you put them right back in , or tack them up and move them around. Any surgery takes time to bounce back from, and your boobs are one of the most sensitive parts of your body. My recovery is going great, and I'm super-psyched to go next week for my two week follow up. Not one person has noticed I had anything done , stared, rolled their eyes, etc. Not like before, staring at my huge, hard , out-there boobs. No more skin tight t-shirts for me this summer! And all my button down shirts fit again!!! I love this site. Keep posting and keep reading. You will find your answers and you will do what is right for you .
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That is very encouraging to me. We sound very similar. Good luck on your continued recovery and I'll keep you posted. Feeling more and more confident about removal with no replacement!
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I feel the same way. Really happy for you. :)
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I was reading your story and decided to throw in my feed back for what its worth. I do not have a frame similar to you, and yet I was told the same thing so may of these women were told "you will not be happy unless you...." Do more work basically. I was told that by 4 different Dr.'s, and let me tell you I was a 32C before... my concern was saggy. Looking back STUPID that I chose implants to "lift" them up and fill in the upper pole. I have found you need to make the decision of what you want. If you have saline, deflation allows you to see what you are left with so you can take the next step. Personally in Orange County I found 1 out of 8 Dr.'s I called that would allow me to do that. Everyone said it would be 2 surgeries, and yes that is more expensive.
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Thanks Too Much. I'm thinking more and more that deflation and then deciding is what I want to do. I know some people say there can be more breast tissue than before but I'm afraid that won't be true in my case. If anything, I weigh less than I did when I got the implants and I know from the rippling that I have that I'm pretty much all implant. Still, I'd like to have the option of seeing what things look like and how I progress by going the deflation route.
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There is a fat transfer option too. I can give you some of mine :) Ha ha.... Every body is different, so deflation really lets you know a little better where you are.
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My story was the same thing, Toomuch. Incredible that we believed that an implant would fix sag. I think we did because we heard it from multiple doctors, and we wanted to believe it even though it wasn't logical. I was a 32C before too, and I ended up as a 34DD+, which was beyond horrible. When I told the docs that I didn't want to be bigger, they said that I wouldn't even notice the difference. And when, ten years later, I tried to find out about explant, they said that I would look scarred, deformed and ruined. So, I didn't even consider explant until I found RS! mk905, do ask the docs you consult with about tissue. I'm small and slender and I never would have thought I had a lot of tissue, but it turned out that I did.
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Hi mk905. I'm going for my first post-op apt tomorrow. Plan on asking them for all the pics they've taken so I can upload them for you. They took pre-pics w implants, post deflate pics after 2 wks, and I'm sure they'll take post explant pics tomorrow. I might still have a little swelling today just 1 wk post explant, but I have about the same amt of tissue that I recall from pre-implant 20 yrs ago. And breasts are so soft and normal-feeling :)
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I think many of us would like you to share pics if you don't mind. Congrats on just being soft and normal :) I am looking forward to it myself.
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I'm so happy for you. I can't wait to see the pictures!
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A lot of surgeons don't like to take out implants without replacing them and may be exaggerating the results. Also, and I don't know if this is the case with you, but a lot of women's breasts grow somewhat as we age. You may have more tissue than you think.

All that said, you definitely have to follow your gut on this one. I'm glad you're getting more consultations. Please keep us posted on how they go!
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