I Removed My Breast Implants 7.5 Months After I Got Them (5 Months Post-Explant)

I've wanted implants since I was 16, so when I...

I've wanted implants since I was 16, so when I finally got the money for them at the age of 24 I was overjoyed. Finally, I wouldn't look like a teenage boy in a bikini at the pool anymore! I did a ton of research, or so I thought, and went ahead with the procedure at the end of December 2012. I had 350cc silicone implants placed under the muscle via a crease incision. From the moment I woke up from the procedure, I knew I had made a terrible mistake. I didn't understand how I could want something so much, then suddenly feel as though my life was ruined because of it. I hoped that I was only experiencing some post-surgery depression, but as time dragged on, it only got worse.

Fast forward almost 4 months, and I still cry on an almost daily basis. I think, "What have I done to myself? My body is ruined, and I'm still so young." I look at women with small breasts with envy. "Surely," I lament, "they have perfect, perky breasts that are not scarred, and their boyfriends still find them sexy." (Another issue I'm having is over what I have done to my boyfriend. He loved me the way I was, and I took that all away from him. How very selfish of me.) I have still not been able to resume exercising at the level I was prior to surgery because of the pain it causes. I used to run at least 15-20 miles a week, but now, running is too painful, even with two, very supportive sports bras. I can only make it maybe 2 miles, at most, before the top of my chest starts throbbing, then the sides start to burn. I can't even sleep comfortably. In addition to the discomfort, I suddenly realized what a lifetime commitment these things are. I don't want to have to put my life on hole in the future to fix my boobs! I want my future children to have a healthy mom!

I finally decided on implant removal about a month ago. Unfortunately, my PS thought I was still suffering from post-op depression and felt I would learn to like them. As a result, she refused to take them out. I had another appointment with her a week ago and she still refuses to schedule a removal date. Instead, she felt that because I was distraught over the initial procedure, I wouldn't be emotionally able to handle the initial look of my breasts post-removal and recommended I see a therapist prior to removal. While I understand that she may be trying to look out for my well-being, she is not the one that has to live with these things on a day-to-day basis. I am hoping that I will be able to convince her to schedule surgery soon as I have seen a therapist twice in order to comply with her request. Otherwise, I will find another surgeon.

I am scared about the outcome, but I am trying to be positive. I know that since I am young and have only had the implants in for a few months, my results should be decent. Further, since I am young and had perky boobs beforehand I have a lot of factors weighing in my favor. I just want them out so I can begin healing and get back to my normal life. I feel so foolish for letting vanity get the best of me and going ahead with the procedure in the first place. I just hope that I will eventually be able to put this all behind me and learn to embrace myself as God intended me to be.

Called the PS's office again this morning. I've...

Called the PS's office again this morning. I've been told a total of 4 times now that the doctor will call me back. I understand she's busy, but I shouldn't have to wait over a week for a call back. The office staff sounds as though they are getting annoyed with me, but maybe if they would just listen to me and schedule my explant date, I would leave them alone.

On another note, today is my last day of grad school. It's something I've worked 25 years for, but I can't even enjoy it because once I walk out of class tonight, the only thing that will be on my mind is getting these implants removed. I could kick myself for doing this in the first place. If I hadn't been so vain, I could be enjoying life right now. Instead, I'm a shadow of my former self - these have made me so unhappy.

Finally spoke with my doctor today. She told me to...

Finally spoke with my doctor today. She told me to call and schedule a pre-op appointment with her at which time we'll schedule the explant date. Excited that I finally am getting somewhere.

On another note, I went to a park today for a stroll and saw so many athletic looking women with small chests, and I thought they looked great. Can't wait to be one of them again!

Tried to call to schedule an appointment today, as...

Tried to call to schedule an appointment today, as directed, but wouldn't you know, the woman who schedules appointments doesn't work Friday. The doctor called yesterday after the office was closed, so now I have to wait until Monday. All I ever do is wait. To make matters worse, the doctor's last day is Monday before she heads off to a conference for a couple WEEKS! Meaning, I'll have to wait at least another month for removal. If she had just listened to me in the first place I could be nearly 2 months into post-explant recovery by now. Needless to say, I'm incredibly depressed. I thought I was much closer to removal, and everyday I have these is another reminder that I've ruined my body. Honestly, I'm not sure my relationship with my boyfriend will make it through another month of this hell.

I got a call from the doctor's office this...

I got a call from the doctor's office this morning, and scheduled my pre-op appointment for May 1st. I'm glad I at least have one date to look forward, but am worried it could be weeks later before I get my surgery date. (I'm not sure who I spoke to on Friday at the Dr.'s office, but she was under the impression the doctor would be out of town for a couple weeks - evidently that's not the case.)

On another note, I've been experiencing a lot more pain the usual to the left of my sternum -a constant, throbbing pain. I've always had issues with this area, but I'm not sure why it's suddenly getting worse. =( I can't wait to get these awful, grotesque things out of me. I just hope I can look semi-normal.

I was just wondering if any of you ladies that...

I was just wondering if any of you ladies that have had an explant had issues with the crease being too low post-explant? I was comparing pre-BA and post-BA pictures earlier (and crying over how good I looked before, knowing that will never be the case again), and realized that my crease was lowered for my BA. I don't know if this is something that will correct itself after explant when the skin contracts, or if it is something that will need corrected during the explant surgery itself. I'm concerned that if it's not corrected, my post-explant will look saggier than what they actually are just because my breasts sit lower. =( Just another awful realization about what the BA did to my body. I feel so ugly I won't let my boyfriend touch me - and that's now, no telling how hideous I'll feel after explant.

I can definitely tell today is going to be a bad...

I can definitely tell today is going to be a bad one, depression-wise. I don't know why, but I looked up the dictionary definition of "disfigure": "to spoil the attractiveness of". Yep, that's definitely what I feel I have done to myself. I'm disfigured, even with implants in I feel disfigured.

I'm considering ending my two-year relationship with my boyfriend over all this. He has been supportive - as supportive as a man can be when dealing with a very female-sensitive issue - but I feel absolutely hideous and don't want him to see the final result of what this process has done to me (i.e., post-explant). I wish I could have accepted myself as I was, but it's too late now. I'm stuck, at the very least, with these awful scars that make me feel like Frankenstein. When I really think about it, it's so barbaric - shoving gushy sacks into our chests to run around pretending we were born with bigger boobs. I hope that post-explant I'll be able to devote a lot of energy to improving myself and accepting myself, but right now I can't see the bright side of any of this.

Both my boyfriend and mother have been trying to...

Both my boyfriend and mother have been trying to convince me to keep my implants today, which has only further served to upset me. I'm not sure of my boyfriend`s motivations, but my mother claims it's because she's afraid I'll hate my explant results so much that I'll never be happy. I told her to grab two 1.5lb sand bags, strap them to her chest, and then call me in four months to let me know how daily life has been. Keeping my implants is NOT an option; even if I liked the way they looked (HATE them: so round, waaay too big and now I look top heavy) I still can't do normal activities comfortably. I don't want to be like the women on here who have had their implants for 15 years and are now explanting because they finally realized they're never getting used to them. Further, the fear of waking up one day and realizing something is wrong with the implants is stressful and I don't want to deal with that. I wish my family and friends could just accept my decision and be supportive.

I'm adding a more recent picture. You can see that...

I'm adding a more recent picture. You can see that my implants have bottomed out. This worries me because I'm afraid that my surgeon won't be able to fix the lowered crease line and therefore my post-explant breasts will look saggier than whatever they really are. =( Any one else have this problem, and what happened to your crease line? Was your surgeon able to raise it?

(On a side note, my surgeon told me when I first got them that I shouldn't be worried - at all - about bottoming out because my implants "weren't going anywhere.")

I had another meeting with my surgeon today where...

I had another meeting with my surgeon today where I was finally able to schedule a time to be explanted. Unfortunately, that date isn't until June 4th. I can't imagine having to live with these for another month!! =*(

The procedure will be done under local sedation with a valium and percocet taken before surgery. I'll have to wear a compression bra for 3 weeks, and if no fluid or swelling occurs than I'll be clear to workout and wear regular bras if I want.

At the appointment, my doctor seemed irritated that I had so many questions, and didn't seem to have many answers that I thought she should have as a board certified surgeon. At this point, though, it would take a lot longer to switch surgeons, and she does seem to be talented with a scalpel. I'm just a little worried as she said she has not done many straight explants - revisions, yes, but not straight up removal. I also asked her about raising the inframammary fold and she didn't even look at my breasts (we were in a meeting room, not an exam room, so I was fully clothed) before telling me that she wasn't going to raise the fold because she "thought" that the skin would retract enough.

Everyday I kick myself over and over for getting this surgery in the first place. I had great boobs, small though they were, and I have ruined them forever. It's hard to enjoy things at the moment because I'm always thinking, "Last year at this time, I was still okay and unmarred," or, "I would be so much happier right now if I had my old body." It really is true that you don't know what you have until it's gone.

I tried calling a couple different surgeons for...

I tried calling a couple different surgeons for consults, but no one has any time to see me until mid-June (ridiculous!). Each day, as more and more issues pop up, I feel dumber and dumber for going through with this surgery in the first place. I could be unbelievably happy right now, enjoying the warm weather, but instead I'm suffering each and every day. I'll probably end up hating the way my boobs look afterward no matter who operates on them. I used to like to wear lingerie and cute things like that, and it's said to think that at the age of 24 I've officially ended my ability to wear those things and not look like a circus freak. I just can't believe I was that obsessed with looking good that I paid an exorbitant amount of money to have fake bags put in my chest. I guess this is karma or something.

Cancelling My Surgery Date, Finding a New Surgeon

So, after much thought, I've decided to cancel my scheduled explant and find a new surgeon. I just don't feel comfortable with her - I think she may only be in this profession for the money. With the problems I'm having (bottoming out, lowered inframmary fold), I think it's best that I find someone with more experience and who will agree to fix these things rather than "wait and see", which may result in more surgery down the road (no thanks). It was a hard decision to make as I just want these awful things out of me, and it only makes this whole ordeal last longer, but I want it done right the first time.

As for my boyfriend, he's been an angel. This has to be extraordinarily difficult for him, and my mood swings surely aren't a joy. We recently went to Florida with his family, and being in a swimsuit was definitely difficult for me. He did his best to make me feel better, and that's really all I can ask for at this point.

Found a Surgeon, I Think

I was recommended to a surgeon who practices about 2 hours away, still in my state, and after researching him thoroughly, I plan on calling Monday to schedule a consult. He specializes in breast reconstruction, which seems like a definite benefit given the fact that I feel my original PS butchered me. I hope I've finally found a surgeon and can ease my worrying a bit.

Consult Tomorrow

I called the office of my possible new surgeon today and was surprised to find the doctor has an opening tomorrow for a consult. I guess he seemed concerned about the complications I've been having and wants to see me as soon as possible. The nurse I spoke with told me that the doctor generally spends about 3 hours - yes, HOURS - with his patients during a consult. That will definitely be a change from the 15 minutes or so I spent with my BA surgeon! The nurse also explained the process that their office goes through when sizing a BA patient (as I mentioned I thought mine were WAY too big), and that process is so much more about doing what's right for the patient and not about merely making money for the PS.

I wish I would have found this doctor first and maybe I wouldn't be in this mess to begin with. I'm definitely getting stressed dealing with all this, and I think it's beginning to affect me physically. I hope this doctor turns out to be the one and I can at least get a surgery date tomorrow. Fingers crossed.

I Found My Surgeon!

I had my consult today - it lasted a little over 2.5 hours, but the doctor was very thorough and I feel incredibly comfortable and confident in choosing him as my surgeon. Before he examined me, I met with him in his office and he said there was an option of just choosing smaller implants. However, after examining me, he said that his recommendation was complete removal, which is fine since that's what I was planning on doing anyway. He did confirm what I suspected, I have bottoming out - "severe" in his opinion.

The procedure he wants to perform will include a capsulectomy, reattachment of the muscle to the chest wall, and raising of the inframammary fold. He says he will probably not be able to raise the fold to where it was originally because my incisions are so low, and he does not want me to have to worry about them showing in a bikini. Additionally, he plans to create a new scar by removing the old one, which he believes is not healing properly (possibly, he said, due to the sheer weight of the implants). He also said that my nipples may not come down to their original location as they've been pushed up by the implant and apparently "healed" in a higher position, but that he hopes they'll come down a little when he reattaches the muscle to the chest wall. (I'm hoping for a better outcome than that, but I guess we'll see.)

Obviously, this will all be done under general anesthesia. He said I'll have drainage tubes (yuck) for about a week. The recovery time is definitely longer, but at least I'll be doing this right the first time in an effort to avoid any further surgeries down the road. The price is also higher, significantly so, but you can't bargain shop for things like these. The surgery won't be until August, so I'm hoping these next two months go quickly. Additionally, he recommended I cease running so as to prevent any worsening of the bottoming out. That will be hard, very hard, but I guess I'll have to get really good at the elliptical or stair climber in the time being.

This is going to be a LONG summer...

As we progress into summer, things are definitely getting more difficult. Not being in the shape I was in last summer is saddening. I'm also extremely afraid that something will go wrong during surgery and I'll end up with deformed breasts that will prevent me from ever being able to wear a bikini again. I hope I haven't ruined my chances of ever feeling sexy again. I'm still so angry at myself for getting the surgery in the first place.

Bikini after explant?

I'm worrying that after my explant my scars will show when I attempt to wear a bikini. My surgeon has said that he'll attempt to place my scars at a location where they won't show in a bikini, but obviously he can't make any guarantees. How have other girls on here who have had crease incisions dealt with hiding their scars in a bikini? And did anyone have scars that were below their crease? Just really worried over here, especially now that I'm seeing everyone running around in a bikini.... =\

Finally Scheduled My Surgery!

Surgery has been scheduled for August 14th - less than two months away! Unfortunately, I still have so much to do before then - mainly, studying and taking the bar, eeek! I'm excited to get these out, and I finally have a countdown going. I feel good knowing that this Christmas I'll be back to my old self (hopefully), and everything will seem like a distant memory. =)

Adding Photos

Intense Moment of Panic Last Night

I don't why, but I suddenly had a very intense moment of panic last night when thinking about my post-explant looks. I know I won't look exactly how I did before - too much has been done - but I'm afraid I won't be able to accept the way I look at all. I know that if that happens I'll find it very difficult to maintain any kind of normal relationship.

I tried to calm myself by looking at the post-op photos of women my age who look so fabulous, but none of them have had all the problems that I have (bottoming out, high nipples, having to correct a lowered IMF). I'm terrified that something may go wrong. I'm also concerned my scars won't heal properly. I've seen women on here who have developed hypertrophic or keloid scars, and I would be devastated if that happened.

Well, back to studying. I'm hoping I can just get through these next couple of weeks, and then the stress will be greatly lessened.

Less Than 2 Weeks!

The bar is over - thank God - and now I can focus on getting ready for my surgery which is less than two weeks away now! I'm getting excited to get these awful bags out, but I'm scared of how I'll look and for some reason that's prevented me from planning very far beyond the surgery. Meaning, I can't get excited for any events, like a wedding I have in October. I think, "Will I even be able to go? Or will my boobs like so horrible that I'll just want to hide away in my house?" Ugh, I just wish time would speed up so I get this all over with!

Huge Freak Out Moment

Last night, I had a huge freak out moment that turned into a panic attack. My boyfriend tried to console me, but I ended up just crying myself to sleep. I'm so scared of what I'm going to look like and have convinced myself something is going to wrong, whether it's me not waking up at all from the surgery or ending up lopsided for the rest of my life. I also am so, so, so angry at myself for putting these scars on my body. I know people say they fade, but they're called scars for a reason: they're permanent. I'm just so scared and I don't know what to do to calm myself.

Four Days!

Well, my surgery is just four days away now. In fact, 96 hours from now I'll be sitting in a hotel bed recovering - implant free! However, I'm BEYOND SCARED about how my breasts are going to look in the end. I have made peace with the scars, but it's the look of the breasts themselves that has consumed me. I wouldn't be worried much at all if I didn't have to deal with this whole bottoming-out deal. I just have gotten it into my mind that because there's so much extra skin below the nipple that it'll never retract properly and will look all wonky for the rest of my life. Looking at pictures of other explanters has stopped helping me since most don't have the complications I have had.

I don't know that I'll ever truly forgive myself for getting implants in the first place...

The Closer It Gets, The More Terrified I Am

I don't know if it's because surgery is just three days away, but I'm having more and more panic attacks as of late. I took a picture of my boobs as one final "before" shot, and while looking at it I was unable to see how my boobs could ever return to normal. I just wish I could turn back time so badly.

I think that once this is all over, despite knowing that implants are not for me, summer and "bikini time" will be even harder than before implants. I know I'll be concerned about whether or not my scars are showing, or whether my boobs look "normal" in my bikini top.

I know people keep saying that my skin is good and that I have time with implants and age in my favor, but I do have the bottoming out that no one else my age has had (at least to the extent I do). I'm petrified that when my surgeon removes my bandages at my checkup the day after surgery, I'll look down to see nothing but sagging skin and/or uneven creases. I wish this was all a dream I could wake up from.

Surgery Tomorrow!!

Tomorrow is the day! Finally! Needless to say, I'm scared shitless. I keep thinking of all the things that could possibly go wrong, all the complications. I've even convinced myself there's a high probability that I won't even wake up from surgery. I just wish I could fast forward 8 months and be healed and happy again. God help me tomorrow...

They're Out!

Just returned from surgery. Got to the center at 8, and left about 4. The surgery itself took longer than planned, tho not sure why. I spoke with my PS prior to surgery and he didn't really make me feel like I was going to have a great outcome, but part of me thinks he just didn't want to get my hopes up. I'm still optimistic for a good outcome. On the bright side, my PS said it's a possibility I may get my drains out tomorrow instead of Tuesday as there isn't much fluid. He also said there's a chance I may be even be able to get back to running sooner than he thought!

I haven't been able to take a peek yet as I'm very tightly bandaged. I imagine I'll get a glimpse tomorrow during my follow-up. Needless to say, I'm incredibly happy they're out, but only time will tell how they're going to look. :-)

(P.S. Sorry for any ramblings, incoherencies or typos - I'm still loopy from the drugs.)

Day After Surgery

I had my follow-up visit with my PS this morning. Unfortunately, he didn't remove the drains as he thought he may be able to do. It's not that there was really any fluid in them, but he wants to keep them so they act as a vacuum to close down the pocket where the implant used to be. I also was unable to see what my breasts currently look like as my PS had me lay down while he inspected everything, then wrapped me tightly back up before I could see anything. I can, however, see a bit of my left nipple and it seems to be perfectly fine, and I see no wrinkled skin nearby. I also asked the surgeon if my boobs were now saggy, and he said not at all, so that was nice to hear.

As for the bad news, my PS was unable to bring my muscle all the way back down to where it used to be, so he says it is unlikely I'll ever fully regain the strength in those muscles. Additionally, he wants me to wait 6 weeks before I start running again rather than just 4 weeks. =( However, he says I may start lower body cardio (stationary bike, elliptical) as early as next week, as long as I keep my arms and chest out of it. One thing I found a bit rude was when I asked him whether my breasts would look "normal" again he said no because there are scars and boobs with scars are not normal. (Could have answered that in a better way, I thought.) The scars, he said, are currently in the crease, but that could change if healing causes the creases to raise even farther up, though he says he's hopeful that will not happen.

Well, I have until Tuesday before I get these awful drains out. They itch and they're sore at times. Fortunately, I'm hopped up on a variety of pain pills, antibiotics, and muscle relaxers so I'm getting some good rest. I'm hoping to post pictures on Tuesday if I'm feeling confident enough. For now, it's off to relax!

2 Days Post-Op; Noticed a "Dent" at the Bottom of My Left Breast

I've been able to take a peek beneath the bandages of my left breast, and I've noticed that there is an indentation underneath my nipple on the right side. I'm terrified that this is permanent. I know that I'm wrapped pretty tightly and there's still loose skin, but I really didn't expect it to look like this at all. I'm panicking that I may be deformed forever with a "dent" on my boob for all eternity. To make it worse, I haven't seen any ladies on here with the same kind of indentation that I'm dealing with. I truly hope I made the right decision and that I won't have to re-implant in the future just to look "normal". =*(

5 Days Post-Op

I was very excited to get my implants removed, but now I'm thinking I made a mistake because of this new dent that is now a part of my boobs, at least the left one. I know I still have the drains in (they come out tomorrow), but I've not seen any woman on here with dents like I have. It's even more frustrating considering the fact that everyone told me since I had all the factors on my side - age, skin elasticity, size of and time with implants - but I look like a 60 year old who had a thousand complications. I truly feel that I've destroyed my body for life. If the dents don't go away, I'm definitely either re-implanting or getting a fat graft....I can't live looking like this.

In other news, I broke up with my boyfriend because I know I could never let anyone see me like this. He deserves someone who he can have sex with, obviously. He always was a boob man, so I can't expect him to ever find such deformed boobs attractive. I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable to be in a relationship again. Perhaps I'm destined to be a spinster (though with dogs, not cats). I miss the old me, but I know she's sadly gone forever and it's all my fault.

FINALLY Some Good News!

I went to my PS today to have my drains removed. Unfortunately, he only removed 2 of the 4 so I have to return next week to get the remaining two out. On the bright side, he side my "dents" will fluff over the course of a few months and what I'm feeling is the internal stitching he did when he reattached the muscle. So thank the Lord I'm not deformed. I almost cried with relief in his office. I finally get to take a real shower tomorrow morning, too, no more sponge baths! I'm attaching pictures as well. Sorry if they're a bit grainy, my phone isn't the greatest.

Do Things Get Worse Before They Get Better?

Today I noticed that my "dent" is more prominent before, so it's hard for me to keep faith that it will eventually fill in as my PS told me. He has never been one to give false hope, so I truly hope he's right. Also, I noticed my left nipple is now a bit concave. I never had that problem until now. I am wearing a different bra now, a bit of a tighter one, but somehow I don't think that would make such a difference. I just really hate that I did this to myself. I want to heal quickly and get back to running and be in shape again. I hate feeling so pudgy. I used to pride myself on being in prime physical condition. It was a part of me, and without it I feel like I've lost a huge chunk of myself.

On another note, the support of everyone on this forum has been amazing. I don't know where I would be without it. I have made some friends on here that are truly there for me, even if all I know of them is their first name and surgery date. I thank all of you for your kind comments and words of advice, they really do mean the world to me. =)

Better Picture of the "Dent"

Took a better picture of the dent that I thought I'd share.

Having a Bad Day

I really, really hate that I ever did this to myself. I hate that not only am I stuck forever with a flat chest, but that now I'm stuck with a deformed flat chest. There really are no redeeming qualities to it now. I used to be pleased with the shape and perkiness of them, the only problem I had was the size. Now they're scarred and misshapen and it's my fault. I don't know that I'll ever feel attractive again, and some days I do just want to break up with my boyfriend and be alone forever. He could easily have whoever he wanted, so why would he want to stay with someone who has deformed boobs? Especially when he is an admitted "boob man." I doubt I'll ever forgive myself for doing this.

Drains Out Today

FINALLY removed the remaining two drains today after having them for almost two weeks. I feel a lot better being able to dress in "normal" clothes, not having to hide the drains. However, I still don't like what I see in the mirror, but I'm hoping for a good outcome eventually. My PS seemed positive.

I've been cleared to drive and began working out my lower body, but I'll have to wait until week 6 to start running. I can't do upper body or ab workouts until 8-12 weeks out. It's frustrating because I just want to be back in shape, and I could be right now if I had never made the insane decision to get implants in the first place.

2 Weeks to the Day

I finally got up the courage to show my boyfriend what I'm working with now. He said that they "look nice, especially for only 2 weeks out." I don't know if he's telling the truth or not, but if definitely makes me feel better that he doesn't think I look like a monster. Plus, things can only get better from here.

Adding 2 week post-op pictures as well.

Very Worried...

I'm having a bit of a rough night. I'm very worried that because my crease was lowered, I bottomed-out, and then had my creases raised, I'll forever be restricted in my exercise regimen in order to avoid the creases falling back down again. Really, I'm just worried in general about the creases falling back down. My PS said the chances of that are minimal as long as I follow his orders, and I have been trying to take it easy, but it's hard not to overdo certain things.

Just wish I could be all healed and back to normal. Seeing a picture of commercial of any in-shape woman makes me extraordinarily depressed, and sometimes I just burst out crying because of it. I used to be one of them, and now I'm just a pudgy girl with weird boobs. Awesome.

Question

So I'm a little over 3 weeks post-explant, and I've been experiencing a dull, throbbing pain underneath the crease of my right breast. I plan on calling my PS, but I was just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience. I did have my creases raised, so I don't know if it's just the nerves fixing themselves, but I figured that would be more of a sharp, tingling pain. I'm kind of concerned that I may have done something to mess things up on the inside.

Bad Day Again

I know it was a bad idea, but I've been looking at breast augmentation reviews. I'm not jealous of the fact that they have implants, just the fact that they have bigger boobs. I'm not loving my post-explant looks. They look and feel smaller than pre-BA, and I'm actually heavier than I was then, so one would think they would be a little larger. I showed my boyfriend my post-explant looks once, but not since then, and I feel as though my dent has stopped healing as I've not seen any changes recently, so that definitely makes things worse.

Further, my boyfriend has me hooked on Boardwalk Empire now. It's a good show, but there is tons of nudity, mainly large boobs. They all appear real, which makes me feel worse. It's like I'm the only one my size with a tiny chest, which I know isn't true, but I do feel like I'm in the minority. As a result, I'm having a hard time letting my boyfriend touch me at all. I just wish I'd never had a BA at all...

1 Month Post-Explant

It's September 14th, the implants have officially been gone for a full month! Despite not being in love with what I see in the mirror, I still in no way regret removing my implants (just getting them in the first place)! I've added photos - the left breast with the dent is actually the right breast in the photo, for comparison purposes. I don't see much improvement in the dent since week 2, but my boyfriend claims he doesn't even notice it. (I think he may just be saying that because he knows how sensitive I am, but who knows.) Hoping for more improvements over the next few months!

Appointment with My Surgeon

I had a follow-up visit with my PS the other day. I was cleared to start running this coming Wednesday, but he wants me to wear an underwire sports bra for at least a year. Ick. I purchased one today, and they're not very comfortable. On top of that, I couldn't find one that didn't hit a bit too high, so I hope it's still okay. I may try running with two regular sports bras instead. I was also told to wear a regular bra as much as possible to help with the shaping as they heal. This has me a bit worried that wearing a sports bra is somehow detrimental to their final shape.

I was feeling excited about being able to run again, and was even feeling a little more confident. Unfortunately that all changed today. My boyfriend is off at a bachelor party for his best friend, and before he left we were talking about strip clubs. (I have a rule: if you go, no lap dances.) Anyway, he mentioned that he didn't want to go to any strip clubs around here because they're restricted to wearing g-strings and pasties. Meaning, he would prefer to go to a strip club where they can be completely nude. I know he's a typical guy, but it just makes me feel like I'm not enough. Especially now when my boobs are all wonky and misshapen. I just want my old boobs back like crazy, and I hate waking up everyday to this reality. I've never felt more unattractive in my life.

2 Months Post-Explant

It's been two months, and I'm noticing improvements weekly. I'm back to running, and it feels great. I still have some "surgery weight" to lose, but I'm hopeful I'll be back in shape by summertime. I'm wearing regular bras during the day, and sports bras to sleep in at night. I have to wear a bra at night until at least six months, and no push-up bras on a regular basis until 1 year post-op. =( My boyfriend has been pretty supportive through all of this, and currently claims that my boobs look like they did before minus the scars. I don't know if I believe him, but it's still nice to hear.

5 Months Post-Op

Well, it's been five months now - the surgery itself seems like a lifetime ago. I'm still not happy with my boobs, and I don't think I ever will be. I think I could have come to love my old, pre-BA boobs, but obviously that's moot now. My left boob still has remnants of the dent, and I no longer notice any improvements. I'm a bit depressed over the whole situation because I really thought I had a good shot of the dent disappearing completely based on what my doctor said. I still have a slight bit of hope that the dent will disappear by the year mark, but it's fading rapidly.

I used to be decently comfortable with how I looked, minus my boobs, but now, after the surgery and subsequent minor weight gain, I'm almost ashamed of how I look. I try to tell myself that it could be worse, but then a voice always pops up and says, "Yes, but it could be better, too, if you hadn't had to have implants in the first place!" I used to feel somewhat invincible before my BA, too, but now I feel fragile. I hate it.

Fingers crossed that at my year update the dent will be invisible!

Eight Months Out

It's been eight months since my explant and I've stopped noticing any improvements in the dent, which has been a major bummer. Today, for some reason, has been an especially rough day. I'm finding it hard to stay motivated to work out because I think that no matter what the rest of me looks like, I still have these wonky, scarred boobs. I'm hoping that the therapy I've recently started will help me deal with all these negative thoughts and emotions, but I know it will take awhile.
I have lots of days where I think "what if", which I know isn't the healthiest but I can't help it. I still can't help but be disgusted when I look in the mirror, and I don't think that will ever change. I'm also incredibly angry that my whole implant experience turned out like this when millions of them are so successful.
I wish this post could have been optimistic, but I'd be lying if I said I was happy with how all of this has turned out.

Worst Summer Ever

I've always had issues with summer - if I wasn't intensely aware of how inadequate my body appears during the other seasons, summer makes sure to remind me, A LOT. After spending the fourth around a lot of water, and therefore swimsuits, I have never before in my life felt so horrible about the way I look. Thus, I am now seriously considering re-implanting. I have been in therapy for three months now and have seen near zero improvement, so I don't know what other option I have. I cannot live with them the way they are, I simply cannot. I have been researching doctors for awhile now, knowing re-implantation was likely, and hope to make an appointment for a first consult within the next few weeks.
Cleveland Plastic Surgeon

I wish I would found Dr. Dowden prior to getting my BA and I wouldn't have been in this mess in the first place. Dr. Dowden is a former head of breast reconstruction at Cleveland Clinic, and patients from all over the nation travel to see him. At my first consult, he was truly concerned about how I felt and never made me feel crazy or ashamed for wanting my implants out so soon. He even talked me through what he normally does for patients who are asking for implants so I could compare the type of care I got from my original surgeon (Dr. Dowden is so much more thorough and cares deeply about how plastic surgery affects the lives of his patients.) My consult with him lasted 2.5 hours because he wanted to make sure I completely understood all risks before I made a final decision. Prior to surgery, he came into my room and spoke with my mother and I for about 30 minutes, answering any last minute questions we had, and explaining what he planned to do during surgery. He called around 7:00 that night to check on me, and then at midnight. I had a follow-up at 7:30 am the next morning, and another 6 days after surgery I'll be meeting with him to remove the drains. His office staff was so very nice, and always made sure I felt completely comfortable. They answered any questions I had, no matter how ridiculous they probably were, and always made me feel like I was their top priority. The nurses at the surgery center were also very caring, and incredibly friendly. They also had nothing but positive things to say about Dr. Dowden, both in reference to his skills and working with him.

5 out of 5 stars Overall rating
5 out of 5 stars Doctor's bedside manner
5 out of 5 stars Answered my questions
5 out of 5 stars After care follow-up
5 out of 5 stars Time spent with me
5 out of 5 stars Phone or email responsiveness
5 out of 5 stars Staff professionalism & courtesy
5 out of 5 stars Payment process
5 out of 5 stars Wait times
Was this review helpful? 14 others found this helpful

Comments (265)

Sort by

Just found your page , I hope you still come on this site, I'd love to talk with you as I have severe pectoral muscle deformity , I think you look fantastic explanation and all ! Your breast still have a nice shape. I'm searching for someone to help me and I'm afraid my deformity is permanent, from what PS have said here on this site it's most likely !!
  • Reply
I do have muscle deformity left over from the surgery. When I workout I can feel it, and when I flex in the mirror the inner corners of my breasts "disappear", if you will. Besides my missing "chunk" of my left breast, the muscle deformity is by far the most awful part of everything. I do feel the deformity could have been worse if my surgeon hadn't reattached the muscle. I also, however, feel it could have been better had he been able to pull the muscles down to their original starting position, but such is life. I hope you're doing all right - therapy is definitely helping me through all this trauma. Feel free to private message me anytime.
  • Reply
You look naturally beautiful , I know it's hard to accept but really , you look great. Did the doctor that took the implants out try to fix the pectoral muscle deformity ? Also did u see the video on this by Dr. Lisa Cassileth of Beverly Hills ? She is on this site, it explains how it can be fixed. I'm finding that not too many Dictors know about this, it's only 5-10% that get it, I too feel my first surgeon deformed me !! He never re- attached the muscle to the sternum.
  • Reply
I also agree with the other lovely ladies on this site. You look beautiful!!! I have fairly significant deformities from my explant but am still way more thankful that they are out. I strongly urge you to reread your prior posts. This is an incredible roller coaster ride that we have all been on. Take a look at my pics, even with my terrible scaring I would still never return to implants. You are a beautiful young lady, please hold your head high and love yourself!!!!
  • Reply
I agree with plentyful. I think you look beautiful. Seriously. Please re-read your review above and try to remember how you felt before you make such a drastic change.
  • Reply
For what it's worth, my explant is in three days and I would be THRILLED to have your result! I think you look cute and perky. We are our own worst critics. Try to keep positive, happy healing! :)
  • Reply
I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way :( What is it about them now that you don't like? Is it the size or the shape? Size you can always just wear some extra padding and push up to make them stand out. You can get some really nice bathing suits for this! If surgery is something you want to go ahead with again you can do that too. On the plus side, since you've been through it once you have a completely different and more informed perspective of what you would want or not want. At the same time, remember that feeling beautiful is just a state of mind... and no matter how we look or how our boobs look... there are always going to be days where it's up and down... We sometimes get fooled into thinking that our happiness depends on external things.. it's so easy to do. I did not end up going to see a therapist for my issues but I have certainly been in a emotional rut going through this whole implant process! I guess what has helped me begin to get better is just not caring or thinking about them so much anymore! In the bigger picture, they're just a body part, and there's a lot more to a person than their body! Summertime is a tough time because there's always going to be plenty of girls who look great in bikinis and clothes and it can be really easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself. Especially once you hit your late 20's and your 30's even, there's going to be even more of those girls around to compare yourself to and of course men are going to look and pay attention. That's what they're wired to do. But you know what? The majority of your self-worth as a person should come from your internal qualities and doing things you love and enjoy. It's when we start to lose balance and place too much emphasis on our looks that we start to lose the good kind of self worth and make ourselves feel like we're going crazy. In my experience anyway! Personally, I think you can learn to be happy and love yourself no matter what decision you make! It might not be so easy, but who said life is supposed to be easy? We get stronger because of all the crap we make it through! Best of luck with whatever you decide :)
  • Reply
Also, I read how you were sad about your scars. Mine are going to look terrible too as I don't scar well and have very thin pale skin. Just a thought, if they annoy you that much maybe get cute little tattoos to cover them up? I have a not so cute tattoo under my breast that I had done ten years ago. It's ugly but it covers up the scar lol. Maybe if I fill it in with color will look better.
  • Reply
Hi Janna 1. I empathise with you. I had mine in for 3 months. 325 under the muscle. The main reason I had them out was because they hurt so damn much. Even almost 2 years later my chest muscle never feels strong like it did. My boobies look pretty much the same albeit a bit bigger because they have been stretched and I stretch marks at the sides and they are a bit droopier. They aren't as pert now just more squashed and kind of flattened out. Without a 5000 word essay my pre and post consultation was atrocious. I had about 10 minutes with the surgeon on one occasion and the surgery the next day. I pushed him to do it quickly because he was out of town and I had to squeeze into my holidays. I am a nurse and I don't don't feel breast implants work as my job is too physical. I really fell I was not properly informed. Yes I am an RN and should know better but I never researched it. Sounds ridiculous I know. I should have known better but I was naïve. I do not believe I was adequately informed even though I signed about 10 pages of consent forms. I am angry because I feel weak in my chest muscles and feel I will never have the strength. Yes it feels weird when I sneeze and even when I have an orgasm (sorry for that but is true). This plastic surgeon just bought himself a 16 million dollar mansion and I am out of pocket for almost 20,000 including the removal. I don't want to sound like a spoilt brat but does anyone think I have the right to sue for a 15 minute consultation in the fitting room and then the surgery the next day. I didn't even sit down in his office. His nurses done most of the work. Post op he was too busy to see me. I was naïve to Plastic Surgery thinking all doctors are out to help not for their personal gain. Any thoughts? I feel I was vulnerable and he clearly saw dollar signs?
  • Reply
I had mine done 11 weeks ago. I made an appointment with my surgeon to discuss removing them. Appt is one week away....I hope he takes me seriously and I hope to god it doesn't cost me a lot to have them removed so soon after... I keep thinking maybe I'll learn to love them and I'll get used to them but I just don't see that happening... My boobs were nothing special prior to surgery... They look sort of okay now with the implants, especially in clothes, but I can't get over how gross and firm they feel and the muscle distorts them when I yawn or move my arms the wrong way. Dumbest decision of my life. I know in your last update it seems like you're unhappy with ex planting... How are you feeling now? Are things okay? They look nice in the pictures :) Do they feel different now than they did pre-implant? If anything through all of this I think I will have learnt the most expensive lesson of my life in loving myself. Scared too that I'll regret ex planting... But scared if I don't explant soon then they won't snap back to normal. I know the skin has stretched a lot though...
  • Reply
Hi, I had a breast augmentation May 14, 2014 and I got explanted June 3, 2014. I had 270cc saline implants under the muscle. Before augmentation I was about a 32A. BUT now I don't I am even a 32A. They are so so tiny. They aren't the same as they used to be. I am wondering did yours fluff up or did you end up close to the same size as you used before breast augmentation? Also, my surgeon did not tell me to wear compression bands or sports bra. What worked for you to get them back into shape? Please and thank you.
  • Reply
Mine fluffed significantly within the first month, and continued to do so. Now I'm the same size as pre-BA, if not slightly bigger. I was told to wear a compression bra for quite some time, especially around the creases. I think at about 12 weeks (maybe sooner) I was allowed to wear a normal bra as long as I had compression around my crease area. Time is the best healer, and since you just had yours out yesterday you are no where near your "final" look. Stay positive (I know that can be difficult) and just be patient. I wish you all the best! =)
  • Reply
Maybe this is a dumb question, but what do you mean by your "creases"? Thanks!
  • Reply
Thank you so much for your response. It means so much!! :) What kind of compression bra did you wear? What brand was it and where did you purchase it? Sorry for all the questions...I just need to know. And how tight should it feel on my breasts? Thank you so much :) :)
  • Reply
Inframammary fold - or where your boob creases over
  • Reply
I think I just bought a super, super tight sports bra (I think I had a Danskin one and a Champion one), though there are bras out there specifically for compression. I wore it tight enough that it was always noticeable, meaning I never got "used" to wearing it as the day wore on. I always was conscious of the fact that if I breathed too heavily my bra might give out lol.
  • Reply
Do you think the tight sports bra really helped when it came to shaping your breasts? I know you mentioned in your journey that you gained weight....Do you suppose your weight gain helped fluff up your breasts or add volume to them? Just wondering since I am super tiny...95lbs and I cannot gain weight no matter what. I am afraid that the only way to get volume in my breasts is by gaining weight. I would love to gain weight but for some reason I cannot. :(
  • Reply
My boobs definitely fluffed up on their own. I've actually lost most of the weight I gained, and my boobs still appear to be the same size as pre-op, if not still bigger.
  • Reply
Okay thank you for everything! I just hope mine fluff up too and hopefully end up like my pre op :)
  • Reply
I hope I look half as good as you when I get mine out. I mean it. Stop being so hard on yourself! Honestly you cant even tell you had implants. Just my honest opinion.
  • Reply
I just read all of your review. It took me a minute to figure out that I was reading an update to an older post! I am so glad you aren't in that place you were pre-explant! I was so emotional just reading it as your emotions were palpable! It was kind of nice to go through that whole experience to know that it mostly resolved itself. I have a couple of thoughts and hopefully they give you encouragement. 1st, I don't think you would probably ever have appreciated your pre-BA breasts, mostly because people always just want what they can't have. It's human nature. The grass is always greener and all that stuff. 2nd, I really, HONESTLY, think you look great and sometimes you just have to accept that this is what you have. It is what it is. The important thing is that you grow from this. In 5, 10, 20 years you are probably going to look back on this and think that you didn't really look bad after all. Because you really don't. I promise.
  • Reply
I think that your breast look great. You look lovely and very natural ! ;-) Don't be so hard on yourself. I have only had my implants for 3 months and I am scheduled to take them out next month. I am hoping for a great outcome. Cheer up life is short. We must learn from our mistakes. Happy healing (((hugs)))
  • Reply
I know exactly how you are feeling. I really felt the same way with my surgery (mine wasn't what I thought it would be and millions are successful). You don't look bad at all…try not to be so hard on yourself…hang in there
  • Reply
Thank you, it's so nice to have support on here - I'd be lost without it. Have you been able to explant, or at least schedule a surgery? I really hope things are going well for you...
  • Reply
Hi, you boobs look great at 5 months, so you will be 8 months now? How is it going? Just wondering how the scar experiment went, silicone strips or maderma? Hope all is well xxx
  • Reply